Random Thought for Thursday 2/28/13

So last Friday I posted a picture on FB because I had noticed that the snowflakes were more like snowflecks that day -- not round shaped but more like cylindrical rod shaped precipitation.

I couldn't let it go, and it turns out that a little research is giving me some peace:  this is actually a well-known meteorological phenomenon, as described below (numbers in Fahrenheit).

32 - 25:  snow forms as flakes
23:  snow forms as needles
22:  snow forms as hollow columns
10:  snow forms as flakes again
-8:  snow forms as columns again
-30:  snow stops forming at all

[Keep in mind that the chart is in Celsius, so let the pics speak more than the digits on the side.]

Ok -- now I can go back to my day to day activities (until some other random observation distracts me ...)

THERE's AN ONLINE GUIDE TO ALL THINGS SNOW-FLAKY:
http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snowcrystals/

THE ORIGINAL SNOWFLAKE GENIUS:
http://www.athropolis.com/arctic-facts/fact-nakaya.htm

SNOW GETTING IN ON THE CROP CIRCLE PHENOMENON:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/weather/6950788/Snow-stories-rare-self-rolling-snow-balls-found-in-UK.html

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 2/27/13

Shark Tank Misogyny.

Used in a sentence:  "J'accuse:  the somewhat popular ABC show is guilty of Shark Tank Misogyny!"

I know, I know.  It's only entertainment.  I shouldn't take it as anything other than that.  It's like watching the talking heads on the "news" channel.  No one really watches William O'Reilly for news analysis -- it's entertainment.  He's like the new more articulate Archie Bunker.  He's fun to watch to see how rude he can get to his own guests, and how he talks over everyone, and how artfully he can be racist and bigoted and offensive.  It's clear he's in on the joke -- Dennis Miller and Adam Corolla are regular contributors -- and they are comics.  It's entertainment.  Comedy.  Anyone who thinks otherwise is just a pinhead.

But I digress -- I almost forgot that it's Shark Tank I'm j'accus-ing.  I had to search google high and low to find a picture with all six Sharks in it.  And here's my problem.  The two female Sharks -- for some reason, they are not permitted to be on the same episode.  I get that there are only 5 chairs on the set.  But why must 4 of them be occupied by men each time.  Why can't the formula be 3 men + 2 women?  It's the third season -- surely, that combination was possible at some point.  I can only conclude -- Shark Tank Misogyny!

THEN THERE'S THIS PROBLEM:
http://www.inc.com/erik-sherman/shark-tank-vc-handshake-deal-fell-through.html

WATCH THE LATEST EPISODES (ALWAYS 4 MEN + 1 WOMAN) HERE:
http://abc.go.com/shows/shark-tank

THE SHOW ON WHICH IT IS BASED (ALSO LOOKS LIKE 4 MEN + 1 WOMAN):
http://www.cbc.ca/dragonsden/

Amazing Race Aside S22E2

So I'm still getting used to the new format, as you'll see since I can't choose just one thing to say in each of the new categories for this season of Amazing Race, but here we go ...

PITHIEST COMMENT OF THE NIGHT:  First, I thought it would be the announcement during the stilts competition that "I just love anything nimbly", and then I thought it would be the doc twins analysis of "we're struggling here", but "it's not an honesty competition" won out!  (Which, actually, just seems to be an updated version of "this is not best friend's race" from another reality show that hasn't yet won any Emmys.)

HOW DO THEY DO THAT? BEHIND-THE-SCENES REQUEST:  I wanted to know how they made the hockey player's teeth appear and disappear (but he was polite enough to show us on camera), so now I want to know how the producers sleep at night putting together a show where the Asian characters don't know how to drive, the African-American characters are afraid of the water, and the hillbilly character works at the Walmart.  Stereotype much?

IMAGE I WON'T SOON FORGET:  Not the blue water in a color that deserves its own name, nor the Panama Jack version of Phil, but it was the image of the shells lined up with the racers' names on them to pick up the Scuba gear with Bates and Anthony (the hockey boys) written in red blood -- I mean ink.  Really -- the hocksters are brothers named Anthony Bates (cue psycho music)!?

LET ME JUST SAY THIS:  Don't join the show if you are afraid of heights or the water, READ the clue in its entirety (maybe even twice for good measure) and tell me ... how does one know when one ruptures one's achilles heel?

[watch a video of achilles heel surgery here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTEkQxmIGEQ ]

Random Tune for Tuesday 2/26/13

Fully embracing the random concept today.

Enjoy this hit from 1987 that popped into my head recently ... and I'm not quite sure why.  I don't have this group in my music collection (although maybe this song is featured on my Time Life Best of the 80's cassettes -- and yes, I said cassettes, as any best of the 80's collection should authentically be presented in that format).

And I'm no fashionista (or fashionisto -- is that the masculine of that word?), but maybe I'm recalling this 26 year old pop hit because I've seen that which is referenced in the title everywhere of late.

Or maybe I just heard it on the radio in the background at a store or restaurant.  Or maybe the eyes of a loved one inspired me.  Or maybe it's because songs co-written by John Oates (of Hall and Oates fame) will never leave your brain (if you want them to or not -- i.e. "private eyes ... are watching you ...")

Regardless -- "in too deep ... standing here waiting and I'm thinking of you ... "

ELECTRIC BLUE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD9g0HXCYko

Random Memorial for Monday 2/25/13

Gone but not forgotten (I hope soon):  my winter weight.

OK -- I'm putting it out there, all Oprah/Secret style.

[Quick disclaimer -- that image is not of me weighing myself.  Furthermore, I would think that someone who weighs 519 lbs would have fatter feet.  Just sayin' ...]

My winter trip that was postponed from January to April is now confirmed -- which means I need to have a beach-ready body by mid April, in just over 50 days.  And now that my post-40-year-old body's metabolism has slowed to a crawl, and my relatively sedentary lifestyle (including the piece where I work from home handcuffed to a laptop all day) has continued unabated for more than two years, and my predilection for bacon and cheese on all of my edibles, I'm going to have to take action.

Here's the plan -- portion control, never more than one Coke in a day, desserts only on Sunday (fruit or yogurt allowed on other nights), no more homemade sweet tea/lemonade (made mostly of sugar added to more sugar with a touch of liquid to melt all that sugar), and dusting off those dumbbells that this dumbbell stores in the guest bedroom so that I use them more frequently than just when I'm headed out on the town.

If I can succeed in dumping 10 or 15 or 20 pounds in time for the laying-around-the-pool days ahead (and then keep them off), that added body baggage will not be missed.

PERHAPS I SHOULD BUY THESE (maybe ...)?:
http://portioncontrolplates.com/

OR SHOULD I BUY THESE? (not likely ...):
http://www.dietcoke.com/showyourheart/index.html

OR SHOULD I BUY THIS? (not yet! ...):
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gastric-bypass/MY00825

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 2/24/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Oscar!

So the "other" Super Bowl is tonight -- also with cool commercials.  And the "unpredictable" Seth MacFarlane.  And maybe a bunch of Bonds, but a bit of Babs for sure.  And that dead-celebrity-popularity contest of folks-we've-lost-since-the-last-show that now also serves the purpose of making me feel super old since I now recognize between 80 and 90 percent of those who have passed.

I'll be watching -- despite the fact that I'm more a television guy than a movies guy.  Some of that is because I'm a hell of a messy popcorn eater -- hand to mouth, without much regard as to whether many pieces cascade down into my lap to be eaten later like a second course (the lap course).  Some of that is because of how I choose to spend my social dollars (and going to the movies nowadays requires a small loan, which I'm not willing to pursue).  Some of that is because I want to watch a movie personally and not communally (more than six people, and I'm too easily distracted by others who may not be as silent as I want them to be).

But most of that is because I get too attached.  Television allows me to see those characters to whom I grow close week after week (with months off to keep the relationship healthy) on a regular basis.  Movies draw me in and then spit me out 90-180 minutes later (or longer, depending on the auteur), with it being unclear as to whether I'll get to see them again in a sequel years later.  I don't want to be used and abandoned by movie folk.  I want the constant love and attention of TV people with whom I can regularly interact.

I think I may need to schedule an emergency session with a therapist, as I may be having a breakthrough.  So long as I'm back before the red carpet starts ...

TONIGHT's THE NIGHT:
http://oscar.go.com/

SOMETHING BOND IS BOUND TO HAPPEN TONIGHT:
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/race/oscars-feature-james-bond-50th-408409

THE MUSCIAL STYLINGS OF MR. SETH MACFARLANE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgPftqr1MxU

Random Soapbox for Saturday 2/23/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I think someone needs to help beggars rethink their business model.

[One sentence in and I feel like I should start with a disclaimer.  I don't mean for any of this to be crass.  I hope I'm never in their position (honestly -- a small part of me wants to try it once, just because I'm one who enjoys learning experientially [and I'm one who likes to make up words if I choose to do so]).  I'm not even sure that "beggars" is the proper and politically correct word to use for those out seeking change from passers-by (are they economically oppressed nowadays?).  And posting this to completion means that I'll have to increase the frequency with which I donate to those I see outside of the Walgreens and the 7-11, just for penance.]

That bit of business aside, let it be known that I didn't go to b-school (I maxed out my loan eligibility barely surviving l-school), but even I can offer up the follow three improvements in day-to-day begging operations:

First, too many of you are asking for change.  I'm actually attached to my change, and I'm sure I'm not alone.  I need to save quarters for laundry.  And pennies for the jug I fill up and give to the youngest member of the Whitman family once every ten years to honor the memory of DJ (whose room was always covered in loose change).  And special nickels and special pennies and special quarters that I collect thanks to the pre-recession excitement at the Mint when they spit out so many different iterations before programs were cut to save money around the process of making money.  What am I saying?  It's 2013.  You've earned the right to ask for bills, not change.

Second, whether you continue to request change or you to take my sound business advice and upgrade your "ask" for bills, using that opening line in your hoped-for transaction presumes that the passer-by has any kind of money on his or her physical person.  We live in an increasingly cash-less society, which means that your target market is automatically shrinking.  You need to rethink your location and to head to intersections near places where cash is still king.  Think places with adult performers who thrive on tip money or stores that conduct lottery sales or Angelina Ristorante for brunch (which, incidentally, has some hired help that I wouldn't mind seeing as adult performers who thrive on tip money ... but I digress).  What am I saying?  Get thee to a place where customers are ONLY permitted to pay in cash, to make sure you're maximizing your target marketing.

Finally, community activists need to rally around this new world.  Streetwise is old fashioned.  Eatwise is new and an interesting concept tied in to food deserts (something I've referenced before), but it doesn't speak to the points I've raised above.  I think we need to equip these folks with iphones and Squares.  Not fancy iphones per se (they can be whatever the latest version is that the cool kids are in a hurry to drop because something new and hipper just came out and they're too busy lemminging themselves over the next icliff).  But they do have to be fancy Squares, as that's the only way they can start accepting credit and debit cards.

Easy peasy.  Tune in next week when I offer up business advice to the countries of the middle east in an attempt to monetize peace.  [NOTE:  Please read that last sentence in the style of the final scene of every Arrested Development in that I won't really be writing about that next week.  And if you've never seen Arrested Development so you don't understand that last sentence (the immediate last sentence, not the last sentence to which that immediate last sentence is referring), then stop what you're doing and go find the series on DVD.  And don't come back to this blog until you've done so.  Thanks.

OTHER NEW PC PHRASES (CREATED BY ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER, METHINKS):
http://www.joke-archives.com/dictionaries/pcsaying.html

CASH ONLY FOR SUNDAY BRUNCH (AND TO SLIP IN THE HELP'S WAISTBANDS):
http://www.angelinaristorante.com/

IT'S FOR EVERYONE -- SO EVEN BEGGARS COULD BENEFIT:
https://squareup.com/?gclid=CMGw0__dz7UCFQXnnAodxBIAsw

Random Flashback for Friday 2/22/13

Contents of a bachelor frig, circa 1993 (twenty years ago when I was ensconced in my Uniontown PA apartment):

*six jars of Smuckers jelly (pretty sure that was from a housewarming gift, as I do not recall an addiction to preserves)

*mayo (which was almost certainly for the bag of frozen chicken patties that should be in this freezer)

*take-out container (since tuna helper and Campbell's chicken noodle soup were the extent of what I could make back then)

*three oranges (to keep a young kid healthy and full of vitamin C)

*every other possible space filled with Rolling Rock (except for one row of wine coolers for those guests  for whom Rolling Rock was too much to handle)

[Note -- I have nothing more to say about why I had that much Rolling Rock, except that it was a story I won't soon forget, and you'll have to ask me about it on my death bed, 'cause that's how I roll (even twenty years later, I ain't no snitch, yo).]

[Also note -- today's frig in Chicago looks much different, except for the bottom shelf of it, where the Guinness and Yuengling Lager and Bud Light are now stored.]

Random Thought for Thursday 2/21/13

You Can't Deny You've Hit 40 When ...

... you realize that the most exciting part of the going out drinking is knowing that you'll have "hangover Chinese food" the day after.

I mean, sure -- I still have fun on the occasional bar crawl (in this 'hood or out of town).  Being social and meeting new people is nice.  Playing Golden Tee or throwing Darts satisfies my minimum threshold of "exercise" (sad, I know).  Testing the limits of Guinness' restorative powers is just par for the multiple-courses-of-alcohol for me.

But as I age, those are all just tasks that stand in the way of me and some MSG flowing through my veins, mixing and melding with the alcohol content in my blood to produce some kind of comfort that can't be reproduced elsewhere or "elsewise".  Ah ... my forties -- I have no choice but to embrace the changes!

THIS WOULD BE HIGHER THAN #11 ON MY LIST (AND LOOK AT #9):
http://www.zootpatrol.com/index.php/2010/05/top-15-foods-to-eat-to-cure-a-hangover/

CHINESE REMEDIES (NOT NECESSARILY CHINESE FOOD PER SE):
http://travel.cnn.com/shanghai/drink/chinese-hangover-cures-427368

GUINNESS IS GOOD FOR YOU:
http://www.valpolife.com/entertainment/cuisine/10762-breaking-news-beer-is-good-for-you

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 2/20/13

Cornballer Brother.

Used in a sentence:  "I don't have Netflix, which irks me most as I'm not sure when I'll get to consume Season 4 of Arrested Development -- but I hope and pray to all things holy (or all things holy that haven't abdicated) that Lindsay Bluth Funke (how does one execute an umlaut on this darn blog?) lands herself a paramour of color -- may I suggest RGIII -- who can then be referred to by Rob Parker (or any of his ilk) as a Cornballer Brother (which would be a literal reference to one of the family businesses and NOT at all racist)."

Mitchell Hurwitz -- if you didn't jump on that for season 4, please consider it as a plot line for whatever comes next.  And please tell me that something comes next for this family!  (And if you own the copyright to this image, I apologize for using it without your permission.  Google let me do it!)

[Note:  so why is that minority groups of all kinds further splinter themselves into factions to tear down each other within those smaller communities?  I get that to embrace uniqueness (which I fully support) means being self-aware of that which makes you different from others.  But to embrace humanity (which I also fully support) means being self-aware of all that makes you similar to others.  Maybe it's the balance of the two that leads to actualization?  Bet you didn't see that right turn coming in this post, did you?  Or is that more a left turn?  Or maybe a turn of no direction to avoid being affiliated with the far sides of the continuum that are slowly strangling our nation now that compromise is no longer associated with effective leadership?]

THIS ...:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/wp/2012/12/13/rob-parker-on-rgiiis-blackness/

PLUS THIS ...:
http://www.policymic.com/articles/23247/arrested-development-season-4-5-reasons-why-this-will-be-the-best-and-worst-season-yet

GIVES YOU A NEW TAKE ON THIS!:
http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/The_Cornballer

Amazing Race Aside S22E1

It's back!

Well integrated product placement.  Phil's raised eyebrow.  Me missing Bonnie Hunt (can't she be a special correspondent or something?).  Couples replete with baked-in story lines.  Rule playing twists (wha-what?  Two express passes?).  And my weekly digression (this season, getting their own unique posts, instead of being shoe-horned into that which I say every day -- although I'll still keep the "aside" title for the sake of the archives.)

So we begin -- but with a new construct this year, patterned off of the emmy award winning host's first name ...

PITHIEST COMMENT OF THE NIGHT:  Something to the effect of ... "maybe this is what hell is like ... destroying and rebuilding sandcastles over and over again with the hot sun beating down on us on the beach ..."

HOW DO THEY DO THAT? BEHIND-THE-SCENES REQUEST:  Please tell me how it's possible for Chuck to "sky dive" without that hair of his not somehow wounding his tandem partner?

IMAGE I WON'T SOON FORGET:  A stray dog relieving himself on the sand castles that the racers had to dig through to find the prize.  Classic.

LET ME JUST SAY THIS:  So I know we've all just met, but I can't help walking away from this week's episode thinking of the word "BEARD".  And I'm looking at you Katie and Jessica, if you know what I mean.

[watch the season premiere here for a limited time:  http://www.cbs.com/shows/amazing_race/]

Random Tune for Tuesday 2/19/13

I think I heard this song again on the drive to or from Indianapolis for the Super-Bowl-weekend-one-year-late getaway (New Orleans -- here's to visiting you for the first time in Feb 2014!) ... and it made me recall that I have this ever-so-occasional series on this blog entitled "Country Music has the best ... lyrics ... ever".  (Plus -- that was the weekend that I broke my January beer-fast, so it was a fitting song on which to stumble.)

So -- why not add this to that ... a little "basic honky tonk anatomy ...

The drinkin' bone's connected to the party bone.
The party bone's connected to the stayin' out all night long.
And she won't think it's funny and I'll wind up all alone.
And the lonely bone's connected to the ... drinkin' bone!"

Cheers!  Prosit!  Salut!  Bottoms up!  Imeqatigiita*!

*The interwebs say that's relevant to Greenland.  I'm barely fighting the urge to make it tomorrow's wordplay for Wednesday!

NOT THE OFFICIAL VIDEO, SO WATCH IT BEFORE THEY TAKE IT AWAY:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wiHFpGfb88

Random Memorial for Monday 2/18/13

Gone but not forgotten:  those MREs that have been collecting dust in many many pantries of mine.

They've been there for about 15-20 years since having been given to me by Erik S.  But between the fact that I learned on Doomsday Preppers that the shelf life should only be three years (again, I enjoy that show more and more in its second season now that it's embraced its fully mocking tone) ... and the fact that 12.21.12 has come and gone (although the Russian meteor and the papal abdication [side note -- papal abdication sounds like a reason to rush to the doctor after a sexual adventure goes awry {side note to the side note -- I get a distinct perverse pleasure out of combining the phrases "papal abdication" and "sexual adventure" in the same run-on sentence}] make me think that end of times is still possible) ... maybe I should replace them.

Beef Stew, Spaghetti with Meat and Sauce and both Cherry and Maple Nut Cake that this Human Nut Cake won't be able to keep around any more ... you in your fancy astronaut-y packets will be missed!

TURNS OUT THAT THE INFORMATION WAS ON THE INTERWEBS ALL ALONG:
http://www.mreinfo.com/us/mre/mre-shelf-life.html

A PLETHORA OF PARANOIA FOR YOUR PLEASURE:
http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/national-geographic-channel/shows/doomsday-preppers

MALACHY'S PROPHECIES -- THE NEW END OF WORLD COUNTDOWN CLOCK:
http://www.bibleprobe.com/last10popes.htm

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 2/17/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

All Bad News, All The Time.

I went to the local Chicago Tribune breaking news website at 10am local time to see if I could get a sense of what Chicago is talking about this week (hey -- that's not cheating -- I work from home and it's been too cold to go out of the house to eavesdrop on what others are actually saying) ... and I had to dig through to the 49th story before I found something that wasn't tinged with death or crime or violence.

For the record books, there were 12 news stories about shootings/slayings, 9 about other robberies/crimes, 8 describing car crashes of some sort, 4 related to the Jesse Jackson Jr scandal, 3 on public transport issues,  2 eye witness reports about the stinky cruise ship experience, and 1 each for carbon monoxide poisoning, a fire, a hazing, a Drew Peterson lawyerly trick, a reflection on the E2 tragedy, a reflection on the NIU mass shooting anniversary, a pediatrician who groped women in his doctor's office, a story about cops who submitted fake overtime, another one about lawsuit troubles over an attempt to preserve buildings and a college basketball player who previously punched his girlfriend and threatened her with a gun who wasn't living up to his probation, so the judge sent him to jail (but didn't take away his chance to keep on playing Premier bball).

And then, story #49:  Whitney Young chess team celebrates state title.

If only we lived in a world where that was news story #1 ...

MY CHOICE FOR NEWS STORY #1:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-whitney-young-chess-team-celebrates-state-title-20130214,0,466095.story

ADMIT IT -- YOU WERE CURIOUS ABOUT THE SERIAL GROPER TOO:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-frankfort-pediatrician-charged-with-groping-women-20130215,0,5322497.story

JAIL TIME -- SURE; JUST DON'T TAKE AWAY MY BBALL:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-jereme-richmond-exillini-hoops-player-gets-8-days-in-jail-20130215,0,6355496.story

Random Soapbox for Saturday 2/16/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

Christie's growing on me.

[Remember -- once a month, I'm committed to raving instead of ranting.  For my own health, if nothing else.]

Look -- I know that politics is polarizing.  And I've said it before, in my opinion, we're not a red state/blue state nation any more, but more a Country Mouse/City Mouse electorate.  Under that definition, my small town central PA upbringing melds nicely with my big city living experience of the last dozen years -- allowing me to pledge allegiance to an Independent status.  And I'm comfortable with the paradox that we have a system so perfectly constructed with its checks and balances and division of power that it's lasted as long as it has -- even though that perfectly constructed system with its checks and balances and division of power has led to ineffectual gridlock (which I blame less on the system and more on the fact that the concept of leadership as consensus building and compromise has been vilified by the 24 hour news cycle of far-directional [right and left] talking heads).

There's a certain independent spirit to the NJ governor that I'm beginning to appreciate more and more.  Can his bluntness slide to rudeness on occasion?  Sure.  Is there much I don't know about how he would change were he to throw his hat in the ring to run the country?  True.  But for now, I'm liking his choice to break free from party politics to push for Sandy clean-up, even if it angered the extremists who were willing to trample on "the people" to promote their presidential candidate at all costs -- and I'm enjoying someone who can be so honestly self-aware about who he is as a person (including his weight).

And let's chat about the poundage problem -- I so agree that it should not be a publicity stunt to take bets as to whether he would die during a term of office (not that it got to that level, but it seemed awfully close).  But it can be said that it is only fair to maybe pay special attention to his choice of running mate if he were to be part of a national election.  But hey, Taft made it through his whole term (including that one time where he allegedly got all 335 lbs of his frame stuck in a presidential bathtub).  And there are other reasons why I'd pay special attention to a VP choice -- for instance, if it were in the 2020 election, I'd be concerned that Tecumseh's curse might be resurrected (it's possible that Reagan successfully broke it -- for which W Bush should be grateful -- but ... maybe not).

Here's my take -- should Christie and Booker (now you see why I chose the photo I did) fight it out for NJ governor this year, I think it just might be a foreshadowing of what could come in 2016.  Time will tell ...

WHEN HE STARTED TO GET MY RESPECT:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/02/opinion/avlon-christie-sandy-aid

WHEN HE STARTED TO KEEP MY RESPECT:
http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/national/chris-christie-connie-mariano-weight-controversy-new-jersey-governor-tells-her-to-shut-up

THE HOTTEST RACE OF 2013 COULD BE A REDUX IN 2016:
http://www.policymic.com/articles/20293/chris-christie-vs-cory-booker-the-hottest-race-of-2013

Random Flashback for Friday 2/15/13

Did I mention that I used to work for Hills Department Store just over 20 years ago?

Did I mention that I have a thing for the Batman that started back when I was wee one but got re-sparked when the movies started up again in the late 80's?

Did I mention that I had my first (non-dormitory) apartment back in 1993 when I was interning in Uniontown PA?

This photo is basically the combination of all those "mentions" -- as the large cardboard display items that once hung over the "Batman shop" at the Hills where I worked became the focal point of "baby's first interior design".

To anyone who has visited any of the seven domiciles I've had since then (three in Lebanon, one in Harrisburg and three in Chicago -- what a nomad am I!), they should look familiar (although they no longer are in that condition -- I mean there wasn't a Ziploc baggie big enough to put them in a la a comic book ...).  And eagle-eyed frequent visitors will see nods to my trip to Germany and my time working for McDonald's in my grandmother's curio cabinet -- plus the very beginnings of my penguin collection (that's now grown to hundreds from this dozen or so -- who knew, they multiply like rabbits?)

And yes -- that's a collection of VCR tapes.  I am that old.

Random Thought for Thursday 2/14/13

You Can't Deny You've Hit 40 When ...

... you can no longer completely suck in your gut when the pretty people pass by.

I thought that observation (and reviving my occasional series last added to in Sep 2012) was apropos for today's overall activities -- but clearly my metabolism has caught up with my sugar intake at the age of 40+1, and whereas I used to have just the right balance of abdominal muscle hidden beneath layers of beer flavored fat in my midsection, recent attempts to execute that maneuver have only led to what may be the start of a rare spigelian hernia.

Ummm ... Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours, whatever your appearance!

THE AFOREMENTIONED SERIES:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/search/label/Series%3A%20You%20Can%27t%20Deny%20You%27ve%20Hit%2040%20When%20...

THE RARE SPIGELIAN HERNIA:
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/spigelian-hernia-symptoms.html

MIGHT MANX BE IN MY FUTURE?:
http://www.spanx.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3955558

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 2/13/13

Coke for fat people.

Used as the last entry in a list of considerations I've had in honor of this Lenten season:

"Happy (?!?) Ash Wednesday!

With Lent upon us and me not being a Catholic, I'm still thinking about embracing the 'giving up of something' for the next 40 days ... here are the vices I briefly considered doing without ...

Alcohol -- But I already had a 'cleanse' this year from Jan 1 to Feb 1, so why repeat it?

Gambling -- Except that my 2013 Facebook birthday shtick (I try to have different creative shtick for each year) is based on scratch-off lottery tickets, so that would be unfair to those of my connections born during the time that Lent is being observed.

Parentheses, brackets, braces, dashes and ellipses -- Sorry, but that's how I'm hoping I'll be remembered when I'm gone --  for my convoluted sentence structure (like the way Don Marquis and his Archy the cockroach changed his style or like ee cummings' refusal to capitalize makes his work instantly recognizable).

Obscure references -- See above.  That just comes naturally and is not likely to stop ...

Internet -- If you saw my ATandT lament, then you know I ALMOST went without this, but fingers crossed, the 'indoor tech' just left and I'm posting from my home again, so I won't be backed into this corner (except intermittently -- which is apparently punishment until the landlord upgrades the wiring in the apartment)!

Pornography -- See above.  I have my internet back, so ... just being realistic.

Television -- My name is Troy Neidermyer and I'm an addict.  And I'm not ready for the mental anguish that would come from not seeing the Prison/Woodbury confrontation on The Walking Dead, or watching the young kids lose weight on The Biggest Loser, or not checking in with my "friends and family" on How I Met Your Mother or Cougar Town or The Big Bang Theory or Malibu Country or Hot in Cleveland or Happy Endings or Community or Parks and Recreation or The Middle or ... well, you get the point.

Coke for fat people -- (you might know it as just regular Coke [not new Coke for those of you with ties to the 80's]), but when waitresses judge me and suggest that I might have asked for Diet Coke, I always reply [altiore voce] 'No -- no -- Coke for fat people please!' just to be clear that I'm looking for the maximum amount of sugar cubes (see photo).  By now, that's a reflexive response so I don't think I can change it ...

So where does that leave me -- out of vices?  Well, not out of vices per se, but out of vices I'm willing to go on the record as being comfortable enough in how they are a part of me and my personality that I'm not looking to temporarily discard them.  Perhaps my journey of self-sacrifice will have to wait until next year (or until I stop being so spoiled that self-control comes back into the picture as an item worth exploring).

But to you and yours who celebrate -- enjoy your Lent!"

OH TO BE LIKE DON MARQUIS:
http://www.donmarquis.org/

EXPLORE OTHER SUGAR STACKS (AKA HORSE PORN -- I MEAN PORN FOR HORSES):
http://www.sugarstacks.com/

AS PENANCE, HERE'S A 'REAL' SITE ABOUT LENT:
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Lent/index.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 2/12/13

It's that kind of week -- when folks get all lovey-dovey.

And fair warning:  there's a good chance this tune has been randomly selected by me sometime in the past few years since I started doing this posting routine, as it's one of my favorites.

A bit stalkerish if you ruminate on the lyrics.  A bit boastful about all that could have/would have been.  A bit melodramatic.  [Now you see why I like it!]

And whether it's being "tuned" by Bob Dylan, or Billy Joel, or Garth Brooks -- or, now, finally, the female version I finally heard ... "you ain't seen nothin' like me yet" ...

STORMS ARE RAGING ON THE ROLLING SEA AND ON THE HIGHWAY OF REGRET:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLoyNxjhTzc

Purposeful Memorial for Monday 2/11/13

Gone but not forgotten:  friend and brother and friend-like-a-brother DJ.

(... And Demon too, who is also in this old photo of mine that didn't scan so well.)

They say no one's really gone so long as you still are remembering them.  And DJ Whitman would have been 37 yesterday (Sunday the 10th) ... had we not lost him nearly a dozen years ago in 2001.

But he's not really gone -- he's still in our hearts and our memories -- so many memories ...

[By the way, so is Demon -- the American Staffordshire "puppy" I got from the friend of a co-worker who was DJ's until he gave him back to me for safekeeping until he passed in 2008.]

And so today, and many days like it throughout the year not tied to just one specific event, we remember DJ, as he will always be missed.

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 2/10/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Sad (and unsettling) public memorial services.

First and foremost, the slaying of 15 year old Hadiya Pendleton in one of Chicago's lost neighborhoods (lost to gang violence ... lost to crime ... lost to a generation ...) is clearly a sad event for which there are no words.

But what I don't get is that the 24 hour news channel chose to air the memorial service in its entirety -- which made me a little uncomfortable.  And maybe that was the point -- we all should feel uncomfortable about the violence on the city streets -- but I still felt like we were pushing what should be a private moment in order to goose the ratings.  Suddenly the whole ceremony seemed less about a fifteen year old's loss of life, and more about grandstanding from a podium.  (Father Pfleger -- I'm looking at you.  I know you do a lot for the community, but you all but "dropped the mike" like a rapper would have as you walked away at the end of your performance at this service.)

I don't have answers -- sadly, I don't think many do for this situation that only gets worse and worse in certain neighborhoods -- but I'm hoping that Hadiya's family also finds a way to mourn in peace, and that her death, if nothing else, will inspire real change to this city that so desperately needs it.

TO BE FAIR, HE'S REALLY DONE A LOT, SO I SHOULD BE ASHAMED TO CRITICIZE:
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090826/REVIEWS/908269997

MORE TO COME THIS WEEK FROM OBAMA:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-obama-hadiya-pendleton-20130210,0,964750.story

SOMEONE ELSE WHO SHARES MY OPINION:
http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/54028823

Random Soapbox for Saturday 2/9/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... dearest ADD afflicted friends in charge of Facebook, may I suggest to your "agile team" (oh I know you have one -- all the cool businesses do.  It's one of those business school concepts that has infiltrated organizations -- like "finding mind-space" did 10 years ago ... or "finding out who moved the cheese" did 15 years ago) that you finally evolve the like button.  We need options.

I came to this conclusion when my father passed in early January, and when so many took the time to offer thoughts and prayers and well-wishes and comfort on the status update I had posted.  I made a point to "like" every comment, but then realized that I couldn't add color or context to my "like", so it seemed like I was "liking" the fact that they were sorry for my loss.  And I most certainly wasn't happy that they were sad on my behalf ... I just wanted to recognize that I "liked" that they expressed their thoughts.

So it got me thinking ... we need more "like" choices.  And as I age, I'm definitely more and more of a shades-of- grey (not the BDSM fad -- but hey, whatever floats your boat) vs. a-black-and-white person, so I'm seeking as much nuance as possible.  May I suggest:

LIKE-THAT-YOU-TOOK-THE-TIME-TO-COMMENT (for the scenario I just described)

LIKE-YOU-BUT-NOT-YOUR-COMMENT (which I understand is somewhat passive-aggressive, but hey, not all confrontation has value)

LIKE-SARCASTICALLY (because clearly if you knew me at all, you'd know that I don't like this one bit)

LIKE-BECAUSE-SOMEONE-TOLD-ME-TO or LIKE-UNDER-DURESS (and I'm a relatively polite person, so if it makes your business/project/pyramid-scheme look bigger than it is, well then -- what have I got to lose, count me to be a part of your artificially inflated statistics.  NOTE:  This also works for the obligatory birthday post that is prompted by FB and a normal person's desire to not seem rude when a name and picture shows up there in the corner of the display.)

and three that need no parenthetical explanation ...

LIKE-YOU-BECAUSE-YOU'RE-SO-PRETTY-AND-I-GET-TONGUE-TIED-AROUND-YOU-BUT-THANKS-TO-FACEBOOK-I-CAN-VIRTUALLY-STALK-YOU-WITH-MINIMAL-INTERACTION

LIKE-HOW-YOU-COMPLAIN-ABOUT-HOW-HORRIBLE-YOUR-LIFE-IS-AS-YOU-POST-FROM-THE-LATEST-SMART-PHONE-OVER-YOUR-HIGH-SPEED-INTERNET-CONNECTION

LIKE-HOW-CONFIDENT-YOU-ARE-IN-YOUR-EXTREMISM-THAT-YOU-DON'T-MIND-APPEARING-RACIST/SEXIST/AGEIST/BREEDIST/or otherIST

Let's go Facebook ... let's see some "like" button innovation!

ON AGILE TEAMS:
http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc9737/

ON MINDSPACE:
http://mindspaceclinic.com/

ON THE MOVING OF CHEESE:
http://www.whomovedmycheese.com/

Random Flashback for Friday 2/8/13

Look Ma -- no pants!

There's a small part of me that wants to leave it at just that.  But, let's face it, I can't stop once I start spewing words.

The faces are familiar for this time of year twenty years ago, as in 1993, Jacquelyn J (seated) and I had started our own theater company (somewhat to spite my cousin) and we were doing things like this performance of Neil Simon's Chapter Two as dinner theater.  And there's Cindy from the party a few weeks back, and Darren L (he'll be around for a few more pictures and a bunch more stories as the Fridays of this year roll out).

And best part -- this picture made it on the cover of the pull out section of the Friday Uniontown PA newspaper.  So my legs be famous, yo!  (Well, famous in that small part of PA for that small time.)

Random Thought for Thursday 2/7/13

It's time for a new pet.

It will be coming up on five years since Demon (the American Staffordshire pit bull) passed, so a dog seems like the natural choice -- but this city apartment is just too small.  I know this will sound breedist, but I just don't want to go with a small dog (a miniature, or a toy, or a miniature toy something or other to get the doubly diminutive dogs that are all the rage).  I've always thought that a dog needs to be bigger than a cat to be a real dog.

Speaking of cats, that might be a choice -- except that the house has gone from 4 cats to 3 cats in 2010 and 3 cats to 2 cats in 2012, so I know this will sound ageist, but adding another so soon would put me back up in the running for the "old cat lady" stereotype.  And I can't even "adopt" alley stray cats and their offspring, as I did in Logan Square when I first moved here in 2001, because there aren't any in this 'hood (and I know this will sound racist, but we have a high density of a certain type of restaurant -- which I'm sure is coincidence and not causation of any kind).

Ferret?  Turtle?  Been there, done that.  Parrot?  I'd have to update my will, as, at this point, that animal would probably outlive me.

So instead -- I'm thinking ants.  Namely driver ants.  And here's why.  I know that a lot of people are oddly entranced by the end of the world (you might count me as one of them, and you might check out my 100 Things I've Always Wanted To Say But Never Did And Now Maybe Should Since The World Might Be Ending series from last year any time on the blog by clicking the link on the right hand archive library), and although the Mayan end of world has come and gone, there's still man-made catastrophe, nature's fury and zombies about which we should all be worried in these modern times.  Apparently, in a post-apocalyptic world, these ants can be used in place of surgical stitches (let them bite you, and then break off the rest of the body behind the head and they'll do the trick, as the video below shows).

That seems like a pet-investment (but maybe I won't name them in case I have to use their jaws -- and only their jaws -- at a later time).

ANT JAWS AS REPLACEMENT FOR STITCHES:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK65_PpEVzA

I'M NOT USUALLY A BREEDIST, BUT TINY DOGS JUST DON'T INTEREST ME:
http://www.onlydogbreeds.com/groups/size.html

WATCH ANTS AT PLAY -- NO SERIOUSLY, WATCH THEM HERE:
http://www.stevesantfarm.com/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 2/6/13

I do not want to be terribly missed.

Used as a clause at the end of a run-on sentence (hey -- it's how I roll):  "I hope I live for another fifty years (and if I do, that means I can finally schedule my mid-life crisis for the summer of 2017) -- but in case I don't (something makes me feel like I'll have my first cardiac event later this decade [that something is called near constant bacon consumption] and I'm hoping it's in a public place so it increases my chances of survival), but whenever it is that I go, I'm putting out there that I do not want to be terribly missed."

Look -- for anyone of you who might be reading this and who also might choose to miss me -- please do it right, don't do it terribly.  I want to be wonderfully missed -- amazingly missed -- excellently missed.  If you're going to do it terribly, then I'd rather you not do it all.  I'm throwing dawn the gauntlet now (and I hope it doesn't have to be picked up for many many years) -- but I'm expecting nothing less than being spectacularly missed.  Thanks in advance!

HOW TO SAY "I MISS YOU TERRIBLY" IN MULTIPLE LANGUAGES:
http://www.howtosayin.com/i+miss+you+terribly+baby.html

HEART ATTACKS ARE MORE EASILY SURVIVED IF HAD IN PUBLIC:
http://articles.latimes.com/2011/jan/28/news/la-heb-heart-attacks-20110128

OH YOU CAN GO THIS ROUTE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90

Random Tune for Tuesday 2/5/13

I totally embrace the geek in me.

I'm proud to have been called "four-eyes" for many years prior to getting my contacts.  I understand that I waited to get a real hardcore sunburn until I was in my twenties, because I was more inclined to be inside reading than outside playing prior to that.  I'm more than OK with the fact that I actually used to walk to and from school with a book in hand, trying not to get run over when crossing streets.  I'm comfortable with having been described as "too smart for my own good", and I recognize that I started my adulthood with a deficit of street smarts and an excess of book smarts.  I relate to Brick on ABC's The Middle and to the boys of The Big Bang Theory.

One thing I've never done:  attend a comics convention.  One thing I might be doing this year at the end of April:  attending the C2E2 Chicago Comic Expo.  Burt and Adam and Julie are all scheduled to be there (and I have a thing for the BatUniverse -- stemming back to when I watched the classic TV show when it was on in syndication after school when I was younger).  Since we're ALL aging now (me included), that kind of opportunity might not come again (case in point -- there's already no chance Eartha or Burgess or Cesar or Frank could join them).

So in that spirit, I offer up this tune tonight ...

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qP-NglUeZU

Random Memorial for Monday 2/4/13

Gone but not forgotten:  Ned Wertimer.

Look -- I got nothing against St. Peter, but seeing as how I'm a little addicted to television, I'd be just as happy if the doorman working the pearly gates was Ralph, the character Ned played on The Jeffersons. And it was a month ago today that my father Ralph passed away, which I reference only because one of my memories is hearing him watching classic TV in the bedroom next to mine before he dozed off to sleep at night, and The Jeffersons was one of those shows which got him to laugh out loud.

For as long as classic television will be aired to serve the purpose of "comfort entertainment" for a certain generation, Ned -- since you can live forever on the TV, you will not be missed.

RIP NED WERTIMER:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/wertimer-jefferson-doorman-dead-89-article-1.1236309

JUST A REMINDER HOW ST. PETER GOT HIS JOB:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1583/how-come-st-peter-is-considered-the-gatekeeper-of-heaven

OR THERE'S THIS VERSION OF HEAVEN (OVERDUBBED IN FRENCH!):
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5187q_cher-dans-will-grace-different-kind_fun#.URBX5x1X1PI

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 2/3/13

What Indianapolis (... and Chicago ... and mostly everyone) is talking about this week:

The Big Game!

If you're like me and only a casual fan of teams that didn't even make it to this event (and Penn State still has its bowl ban in effect, so the team for which I really cheer couldn't participate -- well, for that reason and the fact that today is about the NFL -- I'm not that much of a casual fan that I don't know that -- lest you start to mock me), here are some of the story lines I've picked up on through the news.

DISCLAIMER:  As a casual fan, some of this may be delivered "second-hand style", kind of like that character on the SNL news update ...

WARNING:  Snarky humor can sound very inappropriate and even misogynistic.  That which appears in the post may not directly match the views of its author (so please don't unfriend me on FB -- I'm more fragile than you think).  My goal was to offend every reader -- just for fun  -- now let's see if I succeeded.

First, there's a brother grudge match of Biblical proportions -- like Cain and Abel big.  But only if Cain and Abel both get to live and if they were the masterminds of an activity whose goal is to concuss your opponent so hard that they kill themselves a few years down the road.  [RIP Junior Seau, Dave Duerson, Terry Long, Andre Waters and Jovan Belcher.]

Second, there's one team with a player who is retiring after this game, but he really wants a ring first, because when he beats and holds someone down outside of a nightclub so his friends can stab him (allegedly), the ring will leave a really cool mark.

Third, on the other team, there's a player who doesn't want gays in football.  But, this player plays for the team from San Francisco of all places.  I might be wrong, but I don't think any straight people live there -- if they do, it's probably limited to one not-so-pretty neighborhood.  Come to think of it, maybe that's what Alcatraz is for.

Fourth, the halftime show will be by a performer who used to be in a girl group until she got knocked up by some rapper guy and she may or may not sing live or to a track or in a microphone that may or may not be on.  And since her husband is letting her sing with her gal pals again, there's a good chance that she might be joined by the ladies she abandoned, since they have a new album to promote.

Finally, if none of these reasons entice you to watch the game, there's always the ads.  But whatever you do, if you are white, do NOT speak in a Jamaican accent, because that's now racist apparently.

Have a great Super Bowl to all who celebrate!  Me, I'm going to casually cheer for the Niners -- but really mostly because I like QB Colin Kaepernick's tattoos!

NO REALLY, THIS IS IN NO WAY A LAUGHING MATTER:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/football-head-injuries-increasing-bigger-faster-players/story?id=18183735

ACTUALLY, THIS ISN'T A LAUGHING MATTER EITHER:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimore-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/


THE CAIN AND ABEL COLLECTION (BIBLE and FOLKLORE VERSIONS):
http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/cain.html

Random Soapbox for Saturday 2/2/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... January -- you kind of sucked this year.

And not for the normal reason that any given January might suck (you know, like bad weather), but because of deaths in the family, and illnesses of loved ones that required multi-day stays in the hospital, and cancelled-at-the-last-minute vacations, and muted birthday celebrations, and fires in stockrooms, and losing my footings at work -- you know, things that just seemed to pile on as the January days progressed as if my name were Job.

So in the spirit of Groundhog Day (the movie more so than the national holiday), I'm getting/taking/forcing a do-over.  I've returned to the site of my pre-January fun (yep, back in Indy just like before the holidays), and I am bound and determined to get some mojo back.  Here's to a great long weekend in a great place to get away and to some much delayed birthday fun as I start what has to be a great February (or at least a month that is better than the month that preceded it).

What happened will have been a "month-us horribilis" and not an "annus horribilis", by my damn decree!

REMEMBER WHEN THE QUEEN HAD HER HORRBILIS ANNUS?:
http://www.royal.gov.uk/ImagesandBroadcasts/Historic%20speeches%20and%20broadcasts/Annushorribilisspeech24November1992.aspx

JANUARY SUCKS FOR OTHERS TOO:
http://januarysucks.blogspot.com/

JANUARY SUCKS FOR OTHER TOO (TWO):
http://runshamelessly.com/january-sucks/

Random Flashback for Friday 2/1/13

Believe it or not, this picture was taken during a writing break some twenty years ago -- in  winter 1993.

At this point, I had broken off from my cousin's theatre company (let's just say his business had its own hidden agenda), but I was still staying in Uniontown PA enjoying my break from my undergrad studies at LVC, and this was shot in the house of the writing partner of mine with whom I founded my own company "The Game Players" (a name definitely chosen based on the aforementioned experience with my cousin's shenanigans).

Jacquelyn J (she's in the middle of the picture featured as the flashback from two weeks ago) and I had met at the Fright Farms that past Halloween season, and I was trying my hand at the first of my own audience participation murder mysteries that were to be a side project of mine for a few years to come (particularly after I returned to LVC later that same year).

Mind you, I'm not so sure I was following PSU as much as wearing the sweatshirt that I'm sure my sister Sherry G had bought me that Christmas before, but this was classic 1993 me -- with rosy red cheeks, an ever-present baseball cap, and, if you can zoom in close enough, a gold chain with the theatre masks charm on it.

Game Playa indeed!