The Big Game!
If you're like me and only a casual fan of teams that didn't even make it to this event (and Penn State still has its bowl ban in effect, so the team for which I really cheer couldn't participate -- well, for that reason and the fact that today is about the NFL -- I'm not that much of a casual fan that I don't know that -- lest you start to mock me), here are some of the story lines I've picked up on through the news.
DISCLAIMER: As a casual fan, some of this may be delivered "second-hand style", kind of like that character on the SNL news update ...
WARNING: Snarky humor can sound very inappropriate and even misogynistic. That which appears in the post may not directly match the views of its author (so please don't unfriend me on FB -- I'm more fragile than you think). My goal was to offend every reader -- just for fun -- now let's see if I succeeded.
First, there's a brother grudge match of Biblical proportions -- like Cain and Abel big. But only if Cain and Abel both get to live and if they were the masterminds of an activity whose goal is to concuss your opponent so hard that they kill themselves a few years down the road. [RIP Junior Seau, Dave Duerson, Terry Long, Andre Waters and Jovan Belcher.]
Second, there's one team with a player who is retiring after this game, but he really wants a ring first, because when he beats and holds someone down outside of a nightclub so his friends can stab him (allegedly), the ring will leave a really cool mark.
Third, on the other team, there's a player who doesn't want gays in football. But, this player plays for the team from San Francisco of all places. I might be wrong, but I don't think any straight people live there -- if they do, it's probably limited to one not-so-pretty neighborhood. Come to think of it, maybe that's what Alcatraz is for.
Fourth, the halftime show will be by a performer who used to be in a girl group until she got knocked up by some rapper guy and she may or may not sing live or to a track or in a microphone that may or may not be on. And since her husband is letting her sing with her gal pals again, there's a good chance that she might be joined by the ladies she abandoned, since they have a new album to promote.
Finally, if none of these reasons entice you to watch the game, there's always the ads. But whatever you do, if you are white, do NOT speak in a Jamaican accent, because that's now racist apparently.
Have a great Super Bowl to all who celebrate! Me, I'm going to casually cheer for the Niners -- but really mostly because I like QB Colin Kaepernick's tattoos!
NO REALLY, THIS IS IN NO WAY A LAUGHING MATTER:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/football-head-injuries-increasing-bigger-faster-players/story?id=18183735
ACTUALLY, THIS ISN'T A LAUGHING MATTER EITHER:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimore-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/
THE CAIN AND ABEL COLLECTION (BIBLE and FOLKLORE VERSIONS):
http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/cain.html
No comments:
Post a Comment