Random Tune for Tuesday 9/30/14

What's the best way to open up the second side of the first of the two cassette mixed tape set from college memorializing the people and events of Funkhouser East 213 in the early nineties (aka track 14 of 39 in this ongoing series)?

The same best way to spend the amount of time walking from said Funkhouser East 213 all the way across campus to the dining hall (unlike today, back in the nineties, it was the only option for food and that walk represented opposite corners of the campus).

Namely ... reenacting the Argument from Chess along the way.  As I recall, it timed out perfectly ... two minutes to get from point A to point B meant that we could start with "I would have thought in the average affair that the first hint of trouble would be!" as we left the dorm room, and end with "Have the miserable time of your life! (You can even call my wife ...)" just as we entered the dining hall (much to the surprise of those already eating).  The question is whether we did this before or after the trip to the castle at the Reading pagoda to see the show ... my timeline is a little fuzzy on that one ...

Ah yes ...having a strong sense of self so as not to care what others thought about you ... if that doesn't encapsulate the college years, I don't know what does ...

WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p261qJXj3k0

Random Memorial for Monday 9/29/14

Gone but not forgotten:  the time before cats evolved to have opposable thumbs.

True story (?!), as captured and featured in an advertisement for Cravendale Milk in the UK.  It may be a few years old, but it only just came to my attention earlier today.  It turns out it was such a popular scientific discovery that a second feature was run shortly thereafter.  (You can see both of them in the links accompanying this post).

[By the way, I have no idea why, for two days in a row now, I've been "inspired" in some form or fashion by milk in the UK.  Seems random ... which, of course, if nothing else, fits my "shtick" ...]

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before domestic felines stateside will soon join their limey counterparts ... which means we are living in the last days before thumbed cats take over the world ... which also means that these days will one day be missed.

THE ORIGINAL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6CcxJQq1x8

THE SEQUEL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=504GYKZlGqg

A RUN-ON ESSAY ABOUT THE "GIFT" OF THE OPPOSABLE THUMB:
http://www.bodylanguageuniversity.com/public/224.cfm

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 3 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 3

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

12 more days!  What-what?!

Sure enough ... final plans were confirmed and there's a FB post on the official reunion page asking for folks to chime in as to whether they are planning to attend, so that organizers can start to get a rough count.

All of which makes my fond memory number three on point ... my years with Unified Math!  Quick background ... my high school allowed a certain subset of guinea pigs to "play" with the 'rithmetic side of the basic Rs with a series of classes throughout high school that took a *different* approach to educating (i.e.  more unified).  Unfortunately, the curriculum guides, as pictured below, didn't provide any better explanation (and yes, if you haven't learned yet throughout this countdown, I'm a bit of an "archivist" [a word I prefer instead of "hoarder"]).

After all, it's Math that allowed me to create an every-four-days posting schedule back when there were 100 days remaining ... although, admittedly, I didn't use things I learned in Unified Math like Z-clock arithmetic OR imaginary numbers, the latter of which I found explained in my notes from Mr. Yenser's class in 11th grade in the third photo.  [Well, they were "explained" as of the 88-89 school year.  I have absolutely no idea what any of it means at this time.]

Only two memories remain ... the next to be posted this Th on Oct 2!

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 9/28/14

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

Of course there are the lead stories in the news like Clooney's wedding (I'm sure he just did it for the social security benefits now that he's of a certain age) ... and kids shooting kids (it's like someone's perverse idea of a welcome wagon for those of us who have moved here from Chicago) ... and the promise by the FHP to crack down on motorcycle thrill speed-riders (a google search shows that this is "news" every few years ... implying that crack downs here aren't very crack-y or very down-y) ...

But it looks like the most scandalous thing on the weekend news is the story about the poor teachers who have nowhere to pump their breasts after returning to work from giving birth.  Turns out there *is* a regulation in the brand new Affordable Care Act (I choose to refer to it by its legislative name ... because, you know ... I don't want to get a reputation as a bloviating blathering idiot a la the talking heads of the 24 hour news cycle) that guarantees a private non-bathroom spot in which to pump and guaranteed pump breaks covered by payroll ... but here's the twist:  that coverage is only for hourly employees and not salaried ones.

Hence the controversy, which includes teachers sneaking into closets to express baby milk on the sly.  Of course, as is often the case when comparing our country, still shaking off some of those ultra-Puritan values on which it was founded, with those "across the pond", the UK is leaps and bounds ahead of us in this arena, having celebrated World School Milk Day this past Wednesday.

[Editor's note:  upon further investigation, World School Milk Day is *not* connected to the breastpump debate.  Darn google search query results ...]

YOU KNOW ... KIDS JUST BEING KIDS, CHICAGO-STYLE:
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article2282344.html

THE BREASTIEST OF NEWS THIS WEEKEND:
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/education/article2182632.html

THE UK IS AHEAD OF US WITH THIS GAME:
https://www.coolmilk.com/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 9/27/14

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... war
... disease
... violence
... hangnails
... half empty bags of chips when you first open them
... running out of bacon
... running out of toilet paper
... running out of gas
... running
... bullying
... evil dictators
... not learning from your mistakes
... high overdraft fees
... lost cell phones
... whiners
... complainers
... people who don't vote
... old age
... lumpy pillows
... stepping in fecal matter
... candles that burn too quickly
... lost photos
... boredom
... not enough hours in the day
... pencils with broken graphite
... etc
... etc
... etc

(Don't judge me ... I couldn't make up my mind ... so I just let it run free today ...)

OTHERS WHO RANT:
http://historybloggeroxford.blogspot.com/

TRUTH BE TOLD ... THE SOURCE OF MY DESIRE TO RANT WEEKLY:
http://www.dennismillerradio.com/blog?categoryID=15

DOESN'T SEEM TO BE AN ONION ARTICLE ... DO YOU HAVE IMS?:
http://contributors.healthline.com/family/7-secrets-keeping-irritable-male-syndrome-wrecking-your-relationship

Random Posting for Penn State 9/27/14

Here are 9 Nittany Nuggets from today's game:

1.)  Well *that* didn't go as expected (sigh).  Once every ten years, right?
2.)  But hey ... it was 64 and sunny, so ... there was that for the fans.
3.)  And hey ... everybody loves a parade, so ... there was *that* for the fans as well (PS ... happy homecoming, yo)!
4.)  It was a good run ... that whole not letting the opponent score in the first quarter thing we had going.
5.)  Of course, our thoughts go out to the injured NU player (and word to the wise, our QB is a big guy ... so you might want to reconsider hitting him so directly like that).
6.)  According to the interwebs, that N logo has been around since the early eighties ... but I don't know how many times I looked at the screen and thought it was a purple Z.
7.)  I wonder if the opposing teams play Cher's "Shoot you down Jesse James" to get riled up before the game?  Probably not very football-y, come to think of it.
8.)  It was a very clothing-focused broadcast today ... that one hit literally had the guy knocked out of one shoe ... and the announcerman said that one of the guys was on the sidelines "not wearing pants" ... and then the controversial play that wouldn't have been controversial if the players weren't wearing white shoes.
9.)  At the very least ... I still get to say my customary ATTA BOY FICKEN!

In closing, thanks to the schedulers.for making next week a bye ... so that we can recover from today's disappointment ... ah well ... next time there won't be so much QB-under-duress I hope ...

HOMECOMING IS MORE THAN JUST THE GAME:
http://onwardstate.com/2014/09/22/your-guide-to-homecoming-2014/

THE AFOREMENTIONED Z -- I MEAN N -- LOGO:
http://www.sportslogos.net/logos/list_by_team/787/Northwestern_Wildcats/

SINCE WHITE SHOES WERE DISCUSSED TODAY:
http://shoes.about.com/od/shoe_tips_advice/qt/white_labor_day.htm

Random Flashback for Friday 9/26/14

Warning ... although this post doesn't *look* at all like last week, it's going to *sound* just like it (at least the opening paragraph [well, the paragraph after the opening paragraph, because I guess this one is technically the opening paragraph]).

How can I best commemorate the last time I acted with Greg B?  By posting not ONE but *TWO* photos of the show we did together in the fall of 1994 (twenty years ago) ... one of those audience participation murder mysteries I wrote during those college years.

This one, Too Many Cooks Poison the Broth, featured shots taken on the Lebanon Valley College campus.  One of these days I'll have to dig out the scripts ... and maybe polish them up to perform again in my semi-retirement down here in Florida ...

One of these days ...

P.S.  No artificial flowers (or Troys) were hurt in the taking of these photographs.

P.P.S.  Although I used this format last week with regards to Brigette C, I found out that this was NOT the last show the two of us did ... and I'll have more black and whites of her from another show next year (Zuckerberg willing).

Random Thought for Thursday 9/25/14

Am I missing something?

If my rooms didn't have roofs, I have to think I'd be UNhappy, contrary to what Pharrell would have me believe.

Maybe I'm just dealing with the rainy season here in Florida, but I've got to think that, even at this very moment I'm typing this post, if the living room was without-roof, I'd be pissed.  And wet.  I would not be clapping.  Or dancing.

How's roofless living where you live?

THE SOURCE OF TODAY'S GRAPHIC, COURTESY OF THE GOOGLE:
http://isocialize.eu/comic/room-without-roof/

PHARRELL RESPONDS TO THOSE CRITICIZING THIS LYRIC:
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/music/pharrell-williams-explains-like-a-room-without-a-roof-lyrics-from-his-song-happy/story-fnk854fn-1226848186300

WHAT ROOF-LESS ROOMS ALLEGEDLY MEAN IN YOUR DREAMS:
http://dreamingthedreams.com/meanings/a%20house%20without%20roof/

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 4 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 4

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

16 days remain (that's just over two weeks!) until the big 25th reunion weekend ... which brings me to fond memory number four.

As I've hinted at throughout this countdown, I did pretty well at school and definitely made it my own for the time I was there.  That being said, one of the reasons that happened was because of the self-fulfilling concept of getting an "enriched education", as I belonged to a group of students that got individualized education plans.

Well, that's what they were in the grades before high school.  Once we hit ninth grade, those of us in this group just got excused to go off site to SEE seminars (almost all in the neighboring Lancaster County, where kids were smarter I guess?) ... field trips that, by the time we were seniors, became excused absences where we could drive ourselves ... and we attended every one we said we would (right, Sally P?).

Only three memories left to share ... the next one will be posted on Sun the 28th.

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 9/24/14

Naked and Afraid:  Pop-up Edition.

Used in a sentence:  "Secretly, I would have wished for 'Naked Dating:  Pop-up Edition' ... but instead I'll have to settle for this real listing amongst the hundreds of hours of television programming tonight:  'Naked and Afraid:  Pop-up Edition'."

Because, let's face it ... we're all going to be watching just to see what "pops up".

THE NUDITY TREND IN REALITY TV:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/nude-black-naked-reality-shows-exposing/story?id=25353912

EXCEPT BIOLOGY SHOWS THAT FEAR WOULD NOT LEAD TO ERECTION:
http://www.erectile-function.com/index.php/stress-and-erectile-function

DATING NAKED, POP UP EDITION WOULD BE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW:
ww.vh1.com/shows/dating-naked/video/full-episodes/

Random Tune for Tuesday 9/23/14

Tonight's a milestone in this ongoing series started 13 weeks ago (yep, it's track 13 out of 39 tonight) ... because we're reached the end of the first side of the two cassette collection forever memorializing the friendships fostered in Funkhouser East 213 back in the LVC college days (which also just happens to be the 1/3 mark).

It's also the one and only appearance of Pearl Jam on the set ... and, I just have to say, if this were being created twenty years after it was actually done (which was the early nineties), I have a feeling there would be a lot more selections from Eddie and the boys.

Instead, though, we get just this one ... and without going into any more details, let's just say we all were dealing with some heavy things back in college (although I'll also say that this was before you could google your way into actual lyrics and meanings for these songs, and so we may have been attracted to the *spirit* of the song without knowing that it was actually about a child with a learning disorder) ... Without further ado ... here's PJam's "Daughter" ...

SHE WILL ... RISE ABOVE!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiqgTPmkfek

Random Memorial for Monday 9/22/14

Gone but *certainly* not forgotten:  Sixteen Years!

As you know, since my life's story is being told on the blog and on the Facebook on a twenty year delay, these annual posts won't make as much sense as they could until Sep 22 of 2018 (which, with obvious math-y analysis is only four years away ... and btw ... I just checked and it's a Saturday so consider yourself on notice that it will be a rant or rave ... so play your cards right).

But that doesn't mean I can't pause to celebrate these years ... and months ... and weeks ... and days ... and minutes ... and ...

504,911,232 seconds that this milestone represents ... (seeing as how I wouldn't have had them any other way) ... you are *not* missed.

YEAR TO SECOND CONVERTER:
http://www.calculateme.com/Time/Years/ToSeconds.htm

OTHER FAMOUS SIXTEENS, OPTION ONE:
http://www.trumphotelcollection.com/chicago/fine-dining-chicago.php

OTHER FAMOUS SIXTEENS, OPTION TWO:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2976172/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 9/21/14

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

The Jews for Jesus lawsuit.

It only makes sense, with some 3/4 of a million of those who claim Judaism as their faith living here in Florida, that some of the news is going to be about Jews.

According to the Sunday paper, the lawsuit stems from a situation where a Jewish son wrote a story claiming he converted his Jewish step-mother to be all about Jesus ... which was then published in a proselytizing type communication used by the organization ... and when she found out, she sued for defamation.

It seems that momma Edith (step-momma, that is) wants the world to know that she is 100% absolutely and without-a-care-for-Jesus Jewish.  Believe it or not, the case has been around for about a dozen years AND has already been all the way to the Supreme Court (seems to be that it may be a challenge to prove that she was harmed by the article) PLUS the lawyers and law firms involved have been suing each other, as lawyers and law firms tend to do.

Let's be fair ... I'm not picking sides when it comes to religious battles, as I hope each person finds his or her own relationship with a higher being and I tend to shy away from organized religion for all of the death and destruction it has brought (and continues to bring) into the world ... I'm just trying to imagine the dinner conversation around that Christmas table ... I mean Hanukkah meal ... I mean ... Thanksgiving feast?

COMING JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (WHICHEVER YOU CELEBRATE):
http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2014-09-07/news/fl-jews-for-jesus-trial-palm-beach-20140906_1_bruce-rapp-liberty-counsel-edith-rapp

A TAKE ON WHEN IT CROSSED THE DESK OF THE FLORIDA SUPREME COURT:
http://www.dmlp.org/blog/2008/rapp-v-jews-jesus-rehnquist-brennans-robes

IN CASE YOU WERE INTERESTED IN THE MOVEMENT ...:
http://www.jewsforjesus.org/

Random Posting for Penn State 9/20/14

Here are 9 Nittany Nuggets from today's game:

1.)  I checked and I complained about this same thing exactly one year ago ... but why do the announcepeople say that HACKENBERG "scampers"?  May I offer up "bolts" or "darts" or "sprints"?  I don't know why, but "scampers" just makes me think it's code for "prances" and that they're mocking him...
2.)  As is customary ... AttaBoy FICKEN ... what with your 42 yd successful field goal (longest of the year so far)!
3.)  On what the internet said was JoePa day today ... it makes sense to be in a position where everyone was waiting to see if the score would be run up in the second half.
4.)  How's that now?  7 games in a row where opponents are kept from scoring in the first quarter?  I'm generally not fond of all those random statistics, but I'll take that one.
5.)  Just when the puppy dogs got used to the yells of "touchdown" (and let's face it, there were quite a few of those today), they ended up startled by the Nittany Lion sound.
6.)  Speaking of which, kudos to UMass player WYLIE, who may have inspired three legged Ozzie to a new career aspiration.
7.)  Well hello there DJ CROOK!
8.)  It may be that I'm a little homesick for my Indiana family, but UMass just made me think of Teddy, who lives there now ... and FROHNAPPLE just made me think of Jac, who is serving in Germany ... and those commercials for the special midnight black gator from John Deere just made me think of Robert, because it seems like that would be something he'd have (except his grandfather wouldn't let him have anything from John Deere [I'm pretty sure]).
9.)  On to Northwestern.  Well, Northwestern comes on to us.  Well, you know what I mean ...

In closing, thanks to the HD television ... not that I'm trying to be a tech snob or anything, but that feature sure does improve the viewing experience of live sporting events (although I could probably do without knowing which team members are circumcised or not [just sayin'])

THIS WHOLE SCAMPER BUSINESS BOTHERED ME LAST YEAR AS WELL (#5):
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/09/random-posting-for-penn-state-92113.html

MAY I SUGGEST A THESAURUS TO REPLACE THE SCAMPER?:
http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/scamper?s=t

IF ONLY IT WEREN'T A JOHN DEERE:
http://www.deere.com/wps/dcom/en_US/corporate/our_company/news_and_media/press_releases/2014/residential/2014aug5_special_edition_gators.page?

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 5 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 5

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

20 days to go until the big reunion weekend (time to start thinking about what to pack for the trip!), which means I'm up to the fond memory number five of my years in high school.

Oddly enough, it is the roughly 45 minute walk to and from the high school each day.  Let's face it ... except for the very very beginning of my education (i.e.  my dad's brief marriage to the lady in Elverson, which meant a bus ride with the little red headed girl Margot to kindergarten) and the very very end (when my sister was driving me to school in the morning and when I was sneaking out on Friday afternoons to get a ride to the Methodist church I was attending where I was publishing a monthly newsletter) ... I was a *walker* (uphill, both ways, etc etc).

Of course, I did have to pass the time with myself for those periods each day ... so I distinctly remember using that time to host my own talk show in my head (I was a creative [and lonely] child after all).  That was until I learned that I could master the art of reading whilst walking.  So that's what I did ... in the streets of Lebanon PA ... finding a path that would put me in the least amount of harm ... learning how to read the page AND be aware of the upcoming intersection (or the tree root that was buckling the sidewalk in front of me).

In a way, it was the original "pay attention to where you're going and stop looking at your phone" trend (years before kids were given such toys).  And, thankfully, I survived to write these posts 25 years later.

Fond memory number 4 ... to be posted this Wed the 24th!

Random Soapbox for Saturday 9/20/14

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... in the words of Eddie Vedder, "I guess it was the beatings that made me wise".

And look, I'm sure Judith Martin would advise me that it's probably best to leave politics and religion and the NFL out of dinner conversation and off of the Facebook (and blog) ... but when that's all that the blathering idiots (aka the 24 hour news cycle) find important in today's world, it kind of makes one want to join in.

I should probably admit right up front that I clearly can't speak to the African American experience (because, for some reason, if you follow the news, only black people beat their kids).  I've seen some views that seem extreme ... such as how the switch-to-the-scrotum child-rearing strategy perpetuates the whippings of slavery ... but, then again, who am I to speak to that world?

I can say that I did grow up during the time when corporal punishment (the less inflammatory way to say switch-to-the-scrotum) was acceptable ... even in school.  I don't remember names, but I feel more than certain that my sixth grade teacher successfully paddled someone in the hallway ... and for sure, I remember fraternity style wooden implements of ass-destruction that hung on the walls somewhere near the clocks of multiple classrooms.  Of course, that ASSault was only after said offender found himself going off the deportment chart (my elementary school had somehow taken prison style behavior management systems and perfected them to curtail burgeoning anti-social activity).

I don't remember it being a part of high school .... but there was that time when a 9th grade teacher picked up a kid who was being obnoxious ... chair and all ... and threw him against the wall (the names of those involved in that scenario I *do* remember, but I'll choose not to disclose them what with my high school reunion coming up and all).  Again ... to the best of my knowledge, no lawsuits were filed.  And that kid didn't end up owning the high school or anything.  And the teacher kept on teaching (understandingly, to classes that were EXTREMELY well-behaved beyond that point).

My personal exposure to this type of situation didn't happen at school ... it happened at home.  In my household, it was "the slipper" that was the weapon of choice, and it was wielded by the father figure.  I'm sure I was accosted by it more times than I can count on both hands ... but there's just once that I remember it going on and on and on much longer than it should have, round and round and round the dining room table at our home in Jonestown, with a few swats in the kitchen and the living room (because, let's face it ... I'm a smart kid ... and I did try to get away).

Did I learn from my beating that day?  Here's the kicker ... I have absolutely no idea *why* I was punished that way.  Was I playing with matches?  Did I tell a lie?  Almost kill a sibling (accidentally, of course)?  Interrupt the step-mother during her daily General Hospital time?  I don't know.  So unless the behavior was beaten right out of me ... chances are it didn't change my actions (although I've never killed a sibling ... so if that was the reason ... then I guess that was a *win* for the parental units).

Instead, what I remember from that day was that a guy who came from a generation that never even figured out how to express love (coming from the original Great Depression, the fact that there was a roof over the heads and food in the bellies of those he sired was the extent of his parental duty) sure didn't seem to have too much trouble inflicting pain.  (There's a slight chance that the old "this hurts me more than it will hurt you" was said ... but without a base of unconditional love, it wouldn't have rung true even if uttered.)

The other thing I remember ... a gleeful wife-of-the-time watching the whole thing.  She and I would go on to battle for years and years, with those being more often mental instead of physical (although she did employ the same "stress-positions" used in Abu Ghraib to torment terrorists ... so ... you know ... she was *that* kind of sadist).  Happy ending alert ... although I lost a few of those battles, I did ultimately win that war.

It will be no surprise to anyone who reads my rants (and thanks to those of you who do), that I'm sure that the answer lies in some kind of balance.  And here's the second kicker of the post ... the talent of knowing the exact point of balance is one not often seen.  Sadism?  Probably abuse of a child.  Not having the skill set to express love?  Also probably somewhere on the child abuse continuum tipping toward the unpleasant end.

Scrotum scars?  Definitely child abuse.

AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO GIVE THANKS OR APOLOGIZE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfqzQKt9UeA

THE OPINION THAT SWTICHES PERPETUATE SLAVERY:
http://thegrio.com/2014/09/15/adrian-peterson-child-abuse-slavery/

DIDN'T CATCH THE JUDITH MARTIN REFERENCE:
http://www.missmanners.com/

 

Random Flashback for Friday 9/19/14

How can I best commemorate the last time I acted with Brigette C?  By posting not ONE but *TWO* photos of the show we did together in the fall of 1994 (twenty years ago) ... one of those audience participation murder mysteries I wrote during those college years.

This one, Too Many Cooks Poison the Broth, featured shots taken on the Lebanon Valley College campus (for instance, that's a trick shot at Kreiderheim, with Brigette totally selling it as if she were more than the two feet off the ground that she really was) ... and included another actress who did a few of our shows ... Suzanne W (in the bonus photo below).

One of these days I'll have to dig out the scripts ... and maybe polish them up to perform again in my semi-retirement down here in Florida ...

One of these days ...

PS.  No Brigettes were hurt in the taking of these photographs.

Random Thought for Thursday 9/18/14

If I cared more, I could have saved this for a rant on Saturday ... but since I don't ... "Ima just gonna say" ... once a douche, always a douche ... to this Kanye Kardashian fella.

Which is why I'm not surprised ... nor should anyone be ... to learn about prosthetic-leg-gate.

By the way ... despite my full ambulatory skills, I'd like to go on record that I would not have stood up and would have been kicked out of the concert (although this is truly a hypothetical, as I would not have been in said concert in the first place).  Hell, I rebel even against the frequent calls to "make same noise".  My anti-authoritarian streak dictates that I make noise when I want to make noise, not when someone tries to force me to do so.

However, I do have to say this.  In the spirit of glass houses and stone throwing, I must disclose that I once played holier-than-thou when getting a haircut when I worked out in the suburbs of Chicago, chiding a man for parking in a handicapped space at the mall barbershop, calling on the name of my now dead surrogate grandmother who "has to park in those spots due to her hip condition" ... only to have him follow me into the barbershop, with the multiple pins in his leg underneath his knee on full display, letting me know in colorful language that I most definitely spoke out of turn.

To which Kanye might say to me ... "once a douche, always a douche".

THIS MAY BE FARCE ... BUT I COULD SEE IT REALLY HAPPENING:
http://dailycurrant.com/2014/09/17/kanye-scores-106-points-against-wheelchair-basketball-team/

PROVIDING DATA USED TO REACH THIS CONCLUSION:
http://www.bspcn.com/2008/11/24/the-top-10-reasons-why-kanye-west-is-a-douche/

EQUAL TIME RULES DICTATE THAT THE OTHER SIDE BE PRESENTED:
http://www.lifelounge.com.au/music/news/sixteen-reasons-why-kanye-west-is-not-a-douchebag.aspx

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 9/17/14

Chinese Whispers.

Used in a sentence (that should probably come with a disclaimer that most everything I say tonight might be considered racist by some):  "I won't say where I heard it for fear of being judged, but did you know that the game of 'Whisper Down the Lane' aka 'Telephone' is known as 'Chinese Whispers' in places like Melbourne (oh no ... I've probably said too much ... bring on the ridicule)."

Like being told in the office place that I could not order 'Oriental' food any longer because the generation after me decided that that word could only describe rugs (I chose 'Pacific Rim' cuisine instead, and didn't seem to offend anyone) ... or like watching the World War II serialized Batman go after the 'shifty slant-eyes' and knowing that something wasn't appropriate ... I'm going to bow to pressure and choose to NOT refer to that game by that title.

Although, in the spirit of being offensive, why couldn't that photo I found on the google have been of Siamese cats?

TAKE THE POLL AND TURN THE TIDE REGARDING WHETHER IT IS OFFENSIVE:
http://www.wowhead.com/forums&topic=205267/can-of-worms-is-the-phrase-chinese-whispers-racist-offensive-insulting

THIS HAPPENED A FEW YEARS BACK, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW:
http://dialectblog.com/2013/09/19/oriental-death-of-a-semi-slur/

TO BE FAIR, THIS RACISM WAS WAR SPONSORED PROPAGANDA:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erik-lundegaard/the-ethnic-stereotypes-of_b_111426.html

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 6 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 6

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

With only approximately 24 more days to go until the big event when a good number of us from my high school class will assemble in my hometown of Lebanon (I'm posting a day late, so it's officially 23 ... but hey, the point is it's really really really soon), it's time for fond memory 6 ... of, appropriately enough,  the High School Assembly.

It's true that any of them from the four years of school would work if I was highlighting the amazing orderliness of our assemblage (such good soldiers we were, marching through the hallways and sitting in our homerooms) ... or how your ability to misbehave was directly proportional to how close you were seated to the teacher chaperon (and how it seemed that assembly duty was a commodity traded in the black market of the teacher lounge) ... but I actually have one specific gathering in mind.

And that would be the time the hypnotist visited and put a few classmates under his spell (which, come to think of it in modern times, seems like a recipe for a lawsuit).  One of those classmates was also my friend whose name guaranteed that we shared homeroom together all the time ... and she was hypnotized to stuff something akin to monopoly money in her shirt .... and then at a later time, when some word was said, that monopoly money was supposed to feel like ice cubes.  Sure enough, it worked as predicted, and said classmate jumped to her feet in surprise and let out a small scream and shook her shirt until the "ice" paper fell out.  I was *this* close to posting a picture of Rose M with hypnotized eyes, but decided at the last minute that that wouldn't be polite to put on the internet.

How can it be?  Only 5 more memories in this countdown (the next one to be posted on this Sat the 20th)!

Random Tune for Tuesday 9/16/14

Track 12 (of 39), tonight's tune, is also the first time in this series pulled from an actual college era mixed tape (that's early nineties for those of you not in the know) that a previously referenced artist will make a second appearance (but it's not the last).

The song calling Garth back to the rotation so quickly is a classic one ... encouraging folks to risk the pain and hurt and scars that may come from letting emotions take over ... because the *greater* risk is being so cool and cold and emotionless as to not get to experience love at all.  His version of "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"was an on point message for some damaged souls who may have spent so much time focused on *surviving* that they had been in danger of missing out on all that life had to offer.

Hey there mixed tape master Jon M ... when you're right ... you're right!

ARE THE STRONG WEAK AND THE WEAK STRONG?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4uhLf1uTLY

Random Memorial for Monday 9/15/14

Gone but not forgotten (if only for just a week):  the Green Dragon.

According to the interwebs, the market outside of Ephrata will be back and open on Sep 26th (selfishly, two full weeks before I'll be visiting on the 10th of Oct, which makes me happy) ... taking just one Friday off to recover from the fire that ripped through it this past weekend.

I feel personally connected to the market, not just by legacy (my biological father and two of his brothers all had stands there at the same time in the same building for quite a few years [you could pick up home made horseradish and home grown celery from Paul, chicken and such from Jimmy and toy trains and Rawleigh products from Ralph]), but also because it was one of my first official jobs (not counting the child-labor that my father's wife-of-the-moment orchestrated at the community magazine print shop or the pig farm [yes ... I said pig farm]) when I worked for Owen Landis' auction house there each Friday night (and on Tuesdays at Roots as well).

Location where I'll soon pick up my Raub's sub and Zerbe's chips and PA Dutch birch beer and Amish peanut butter ice cream and authentic pumpkin whoopie pies ... you will be missed (if only for just one week).

VIEW THE DAMAGE AND SEE THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE REOPENING:
http://lancasteronline.com/news/local/new-building-in-plans-for-green-dragon-market-re-opening/article_f7259cb4-3cec-11e4-a579-0017a43b2370.html

IS IT OCTOBER 10TH YET?:
https://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/143910/mini-pumpkin-whoopie-pies/detail.aspx

THERE'S ALWAYS ROOTS IN MANHEIM TO TIDE YOU OVER:
http://www.rootsmarket.com/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 9/14/14

What southern Florida is talking about this week ...

Hurricane Edouard.

Oh no ... scratch that.  Edouard is of no consequence to southern Florida.  And neither was Arthur, Bertha or Cristobal.  Nor Dolly, who sadly never even made it to hurricane status, remaining only a tropical storm (although, bonus, she did get to go to Mexico).

I've been warned ... I do not want to experience a hurricane ... or more accurately, I do not want to experience the *aftermath* of a hurricane.  But I can't help but wish that I get to see what it's like to see this kind of phenomenon now that I'm living down here in paradise.  And if ever there were a year where it should happen ... it's the one where Dolly, Fay and Teddy are all to be named storms (why oh why couldn't the S be Shirly instead of Sally, right family?).

Truth be told ... after looking at the list, I should have immediately forecast that the P storm will be the one that's going to wreak havoc in my life.  It would be just too poetic not to be that way ... guess I have to wait out the season after all.

HE'S HERE ... HE'S NAMED ... WHO CARES?
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/storm-center-blog/sfl-tropics-sunday-20140914,0,5742791.story

AND NOW ... A PEEK AT THE WEEK WHERE WE PEAKED WEAKLY:
http://www.wdsu.com/news/local-news/new-orleans/weather-experts-discuss-belownormal-2014-hurricane-season-in-atlantic/27972082

MORE NAMES TO BE NAMED:
http://www.wdsu.com/weather/2014-hurricane-names/26137458

Random Posting for Penn State 9/13/14

Here are 9 Nittany Nuggets from today's game:

1.)  Well *somebody* had to leave tonight's game without a "unbeaten season" classification.  Glad it wasn't us ... just sayin'.
2.)  With this many turnovers in one game, I felt like I should skip dessert.
3.)  Hey announcerlady ... I did not need to hear that tonight's game had a Ray Rice connection.
4.)  I know Rutger's TURAY got credit for blocking that kick of Ficken's, but once he took his helmet off, everyone knows it was that kid-n-play hairdo that did it.  (PS ... ATTA BOY FICKEN any way.)
5.)  That was nice ... to see JoePa in the clips of an older game from when these teams met.
6.)  That was nice ... to see Hans and Franz back at work, courtesy of State Farm (especially for those of a certain age ... like mine!)
7.)  What is this?  The season of the bad headset?!  Why didn't someone step in and swap out that head ref's set?
8.)  Rivalry, eh?  Is it me or does this all seem a little forced?  Although, if you want to start something, we did kind of bring it a bit tonight (well ... at the very end of the game).
9.)  Oh right ... that image.  You all did see the commercial for Penn State academics that highlighted their work creating zombie ants, right?  Have you not *seen* The Walking Dead?  Do you not *know* how this ends?

In closing, thanks to the 49 players who decided to stay post Sandusky scandal ... because on their behalf, I no longer need to execute a weekly countdown of games included in the post-season ban ... 'cause there isn't one.  Good night!

I SH!T YOU NOT ... ZOMBIE FREAKIN' ANTS:
http://news.psu.edu/story/277383/2013/05/21/research/getting-bottom-zombie-ant-phenomenon

THE AFOREMENTIONED HANS AND FRANZ AD:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxjCJxfECD8

SEEMS A BIT FORCED TO ME:
http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/writer/jeremy-fowler/24704210/penn-state-and-rutgers-natural-football-rivalry-or-forced-tv-matchup

Random Soapbox for Saturday 9/13/14

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I'm suspecting that my whole life has been a lie.  Which, I'll tell you, is a rather shocking realization when you've likely passed the halfway point of it.

Neidermyer is supposed to be synonymous with chicken.  (Not "chicken" in quotes as if our genealogical tree traces pack to the Cowardly Lion in Oz ... but chicken, as in the delectable foul capable of being cooked in so many different ways).

Thanks to the power of the google, you can search the blog and see how often it is referenced in my writings ... but the highlights are that I may have been conceived in a chicken plant (both my biological father and my biological mother worked together in the poultry processing plant mecca of Fredericksburg PA) ... that said mother allegedly let me chew on chicken bones as a baby in a highchair to keep me quiet ... that my after-school routine in early elementary school included playing around the plant after it had been hosed down at the end of the day (that's a smell one doesn't forget) ... that my one uncle had a Neidermyer's Restaurant in Lancaster County ... and that another one still takes Neidermyer chicken to various farmers' markets in and around central and eastern PA ... (a different uncle went rogue and made Neidermyer's horseradish, apparently as some kind of rebellion ... but I digress).

Basically, where one or more Neidermyers are gathered, it is there where one will undoubtedly find chicken.

So then someone, please tell me how, in the name of all that is holy, did I manage to live 40+ years of my life in that environment, with all but chicken blood coursing through my veins, and yet not know about the tastiest part of the damn bird ... the chicken oyster.

I've enjoyed chicken livers ... seen the chicken gizzards ... observed the chicken neck boiling in its own pot ... torn apart chicken quarters with my bare hands ... picked at a whole chicken carcass prepared by the local grocery store ... risked my heart health by chomping down on crispy chicken skin ... eaten my weight, over and over again, of chicken drumsticks ... and chicken wings ... and chicken thighs ... and chicken breasts ... usually broasted as that's the family recipe ... and yet I've never had, NOR HAVE I KNOWN OF, the chicken oyster.

It was some cooking show this past week where I first discovered that not only does it exist ... it's apparently the best part!

I've sent away for that through-the mail DNA testing ... and I'm prepared to turn in my Neidermyer card once I get the results.  I considered taking my mother's last name, but she has too many from which I could choose.  Besides, before I could go too far down that path, I researched links to accompany tonight's post and I learned that there's also a part of the chicken known as the pope's nose ... and, you guessed it, THAT has also never been talked about at family reunions!

[Head explodes.]

I HOPE MY RELATIVES KNOW ABOUT THE OYSTERS AND THE POPE'S NOSE:
http://www.farewaymarket.com/neidermyers/

I'M ONLY EVER EATING CHICKEN OYSTERS AGAIN (THAT MAY NOT BE TRUE):
http://www.thepauperedchef.com/2010/02/the-mystery-of-the-chicken-oyster.html

WHAT'S THIS?  ANOTHER CHICKEN MYSTERY NEVER TOLD ME BY MY ELDERS?!:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/01/the-popes-nose_n_1388363.html

  

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 7 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 7

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

With 28 days to go until the big 25th anniversary of high school graduation weekend, and seeing as how this bonus series of posts on my blog and the Facebook will soon be over, it seemed like the perfect time to re-visit the fond memories of my multi-media escapades back at dear old LHS.

So memory number seven is in triplicate ... first in the copies of the school newspaper edited by none other than Kerri G* (and featuring my election wrap up there in the issue on top), second in the Woodnotes literary magazine (sold for $1.00!) to which I was lucky to contribute and third in the pass to get in late to the first period classes due to being a member of the team that did the announcements each morning.

It's probably obvious, even though Al Gore had already invented the internet by the end of the eighties, clearly that culture hadn't worked its way into small town high schools at that time.  I'm sure nowadays all of this type of stuff is no longer paper based (and therefore can't be pulled out of any archives, unless someone took the time to digitalize them) ...

Only six more memories remain ... next one will be posted Tuesday the 16th!

*[Bonus:  here's Kerri G's final editorial, where she stakes her claim to parking spot 190 for all time!]

Random Flashback for Friday 9/12/14

We've only just begun ...

... to feature more and more flashbacks to the Mysterious Murder Quests at LVC while I was also a student there (this one from the fall of 1994 ... twenty years ago).

The location ... the rarely seen Presidential Dining Room in the College Center (the building that has since been majorly remodeled ...so who knows if it still exists as such).

And the motivation for the photo ... the title of this particular audience participation murder mystery ... "Too Many Cooks Poison the Broth".  Get it?  Too literal?  Oh well ... it was fun for the five of us, if I do say so myself.

Random Thought for Thursday 9/11/14

Where was *I* when the world stopping turning that September day?

Standing outside of the Homewood Suites on Grand Avenue, watching downtown Chicago evacuate as quickly and as orderly as possible, as everyone was concerned that what was then the Sears Tower was another target.  Most of the rest of that day was spent in front of the TV, same as other folks, with a quick trip to the Rock Bottom Brewery in the evening for a soft pretzel in what seemed like a ghost town.

[And yes, I know I tell this story every year around this time ... but like the Challenger explosion for my generation ... and the Kennedy assassination for the generation before that ... and Pearl Harbor for the generation before that generation ... and the stock market crash for the generation before that generation before that generation ... etc. etc.... it's all part of the healing and processing process.]

I went looking for a photo in the google to accompany tonight's post and I found this quote that appears in the museum (... and then I went looking for a link and stumbled on how it's actually more controversial than intended):  "No day shall erase you from the memory of time."

Seems on point to me, despite the literary brouhaha.

BACKGROUND ON THE ALAN JACKSON SONG:
http://y108.cbslocal.com/2011/09/11/the-story-behind-the-song-where-were-you-when-the-world-stopped-turning/

BACKGROUND ON HOW THE QUOTE ENDED UP BEING CONTROVERSIAL:
http://www.businessinsider.com/911-memorial-virgil-quote-2014-9

A COLLECTION OF 9.11 QUOTES:
http://trendpictures.net/tag/remember-9-11-quotes

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 9/10/14

Blame Beyonce!

Used in a sentence: "It's her fault for staying ... it's his fault for being violent ... it's the commissioner's fault for not taking action more quickly ... it's the steroids' fault for causing the rage ... so so many options going around in the blame game and no one is stumbling on the *REAL* source of the Rice controversy in that we should blame Beyonce for making fights in elevators hip in the first place."

[Note:  a close look at the facts do not support this theory as the "he beats me cause he loves me" Rice-fight was actually in Feb and the Mr. and Mrs. Z and sister "slap fest" was in May ... despite the way the press coverage has circled around on itself to revive the first elevator fight.  Also ... even if the timeline held, it was Solange that was the pugilist, considering that Beyonce just stood there during her elevator spectacle ... but "blame Solange" isn't alliterative.  And does anyone know what a Solange does or is?]

Oh well ... remember when "armchair quarterbacking" used to be about what happened on the field as opposed to what happened in elevators?

Oh well ... if only we could effectively incarcerate all of the murderers and dog-fighters and abusers and rapists in the National Felon League ... what a kick-ass prison team there'd be!  Do I hear a conference expansion idea taking shape?

Oh well ... I'll happily take my football on Saturdays in the college environment instead when the worst that can happen is a bribe or a pay-for-play or a proxy test taker or some other academic cheating or a stuff-crabs-down-your-shorts or a gang rape or a wrestle-boys-in-the-shower or a ... wait a minute ... I think I've argued myself in a scandalous circle here ... could there be something wrong with football at its core?

Oh well ... please know that in no way do I mean to make light of domestic violence.  To that end, please see the first link below for the hotline to get help ...

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER:
http://www.thehotline.org/

UH-OH! IF I AGREE WITH BILLY-BOY, AM I AUTOMATICALLY A RACIST?:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/04/28/bill_o_reilly_to_beyonc_out_of_wedlock_teen_pregnancy_is_all_your_fault.html

THIS LIST IS FROM 2013 AND IS SOOOOOO OUTDATED:
http://wallstcheatsheet.com/stocks/5-of-the-biggest-nfl-scandals-in-recent-time.html/?a=viewall

Random Tune for Tuesday 9/9/14

Any guesses as to the identity of track 11 of 39?

Hint ... hint ... check the image.

Sure enough, Don Henley's classic made the mixed tape, mostly because it was my go-to song to listen to to get rowdy and riled up ... before a performance ... or "any time I needed a mental boost", as the liner notes say to this collection from the middle of my time at LVC in the early nineties.

Basically, if the situation called for me to "tear it up, trash it up, round it up or shake it up" ... this track was for sure getting played (on cassette, if you were wondering ... because ... again ... nineties).  In an age of finding oneself, challenging everyone at the top of your lungs to "tell me ... who do you think I think I am" was so directly on point.

Twenty-five years later, and it can still get me going!

HURRY AND WATCH THIS BEFORE DON HAS IT REMOVED FROM THE YOUTUBE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VjtnEB1OOU

Bonus Post: Fond Memory 8 (LHS Quadranscentennial Celebration Edition)

Fond Memory 8

on this, the Quadranscentennial Celebration of 

my Lebanon High School Graduation: 

In just 32 days, a good many of the graduating class of '89 will be gathering to reminisce about the innocent days of high school ... when the most important concern was whether one was carrying one's hall pass when one was accosted by a hall monitor ... AND we'll also be recalling some of our favorite instructors who left the biggest impression on the lot of us.

Tonight's fond memory number eight combines those two ideas into one fait accompli.  On the Facebook, it will show as a full 30 second video (through three rooms) of this roll of paper towels that Mr. Coles prepared as my pass one day in January 1989.  On the blog, it will have to be presented as two photos, but hopefully you get the idea.

What idea was that?  A gentle poke at authority that spoke to the absurdity of some of the most sheltered times of our lives, all in the spirit of good good fun.

Seven more memories to go ... #7 will be up on Friday the 12th!

Random Memorial for Monday 9/8/14

Gone but not forgotten:  the giant papaya in the backyard.

Truth be told ... ye olde Florida homestead did *not* come with a manual for care of tropical fruit.  [If you haven't been following along, this property has two different types of mango trees (front and back yard), two different types of coconut trees (front and back yard) and this papaya tree up in the front corner of the back yard.

This papaya has been here since move-in day, but I assumed that it would falloff when ripened. Of course, as it was monitored over the weeks (and months), it grew and grew and grew and then ended up in this sad view.

So up the step stool with a rake ... and down it came.  The hopeful news, up above it are many mini papayas, so hopefully with this creature removed, they can all grow (buying me time to do the research to learn how/when they should be harvested).

Giant piece of fruit I thought I might take to the local county fair in hopes of winning a red ribbon, you will (kind of) be missed.

THANKS YOUTUBE FOR EDUMACATING ME FOR NEXT TIME:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vAKrjxBM2k

HERE'S HOPING IT WILL LOOK LIKE THIS ONE SOON (WITH MANY FRUITS):
http://www.tropicalfloridagardens.com/2011/06/27/growing-caring-for-papaya-trees/

WAY DOWN YONDER IN THE PAW PAW PATCH:
http://www.livescience.com/34669-what-is-a-paw-paw.html

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 9/7/14

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

K I L L E R  C A T E R P I L L A R S!

Okay ... okay ... maybe it's not quite a situation deserving of a Roger Corman film ... and apparently they are more a bit poisonous in an extreme nuisance kind of way instead of being lethal ... but still, it's one more thing regarding my new environs about which I must be aware.

According to the story, the fluffy fur of the puss caterpillar "breaks off", and the spines feel like a "bee sting times a hundred".  And ... they are only one type of FOUR poisonous caterpillars in the area.  Silly me ... I thought it was the gators about which I was supposed to be worried!

Thanks again to former co-worker of mine from Rite Aid during my time in Harrisburg, Joyce R, who alerted me (and the puppy dogs) to the potential danger (which, I'll admit, I thought was a fake internet story until I checked it out and saw the local news covered it as well -- no offense, Joyce, it's just the internet being the internet and all ...)

Bottom line ... beware the puss!

OH YEAH IT'S REAL 'CAUSE IT'S ON THE NEWS AND NOT JUST THE INTERWEBS:
http://www.wfla.com/story/26430677/beware-of-venomous-puss-caterpillars-found-in-florida

AND THERE'S NOT JUST ONE BUT FOUR KINDS:
http://www.care2.com/causes/4-venomous-caterpillars-flourishing-in-florida-video-slideshow.html

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK JABBERWOCKY WAS INSPIRED BY LIFE IN FLORIDA:
http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html