Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 31

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 31:

Determining whether that sudden sound is a gunshot or impromptu fireworks.

This was more of a problem in the early Chicago years when the apartment was in Logan Square (circa early-mid naughts), and especially around holidays that weren't necessarily on my calendar (turns out Mexicans and Puerto Ricans and Polish all have their own parade-y celebrations ... so that was basically all summer long) ... but I had the same experience here in Wrigley, and especially around any time the Blackhawks won national championships (which, let's face it, has been pretty often of late).  I will miss running to the window sure that someone was dead only to see pretty things in the sky!

COUNTER:  Google's giving me conflicting results ... the Ft. Lauderdale police banned any personal fireworks this past 4th of July ... but the TNT Fireworks Supercenter appears to be just outside of town in Dania Beach.  As for the sound actually being a gunshot instead ... well ... it is Florida, after all ...

Random Tune for Tuesday 12/31/13

It's bound to happen.

After all, this is the fifth December since I started posting back in 2009.  No matter how much I try to keep the content all original, that's a lot of content.

Courtesy of the powerful google search on my blog, I can even pinpoint when I first heard tonight song -- on or about April 27, 2010, courtesy of American Idol.  Back then, it was part of my "tune therapy" series, when I was gently mocking a less than stellar group of contestants by offering up better versions of what they had sung on the show the week before.

Regardless, I said back then ... "I now have a new annual song to play every New Year's Eve (my most favorite holiday of the year)".  Well -- here we are.  It is indeed my most favorite holiday of the year -- there's just something I enjoy about putting to rest all that has happened before (to resurface on Flashback Friday's in 2033, Zuckerberg willing, of course) and starting with a clean slate eager for whatever new opportunities may lie ahead.  I've reached the age where every year is a good year (so long as I end it alive and breathing [so *this* is what mid-life feels like]), and with the big move to Florida happening so soon, I'm even more excited than I usually am what's to come -- in 2014.

So, in the words of the Dolls known for their Goo-Goo ... "tonight's the night the world begins again".  Here's hoping that world for you and yours holds only the best!  Happy New Year!!

TAKE THESE WORDS AND SING OUT LOUD CAUSE EVERYONE IS FORGIVEN NOW:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmrjgAsMz58

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 32

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 32:

Sighting all those celebrities.

There was that time Oprah's regular piece of ass was on the phone at O'Hare a few seats away (the male one, not the female one) ... and at least one ex-top-cheftestant was in the bar so wild and crazy that people are known to hang from the rafters ... and that friend-of-all-things-butter was within spitting distance at the convention center (pre-deposition) ... not to mention everyone that hung out in the parking lot next door back in 2009 when this lady taped her show there ...

COUNTER:  I guess, logically, it might be that I'll see *more* celebrities and not less in a warmer climate known to be a dedicated vacation destination.  Better get the long distance lens cleaned and ready to use ...

Purposeful Memorial for Monday 12/30/13

Gone but not forgotten:  those lost this year in the ongoing war (both "over there" and "right here").

So I was all prepared to go out on a somber note and list the names of the 123 soldiers who lost their lives in Afghanistan this year (as featured in the final pages of the annual 25 Most Intriguing People of the Year issue of People Magazine) ... and then I had to go and watch an HBO documentary about the veterans' crisis hotline and find out that the average rate for veteran suicides is 22 a day, or one every 65 minutes.

With those numbers, clearly our resolve for 2014 has to be so much more than just bringing the men and women home who are serving overseas.  It also has to be about providing those that make it home with the support that they need (and deserve).

To the real people behind the names in those staggering statistics that are just too many to mention, would that you got as much coverage as those featured in the endless end of year celebrity death parade ... to show just how much you all should be missed.

WHEN NUMBERS ARE MORE THAN NUMBERS ... SEE THE FACES OF THOSE LOST:
http://projects.militarytimes.com/valor/

FIND ... AND WATCH ... THIS DOCUMENTARY:
http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/crisis-hotline-veterans-press-1/synopsis.html

SOME SOBERING THEORIES BEHIND THE NUMBERS:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/21/us/22-veteran-suicides-a-day/

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 33

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 33:

Experiencing Chicago style politics.

As a student of political science (I do have expensive pieces of paper somewhere that tell me I am one), it's been a joy to spend most of my twelve years here in the kingdom of Da Mare himself (and his successor Rahm-bo) with governor's Ryan and Blagogevich taking charge and taking names (before taking up residence in jail cells).  It's been a pretty wild ride!

COUNTER:  Oh, who am I kidding.  Chicago may be the place where the phrase "vote early ... and vote often" was coined, but Florida is pretty f'd up in its own right.  Something makes me feel like it's going to be an easy transition ...

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 12/29/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Middle class white folk afraid of those not like them:  1
Homeless African American youth:  0

I noticed this sign the other day on the corner where the homeless kids hang out ... or, used to hang out, I guess.  After months and months of community concern over underage kids congregating on the corner and accusations of increased crime rates and possible illegal activity of the sex-for-money kind from their being there, it looks like we finally have a "signs, signs, everywhere there's signs" type of solution.

What remains to be seen (by people other than me, what with my impending move), is how they'll be able to enforce their rules without inciting race riots.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this won't end well (and I hope they bought lots of signs, 'cause I think these might not stick around unless they're guarding them 24 hours a day) ...

J'ACCUSE!:
http://lakeview.patch.com/groups/police-and-fire/p/neighbors-blame-social-service-agencies-for-boystown-crime

J'ACCUSE REDUX!:
http://crimeinboystown.blogspot.com/2013/10/creatures-of-habit-battery-suspects.html

J'SOLUTION!:
http://crimeinboystown.blogspot.com/2013/12/sign-of-times-center-on-halsted.html

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 34

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 34:

Fighting through the crowds of drunken girls outside of the bar on the corner at the end of my street.

There's a unique establishment between where I live and my favorite 7-11 (take a closer look at the picture to start to piece together what makes it so unique) that attracts what seems like every bachelorette party in Chicago, and sometimes these drunken girls block the sidewalk (most of the time, they are happy ... some of the time, they are vomiting).  My revenge ... I like to walk past them and say, "oh look ... some of the performers are on break", which shocks the occasional bride to be and her friends (if you're following me).

COUNTER:  I don't know ... someone tell me ... are there drunk bachelorettes in Florida?  Or drunk boys who dress like girls there?  And will they be hanging out a few blocks from where I live?  Stay tuned ...

Random Soapbox for Saturday 12/28/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

... it's *that* time again (for the fourth year in a row) ... time for my annual list of favorite things that I'll remember about the year that is expiring in just a few days.

Here are 13 things from 2013, presented in alphabetical order:

1.) Baby -- Not to start on a down note, but we went to a single pet household this year (from our all time high of five) when we lost Baby Jane in July (after losing Demon James in 2008, Mystery Josephine in 2010 and Mauler Jean in 2012 ... only Murder Jehoshaphat remains).  I still think of her every time I put a cardboard box on the floor, or pile up the empty plastic bags after a trip to the grocery store.  She lived a nice long life, and she is still very much missed.

2.)  Cher coming out of retirement -- Proving that farewell doesn't always mean farewell, and that the old retirement age means nothing when there's a tour to undertake, last year saw the release of the first new album of material in over a decade (there was more Christina than Cher on that Burlesque soundtrack), and that made me a very happy Troy.  Now the challenge is to try to find (and afford) tickets to a concert in the new year.

3.)  Come D--- with Me -- I have to think it's all about the snark and that's why I love it so, but after finding Come Dine with Me on BBC America a few years back, I was tickled to see that it (well, a Canadian version of it) was back on the air this month, courtesy of Lifetime.  Of course, it may be that I was the only one tickled to see it, because it disappeared after three airings, but just when I thought all was lost, along came The Cooking Channel to air its sibling Come Date with Me (also the Canadian version).  If I could go back in time and re-decide what I wanted to be when I grow up, my first choice would be the narrator in this series.

4.)  Indy -- This nearby town makes the list two years in a row, because it's consistently been the favorite weekend getaway spot.  Even though one of the best bars on the bar crawl closed down ("best" is in the eye of the beholder), it was still a place to hang out with the friendliest of folks with always something fun to discover along the way.

5.)  Lorem Ipsum -- Maybe you're already following along, but last year was the year I bit the bullet and got back into focusing my creativity into a regular outlet, deciding to write a short superhero origin story about a kid who finds out he has a special power -- that he can heal the psyche of others by absorbing painful memories of those with whom he comes into contact ... literally.  Since I'm only writing it via daily status update, it's developing a couple of paragraphs at a time, with Chapter 9 scheduled to wrap up as this year does.  But I'm only getting started ...

6.)  Mindy Kaling -- In the tradition of women who make me smile any and every time I see them, and joining past listees Bonnie Hunt, Dot Marie Jones (congrats on your wedding, Dot!) and Sarah Paulson, I couldn't have been happier to see that the Office finale didn't represent the end of my weekly exposure to the comedic genius of Mindy.  She just makes me smile!

7.)  Missing Chicago/Moving to Florida -- All the cool kids are doing it.  And me and mine are joining them, come this February.  Although the move itself is more of a story for *next* year's list, it's the decidin' and the plannin' that is makin' this relevant now ... and it's provided me with another opportunity to do a countdown, as you know if you've seen any of my "50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago", which has been my adopted hometown for the last dozen years.

8.)  Pearl Jam -- Cher wasn't the only performer releasing new material in 2013.  So was P Jam, and I celebrated with a 10 week countdown (I do so love a countdown!), leading up to the release of 'Lightning Bolt'.  But nothing could prepare me for the surprise invite to go join my college roommate of twenty years ago at their concert in Baltimore, which led to this "review" of mine ... "The moment of catharsis that only Pearl Jam can provide came just before [the] finale, when all the lights came on in the arena, and everyone sang 'Alive', one to another.  Because although many of us couldn't personally relate to the specifics in the lyrics of that song, we all could triumphantly admit, that despite whatever trauma we'd been through individually, as a collective body, at exactly that very moment, with the lights up so that we could look into each others' eyes if we so chose, we all, strangers and friends alike, were individuals who were most definitely 'still alive (yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah)'".

9.)  Penn State football -- In particular, there was a certain white out game with multiple OTs that was one of the highlights of any year.  With Hackenberg doing his thing all year, and Ficken coming through more times than not (Atta Boy Ficken!), all under the leadership of "they're-a-bunch-of-good-kids" O'Brien ... it was a great year (and here's hoping that the post-season ban gets lifted a little earlier based on all of that good behavior going on).

10.)  Routine Change -- Not quite as drastic as regime change, and much more effective in the long run.  I'm talking about dropping my Coke habit to just one can a day ... and having fresh fruit instead of dessert every night except Sundays ... and heading out most days on my lunch break for an hour walk around the 'hood ... and throwing around the dumbbells more often than I've done in years.  I originally set a goal of losing 40 lbs back in September, and I've made some progress (taking off as many as eight before the holidays), with hopes to layer in even more healthy habits in the new year.

11.)  Seymour (which became Seysome/Seymore/Seymost/Seyprise) resurrected as Seywick (which became Seygreg, Seymarcia, Seypeter, Seyjan, Seybobby and Seycindy) -- Buy a quality bulb from the local Botanic Gardens, and even someone who's never explored green thumbin' can have an award winning Amaryllis.  Truth be told, I'm a little creeped out when I realize it's growing behind me while I work from home (it apparently has a brain and makes decisions, but I don't know where it keeps it).

12.)  Toad the Wet Sprocket -- Cher and Pearl Jam weren't the only performers releasing new material in 2013 (separately, although that would be a duet I'd enjoy seeing) ... so was the band that wrote the soundtrack to my college life twenty years ago.  Lucky me got more than just the T-shirt and the new album ... I got to see them perform just outside of Detroit on a vacation this past fall.  All in all, it was a very musical fall for me!

13.)  Trip around the Lakes Tour -- Speaking of vacations, perhaps the most memorable one of 2013 was the one that took me up through Michigan via Ann Arbor and into the UP for the first time, and back down through Green Bay and Milwaukee.  The purpose for the trip (all done in three and a half day?) ... to get my feet in Lake Superior and Lake Huron.  Seeing as how I had already done that in Lake Erie and Lake Michigan, now only Lake Ontario has yet to see my tootsies (could it happen in 2014)?

What an amazing year -- made all the better by being able to share it with you in over 550 posts on this blog.  As we get ready to hang up the 2014 calendars and embrace the adventures that lie ahead ... here's three cheers for the year that was ... wishing you each health and happiness, hoping you are surrounded by loved ones, as I am.

Huzzah ... Huzzah ... Huzzah ... and a happy New Year!

CATCH UP FROM THE BEGINNING WITH THE COMPLETED CHAPTERS SO FAR:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/05/lorem-ipsum-aloysius-angelasia-archives_527.html

RELIVE MY P JAM JAM:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/search/label/Series%3A%20%20P%20Jam%20Jam

50 THINGS I'LL MISS ABOUT CHICAGO:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/search/label/50%20Things%20I%27ll%20Miss%20About%20Chicago

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 35

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 35:

Telling that story about how we jumped the line for the Signature Lounge once Mistress Melissa displayed her decolletage.

A few more details ... Mistress Melissa was a friend from the early years in Chicago who ran karaoke at our starter bar ... and she had ample bosoms ... and the Signature Room is at the top of the John Hancock building (95th floor, yo!) ... and the line was out the door and down the hallway to the elevator ... and security just walked past right when she was taking off her jacket ... and, just like in the movies, he said "you and your friends, follow me" ... and in we walked to enjoy the view (of Chicago, not her breasts) at a seat by the window.

COUNTER:  I can tell that story over and over again (and I likely will, even after the move) ... but it takes a Chicagoan who's been there or seen Melissa's ta-tas to fully appreciate it, right?

Random Flashback for Friday 12/27/13

And so ends another year.

I mean, of course, 2013 is fading fast and will be gone in just a few days ... but, in my weekly flashbacks on Friday to twenty years ago, I'm also putting 1993 to bed.

Before I do, there's this pic from a Christmas party at my dad's farm house from the holidays in '93.  To be clear, my "dad's farm house" was where he ended up between wives four and five, and was actually the home in Fredericskburg by the community pool where wife number four lived with her first husband before she ended up with my dad.(we can take the Harry Potter approach and call her "she who shall not be named", if you don't like the number system).  Between that fact and the one that explains that wife number five was actually the ex-wife of wife number four's ex-boyfriend from many years earlier, I can now conclude that, in addition to the stubbornness I've proudly inherited from my father's family, I've probably also inherited a little bit of the spite gene.

Anyway ... where was I?  Oh right ... a holiday party which included this couple -- the guy on the right being my brother.  Well, purely genealogically speaking, he's my half brother, as he came from the union of my dad with wife number one (what I refer to as the WWII family ... my moms was wife number two, if you're counting ... and wife number three was a Parents-without-Partners failed experiment that barely lasted, but, in the tally, she still counts).  I'd mention my brother's name except this was the last time I saw him, and so I no longer remember if it's Clyde/Titus or Glenn (I'm hoping somebody on the Facebook can figure it out).  Regardless, if you look really closely, underneath the sunglasses and all of that facial/other hair ... you can see the resemblance (just focus on the nose and ears, and you'll instantly see the Neidermyer in the both of us)!

And *now*, so ends another year.  See you next Friday to start the flashbacks to 1994!

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 36

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 36:

Being harassed by TCF Bank employees upon stepping foot on site at a Jewel.

True ... it's so convenient being located as it is in many many Jewel stores, open so many hours every day of the week (and even many holidays).  And it's also true that working at a TCF inside a Jewel was my first Chicago job.  [You've probably heard this story before ... moved to town on 9.10.11 and woke up the next day to get a job and an apartment in the midst of all of the 9/11 drama ... and didn't get a job of any kind for about two months until TCF rescued me off the unemployment line.]  But it's the whole "Do you have an account?  Do you want to open up an account?  Already have an account, how about a second one?" hard-marketing approach that I'll miss the most.

COUNTER:  Even some Chicagoans are going to miss their TCF bank (the company recently made a holiday announcement that they are closing 37 branches in Jewel stores) ... and I have a feeling that predatory banks are now de rigueur and probably doing business in the state of Florida.

Random Thought for Thursday 12/26/13

I shopped at Target twice during the time it was under attack.

However, I'm not concerned about becoming the victim of identity theft.

Why not?

Because I protect myself.

Namely, I keep all credit cards just below the max, I live paycheck to paycheck so that my bank accounts are always just this side of depleted, and I maintain a quarter of a million dollars in student loan debt.

In the modified words of Henny Youngman ... "take my identity, please"!

I AM ONE OF THE FORTY MILLION:
http://news.yahoo.com/target-stores-39-customers-hit-major-credit-card-013358444--sector.html

NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE WORK OF HENNY?:
http://www.jewishhumorcentral.com/2012/06/comedy-classics-henny-youngman-take-my.html

OK, ALL KIDDING ASIDE, THE GOVT WANTS YOU TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0014-identity-theft

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 37

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 37:

Getting in the car and going away for the weekend.

Sure ... the last dozen years have been spent enjoying all that Chicago had to offer ... which included the fact that it was a great launching point for many a weekender spent in cities as varied as Detroit, Toledo, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Louisville, Milwaukee and (especially) Indianapolis.  Nothing highlighted the ease with which such a trip could come together than when the trip around Lake Michigan this past fall came about.  I sure will miss picking and choosing from amongst so many great destinations all within a 5 hour drive.

COUNTER:  5 hours from southern Florida?  Key West, Tampa, Orlando, Gainesville, Tallahassee, etc, etc.  Of course, they are all places to visit within the same state ... so my weekend getaways may be all Florida all the time in the years ahead!

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 12/25/13

Perfect Polly the Pet Parakeet

Used in a sentence:  "Although I really really really like all of the gifts I received for Christmas this year, I have to be honest and admit that I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get the one that I told Santa I wanted ... Perfect Polly the Pet Parakeet."

Upon reflection, it may be that that guy in a white beard dressed in red sweat pants that wanted me to sit on his lap and whisper what I wanted in his ear may *not* have actually been Santa.  (I thought it was strange that this all happened in the rest room at the mall ... but hey, to each his own this holiday season, right?  Who am I to judge how one gets jolly?)

Oh well ... my 42nd birthday is in a fortnight should anyone wish to get me this motion activated piece of plastic that annoyingly chirps AND realistically moves it tail feathers when someone enters the room and triggers the motion activated sensor (because playing with toys that approximate taxidermied animals is totally normal, right?)  For more details (or to judge for yourself), see the infomercial excerpt below (I was convinced it was a spoof when I first saw it on late night TV).

Oh ... and happy holidays to you and yours.  I hope you got everything that you told your Santa you wanted (wherever you found him).

THIS IS NOT A SPOOF ... AND I MIGHT (OR MIGHT NOT) REALLY WANT IT:
https://www.perfectpollypet.com/

THE LATE NIGHT TV AD THAT FIRST CAUGHT MY EYE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELrZRru0UbQ

SPEAKING OF THE BEST (WORST) INFOMERCIALS EVER:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duaiVk_aRgQ

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 38

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 38:

Trying to escape the bottled water tax.

Truth be told, I probably shouldn't be drinking bottled water in the first place (whilst looking for this graphic, I found one that informed me bottled water was 98% melted ice caps and 2% Polar Bear tears [yikes!]) ...but I will miss the little alarm in my head that was conditioned to go off any time I traveled outside of the city limits that said, "NOW would be a good time to pick up bottled beverages" to avoid the five cents per bottle surcharge!

COUNTER:  That place to which I'm moving (southern Florida) taxes NEWSPAPERS of all things.  So now that's going to be the new thing I'm going to have to try to avoid!  I just don't know how far I'll have to travel to escape the "if you're smart enough to read, then you're rich enough to pay extra" fee!

Random Tune for Tuesday 12/24/13

Merry Christmas Eve!

In the spirit of the holiday, today's random tune-age was something I heard on the Country Christmas Sirius station when out and about in Chicago doing the holiday tradition thing with the family a few weekends ago.

To be fair, I'm not old enough to understand all the references in this song (don't get me wrong ... I can whistle me the opening sequence to the Andy Griffith show ... and I know that Matlock's stint in law enforcement in Mayberry set him up well for his later-in-life law career ... and I get that this is where Richie Cunningham stayed before Mr. and Mrs. C apparently adopted him in an effort to boost ratings because no one was connecting with their older son Chuck) ... but I was struck by how the older folks in the car that day got really serious like and listened attentively to the words of this song.

Up until the part near the end where he talks about how the "sheriff would let the 'guests of the county' go home for Christmas Eve", I have to say I was really getting the nostalgia.  [I mean, I grew up in a relatively small town in central PA ... but I would never want them to empty out the county jail on a night like tonight just to show some holiday spirit.]  So that statement aside, I think I can really endorse the rest of the sentiment in the song ...

Or, put another way ... Merry Christmas Eve from me and mine to you and yours!

I'M TOO YOUNG FOR BLACK AND WHITE TV IMAGERY:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNr-luG1zNQ

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 39

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 39:

Taking LSD.

You may not have known this about me, but most trips I take involve LSD (ever since I first tried it in the mid-nineties with a former girlfriend).  It's just the fastest way to get where I want to go, when I want to get there fast (if you know what I mean). I've even loved it so much that I've introduced friends and family to its beauty.  Sure, sometimes it can take longer than I expected, but I always end up at my destination.  Actually, I heard in the news that there's some new LSD in town that I haven't yet tried ... and you can bet I'm going to make the time to experience that before I go.  [For you non-Chicagoans, to be clear, LSD is what we natives call Lake Shore Drive (I've been here just over a dozen years, so I'm claiming honorary native status).  I'll sure miss the views from it.]

COUNTER:  I've been on the A1A once or twice on vacaction.  And if the Fresh Prince is so jazzed by it to sing/rap about it, chances are I'll enjoy getting my A1A on in my new place as well.

Random Memorial for Monday 12/23/13

Gone but not forgotten:  everything I thought I knew to be true.

My world is shattered.  I'm not sure how I can go on.  This being the holidays, it's the absolutely worst time for it to happen.  I'm going to need your thoughts and prayers to get through.

It has just come to my attention that Oreo Double Stuffed cookies have been proven to only be stuffed by a factor of 1.86.  I have been lied to my whole life.  And it doesn't ... stop ... there.  Cap'n Crunch of the Crunchberry fame?  He's only a Commander (apparently, he has three stripes on his uniform)!  Also ... Subway's footlong subs ... they're just 11 inches (although as a man, I fully support the rounding up when it comes to measurements of things in inches).

Oh the humanity!  This innocence that has been taken from me today ... you will be missed!

WE DIDN'T GET TO PERFORM THESE KINDS OF EXPERIMENTS IN HIGH SCHOOL:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/21/us/oreo-high-school-experiment/

I THINK SNOWDEN MIGHT HAVE LINKED THIS:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/06/20/193875243/hes-an-impostor-the-navy-says-about-capn-crunch

THE LAWSUIT SAYS 142.5 MILLION DOLLARS OF ILLICIT EARNINGS:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/nadiaarumugam/2013/01/27/why-lawsuits-over-subways-short-footlong-sandwiches-are-baloney/

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 40

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 40:

Being on the lookout for the urban coyotes.

I'm not using the descriptive word as any kind of euphemism ... Chicago *literally* has coyotes roaming around ... not that I've ever seen one except on the news (because many other people have ... in convenience stores ... near Wrigley ... all over the suburbs). Part of me really hopes that I run across one in the next forty days before the big move to Florida ... but that remains to be seen ... (I thought one was close a few weeks ago ... except that turned out to be the beagle that moved in with the new girls upstairs who howls like crazy when he's left alone).

COUNTER:  If the interwebs (and a PBS documentary) are to be believed, I'll simply be able to substitute the word "coyote" for "monster pythons" in my new domicile!

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 12/22/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

The Hammer-Hoes!

Well, *I* live in Chicago (for a few more weeks) ... and *I'm* talking about them ... so I guess that counts.  And I'm talking about them because I saw them yesterday on my lunch walk ... in the daylight ... and I lived to tell the tale.

[For those not in the know, the hammer-hoes are RuPaul-lookin' boys dresses as girls, all over six feet tall, who have been known to roam the streets of Lakeview and rob people, using a hammer as a weapon (although the attacks seem to happen after the bars close).]

Yesterday, I passed them on the block next to mine ... four of them, all loud and yell-y with leopard print on their well-padded behinds.  Truth be told, I didn't see a hammer, per se ... but I feel certain that it had to be them.  I rushed upstairs in hopes that I could photograph them, but they passed before I could get the shot.  All the same, I feel like I had a brush with celebrity ... and I also feel like I have the next villain(s) [or villainness(es)] to suggest to Stan Lee should I bump into him on the streets of Chitown.

LEST YOU THINK I'M MAKING THIS STUFF UP:
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local/chicago_news&id=9269674

BREAKING THE CASE ... MAYBE THEY MOVED HERE FROM INDY?:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=286_1294311308

WHY ARE DRAG QUEENS SO ANGRY?:
http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2013/12/paul-rudd-letterman-drag-queens/

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 41

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 41:

Seeing the end product of all of the construction currently underway.

[I can soon stop explaining this series, right?  You get it by now?  Me and mine are moving to Florida in 41 days.]

Unless some expedited construction miracle happens in January, I may never know what the Maggie Daley pile-o-dirt ends up looking like?  Or which stores will be moving in to the ground floor of the big "mixed residential property" over on Halsted (and, yes, that's code for more socio-economic diversity will be coming to the 'hood)?  Or the sidewalk expansion of Wrigley Field?  So much is changing that I won't see to conclusion ...

COUNTER:  If I lived in Chicago and vacationed in Florida ... then I assume it is logical that I'll vacation in Chicago once I live in Florida.  Although, with the glacial progress for Maggie Daley's park now that Rahm's in charge and the fact that Wrigley's rebuilding will be a multi-year effort (in both facility and team likely to win, apparently), I guess I don't have to schedule that return trip for about five years.

Random Soapbox for Saturday 12/21/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... apparently there's some controversy brewing about a character on the new Dynasty show (side note:  I like to think that I'm up to date on pop culture ... and although I knew they remade Dallas on TNT, I had *no* idea they resurrected Dynasty on A&E).  From all the brouhaha, I'm assuming that this Phil Robertson guy must interact with Steven Carrington in some crucial story lines or something.  I'm pretty sure it's all going to culminate with the two of them watching a slap fest between Linda Evans and Joan Collins in a lily pool filled with rubber duckies ... or maybe that's just an SNL skit waiting to be written (Lorne Michaels ... call me?).

Wait ... wait ... can we take that whole first paragraph and just "bobby-in-the-shower" it (speaking of Dallas) ... because my mash-up of Duck Dynasty and Dynasty was really just a fever dream.  I am fully aware that, in a GQ interview, patriarch Phil was espousing Santorum style "homosexual acts are the gateway behaviors to bestiality" (which in turn makes me wonder if, after he's done contributing to a generation's duck-o-cide [about which no one seems to be concerned], he might not have presidential aspirations [or that his last name may tie him to a certain Pat Roberts, who has a record of some pretty wild statements]).  Oh ... and I also know that his employer decided to suspend him for his comments (and/or coordinated this whole spectacle to boost ratings ... a new seasons starts in two weeks)!

In of itself, that action taken by A&E happens to be very trendy, coming on the heels of a year that saw Paula Deen n-tangled with the n-word, and Alec Baldwin bumped off the air for using the f word (the three, not four, letter one), and Martin Bashir fired for somehow tying together one of the best scenes in The Help with Sarah Palin's menu options (Miss Palin, you beware Octavia Spencer showing up at your door in Alaska gifting you with pies this holiday season, now, you hear?).  By the time this is all said and done, it could be that all of them will be in the free speech hall of fame, next to Gilbert Gottfried (for his lack of sensitivity to tsunami victims that ended up robbing a nation of his melodious "aflac" squawks) ... and Bill Maher (for his classification of Mohammed Atta as being less cowardly than the mighty US military) ... and grand dame of free speech Jane Fonda (rumor has it she was against a war a few decades ago for which some have never forgiven her, hence her loss of a QVC gig just a few years ago).

See -- that's the hard part.  I have a sneaking suspicion that those standing up for Phil's "right" to disclose that "vaginas have more to offer guys than anuses" may not be as quick to place him in a pantheon that includes Bill Maher and Jane Fonda ... unless the standard is "free speech is fundamental (so long as I agree with what is being said)", as I suspect it might be.

Of course, all the free speech associations aside, this seems to be more about employer-employee relations ... and HR nightmares ... and the fact that A&E as a TV network has a pedigree in representing Arts and Entertainment ... fields where it is very well established that vaginas do not sit at the top of the food chain (so to speak).  The faux shock and surprise that an employer might need to take action to protect itself against what an employee says seems disingenuous, just as much as the newly carved out constitutional right to be on reality TV seems to be a bit of a stretch in evaluating those conflating the issue.

Speaking of conflated issues ... there's a contingent in this debate that still feels it necessary to ignore the new commandment of Jesus in the New Testament to "love one another" because they want to exact the Old Testament wrath of God for those who violate strict instructions laid out in detail in books like Leviticus.  (Were I the interviewer at GQ, I would have followed up the bestiality reference with a question about how careful Phil is to uphold God's laws regarding Miss Kay's menstrual cycle [or was ... if she's already gone through the change]  ... just so I could get a sense of whether this was the all too typical selective-Scripture syndrome.)

By the way, my sincerest hope is that there is a special place heaven-adjacent for those who twist the word of God to contribute in any way, however small, to bigotry and hatred, so that they can eternally pine after where they should have ended up had they not been so overly zealous in their professed piety as if they were chosen to speak for the Holy.  There's precedent ... we can call it the Moses suite ... for how God reacted to Moses' tendency to get too big for his tunic and act all self-righteous multiple times, for which he was banned from setting foot inside the promised land.  [That's the dangerous thing about the Bible ... or the Torah ... or the Koran ... so much of it is interpretation, and it's awfully bold for someone to claim that they alone have the one true meaning of it -- absolute truth and blasphemy can be two sides of the same piece of silver.  (For instance ... shall we stay with the Old Testament and talk about the "special" relationships shared by Ruth and Naomi or David and Adjonijah?  Had enough?  Maybe some other rant some other day?)]

How to conclude today's soapbox session?  Maybe with a little encouragement for all sides to consider the value in the lives of everyone -- including those not like themselves they their tiny minds can't understand ... so how's about a little 1 Thessalonians 3:12 ... "Any may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all".  Boy, we would live in a different world then ... and that would make a happy holidays indeed.

MY GOD IS A GOD OF LOVE:
http://www.openbible.info/topics/love_one_another

MY SOURCE FOR THE GQ QUOTE:
http://americanlivewire.com/2013-12-19-duck-dynasty-phil-robertson/

TOO YOUNG TO GET THE DYNASTY REFERENCES?:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dynasty_(TV_series)

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 42

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 42:

Fighting with neighbors over "saved" street spots during the big snows.

[It's going by quickly ... the journey to becoming Floridians starts in exactly six weeks!]

I've been doubly lucky ... in that the first apartment building in Logan Square included a garage and a back alley entrance ... and in that, since moving to Wrigley for the second half of the dozen years spent in Chicago, any big snows have melted within a week ... so the opportunity to act like China does toward a South Sea island as it relates to a neighbor's shoveled spot when it comes to parking the car ... just didn't happen all that often.  Still, it is classic Chitown when the serious weather hits, and I'll miss seeing all the lawn furniture out in the streets.

COUNTER:  Hey, it snowed in southern Florida in 1977 (according to the interwebs) ... so maybe it will happen again!  (Anyone know how to get a hold of the Snow and Heat Misers?)

Random Flashback for Friday 12/20/13

On *this* day, when my bio-moms turns 70 years old ... it seems like the perfect day to post *this* picture from 1993.

And since my mom is great at writing information on the back of the photos she used to send me, I happen to know that that which is featured in this one was a gift from Skip (my mom's last partner) to celebrate her 50th birthday (and their 10th anniversary) ... some 20 years ago.

[I know that's a lot of math ... but, if numbers aren't your thing, then you can just focus on the pretty lady next to the pretty clock.]

Full transparency ... I'm not the closest with my mom (fate threw all kinds of things at both of us over the course of our lifetimes ... and, well, here we are with a relationship which neither party cultivated, for very valid reasons) ... but that doesn't mean I can't celebrate her big day in a virtual way!

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 43

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 43:

Passing by all of the dogs in the 'hood when I'm out and about walking in it.

[Only 43 more days until the big move to Florida!]

To this day, I still will recognize more dogs of neighbors than neighbors themselves ... and this is some five and a half years after we lost Demon.  Of course, that all makes sense seeing as how, in passing, I almost always make eye contact with the dog(s) and not the owner(s).  I will miss the ones in this building (the newer upstairs neighbor just got a pit bull puppy to keep the howling beagle company) ... and the others (like the pug lady with her dozen pugs [some on little rolling wheels for their back legs], and the mega-sized Dane, and the huskies down the way, and the bull dog, and the labs, etc etc).  Sigh.

COUNTER:  Although dogs are permitted in the state of Florida, apparently the area to which me and mine are moving includes pockets that enforce breed specific legislation ... so I might not get to see any pretty pit bulls in the new environs.  Double sigh.

Random Thought for Thursday 12/19/13

So it's either the types of shows I've been watching lately that must be skewing older OR it's that those ads are truly truly ubiquitous ... but I keep on hearing, over and over again, about the dangers of erections lasting more than four hours.

I haven't had a lab science class since high school, but it would seem to me that for these companies to make that claim as part of their warnings, there had to be some studies done to determine the 'n'.

Can you imagine that laboratory?  Erections of three hours?  Just fine.  Three and a half?  Seems everyone is happy.  Three and three quarters?  Yep, mostly smiles from all participants.  Four hours?  Hmmm ... the mood of our subjects seems to be changing.  Four hours and one minute?  Oh no ... danger ... danger ... pleasure's become pain for the majority of them (you know nothing's ever 100% in those studies ... there had to be at least one or two in the background waving their ... hands ... yelling out that they can keep on going ... double or nothing ... ).

[Yep ... these are the thoughts that run through my head ... aren't you glad I put them on the internet?]

PRIAPISM IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER:
http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/erectile-dysfunction-priapism

UNLESS IT IS ... :
http://www.wolfescape.com/Humour/MedJokes.htm

THERE'S A WHOLE GENERATION OF BOYS RAISED ON THIS STUFF COMING OF AGE:
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/some-adhd-meds-cause-prolonged-erections-fda-warns-2D11761731

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 44

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 44:

Listening to whichever random celebrity was leading the seventh inning stretch song when the Cubs were home.

[Woo-hoo!  Only 44 days left until the big move to Florida!]

With six of the twelve years right here in the building just a spit and a holler away from Wrigley, it became part of the routine to open the windows during the season, partly so I could gauge how soon the game would be over by hearing the "famous" people and the crowd break into the roar of "take me out to the ball game".  Between that and the strains of the national anthem and the occasional concerts (Dave Matthews ... Pearl Jam ... and a bunch of country folk to) ... I'll miss that ambient noise in the summertime.

COUNTER:  Turns out even if the move wasn't happening, the celebrity-led seventh inning stretch is a thing of the past, so I'd be missing it anyway.  Well, at least "any celebrity" ... the "rules" have changed so that now only those with a Chicago connection will be permitted to lead the crowds.

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 12/18/13

Hipster-precious.

Used in a sentence:  "As I sat at dinner the other night in the new Honey Butter Fried Chicken restaurant in the hip Logan Square 'hood here in Chicago, it struck me that I had often disparaged the hipster scene, but I realized that there was a whole classification of that which comes from that lifestyle for which I am grateful ... you know ... things that are hipster-precious."

To be fair, even with this epiphany, I still think that some child in some crowd somewhere needs to go all "emperor's new clothes" when it comes to those who think they look smokin' in those package strangling pants known as skinny jeans ... but I guess I can appreciate things more (especially understanding their evolution via this image I found on the google when I searched "hipster precious").

There I was, surrounded by knit caps and ironic facial hair ... dealing with the owners who had decided to upend all restaurant rules (you couldn't sit down until AFTER you ordered and paid, which created a situation where everyone gathered around the perimeter of the space to watch you and yours eat, staring at you especially hard if you dared to converse between bites) ... sticking out a bit because our group was too homogeneous and every other collection of people included one of every color, race, creed and orientation (all in all, not necessarily something I'm mocking, despite how it may sound) ... and I thought ... this is kind of a nice place ... very hipster-precious.

A REFRESHER ON A HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN CLASSIC:
http://hca.gilead.org.il/emperor.html

A REFRESHER ON HIPSTERS:
http://thepubscout.com/2013/02/hipsters-fancy-coffee-and-the-irony-of-irony/

A REFRESHER ON HONEY BUTTER FRIED CHICKEN:
http://www.honeybutter.com/

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 45

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 45:

Hunkering down to avoid the derechos.

[The bonus series continues ... because I love a countdown ... and because there's only 45 more days left until the big move for me and mine to Florida!]

Heck, I didn't even know what a derecho was until my time in Chicago (for all I knew, that might have been the name of those special Dorito-branded taco shells at the local fancy Mexican restaurant) ... but I can distinctly recall quite a few of them:  trying to calm Demon down in the living room of the first place on Sawyer during one nasty one when the power went out, notifying students at the Kaplan Lincoln Park center when one went through the city and blew out all of the windows at Peggy's Nature Museum on the lakeshore and the one this past summer that caused the evacuation of the Pearl Jam concert at Wrigley (I wasn't lucky enough to be *at* the concert ... but living so close, I got to experience the same derecho AND hear the continuation of the concert hours later into the early hours of the am.)  I'm going to miss those crazy wind storms with the exotic sounding name.

COUNTER:  The accompanying map says it all.  Florida is not derecho prone.  However, I've been told they occasionally experience some pretty hefty hurricanes.  I should probably do some research on that ...

Random Tune for Tuesday 12/17/13

It's the holidays ... and this song kept on popping up in the car this weekend when we were out and about doing our Christmas things here in the city.  So of course it's the tune I'm picking for today (what with Christmas Eve being just one week away)!

Admittedly, it's a bit morose (is there anything sadder than melancholy whores during the holidays?) but it's not as bad of a selection as when she kills off little kids requesting gingerbread (Dolly, I'm looking at you and your 'Me and Little Andy').

So if you're struggling with the blues this holiday season, buck up and take inspiration from these ladies of the night and their madam ... pour some apple wine on which to get drunk ... gather up some hard candy with which to lift your spirits ... and "don't let sorrow bring you way down".

Happy Holidays to you and yours!  [Or if you're a super-fan of FOX (and therefore probably NOT holding allegiance to any other religion or non-religion) ... well then, Merry Christmas to you and yours!]

WITH THE ORIGINAL WHORES SINGING ALONG!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLpzyTA9ik

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 46

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 46:

Hearing about all the murders.

[It's my new bonus series, because I sure do love a countdown ... this one until the big move for me and mine from Chicago to Florida in just 46 days!]

I'm not being perverse here.  I don't enjoy hearing about all the murders ... I just can't escape the news about them.  Despite today's historic report that we're on track in 2013 for the lowest murder rate since 1967 (methinks somebody's not keeping records accurately, but mehopes it's really true) ... murder and Chitown are so synonymous that it will take multiple years of that kind of verified news of a downturn to escape the nickname of Chiraq that it was given within the last two years.  (And to be fair, this kind of violent crime remains predominantly a problem in a small percentage of gang-filled 'hoods, so I've never felt like I was "too much" in danger.)  The normal Monday roundup on the news down south (meaning down south in Florida ... not down south on the south side of town) is going to feel like it's missing something ... that's all I'm saying.

COUNTER:  I found an article online that compared Florida statistics from 2011 to 2012, and it said that overall incidents of robbery and aggravated assault were down, but the numbers of murders and forcible sex offenses increased in the state ... so maybe it will feel more like my adopted hometown than I think!  [Ok ... *there* ... with that last sentence ... that might be an example of me being perverse.]

Random Memorial for Monday 12/16/13

Gone but not forgotten:  LA Tan.

Not every LA Tan ... just the one that *was* inside the Century Mall ... which was the one that *was* next to the Lincoln Park Kaplan Center (when that *was* fully staffed and *was* my work-home for many many years pre-2010).

According to the landpeople, there are some exciting things to come in the empty spaces in this mall (I'm not sure if disclosing them would violate any confidentialities ... so hmu privately [as the kids say] for gossip) ... but this particular storefront was special to me based on the trade we made for them to keep our spare key in return for fulfilling the most random of their copy requests (and because it provided a steady stream of eye candy visible from our center's windows back in the day).

That which I affectionately called "la tan" (as in fa-la-la-la-la) ... you will be missed.

THE CURRENT DIRECTORY (WITHOUT LA TAN):
http://www.centuryshoppingcentre.com/directory.html

OK .. CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG FOR ONE OF THE UPCOMING IMPROVEMENTS:
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20130516/lakeview/century-shopping-centre-may-lose-historical-facade-for-more-windows

FIND OTHER LA TANS:
http://www.latan.com/our-locations/

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 47

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 47:

Participating in the annual holiday tradition going downtown with family.

[I'm working my way through my new bonus series ... counting down until the big move for me and mine from Chicago to Florida in February 2014 ... in just 47 days!]

It was so routine that it was predictable.  First down to the Christkindlmarkt (to eat German lunch, and to procure the souvenir ceramic mugs, and to purchase the occasional glass ornament) ... and then over to the Marshall Field's (now Macy's) to view the windows (until Macy's took over and downgraded the creativity level of the displays) before heading up to the 8th floor to see the giant tree.  And, over the last dozen years, almost every single member of the Indiana family has participated ... notably each of the nephews at least once when they were younger (Jac K is actually trumping us all now, being stationed in Germany and being able to experience the real thing!), but the older folks too ... and, every year, these two (Walt and Evelyne L) were the one constant (and for that, we are most grateful).  *This* is a regular holiday occurrence that will most definitely be missed!

COUNTER:  They celebrate Christmas in Florida, right?  Although no market there could every be accompanied by the frigid cold and occasional snow that were part and parcel of this one.  Now ... if I can just talk these two into picking up the mugs each year as the only Christmas gift we'll every want again (maybe)!

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 12/15/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

... the addition of this scarlet "A" amidst the nativity creche, the giant menorah and the pigeon warming station (I mean the eternal flame honoring all veterans who served) -- all at the city's Christkindlmarkt.

Look, I'm all for free speech, but ...

WAIT ... I recognize that any sentence that starts like that may hint at a follow up statement that basically invalidates the opening.

Regardless, the "A" is new this year and represents the Atheists and Agnostics of the "freedom *from* religion" organization, which, since this is city property, have paid for a display to encourage Atheists to "come out" to help their movement be more easily embraced.

Free speech is free speech ... and the funds were raised privately ... so although there is a bit of a dissonance in that the display is at the Christkindlmarkt (literally, the Market that celebrates the Christ Child) ... I guess to each his own.  I do wonder if, in years to come, we might get a few more displays (Festivus [for the rest of us]? ... Kwanzaa? ... Boxing Day?).  Only time will tell!

LOCAL COVERAGE OF THE SCARLET A:
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Atheist-Group-Adds-Holiday-Display-to-Daley-Plaza-234259441.html

SO I THOUGHT I WAS JOKING ... OH FLORIDA!:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/protest-festivus-pole-put-fla-capitol-21183863

JUST A LINK ... NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF THE CONTENT PROVIDED HEREIN:
http://aclj.org/christmas-holiday/public-christmas-displays
 

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 48

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 48

Eating a fresh batch of Chicago mix popcorn.

[It's a new bonus series ... counting down until the big move for me and mine from Chicago to Florida in February 2014 ... in just 48 days!]

Sure Garrett's has the marketplace cornered, but any number of potential popcorn-wanna-bes around town also know how to mix the caramel and the cheese to make the perfect fistful of flavor to shove in the waiting mouth of the true Chitowner.  I will certainly miss being drawn in to any of the shops by the enticing scents of this caramel-cheesy conglomeration.

COUNTER:  In theory, I might be able to purchase individual bags of caramel popcorn and cheese popcorn and assemble my own mix.  Anyone know the ratio?  1:1?  1.5 caramel for each 1 of cheese?  Or I guess Garrett's does have a website and I could pay to have it shipped down there, depending on how badly I'm "jones-ing" ...

Random Soapbox for Saturday 12/14/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... we have all gone soft.

In a world where anti-bacterial soap has created a generation of children who can get deathly ill at the drop of a germ (Guess what -- I ate dirt when I was little.  And I liked it.  And ... here's the kicker ... it made me healthier!) ... and where everyone who participates is automatically a winner just for trying (ribbons for everyone in this generation of whiners ... I mean winners!) ... I have now reached my limit.

For sale, as pictured, 40 "fake" snowballs at 29.99 for an "indoor snowball fight".  I'm not as much worried about the $.75 cost per snowfluff (although, let's not forget that real snowballs are FREE), I'm more disgusted with the underlying lesson that everything is available for a cost ... and that nothing is worth waiting for ... and that you needn't go outside any longer.

When I was little ... or, more accurately, when I was younger ... you couldn't have a snowball fight any time you wanted to.  You had to wait.  For winter.  For it to snow.  For the snow to be just right in its "packability".  Plus, you had to make each one yourself -- they didn't magically appear pre-made.  And when you threw them, you can rest assured that they had more of an effect on the other person than being tickled by a giant cotton ball.  They were cold.  They might have stung a little.  And you know what -- you knew you were alive.

Damn these kids nowadays.  They are ruining everything.  And get off my lawn!  (Oops ... got carried away there ... I rent a second story apartment, so I don't technically have a lawn.  But you get my point.)

THE DOWNFALL OF CIVILIZATION (AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE):
http://www.snowtimeanytime.com/

NO ONE WINS WHEN EVERYONE WINS:
http://articles.courant.com/2010-04-28/news/hc-gary-everybody-wins-first-pl.artapr28_1_big-contest-first-place-ribbon-new-discoveries

ARRRRGH!  AND NOW IT'S A VIRTUAL EXPERIENCE!:
https://www.facebook.com/SnowBallFightWinterGame

 

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 49

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 49:

Choosing which ethnicity's 7-11 to walk to in my 'hood.

[It's a new bonus series ... counting down until the big move for me and mine from Chicago to Florida in February 2014 ... in just 49 days!]

For many days, the most exciting decision in the morning was to pick, when it came to acquiring the USA Today, should I go east three blocks to the Arabian 7-11 ... or south one block to the Pacific Rim 7-11 ... or south three blocks to the Jamaican 7-11 (which transitioned recently to the Halfway House 7-11) ... I'll certainly miss so easily walking to such different worldly experiences!

COUNTER:  It's not like there aren't 7-11s in southern Florida ... it's just that they all seem to be driveable ... and time will tell as to whether are all run by the same ethnicity.

Random Flashback for Friday 12/13/13

'Tis the holiday season ... the time for traditions ... (as I've been posting on a countdown on my Facebook all month [that's not content you'll find on the blog ... that's restricted to just my FB connections ... so friend me {and mention the blog} if you want to be one of those "cool" kids)] ... and this particular picture was a tradition back in the day around this time.

This is from twenty years ago in 1993 and was (almost definitely) taken on Christmas Eve, because, for a few years in a row back then, my sister Sherry and I would meet up at the Woodwards (who took me in when I ran away from home back in 1989) ... and we would head over to the Christmas Eve midnight service at Hebron Church (it was just around the corner ... and they had great homemade cookies and punch afterwards ... and that building and its congregation were integral in my development, especially around the time I struck out on my own).

Had we digital photography back then, we probably would have taken this shot a second time, since I was sleepy (or maybe buzzed?  I was 21 that year, after all ...) and didn't keep my eyes open during the flash.  [Perhaps some of you think the photo should have been re-shot after an outfit change ... but, in my opinion, I was rocking those Larry King-ish suspenders and that silk red shirt as only I could in my everything-I-own-was-red-and-black phase].

Since we didn't have that option back then, we had to accept the photo for what it was -- which was a classic holiday memory of a great family tradition!  Happy holidays to Sherry and her family ... and to you and yours!!

Bonus Post (Gbye Chicago): Thing 50

50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago -->

Thing 50:

Watching Linda Kollmeyer drunkenly fondle the lottery balls.

[It's a new bonus series ... counting down until the big move for me and mine from Chicago to Florida in February 2014 ...]

Wait ... that's allegedly fondle.  And it's alleged that she's drunk. But it's completely accurate to say that I'll miss her and her over the top enthusiasm (that I'm admittedly gently mocking) as she tells those who about to become my former state-mates whether they've chosen wisely in the lottery game.  I'll miss you and your sunny disposition when I find myself living in the sunny state!

COUNTER:  Rumor has it that WGN America can be seen nation wide, so if I choose my Floridian cable provider wisely, I might not have to miss this at all!

Random Thought for Thursday 12/12/13

So putting it on the Facebook makes it official, right?  Well then, I am pleased to announce that me and mine are officially becoming Floridians this winter (in fifty days ... in early February).

In my opinion, especially since my address has been in my adopted hometown of Chicago for just over twelve years, such a big announcement deserves a top 12 list.  Without any further ado ... the top 12 reasons my address will change to that of Hollywood/Miami/Ft. Lauderdale in early 2014:

1.)  If I'm going to die young, I'd rather it be from an "act of God" instead of an "act of thug" (the 'hood in Chitown is getting pretty bad with its increase in 'hoods on the streets).
2.)  I'm a fan of drinking ... and the happy hour culture down there is so cheap it is insane!  (I'll make back all the costs of moving within weeks!)
3.)  I've been told I look better "with some color", which is so much easier to get in that climate.
4.)  I can wear a wife-beater ALL THE TIME!
5.)  I want to live somewhere where my vote counts (note:  I know ... I know ... my vote always counts, but in today's fractured political environment, Illinois is kind of a foregone conclusion ... at least Florida is a contested state).
6.)  I've been a remote employee with my company since late 2010, which means I can work anywhere ... so why not in a pool?  I mean, next to a pool!?
7.)  Old people like me (it's probably that "brand" of crotchety old man I've been perfecting).
8.)  Latinos like me too (and being surrounded by Latinos will make me feel more like I'm in my original hometown of Lebanon PA).  They have Latinos in Chicago ... but don't kid yourself ... this urban city is on record as being hella segregated, yo!
9.)  I'm on the back end of my midlife now that I'm in my 40's and so it's about damn time that I sample a little pre-retirement.
10.)  From what I've seen in the news, many Floridians are just plumb crazy ... which means I'll be around my kind.
11.)  I said I would.  It was five years ago in 2008 and I went so far as to quit my job (back then, I wasn't a remote employee) and head down there to get things arranged and that's when I found out that the Great Recession had hit them first and hardest, and so plans were changed.  Now I can be a man of my words again.
12.)  I get to launch another countdown on the blog (I sure do love a countdown).  Beginning in just moments, and for every day of the fifty remaining until the big move, I'll get to post something in the "50 Things I'll Miss About Chicago".

TIME TO DO MY HOMEWORK:
http://www.stateofflorida.com/Portal/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=40

ALSO TIME TO DO MY HOMEWORK:
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/5_reasons_why_florida_is_the_weirdest_state_ever_partner/

CHITOWN'S SEGREGATION MAPPED OUT:
http://voices.suntimes.com/early-and-often/new-map-demonstrates-chicagos-segregation-person-by-person/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 12/11/13

Feather it out!

Used as inspiration for a multiple choice question:  "The phrase 'Feather it out!':

A.)  describes Jon Bon Jovi's morning hair routine
B.)  characterizes a drunken Irishman's failure to injure someone
C.)  represents instructions never shared with me as to how to treat the clutch whilst driving stick shift, as clearly evidenced by that time I borrowed Uni's Suzuki and got it stuck on the hill in Downington, necessitating some kind driver two cars back to come and rescue me (and the line of rush hour traffic that had formed behind me) in that we switched cars for a few miles until I was beyond the hilly parts
D.)  explains what doctors have to do to some special babies' necks
E.)  all of the above"

Yep ... it's apparently E (see the links below for the sources).  But I will say it's that darn Subaru commercial I keep on seeing that torments me by making me always remember that embarrassing moment some eighteen years ago.  [Note ... it's not my MOST embarrassing moment ... which involved an accidental dialing of the digits 9, 1 and 1 instead of the 900# I was aiming for ... a story for another day, perhaps ... or maybe that's all I'll ever say about that ...]

Anyway ... do you have a stick with which I can feather it out some time? ... Then hit me up (as the kids say ...)!

ANSWER CHOICE A:  JON BON IS NOT ALONE:
http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2008-05-01/top-10-feathered-hair-wearers-of-all-time/

ANSWER CHOICE B:  I MAY HAVE INSERTED THE WORD DRUNKEN (MY BAD):
http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/not-take-a-feather-out-of-someone

ANSWER CHOICE C:  THIS COMMERCIAL TORMENTS ME:
http://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/82786/Subaru-Commercial-2013-present.aspx

ANSWER CHOICE D:  BIRD BABY:
http://gawker.com/5968473/doctors-pull-two+inch-feather-from-babys-neck-because-people-are-birds-now