Used as the last entry in a list of considerations I've had in honor of this Lenten season:
"Happy (?!?) Ash Wednesday!
With Lent upon us and me not being a Catholic, I'm still thinking about embracing the 'giving up of something' for the next 40 days ... here are the vices I briefly considered doing without ...
Alcohol -- But I already had a 'cleanse' this year from Jan 1 to Feb 1, so why repeat it?
Gambling -- Except that my 2013 Facebook birthday shtick (I try to have different creative shtick for each year) is based on scratch-off lottery tickets, so that would be unfair to those of my connections born during the time that Lent is being observed.
Parentheses, brackets, braces, dashes and ellipses -- Sorry, but that's how I'm hoping I'll be remembered when I'm gone -- for my convoluted sentence structure (like the way Don Marquis and his Archy the cockroach changed his style or like ee cummings' refusal to capitalize makes his work instantly recognizable).
Obscure references -- See above. That just comes naturally and is not likely to stop ...
Internet -- If you saw my ATandT lament, then you know I ALMOST went without this, but fingers crossed, the 'indoor tech' just left and I'm posting from my home again, so I won't be backed into this corner (except intermittently -- which is apparently punishment until the landlord upgrades the wiring in the apartment)!
Pornography -- See above. I have my internet back, so ... just being realistic.
Television -- My name is Troy Neidermyer and I'm an addict. And I'm not ready for the mental anguish that would come from not seeing the Prison/Woodbury confrontation on The Walking Dead, or watching the young kids lose weight on The Biggest Loser, or not checking in with my "friends and family" on How I Met Your Mother or Cougar Town or The Big Bang Theory or Malibu Country or Hot in Cleveland or Happy Endings or Community or Parks and Recreation or The Middle or ... well, you get the point.
Coke for fat people -- (you might know it as just regular Coke [not new Coke for those of you with ties to the 80's]), but when waitresses judge me and suggest that I might have asked for Diet Coke, I always reply [altiore voce] 'No -- no -- Coke for fat people please!' just to be clear that I'm looking for the maximum amount of sugar cubes (see photo). By now, that's a reflexive response so I don't think I can change it ...
So where does that leave me -- out of vices? Well, not out of vices per se, but out of vices I'm willing to go on the record as being comfortable enough in how they are a part of me and my personality that I'm not looking to temporarily discard them. Perhaps my journey of self-sacrifice will have to wait until next year (or until I stop being so spoiled that self-control comes back into the picture as an item worth exploring).
But to you and yours who celebrate -- enjoy your Lent!"
OH TO BE LIKE DON MARQUIS:
http://www.donmarquis.org/
EXPLORE OTHER SUGAR STACKS (AKA HORSE PORN -- I MEAN PORN FOR HORSES):
http://www.sugarstacks.com/
AS PENANCE, HERE'S A 'REAL' SITE ABOUT LENT:
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Lent/index.html
No comments:
Post a Comment