Random Thought for Thursday 8/29/13

[And so it ends ... this series ... and the questionnaire ... as it always does ...]

IF HEAVEN EXISTS, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR GOD SAY WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT THE PEARLY GATES?:  I have to say -- some questions are just too easy.  Or some answers are to easy, that is.  Clearly what I want to hear upon arrival is someone saying "OOPS -- MADE A MISTAKE -- PULLED YOU OUT TOO EARLY, SO WE'RE SENDING YOU BACK".

But seeing as how that answer might be deemed a trick response by anyone judging ... I guess the other answer I'll provide is "HERE -- TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ITINERARY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY":

First things first:  Demon is waiting for you (by the way, that's not "a demon", but "the Demon", the American Staffordshire Pit Bull who was put down in 2008), and he's ready for his morning walk/pull around the clouds.  And his back legs work just fine, and he's above all the noise of the thunderstorms so he's never scared any more, and he'll still help himself to his box of biscuits when you return.

Then it's a busy day ahead, and it all starts with an orientation so you can meet your working groups. We've targeted you for a morning session where we're brainstorming ways to take back our message, as it's being misused down on Earth and twisted into causes to justify hate instead of love -- and an afternoon one where you can learn how to be a guardian angel to a handful of folks of your own choosing.

Lunch will be served by Joanne, and you'll break to watch Days of our Lives with her just like you used to.  And the evening entertainment tonight is Lucille Ball and Jackie Gleason performing their one-act plays together (admittedly, a bit of a darker presentation, but the experience is in seeing them live again).

Of course, by the end of the night, don't forget to leave time to open up a can of tuna, as Mystery, Mauler and Baby are all here to share in the nightly treat.  And, just before the most peaceful sleep you've ever had (no nightmares, no unresolved issues playing games with your subconscious psyche, just the right temperature of pillow and softness of mattress), DJ will be waiting for you to sit out on a balcony and share a Swisher Sweet as you reflect on the day's activities.

Yep -- that's what I want to hear.  Just in case anyone is taking requests.

On that note ... there's nothing left to say except ... "... and ... scene"!

ADMITTEDLY, UNTIL THIS POST, I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS SPECIAL EXISTED:
http://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/472642/Lucille-Ball-Special-Starring-Lucille-Ball-and-Jackie-Gleason-A/

AN ERSTWHILE TRADITION (TO BE REVIVED IN HEAVEN?):
http://www.swisher.com/

I'M EXPECTING THESE TO BE STOCKED BEHIND THE PEARLY GATES:
http://www.sharperimage.com/si/view/product/Temperature-Regulating-Pillow-Case/200212

Random Thought for Thursday 8/22/13

[If I'm up to the Profession questions (and I am!), I must be nearing the end of my decision to Pivot myself every Thursday in August ...]


And before we get to the questions, let's lay a little groundwork.  When I was younger, I would always answer the question of "what do you want to be when you grow up?" with "a preacher, a teacher, a writer and a cashier".  If you allow for some liberal interpretation of some of the jobs I have had, I kind of managed to hit all four quadrants.

Here's a quick accounting of what I've been so far in this life of mine (in somewhat chronological order):  a pig farmer's helper, a farmer's market's auction's runner, a print shop folder/assembler, a fast food cashier, a fast food drive thru small town celebrity, a fast food shift manager, a college food server, a college front desk attendant, a college librarian's assistant, a cashier at the place where the toys are/were (in two cities!), an actor on someone else's payroll, an actor on my own payroll, a director and a producer on my own payroll, a haunted house performer, a waiter, a volunteer church camp counselor, a government agency intern, a non profit theatre's box office manager (at two different theatres!), a voiceover artist, a hotel front desk attendant, a flower delivery person, a law office's intern, a writing teacher, a hotel's night auditor, a cater waiter, a major pharmacy chain's help desk analyst, a fine dining waiter, a bank's shift supervisor, an education company's center manager, an education company's part time specialist, an education company's center's director and an education company's help desk analyst- extraordinaire (if I do say so myself).

Which leads me to tonight's questions -- first, WHAT PROFESSION OTHER THAN YOUR OWN WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEMPT?:  If only I were younger, I'd suggest the oldest profession (and who's to say that I didn't once dabble in the trade ... or that I did so in spirit but never got paid for my services ... you'll just have to wait for the tell-all to know for sure).  But since I'm in my forties and that's a young man's game, my answer is a POLITICIAN, but, to further clarify -- a POLITICIAN IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC SCENARIO.  Yep -- make me your leader -- but only after the aliens arrive, the true date of the Mayan calendar's end is revealed, the zombies attack or Armageddon begins.  [Wait a minute -- did I just inadvertently answer this item and say I want to be the Antichrist?]  I think I'd thrive in any of those environments where rules are made to be rewritten!

And, WHAT PROFESSION WOULD YOU NOT LIKE TO DO?:  I've done so many already -- which kind of precludes me from saying a pig farmer's helper again as a reply -- so I'll have to generalize in that I wouldn't want an ASSEMBLY LINE MANUFACTURING JOB as a career.  Mind you, I like a repetitive task on occasion -- it actually quiets the voice inside my head and allows me to focus -- so the occasional data entry or envelope stuffing project serves its purpose for me.  I just couldn't imagine it as the only thing I did day in and day out.  My body and soul need challenge and change and a bit of interaction with others, and not just endless widget-work.

Next week -- this whole self-interviewing ends with me at the gates of heaven ... (and not a moment too soon -- and hopefully, not literally)!

CINCY KNOWS HOW TO RESPECT A LEGEND!:
http://www.cincyshirts.com/index.php/cincyshirts/cincyshirts/hills-vintage-shirt.html

NASA ALWAYS KNEW (BUT NEVER TOLD ME!):
http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html

JUST SHY OF 20000 JOB OPENINGS WITH WHICH I WOULD NOT BE SATISFIED!:
http://www.indeed.com/q-Assembly-Line-jobs.html

Random Thought for Thursday 8/15/13

[If it's a Jeudi in August, then I must be Pivot-ing myself ...tonight, questions 5, 6 and 7]

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD?:  If I'm answering honestly, and I am ... then it's going to vary based on my audience.  In mixed company and normal circumstances, a good "good grief" goes a long way.  If it's unmixed company, then I'm a fan of inserting a little "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge" into existing words and phrases (here a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge", there a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge", everywhere a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge" "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge").  But more than anything, I like to accuse folks who upset me of JACK-DOUCHERY or JANE-DOUCHERY -- and to refer to those committing that act as an ASS-JUICE.

WHAT SOUND OR NOISE DO YOU LOVE?:  Speaking of anal discharges (and there's an unexpected segue) ... I could go the safe route and say babies giggling or kittens purring, but I'm a gonna tell the truth and overshare that it's PASSING-GAS-WHILST-SHOWERING.  Makes me giggle every damn time -- wish I could get it as a ringtone!

WHAT SOUND OR NOISE DO YOU HATE?:  I promise no ass references here ... and, in a complete 180, although I'm tempted to call out the workers who decided to jackhammer yesterday at 7:30 in the morning, I think it's the SOUND OF DISAPPOINTMENT.  It takes many forms -- but it's always accompanied by an emptiness and hollowness as one discovers that heroes are human, or friendships are fake, or that dreams are dead.  Sigh ... it's not all sunshine and rainbows when one Pivots oneself, is it?

Next week -- professional aspirations and desperations (?!) ... and then wrapping this all up a week later at heaven's gate!

WHO KNEW?  MY FAVORITE SWEAR WORD WAS A HOT DRINK IN NYC CIRCA 2006:
 http://www.villagevoice.com/bestof/2006/award/best-drink-with-a-disgusting-name-494961/

LOOK KIDS -- THERE'S SCIENCE TO SHOWER FARTS!:
http://www.omg-facts.com/Science/There-Is-A-Scientific-Reason-Why-Your-Fa/53751

THIS SOUNDS MORE LIKE SOMEONE DYING ... NOT BEING DISAPPOINTED:
http://www.videoblocks.com/videos/details/cartoon-male-voice-of--disappointment---long/

Random Thought for Thursday 8/8/13

[Part deux ... in my special occasional series in August ... where I Pivot myself!  After all, I haven't done any acting other than "like a fool" for quite a few years, so time is running out for me to have this done TO me by a Lipton ...]

WHAT TURNS YOU ON CREATIVELY, SPIRITUALLY OR EMOTIONALLY?  To be clear, this is Pivot not Kinsey, so there will be no oversharing of my erogenous zones (although, for anyone playing along at home, they would rhyme with ripples and foes) -- and so the answer is WORDS, WORDS and more WORDS.  I love them run together, and said aloud, especially when they combine in ways musical, and connected unexpectedly (maybe I should have been a slam poet, if only I had stumbled on the challenges of urban life earlier in my own more rural one).  I want people to accuse me of causing whiplash from having to experience a double take whilst reading what I have written.  I'm awfully fond of them in sentences interrupted by parenthetical phrases; phrases that, in turn, must deal with inserted bracketed tangents; those tangents being subject to braced clarifications -- until you have to take out a 1930's grammar book and learn (or re-learn for you oldsters)  how to diagram the monstrosities I create (note -- punctuation -- [particularly its proper usage] -- meh -- I could do without, so long as no one takes my double dashes and ellipses from me).  Truth be told, I'm lexiconically turgid now, so it's time for a cold shower ... or ... to discuss ...

WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?   Again, the adverbs in the first "ask" are applied to this question as well, so I won't be telling you my safe word, which is known by so few (if you're reading this, you know who you are, *blush* [and no, *blush* is not the word I use]) -- and so my reply is AUTHORITY.  (As I age, I'm finding more and more in common with Cartman, which might be cause for alarm ...)  I've had an anti-authority streak as big as Martin Luther's (the monk, not the king), as any number of individuals to whom I directly report or as any number of individuals to whom my father was married can attest.  I've mellowed in my middle age, but I still want the freedom to make up words if I so choose, and to say what I want, not edited for brevity and most definitely not subject to a restriction of characters (just who do you think you are, Mr. [or Ms.] Twitter?)!  And I'm not sure if Pivot predicted this, but, in the answering of le questionnaire, I'm experiencing an epiphany, because using my words to rebel against authority actually excites me ... so could it be that which turns me off actually turns me on ... and I'm just a turned out Troy all the time?

Something on which to think ... as are next week's questions of favorite curse word and favorite/least favorite sounds ... which I shall do until the next time I Pivot myself ...

I SPARED MYSELF THE COST OF A SHRINK AND JUST DIAGNOSED MYSELF:
http://similarminds.com/types/antiauthority.html

AND COULD IT BE THAT I AM MORE LIKE HE THAN I CARE TO ADMIT?:
http://www.relativityonline.com/home/top-ten-eric-cartman-quotes/

I MAY OR MAY NOT BE USING ( ) , [ ] , { AND } PROPERLY:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/parentheses-brackets-and-braces?page=all

Random Thought for Thursday 8/1/13

[I haven't done this in a loooong time -- a new occasional series, informing each of my thoughts for Thursdays this August -- named "I'm Going to Pivot Myself".]

I'm not sure if the invite was lost by "my people" or what ... but since I haven't heard from James Lipton, I'm just going to go ahead and use the next five consecutive Thursdays posts to answer the famed Bernard Pivot interview questions.  Tonight ...

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD?  I've already recently disclosed this, in a post on 5.22.13, but it's FORTNIGHT.  I just love to work it into sentences, because people have forgotten this particular measurement of time, and I always catch them off guard when I speak of it.  And I think it's the perfect amount of time to live your life -- easy chunks, two weeks at a time (I know I've enjoyed the approximately 1080 of them so far that make up my life story).

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE WORD?  Were I allowed to answer with a phrase, it would be "it is what it is" -- but I don't think that's allowed (it was so long ago, I think it predates the blog, but I know I've ranted about that tautological phrase that seems to be absolving a generation of any accountability and encouraging rampant apathy that will end our civilization -- but I digress) ... so that means my answer will be ABUSE.  It doesn't matter to me the relationship involved -- parent to child, human to animal, partner to partner -- or the word that follows it -- power, authority, trust -- my emotions just get hijacked when I hear tales that involve that word.  It's the lowest of the low who take advantage of the innocent, in my opinion.

Next week -- what turns me on and what turns me off (caveat -- the survey qualifies that with the words creatively, spiritually or emotionally -- so I'm anticipating my answers won't cross over into NSFW territory).

MY SOURCE FOR THIS OCCASIONAL SERIES ON THURSDAYS THIS AUGUST:
http://www.wowzone.com/pivot.htm

I'VE TALKED ABOUT MY FONDNESS FOR FORTNIGHT BEFORE:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/05/random-wordplay-for-wednesday-52213.html

THIS ORGANIZATION TRIES TO COVER IT ALL:
http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/section/our_work/