Random Flashback for Friday 5/31/13

It's the last Friday in May, so it's only befitting that I post the last of my "boys of summer" flashback photos to my time in Uniontown twenty years ago in 1993.

[Sorry, Charlie -- I couldn't resist one more from that party at the apartment your senior year.  To be fair, I did warn you three weeks ago that something porch-related would be posted.]

And, with that, I'm done with Uniontown (kind of).  I'm never really "done with Uniontown", as I still make a point to go back and visit whenever I drive home to PA (although, in a sign that I am getting older, I now visit dead people instead of live ones -- [RIP Joanne]).  Since I didn't leave town back then until the end of summer (fall of 1993 saw me return to LVC to finish the first part of my undergrad studies), my stay in Uniontown will still be referenced a few times as I reminisce weekly.

But with these particular types of photos, I am done (after all, how many more times can I embarrass this group of guys?)!  As the kids says nowadays ... good times, good times.

Random Thought for Thursday 5/30/13

You must be of a certain age (close to mine) to understand how ...

... I still catch myself squinting one eye and hearing that unmistakable tech-laced-springy sound effect in my head (it's available for review at the youtube link below) when I'm straining to see something far away.

... had I hair of necessary length, I would hear those same noises as I moved it behind my ear when straining to hear something.

... if I come across a pencil on the floor, I will sometimes step right on and act relieved that I didn't crush it to a powder (which was the way Steve and Jamie tested to see if the person to whom they were speaking had been replaced by a [much heavier] fembot).

... one of my favorite and happiest memories of my youth is starting at the top of the stairs, and slow-motion bending down and springing up to start a jump, and then bounding down all of the stairs until the last one, where I would exaggerate the landing, hearing that noise in my head the whole time.

Just a warning to all those parents out there with little ones attached to today's "screens", lest you think that TV doesn't have an impact on young minds (or is it just that I'm quite impressionable and have a touch of bionic-envy)?

I'D LIKE THIS AS A RING TONE PLEASE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPJ2ZjYlY38

THE PENCIL TRICK, RECORDED IN A WIKI BY FANS:
http://bionic.wikia.com/wiki/Fembot

ALL JOKES ASIDE, MODERN BIONICS PLAY A BIG ROLE!:
http://www.fastcompany.com/1514543/bionic-legs-i-limbs-and-other-super-human-prostheses-youll-envy

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/29/13

Jerry and David's Guide to the World Wide Web.

Used in a multiple choice question that I will ask my grandchildren (note to self:  must check to see if one can have grandchildren without first having children, as, let's face it, time's flying by) where one should choose the answer that represents the one thing NOT true:

Question -- When it comes to computer stuff, I am so old that I ...

A)  played my first video game downloaded to the computer via a cassette tape (Rabbit Chaser on a Commodore VIC-20, to be exact -- unless this is the one that isn't true, and then maybe I'm making that up).

B)  had a high school programming class (in BASIC),  where we spent the first month learning how to make "my name is Troy" run across the screen over and over again (and followed that up with advanced computer programming in Pascal where I don't know what I used it for except learning about all things Boolean).

C)  searched the internet using Jerry and David's Guide to the World Wide Web (because I was friends with both Al G and Jerry [or David -- can't remember which one]).

D)  didn't get my first email address until my late twenties (and yes, it was on AOL -- and, yes, I did without one just fine).

The answer is C.  All the others are true.  My grandkids (after I get some somewhere) are going to be aghast.

THIS IS A FUN WEBSITE!:
http://www.sotruefacts.com/?page=1

OH THOSE CRAZY COMPUTER KIDS:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/feb/01/microsoft.technology

YEP .. MY FIRST VIDEO GAME:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_fvngH_j3I

Random Tune for Tuesday 5/28/13

Well, this can't be a surprise.  I've been doing country the whole month of May.

And I knew I just had to do *this* song when I caught it when I was listening to a classic country station on the way to (or from) Michiana earlier in the month.

There's a really good chance I hadn't heard it in 30 years since it topped the charts in the summer of 1983 (thanks Wiki!) ... and there's also an even better of a chance that I had no idea, when I was eleven years old and singing along with the radio, that I was paying homage to a night of wonderful love-making that was probably a one-night stand between someone "afraid" and someone "so alone and blue".

Back then, I just knew it was a catchy tune.  Makes me wonder what modern songs the pre-teens are singing along with (just as ignorantly) nowadays.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO ...:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F3V7Dx4Kew

Random Memorial for Monday 5/27/13

Gone but not forgotten:  those who paid the ultimate sacrifice whilst serving.

I saw an interesting post from a veteran friend of mine, who pointed out that there was, indeed, a difference between Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, and that people oft confused the two.  According to him (and, let's face it, the truth), Veteran's Day is for all vets (with an eye, really, toward the living) and Memorial Day is for those who died in the line of duty.

Which, of course, got me thinking that, as per that definition, I don't know anyone to memorialize on Memorial Day -- and I'm pretty much OK with that and would like to keep it that way, if I'm being perfectly honest (and understandably selfish).  That doesn't mean that I can't still honor those whom I don't know personally -- family members of co-workers, the young faces I see too often on the news (still), and, most definitely -- all those who may be nameless or faceless to me personally but who died in the name of freedom.

All that aside, around these holidays (whether today's or the one in November) I do often think of this inscription that I found in my paternal Grandmother's scrap book after she died.  If you can't zoom in and read it, it says ... "Note:  We entered the other war in its 483 day.  was over in 585 days..  Entered this war in Dec 7, 1941."  Her husband served in "the other war", and her children in what she called "this war", so I figure that she had a firm grasp on "sacrifice" during times of war, admittedly in a much different time, but just as admittedly, of a more personal nature.

So, randomly (hey -- check the title, right?), I think of her today.  Esther Neidermyer, inscriber of this comment, you are missed.

SETTING FOLKS STRAIGHT  ON THE MILITARY REMEMBRANCE HOLIDAYS:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2013/05/26/why-memorial-day-is-confused-with-veterans-day/

SHE CALLED IT "THE OTHER WAR" ... PBS CALLED IT "THE GREAT WAR":
http://www.pbs.org/greatwar/

A SOBERING VIEW ON THIS DAY OF MEMORIAL:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/war.casualties/index.html

Amazing Race Aside S22E11

So it took until Memorial Day weekend to have the time to watch the double episode finale of this season's Race, and the good news is that I didn't see any spoilers (because, the producers respect the fans and are careful on social media) ... or is that bad news because that means, with 22 seasons, this reality show might not be as "hot" as it once was.  That said ... here's a final aside:

PITHIEST COMMENT OF THE NIGHT:  "The hardest part was squeezing his junk into the wetsuit."  This is what happens when you race with your brother.  You have to do things.  Unexpected things.

HOW DID THEY DO THAT?  BEHIND-THE-SCENES REQUEST:  How could you race to Ireland, and hold a glass of the best beer in the world in your hand, and not mention the word Guinness?  That was clearly one in Phil's hands.

IMAGE I WON'T SOON FORGET:  Maybe it's because I was a server in a past life, but putting the tray of food down on the ground to serve the Titanic guests -- that was just so wrong.

LET ME JUST SAY THIS:  The finale always has my favorite part of the race each cycle -- not the half hearted clapping that the losers are forced to do in the final run-up, or the final leg of the race that never seems to be too close to call -- but the fact that racers have just as much (if not more) language trouble when they return stateside and have to deal with US cabbies.

Can't wait until the fall!

[spoiler alert -- see how Anthony Bates plan to spend their million dollars here:  http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/amazing-race-season-22-winners-498758]

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/26/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

This young man.

Well -- at least that's what we're talking about.  And we're in Chicago.  So I guess that works.  (And remember, there's no scandal here -- just the turn of phrase of "scandal sheet" that I use every Sunday as it's what newspapers were called in the old-timey days).

More of us (so "we" and "us" here are pronouns being used to represent my Indiana family) are in Colorado right now, to watch this cadet graduate from the Air Force Academy this week (safe travels to all of them).

Teddy's been grown up for quite some time (he moved from the kiddie table to join the adults at family events many many years ago -- with all of the consequences that entailed [stories not quite right for the internet and better left repeated at our get-togethers]), but I guess by the end of this week, it will mean he's really all grown up.

We can't wait to see what comes next for him, and we couldn't be more proud of his accomplishments.  Of course, that's every day -- but especially during this week of graduation festivities.

THEY'LL GET A FLYOVER AFTER ALL:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/10/volunteers-to-do-flyovers-at-air-force-academy-graduation/

A WEEK FULL OF FESTIVITIES:
http://www.usafa.edu/superintendent/graduation/gradSchedule.cfm?catname=graduation

THERE'S GOING TO BE A DVD!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgdD_7vJj2U

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/25/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I finally got to watch the finale of the most recent season of Ultimate Fighter (just before it expired from on-demand), and I have to tell you -- I'm just not sure how I feel about watching the ladies throw down.

Oddly enough, recognizing that I'm  feeling uncomfortable makes me feel even more uncomfortable, as I like to think that I support Title IX and gender equality and that little girls can grow up to be anything that they'd like to be (maybe even President one of these quadrennials).  Sure enough, though, supporting that in theory and in the abstract was much easier for me to do than to watch the fight itself.

Was it the reality of the violence and the fact that I've been conditioned all my life to picture girl fights as slaps and hair pulls (and, if so, shame on me for not elevating myself above the stereotypes)?  True, there are times when I wince as the guys get all bloodied (I'm happiest when someone is simply submitted, instead of the brutal bashing that is often on display) -- but, in general, it's a sport full of well conditioned athletes who have to be calculating and "in the moment" at all times, familiar with different combat styles and ready to mix it up like some martial arts choose-your-own-adventure story over the course of the matches.  And that challenge can be met and that athleticism can be achieved without gender restrictions.

[My biggest complaint about this sport applies here but also so much more to the world at large.  I'm so over "swagger".  Ready to retire it as a concept, as an aspirational goal, as a lifestyle.  I'm ready for someone to bring humility back to all avenues of life -- and in this arena (or octagon, to be more accurate), those that do are the fighters for whom I'll be cheering.]

I best get with the program -- as this particular show is touting female coaches and coed participants next season (although it is also moving to some new channel called FoxSports, which, I'm guessing, based on observation of its "news" division, might be limited to only airing in red states).  Time to man up (I mean woman up -- boy, sexism is everywhere, isn't it?) and sweep my feelings free of the glass ceiling shards that these pioneers rained down on my worldview.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND VIEW THE TOP FEMALE FIGHTERS:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1562011-ranking-each-of-the-ufcs-current-female-fighters

NOW *THIS* IS REALLY THE CUTTING EDGE:
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/mma--fallon-fox--transgender-mma-fighter-controversy-043035215.html

HERE COMES TUF 18, READY OR NOT!:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1635224-can-ronda-rousey-and-cat-zingano-take-the-ultimate-fighter-to-the-next-level

Random Flashback for Friday 5/24/13

So let me start by saying, that as I type this, House of Pain's "Jump Around" is playing on the cable music party channel (yep, I'm pre-gaming, as the kids would say, before getting my holiday drank on).  Which is certainly fitting for this photo from twenty years ago in Uniontown PA (the fourth of five of my "boys of summer '93" series this month to kick off the warmer months), as I'm sure we heard it just after it was released at this party.

The guy with me in the photo -- I'm not sure of his name any longer but I am sure that he was the foreign exchange student (from some Scandinavian country, clearly) who was graduating with the local high school senior class.  And I was at their parties because I had befriended a few of them at the place I was working.

This might have been taken at Jeff's house (see last week's pic) ... or maybe late night up at Ohiopyle ... or possibly out at the Dunbar watering hole (there will be pics of that later this year -- and again next year as part of a whole different story) ... but, if connected to a lie detector test, I would actually say that I think it was taken out at the trailer park at a party thrown by Yvonne and Barb (whom I believe are now both resting in peace).

P.S.  I still have that hat -- but I know better than to wear it.

P.P.S.  Looks like the red-solo-cup has been an essential part of bacchanalia for many many years.

Random Thought for Thursday 5/23/13

I may *watch* a lot of shows that have Chef in the title (Top Chef, Next Iron Chef, MasterChef, Top Chef Masters, MasterChef Juniors, Top Chef Just Desserts, etc., etc.), but nothing reinforces the idea that I should not be in the kitchen more than my interactions with a butcher block (that -- plus I really really really relate to the late Phil Hartman's anal retentive chef when I do anything in that room of the apartment).

Meaning -- I always grab the wrong knife for the job.  I've buttered bread with a butcher knife ... and cut up chicken with a serrated bread knife ... and attempted to core and slice an apple with a fillet knife.

As a matter of fact, it was just that experience (when my digits were in grave danger) that led to the purchase of this item featured in the photo.

I will admit that, to me, many things I find in the kitchen gadget aisle seem to be less about innovation and more about sheer laziness, but I won't bad mouth this thingie that allows me to keep me from getting self-inflicted knife wounds.  Without it, an apple a day (sliced the old way), would likely have invited the doctor to my abode instead of keeping him or her away.  I recommend it for others in my situation!

KNIFE USE IN THE KITCHEN (A PRIMER):
http://www.sfgate.com/food/article/Cutting-edges-A-quick-course-on-kitchen-knives-2754119.php

WHAT CAN I SAY ... I RELATE!:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/anal-retentive-chef/n9695/

IT'S WORTH THE INVESTMENT!:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/oxo-good-grips-apple-corer-slicer?ID=19812&cm_mmc=Google_DMA_Home_Electrics_PLA-_-PLA+Home+Brands+-+Electrics_PLA+-+Electrics+-+OXO+-+ship99-_-30628679516_-_-_mkwid_LdhhvQqw|d{device}_30628679516%7C-%7CLdhhvQqw

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/22/13

Fortnight is my favourite kind of night!

Used in a sentence:  "I love me the two week period known as a fortnight -- I would go so far as to say that a fortnight is my favourite kind of night!"

My co-workers caught me in the act the other day, as I love to slip the measurement of time known as a fortnight into any conversations that I can.  I'm not entirely sure why I'm drawn to two-weeks-at-a-time, but I just think that it's the best way to measure a year -- 26 equal increments in which to finish tasks or complete projects.  It's just long enough to pause and reflect on what has come before, but not too long that it seems burdensome.

Of course I have another theory -- it just might be that, after opening my student loan statements every so often, I conclude that I paid a pretty penny to be a tad pretentious on occasion (which would also explain why I slip favourite and colour and theatre into my writings every now and then as if I had that fake Madonna accent or was channeling one of Ms. Minaj's multiple personalities that were on display this last season of Idol).  If a quarter million (and growing) dollars doesn't permit me a few literary oddities, then I'm not sure what does.

HOW FORTNIGHT CAME ABOUT, SAYETH THIS INTERNET SITE:
http://www.backroadstouring.co.uk/phraseorigins.php

COUNT ME IN FOR MY FAIR SHARE OF THE ONE TRILLION:
http://hotair.com/archives/2013/04/12/by-the-way-total-student-debt-now-topping-one-trillion-dollars/

PEOPLE GOT OPINIONS ON AMERICANS WRITING "ENGLISH":
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-confidential-cafe/288599-american-vs-british-spelling.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 5/21/13

My tunes all month have been country (I guess it's just the kind of random mood my random mind has been in).  And today will be no different.

But it will be a different song than I had first thought I'd have posted today -- what with the horrific images and heart-wrenching stories coming out of Oklahoma.

So I offer up this song of this Oklahoma artist.  I know it's a sad song -- but these are sad times.  And after you listen to it and are done crying -- if you haven't yet done so and you can -- please consider donating blood and/or texting 90999 to REDCROSS to easily make a $10 donation to the organization that is there on the ground providing assistance.

[By the way, I'm barely resisting the urge to comment on those conspiracists that are already suggesting the storm was created by the government to distract folks from the current administration's crises (really?  did that idiot fixate on the classic SixMillionDollar Man/Bionic Woman crossover episode with the guy who made the Oscar -- and other -- fembots and created the weather machine?), as it sickens me to think that there are those who would use this tragedy to advance political agendas.  That desecrates the memory of those children in the elementary school who perished -- and those who sacrificed their lives so that others might live -- and sickens me.  Barely resisting saying something, that's what I'm doing. Barely.]

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN I'D NEVER HEAR YOUR VOICE AGAIN, I'D MEMORIZE EACH WORD YOU EVER SAID:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeKv_qc_aOo

Random Memorial for Monday 5/20/13

Gone and I guess now to be forgotten:  my Facebook Unfriends.

We're coming up on the fourth year of my having joined Facebook (which should tell any marketers out there that I am NOT an early adopter), easy for me to remember as the impetus for my participation was getting Betty White to host SNL (no -- that's not true at all -- it was about the fact that my high school. 20th reunion was being planned on the site and I wanted to be up to date about that event).  I think I've finally learned to not take personally the act of unfriending.

When it comes to me and my Facebook, I'm more a fan of the "block" vs. "unfriend".  After all, if I'm pushed to the level of needing to take that kind of action, then wiping you and your name and your images and your comments off the face of my virtual vista just seems all the more appropriate.

Of course, considering all scenarios, you might have dropped off of my friend list because you died.  Although I'm not sure if estate law has progressed to cover that scenario.  What happens to your FB after your die?  Does it remain as an archive of your life (as if so, I might reconsider a post or two along the way)?  Is it a new modern responsibility of the executor to provide timely notice of your demise to all your friends before shutting down your account?  Or do you just go "status-update-silent" and no one really knows you've passed -- they just assume you're too angry at the current administration to bother commenting any longer and that you're on a self-imposed Facebook freeze?

To bastardize a quote from Bush (the Son), Facebook "is hard".  It's not for everyone.  It's key to be thick-of-skin and hard-of-heart to deal with, to bastardize a quote from William (the Shakespeare), "the slings and arrows of outrageous Facebook fortune".  Many a soul has chosen "not to be" when it comes to staying active.  And that's probably for the better for them.  More power to you in your Facebook-free lives.

All that aside, I choose to treat the act of "unfriending" like the most polite of break-ups.  You know the ones -- where assurance is given that "it was me, and not you" -- with me in that example being the unfriender and you in that example being me, the unfriended.  Follow?  

Although I will say this -- the opportunity to win "big" bucks in my 2013 Facebook Birthday construct with the lottery tickets, to those who unfriend me, that chance will clearly be missed (and since the game is set up that we split any funds won, that chance will clearly be missed by both of us).

TIMELY FEEDBACK ON FB AFTER DEATH:
http://mashable.com/2013/02/13/facebook-after-death/

2013 BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION IS ONLY FOR MY FB FRIENDS, NOT MY UNFRIENDS:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/01/2013-birthday-celebration.html

ALTERNATIVES TO UNFRIENDING (I.E. BE INFORMED -- YOU HAVE CHOICES):
http://mashable.com/2013/03/22/facebook-unfriend-tips/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/19/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

It was one el of a bad fortnight for Chicago's public transportation.  (Go ahead and groan.  As it is, I felt dirty just typing that weak attempt at a pun.  Done groaning?  OK -- now on with the show.)

First came the derailment on the Red/Brown lines on May 9th.  Then, on May 17th, the Orange Line ran over someone who was walking on the tracks -- or was it someone changing cars who fell between them, as I've actually heard both stories?  And today kicks off a massive summer long reconstruction of the southernmost end of the Red Line which requires southside Red Line riders to use a combination of buses and the Green Line to get where they need to go (five months is the projected time and nine stations will be closed during the project).

Sure does make me glad that I work from home and that I can walk to most everything in my 'hood!  And to those who can't.  Well -- el at your own risk!

FIRST -- A DERAILMENT:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-derailment-delays-red-brown-line-trains-20130509,0,3777758.story

THEN -- A DEATH ON THE TRACKS:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-05-17/news/chi-person-killed-after-being-hit-by-orange-line-train-20130517_1_orange-line-train-cta

NOW -- SHUTTING DOWN NINE STATIONS FOR THE SUMMER:
http://www.iit.edu/news/iittoday/?p=12169

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/18/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

... it is time for Intergalactic Nonsense Status Week III!  And it is no less than a brilliant idea.

Brought to us in the world of social media by the talented, tortured and somewhat twisted mind of former college classmate Brandon F, it's a week long celebration of "inane, sublime, random, surly, giddy, cheese-filled, or fur-covered thoughts". (And the image over there is the photo to represent the event.)

Prima facie, it's just about a good dose of  fun with witty (or not so witty) wordplay at its base.  But scratch the surface and the darker underbelly of the "celebration" gets exposed.  In a very meta-way, the whole experience is cutting commentary on the very nature of the "status update" and how it is over-used in today's culture to display food in the moment just before it is consumed (the new millennium snuff film), to advance political agendas via memes and gifs (the new millennium propaganda), to guilt folks into sharing statements to support a cause (as if that act alone suffices to solve complex issues or find cures to diseases), to goad others to take action by using the challenge "I know which ones of my friends will share this" (the new millennium chain letter), to permit the terrorists to win by mass disseminating virus laden video links (you can claim the iPad you just won if you click here!), etc. etc.

The best part -- by getting each of us to contribute, he makes us complicit in the crime of cluttering the virtual  galaxy with nonsense.  Although I can't quite prove it yet, I am almost certain that the event creator spends the week growing a mustache for a-twirlin' and adopting a cat for a-strokin', pleased by the close of the activity to have engaged us all in this manner.

Brilliance.  Sheer brilliance.  Bring on the IgNSWIII!

My initial contribution for the 2013 edition (in Haiku format as Brandon and I had a tete-a-tete about that a few weeks ago):

Snow monkeys smiling.
Makes me miss my cousin Jack.
Nonsense or truth, huh?

BE COMPLICIT IN THE CRIME OF CLUTTERING THE GALAXY WITH NONSENSE:
https://www.facebook.com/events/140139169502895/?ref=25

MY 2012 COMMENTARY:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2012/04/random-wordplay-for-wednesday-41812.html

THE INAUGURAL CELEBRATION:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2011/06/random-wordplay-for-wednesday-62211.html

Random Flashback for Friday 5/17/13

It's another Friday in May 2013 here in Chicago where I'm eagerly looking forward to the start of summer ... so why not another Flashback to my time in Uniontown in 1993 (how can it be twenty years ago already?) and the recurring feature for this month that I'm referring to as "the boys of summer 1993".

This boy -- he's Jeff H (whom I can't find on Facebook, but whom an old-fashioned google search implies is currently associated with the local MMA chapter, which doesn't surprise me.)

What do I remember about Jeff (who worked at the Cherry Tree Cafe with me that year, and who let me party with his graduating senior class of high school)?  Three things ...

1.)  True to form for me, I bonded with his puppy dog (in general, I'm more fond of animals than people on most days).  This puppy entertained itself for HOURS moving a soccer ball around with its tiny head.

2.)   Even after I left town, I always used to stop by his mom's house back by the cemetery when I would return to visit (up until he went away to ... mortuary school, I believe?) and we would always catch up and he would always offer me something to drink.

3.)  Speaking of drinking, it was one of the senior year parties at his house where I did my first beer bong (at the age of 21, me being a late bloomer and all).

Beer bong!  I say it often -- but oh to be young again.

Random Thought for Thursday 5/16/13

 If I ever wanted to kick start my serial killer career (and note to self -- sentences that start with those words might be better left unsaid or unshared in the social media arena), I would start slowly by visiting crosswalks across town and fake stepping out to cross before the light turned.

My victims -- clearly those lemmings who are not paying attention to traffic and are immersed in, or yammering on, their cell phones -- many with earbuds firmly ensconced -- who take action based on what they see in their periphery and nothing else.

I shall be forever known as the Cellphone Crosswalk Killer.  Bwah-hah-hah!

WAIT A MINUTE -- SOMEONE'S ALREADY ACTING ON THIS IMPULSE!:
http://www.umm.edu/news/releases/headphone-risks.htm

EVERYBODY NEEDS GROUPIES, NO?:
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/psychology/s_k_groupies/index.html

HOW TO AVOID THE CELLPHONE CROSSWALK KILLER (THAT'S MAYBE ME?!):
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-02-24-crosswalk_N.htm?csp=15

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/15/13

How do you Lorem Ipsum?

Answered (in multiple choice fashion):

A.  I don't.  Your stuff confuses me.  Sorry.

B.  I read it one update at a time, on my FB feed OR on your blog OR when it shows up as a NOTE overnight.

C.  I wait until there are a few updates, and then I go searching for what I missed, sorting backwards through my FB feed OR on your blog OR in your FB notes.

D.  *NEW OPTION*  I wait until each chapter is complete and then view it in photo album style so that it all lines up in order.

E.  *NEW OPTION*  I wait until each chapter is complete and then view it as a "whole" in the section of the blog labeled as Lorem Ipsum:  The Aloysius Angelasia Archives *Completed Chapters*

There you go -- new ways for you to follow along on my short story that I'm adding to one status update at a time, one day at a time.  Or not -- I'll have fun with it all the same!

VIEW IT PHOTOBOOK STYLE HERE:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4256647034768.1073741826.1843633569&type=1&l=e34bb207b8

VIEW IT IN ITS ENTIRETY (TO DATE, COMPLETED CHAPTERS ONLY) HERE:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/05/lorem-ipsum-aloysius-angelasia-archives_527.html

DON'T VIEW IT AT ALL HERE:
silly person ... this is not a link

Random Tune for Tuesday 5/14/13

Sometimes, I'm just a simple sap of a soul.

I was reminded of that again this weekend in the car playing an old country CD whose last track was today's tune.  [Note -- "old country" is a relative term, of course.  I don't mean as "old" as when Dolly always loved Porter, or as "old" as when Barbara was letting paramours eat crackers in her bed anytime, or even as "old" as when Chris Gaines loved Sandy and not Tricia -- but as "old" as when Ronnie and Kix were still a cute country couple.]

Anyway -- by the time he breaks down singing the final words trying to convince himself that things are, indeed, getting better all the time, there's almost always a tear running down my cheek (or a tear running down each cheek if the mood's right or I'm having trouble with my contacts, which, is, of course, what I would say if someone caught me with tear-on-cheek action).  Part of the reason that I'm tear-producing by the end, is that my heart breaks so early in the song when he admits, "I don't believe in magic any more."

Gets me every time.  I don't want to live in a world where we can't believe in magic any more.  Just sayin'.   Simple sap of a soul -- that's me.

'CAUSE GOD WON'T MAKE A MOUNTAIN I CAN'T CLIMB:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG0jsRgo8hE

Random Memorial for Monday 5/13/13

Gone but not forgotten:  my jacket of at least fifteen years.

It is with sadness in my heart that I came to realize the other day that I could no longer wear my flannel jacket.

It's not because kids were laughing at me (if they were, they did it behind my back).  It's not because someone told me it went out of style (actually, I think fifteen years is just about enough time for things to go all the way around again sartorially so that it would maybe be hip once more).

Nope -- there are now just too many holes for me to not be embarrassed (and I have a pretty high threshold when it comes to caring what others think about the way I look).

Oh sweet jacket of mine that saw me through so many adventures in so many places ... it's time to put you in a box in the front room (note -- this is how hoarding starts) so that you will not be missed (as much).

[Instead of my usual collection of companion links ... ]

[... here's the earliest picture of the jacket I could find from 1997.]

[RIP my friend, RIP.]

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/12/13

What Chicago (and everywhere else) is talking about this week:

Your momma!

I want to join in, but since I play fast and lose with the boundaries of "family" (why limit things to just blood relations, in my humble opinion), I gots me a list:

So Happy Mother's Day to BioMother Mary (who started it all), Dad'sWife3 Maryann (who wasn't around that long and who didn't really like BioMother Mary), "Aunt Catherine" (the lady who lived down the road from Dad'sWife#3 Maryann -- and who *did* like BioMother Mary and who made sure that we got to have our visitations), Dad'sWife#4 (she whom shall not be named), MrsK (Keesey -- the LHS version who watched over me in high school), MrsK (Kujovsky -- the LVC version who watched over me in college), Judy W (who guided me out of my darkest times and into my brightest ones), Laura W (who open-heartedly accepted me into her brood of boys), Joanne D (who I called my surrogate grandmother, but who belongs on this list for sure, even though she's passed), Dad'sWife#5 (whose name I forget and with whom I only interacted a handful of times), and Evelyne L (matriarch of my Indiana family).

All kidding aside -- except for a few obvious outliers in the list above, I've been blessed to have had strong independent women who have helped to shape me into the man I am today and who have modeled unconditional love like nobody's business.  And for that I am most grateful.

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

EVERY HOLIDAY NEEDS A MOVIE:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1434435/

SO APPARENTLY IT's A CIVIL WAR TRADITION?:
http://jezebel.com/here-s-your-primer-on-the-civil-war-history-of-mother-503489169

DISCLAIMER --THIS PICTURE WAS CHOSEN *BEFORE* THIS NEWS STORY
IT IS IN NO WAY MOCKING THESE SAD EVENTS (THOUGHTS GO TO THE INJURED):
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/12/18213691-dozen-injured-in-new-orleans-mothers-day-parade-shooting?lite

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/11/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... dearest cashiers and cashier-ettes and cashiers-in-training:

When I purchase my daily paper (yes, I'm old and crotchety enough to still buy and read a daily paper in its original last-century format), please DO NOT eyeball it and take in all the headlines.  I do not want to take something home that is covered in your eye-funk.

That's MY paper.  Those headlines are for ME.  I should be the FIRST one to read them.  And by the way -- this covers other periodical purchases that I make as well.  Don't you be scanning the cover as you run it past the bar code checker outter thingy.  If you want to read it, buy one your damn self.

This advice to back off goes doubly to the few of you who decide to use my purchase to create small talk.  Like, for instance, that lady at Walgreens the other day who chose to comment on the trial of that Arias lady that was referenced on the front cover.  Because if you do, you are likely to hear me shock you again, as I apparently did when my reply to your comments was "clearly -- she needed to do a better job getting rid of the body".  Which, as you'll recall, did indeed shut you up.  And I can handle the quizzical look you gave me as I walked away.  I'm used to it.  I embrace it.  You can quizzical me all day -- I'm fine with it.

Thanks in advance for changing your behavior and for spreading the word throughout your industry on my behalf.

AN EXPLANATION OF THE INDUSTRY (WITH PICTURES!):
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-cashier.htm#slideshow

OH COME ON -- YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO KNOW:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/shocking-moments-jodi-arias-trial/story?id=19135206

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON OTHER FORMS OF LITERARY VOYEURISM:
http://bookriot.com/2012/08/22/a-pox-on-over-the-shoulder-readers/

Random Flashback for Friday 5/10/13

Despite the recent downturn in the weather (um .. the forecast says frost on Sunday night but high of 90 on Tuesday?), I'm still standing strong in my belief that summer is almost here, which means my month long series of flashbacks to the Boys of Summer 1993 (Uniontown edition) is still appropriate.

This is Bennie (not with last name Whitman, but with first name Charlie) and Chip (who is actually Eric) at the same party where last week's photo was taken, but this time apparently working out their model phase as they try to "sell" to the camera their beer and pretzels (staples at any great party, of course).

The location -- the back porch upstairs from my Uniontown apartment (and that's all I can say about that as I'm unclear of the statute of limitations in western PA).  Foreshadowing alert -- one of these guys and all of this porch will be featured again in three weeks ... Good times ...

Random Thought for Thursday 5/9/13

An odd TV listing caught my eye last night (and I sure do love me some TV listings).

[And let me get one thing out of the way -- that pic is from google and is not a photo of my front room, as I wouldn't want to document that I am an apprentice hoarder in training (even if I am).]

Apparently, the show was entitled Hoarding:  Buried Alive (Where Are They Now) ... which I thought seemed kind of obvious.  Although I didn't see the show, I posit that the episode flowed something like this:

Question 1:  Did anyone intervene?
If NO, see Question 2 below.
If YES, someone should check on them again.

Question 2:  Has sufficient time passed such that someone buried alive would expire?
If NO, someone should check on them, post haste.
If YES, let's face it -- they be dead, yo!

WATCH CLIPS FROM THE SHOW HERE:
http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/hoarding-buried-alive

IN CASE YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS IN DANGER OF BEING BURIED ALIVE:
http://www.helpforhoarders.com/

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF BEING BURIED ALIVE:
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/horrors/a/buried_alive.htm

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/8/13

Chi-raq.

Used in a sentence:  "My name is Troy, and I live in Chi-raq."

[Note:  this could easily double as a Soapbox for Saturday ... but here comes a rant today instead ...]

First things first -- there are some who imply that this nickname for the violence plaguing certain neighborhoods in Chicago is disrespectful to those who have served overseas.  That is not my intent.

Second things second -- after trolling the interwebs, it seems that this may actually have been one of those phrases that has been embraced by the community causing the mayhem as a source of pride.  In that context, I agree -- it's disrespectful.  And sickening.  And someone's selling t-shirts like it's funny.  Unbelievable.

Third things third -- I'm also not kidding anyone.  I'm next to Wrigley, with plenty of police protection, and lots of fellow lower-middle-class dwellings.  (At least, I think I'm still lower-middle-class as opposed to the upper echelons of the upper-lower-class -- but, hey, that Great Recession was a doozy.)  Which, I think in this analogy, puts me in the well fortified green zone.  Just affirming that I recognize that fact.

Fourth things fourth -- I also recognize that the analogy puts gangs in the spot of Sunnis and Shiites.  But I think that fits.  Because if there's a second place on the list of things that inspire mass violence, money/greed easily goes there right behind religion.

Fifth things fifth (and finally) -- I stand by what I said almost two months ago.  It's time to call in the national guard (despite the April 1 police news conference -- really, April Fools Day was the day you chose to update the city on your murder-reduction progress?).  To be fair, I did also say that day that they should only come in after a deadline passed for community leadership to work together to solve the problem.

The temperature's getting warmer.  We need something drastic or the war zone mentality will continue.

CHIRAQ NEWS (THESE ARE NOT HAPPY STORIES):
http://chiraqnews.blogspot.com/

APRIL FOOLS -- WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS!:
http://tv.msnbc.com/2013/04/02/is-chicago-cops-new-strategy-driving-the-murder-rate-down/

WHERE (AND WHY) I CALLED FOR THE NATIONAL GUARD:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/03/random-scandal-sheet-for-sunday-31713.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 5/7/13

So I realize I could have posted this yesterday as a Random Memorial for Monday ... but I didn't.  Instead, I'm naming my favorite George Jones song (a duet with Tammy W, of course) as my Random Tune for Tuesday.  So there -- my blog, my rules.

All kidding aside, this song is attached to a very specific memory of mine growing up.  When the family (such as it was) took trips (like to the Bloomsburg Fair ... or Knoebel's ... or to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Lancaster County), the kids all rode in the back of my bio-dad's truck (and, yes, it had a cap on it).  Over time, a little redwood bench had been added, and a rug laid down, and we filled it with blankets and pillows.  And -- most coveted item in the truck bed was a speaker that was wired in to the radio in the front.  I can distinctly remember falling asleep on long trips, with that speaker right under the pillow, listening to classic country as I dozed off.

I heard many a great song -- including this gem.  RIP George, RIP.

IN A PAWN SHOP IN CHICAGO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMgdDTzn8iY

Random Memorial for Monday 5/6/13

Gone but not forgotten:  the small size of the "Chicago Mix" at the local popcorn store.

[For those of you not in the know, "Chicago Mix" is what they call it when they mix cheddar cheese popcorn and caramel corn in the same serving.]

I walked in and looked up at the sign and, although all the other flavors had prices in the column for a small serving, Chicago Mix did not.  So I was forced to buy the medium size.  (Admittedly, "forced" may be too strong a word, as I will say that I kind of did it willingly.)

When I asked why it wasn't an offering, the guy behind the counter said, "our customers wouldn't want to get something this good in so small a size".  Now, normally when someone tells me no, I get a hankering to do it anyway.  [Luckily for me, genetically, my nose is rather large -- so it can handle all of the face-spiting I've been known to do.]

Thanks to that response that I decided was pretty darn clever, small size of tasty popcorn, you will not be missed.

THE BEST OLD FASHIONED POPCORN (SO THEY SAY):
http://www.wellsstreetpopcorn.com/

A "HISTORY" OF HOW THE CHICAGO MIX CAME INTO BEING:
http://soursaltybittersweet.com/content/chicago-mix-popcorn

A "HISTORY" OF CUT OFF YOUR NOSE TO SPITE YOUR FACE:
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/106875.html

Amazing Race Aside S22E10

What with the finale tonight, I had to squeeze this episode in and take it off the DVR and get this posted before the Hockey Boys take it all in a few hours (well that's my prediction anyway ...).  So although I'd rather they'd have spent an extra episode in Berlin, here's my Amazing Race Aside for last week's Scottish leg of the race ...

PITHIEST COMMENT OF THE NIGHT:  "Blow and blow and blow."  That whole bagpipe challenge gave me new respect for LVC's Dr. Scott, the lone bagpiper who appeared often on campus.

HOW DID THEY DO THAT?  BEHIND-THE-SCENES-REQUEST:  So producers, what was that $1.00 for on this part of the race?  Were they supposed to tip the haggis poet (by the way -- I thought he might have just been an interested local the way he first popped up on the scene to offer his ode to the treat).

IMAGE I WON'T SOON FORGET:  Oh those Scottish castles.  I want one.  Maybe the second one -- which seemed ready to move into.  Oh, and I only want one if the weather is warm, as a chimney in every corner makes me think it gets pretty pretty cold in there in the winter.

LET ME JUST SAY THIS:  What with all that which-plane-is-first drama, this episode seemed brought to you by the gospel's "the first shall be last and the last shall be first".

[make your own haggis with this "authentic" recipe:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/haggis_66072]

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/5/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Sure, there are the playoffs (NHL and NBA, to check off as many boxes for demographic groups as possible) and/or Cinco de Mayo festivities, but let's take a moment to pause and join in with those honoring   Chicago's fallen police officers this weekend.

Yesterday was the Run to Remember, and today was the St. Jude Police Memorial March.  And, according to the news, thousands participated on what ended up being a beautiful spring day on the city's lakeshore.

So on this day, we honor those who paid the ultimate sacrifice in the line of duty and those who accepted a life-ending mission to protect the community whilst upholding the greater good  -- our city's fallen heroes.  (Besides -- the playoffs continue all week long -- well -- hopefully.)

READ THEIR STORIES HERE:
http://www.cpdmemorial.org/fallen-heroes/

YESTERDAY'S RUN TO REMEMBER:
http://runtoremember2013.eventbrite.com/

TODAY'S MEMORIAL MARCH:
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=9090915

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/4/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... testicles (shake fist violently in the air).  Am I right, guys?

Look -- I understand the role that they play biologically, but shouldn't something that sensitive occupy a safer place in the body?  [Of course, if that were the case, that would cause a good percentage of youtube/funniest home videos classics to disappear.]

It's just that I have had too many a good nap ruined by "rutching" around the wrong way, only to have those delicate pieces twist the wrong way  ("rutching" -- that's my PA Dutch-adjacent upbringing coming out -- and, being an onomonopiac word better said out loud than spelled, I'm not surprised to have found multiple ways to spell it on the interwebs).

I'm not that upset that I'm going to go get eunuch-ized, but sheesh ... they sure could cooperate a little bit more than they do!

RUTCHING, RUTSCHING, ROOTSHING -- PLUS MORE FUN PA DUTCH WORDS:
http://voices.yahoo.com/pennsylvania-dutch-words-phrases-4999796.html

PROVING, YET AGAIN, THAT YOU CAN FIND ANYTHING ON THE INTERWEBS:
http://listverse.com/2012/11/09/top-10-famous-eunuchs/

AS A COUNTER TO MY POST ... SOME SERIOUS TESTICLE TALK:
http://www.cancer.ie/cancer-information/testicular-cancer/how-to-check-your-testicles

Random Flashback for Friday 5/3/13

It is almost summer (as two 85+ days in Chicago this past week helped me realize) ...

... so I choose to celebrate that fact over Friday Flashbacks throughout the month of May with pictures of the Boys of Summer circa 1993:  the Uniontown edition.

For perspective, that year twenty years ago, represented my final months in Uniontown, having interrupted my undergrad studies at LVC and headed there for an 18 month "theatre internship" that included all kinds of things in addition to acting -- such as waiting tables at the Cherry Tree Cafe (because, after all, aren't most actors primarily in that kind of work instead?).  And that's where I met these fine folks who added me to their senior class festivities (remember, I was a late bloomer -- so being newly 21 and being adopted into a high school group wasn't so much of a disconnect).

This picture, which appears to be a "selfie"  taken long before "selfies" were the norm (are photos with three people still called "selfies"?), was clearly taken after one of us said smile, although we each appeared to interpret that command in different ways.  (And look, there's my wonky eye on display -- this being a few months after the only talent agent I've ever had advised me to do eye exercises to fix my "problem".)

I feel like I've said this before ... but oh to be young again ...

Random Thought for Thursday 5/2/13

I kind of miss my Indiana family -- it seems like forever since we've been together.

As a matter of fact, the last time was six weeks ago when half of them made it to Chicago and we cracked open a Yahtzee game that hadn't been played for almost twenty years.

And let me tell you -- this group plays Yahtzee like we were at a group orgy (although, I guess all orgies, by definition, are "group" events).  To whit -- everyone was shouting out every one's names every so often, no one could keep their hands off of my "dice" and all involved seemed to have definitely strong opinions about what goes where and they weren't afraid to say it (as it relates to filling in the scorecard, of course)!

So long as cooler heads prevail, we should be able to reconnect next weekend.  Here's hoping that trip comes to fruition!

YAHTZEE STRATEGY FROM THOSE WHO HAVE REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT:
http://www.math.cornell.edu/~mec/2006-2007/Probability/Yahtzee.htm

NOT YOUR MOMMA'S YAHTZEE GAMES:
http://www.hasbro.com/games/en_US/yahtzee/

I MIGHT HAVE TO PURCHASE THESE FOR THE YAHTZEE SET:
http://www.rpgshop.com/d-and-d-dice-and-bags/specialty-dice/novelty-dice/16mm-dont-touch-my-dice-die-1.html

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/1/13

(Literally) Riding Shotgun.

Used in a sentence:  "After spending my whole life yelling 'shotgun!' when approaching a car with friends, one of whom was most definitely driving, it took a History channel special to forcibly connect the dots that the phrase originated from the days of the stagecoach, when someone needed to quite literally be riding shotgun."

Of course, some folks take the concept too far -- as in the miscreants ridin' dirty in the 'hood with illegal firearms OR thug-apprentices trying to mug pit-bull-dog-walkers next to the governor's mansion back in Harrisburg (I feel like I've told that story before, but yet I couldn't locate it when searching keywords on the blog, so maybe I'll have to file that for another day -- suffice it to say that the story had a "happy" ending as no one was shot [thanks to one way streets and some fast running] and that the perpetrators were caught [thanks to pulling Demon the pit bull back behind the car so he wouldn't jump in the window, allowing me to get the license plate number in the process]).

NOTE:  I have not yet found the historical connection between the days of stagecoach and the rapid consumption of beer through a punctured hole in the side (nor the communal sharing of the wacky weed) -- but I would posit that riding shotgun was a stressful job, leading to these characters committing these acts ... just a theory ... still waiting on the History channel special about that type of shotgunning ...

PERHAPS A CORRECTION -- THE PHRASE CAME FROM FICTION ABOUT THE TIME:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2158/whats-the-origin-of-riding-shotgun

STEP BY STEP INSTRUCTIONS FOR SHOTGUNNING A BEER:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXp_z0FjL1o

CO & WA READERS ONLY-STEP BY STEP INSTRUCTIONS FOR SHOTGUNNING WEED:
http://www.420magazine.com/forums/general-420-talk/76657-shotgunning-joint.html