Random Soapbox for Saturday 8/31/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I have reached the Tipping Point, the Critical Mass, the Afraid-It-Might-Be-Too-Big-To-Turn-Back-Moment ... (why must I always do that in threes? -- I should have stopped at the first two) ... I just might have to get serious about losing some weight.

The perfect weight gain storm has occurred this year -- a confluence of my predilection for bacon and cheese to be topping mostly all of my edibles, a metabolism that is now forty years old and slowing down as expected, a mostly sedentary lifestyle befitting of someone addicted to television, a workplace in the home that requires simply rolling from bed to desk where laptop is located and a Coke addiction (note -- that's Coca-Cola, as if it were the other, then I think I'd already be at my goal weight).

How do I know it's gone too far?  This past week, I got five clues ...

CLUE #1:  In a recent dream, I was at a SuperBowl party talking to a former SuperBowl player (even my subconscious is lacking in sports data, as said player simply came right out of Dream Central Casting and wasn't any particular person whom I recognized).  The aforementioned guy at the party couldn't remember my name, so he called me "Two Spoons".  When I asked why I had been given that nickname, he said ... "'cause it looks like you eat in double-time".

CLUE #2:  In another dream in the same week, I was hanging out with Cher (I do that in my dreams, she's actually a recurring featured player), and she made me dinner and told me "It's not spicy, because I know you don't like spicy ... but it is a smaller portion, because that's just the right thing to do."

CLUE #3:  I was having some unexplained back pain, and in an a-ha moment straight out of an Oprah episode built around men suddenly relating to well endowed women, I realized that my back pain was from carrying around my beer belly/spare tire.

CLUE #4:  (Alert -- this clue contains an image you may not want to have in your head.)  I have come to realize that I can no longer manscape without the aid of a mirror.  (Hey -- I warned you ... and that's all I have to say about that ...)

CLUE #5:  Too frequently, I'm plagued by uncomfortable neck sweat, and I'm afraid I'll get Neck Crust a la Mama June of the Honey Boo-Boos.  (Come to think of it, maybe that one should have an alert on it as well ...)

Bottom line -- someone of my height should not weigh 245.5 lbs.  It's time to make a change.  (Heck, it's *past* time to make a change, but now that I've put it out there publicly, perhaps I'll have more motivation to do what needs to be done.)

Please wish me well on my journey!  I'm starting with small changes first: more lifting (of weights, not bacon), more walking, less Coca-Cola and fewer desserts.  Starting tomorrow,  of course ...

WARNING:  CLIP CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF NECK CRUST:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNFMZydIfJE

RYAN GOSLING SAYS "BE NICE TO COWS"...  (AND, UNDOUBTEDLY, BABY GEESE):
http://www.eonline.com/news/404588/ryan-gosling-teams-up-with-peta-to-fight-cruelty-to-cows

HERE, IT'S CUTE ... IN MY DREAM, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS AN INSULT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fydr2ZmSgBQ

Random Posting for Penn State 8/31/13

Here are 9 Nittany Nuggets from today's game!

1.)  Year 2!  Thanks for staying with us Bill O'Brien!
2.)  Year 5!  Thanks for reading these random posts for five years now (I've been doin' this extra post on Saturdays since the '08 season [which is also, and not coincidentally, the year I finally joined the Facebook ...])
3.)  Year 71!  It was the 71st meeting of these two teams, and, to be clear, Syracuse hasn't won since I was a senior in high school (spoiler alert -- counting today, as well).
4.)  Just a suggestion boys -- maybe a little more time stretching before the next game?  [Note -- no disrespect intended to those with more serious injuries than those briefly featured in today's game.]
5.)  Welcome back FICKEN!  And ZWINAK!  And ... wait for it ... (until the second half) ... ROBINSON!
6.)  Speaking of FICKEN, I have to admit that he remains my favorite player.  Part of it might be because of the way he started last season (and the over-reaction with which he had to deal) and the other part of it is that he looks even smaller than I was in college (awwww), but, anyway ... atta boy!
7.)  Speaking of having to admit things, I will say that I got confused today when they talked about the good work of Michael Robinson ... a player on the Syracuse team.  I recognize that that name is common enough to be shared by others, but it's a shame we can't retire names like we retire numbers.
8.)  The little immature kid in me chuckled when I realized that the ABC broadcast today was sponsored by Dick's and Chik's (as in Sporting Goods and -Filet).
9.)  I sure do hope that whomever was responsible for putting the names on the jerseys got paid by the letter (yes, I'm talking about you, Obeng-Agyapong)!

In closing, thanks to Christian Hackenberg (a true freshman, as in only eighteen years old, as in "he was just at his prom four months ago" [a Bill O'Brien quote from hafltime]) for starting the season out with a win ... and the countdown to our next post-season game in 2016 stands at 47 more games!

THE SOURCE OF THE DATA IN NUGGET #3:
http://www.csnphilly.com/ncaa/college-football-capsule-penn-state-syracuse

I'M NOT AN EXPERT ... I'M JUST SAYIN' (AND YES, I SEE THIS IS FOR SOCCER):
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/stretching-for-football-warmup.html

SO THEY'RE STAYING (FOR NOW?):
http://onwardstate.com/2013/07/12/jersey-names-are-here-to-stay/

Random Flashback for Friday 8/30/13

And so ends another series ... this time, the five weeks spent flashing back to my sister's wedding in August 1993.

I tried to provide a mix of the professional photos with the candid shots -- and I consider this to be one of the latter, even though we're clearly posed for the picture.  In the middle, that's my moms (as the kids say), and on the right, that's my sister, and the other one is me (in case I'm unrecognizable being so skinny and what with all that head of hair).

I'm going to go ahead and dedicate this picture to the lady in the middle, as she's been experiencing some health issues the last fortnight, and the doctors are still trying to determine exactly what's wrong.  My family's a little scattered (not so much "of mind", but mostly "of body" -- in that we're all over the country [well -- maybe we're a little "of mind" as well]), and I'm not as close to her as one might expect (that's a long story, hinted at in many of my posts, and more just about how we all played the hands that life dealt us [with interventions by fate, and by a 70's era judge, and by a jealous new wife, etc., etc. {note to self -- I must one day actually write this book and get this tale on the record, but I'll be sure to call it fiction, as everyone will assume it was made up anyway.}])

Come to think of it, the last time we all (my mom and her five kids) were together in one room was at this event twenty years ago ... but, regardless, here's to looking back fondly to that time, since it makes it all the more special for just that exact reason!  (Oh -- and get well soon, Mary, mother of mine!)

Random Thought for Thursday 8/29/13

[And so it ends ... this series ... and the questionnaire ... as it always does ...]

IF HEAVEN EXISTS, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR GOD SAY WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT THE PEARLY GATES?:  I have to say -- some questions are just too easy.  Or some answers are to easy, that is.  Clearly what I want to hear upon arrival is someone saying "OOPS -- MADE A MISTAKE -- PULLED YOU OUT TOO EARLY, SO WE'RE SENDING YOU BACK".

But seeing as how that answer might be deemed a trick response by anyone judging ... I guess the other answer I'll provide is "HERE -- TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ITINERARY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY":

First things first:  Demon is waiting for you (by the way, that's not "a demon", but "the Demon", the American Staffordshire Pit Bull who was put down in 2008), and he's ready for his morning walk/pull around the clouds.  And his back legs work just fine, and he's above all the noise of the thunderstorms so he's never scared any more, and he'll still help himself to his box of biscuits when you return.

Then it's a busy day ahead, and it all starts with an orientation so you can meet your working groups. We've targeted you for a morning session where we're brainstorming ways to take back our message, as it's being misused down on Earth and twisted into causes to justify hate instead of love -- and an afternoon one where you can learn how to be a guardian angel to a handful of folks of your own choosing.

Lunch will be served by Joanne, and you'll break to watch Days of our Lives with her just like you used to.  And the evening entertainment tonight is Lucille Ball and Jackie Gleason performing their one-act plays together (admittedly, a bit of a darker presentation, but the experience is in seeing them live again).

Of course, by the end of the night, don't forget to leave time to open up a can of tuna, as Mystery, Mauler and Baby are all here to share in the nightly treat.  And, just before the most peaceful sleep you've ever had (no nightmares, no unresolved issues playing games with your subconscious psyche, just the right temperature of pillow and softness of mattress), DJ will be waiting for you to sit out on a balcony and share a Swisher Sweet as you reflect on the day's activities.

Yep -- that's what I want to hear.  Just in case anyone is taking requests.

On that note ... there's nothing left to say except ... "... and ... scene"!

ADMITTEDLY, UNTIL THIS POST, I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS SPECIAL EXISTED:
http://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/472642/Lucille-Ball-Special-Starring-Lucille-Ball-and-Jackie-Gleason-A/

AN ERSTWHILE TRADITION (TO BE REVIVED IN HEAVEN?):
http://www.swisher.com/

I'M EXPECTING THESE TO BE STOCKED BEHIND THE PEARLY GATES:
http://www.sharperimage.com/si/view/product/Temperature-Regulating-Pillow-Case/200212

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 8/28/2013

Top 8 Olympic Hopefuls.

Used in a multiple choice question, the Top 8 Olympic Hopefuls are:

A.  Eight people who hope we boycott Sochi 2014 in protest due to the passing of anti-homosexual laws (umm ... hey Russia -- have you not ever watched figure skating?)

B.  Eight people who hope we boycott Sochi 2014 in protest due to the general Chill War that has returned between Obama and Putin (umm ... see the unfolding Armageddon Pre-Show being planned right now for Syria and its environs for proof of this new reality).

C.  Eight people who hope we boycott Sochi 2014 out of concern that the Dagestanians will strike again (ummm ... Boston Strong, yo!).

D.  Mikaela Shiffrin, Shaun White, Elana Myers, Meryl Davis and Charlie White, Max Aaron, Heather Richardson, Ashley Wagner and Gracie Gold (ummm ... I know that's technically nine folks, but Meryl and Charlie sport together).

E.  Just another way to refer to the sports that are hoping to return to the 2020 Summer Games (the final vote is due in September):  soft/baseball, karate, roller sports, squash, sportclimbing, wakeboarding, wrestling or wushu (ummm ... what the heck is wushu?).

You probably guessed it -- it's a trick question of sorts.  Both D and E are correct (if you allow for the accounting accommodation listed in the parenthetical of answer D).  And A, B and C are probably also mostly correct, although the thought is that more than eight people are behind the suggested boycotts (and yes, there are quite a few different reasons offered for doing so).

No one's asking for my opinion -- but the first pictorial representations of the Olympics seemed to be sweaty naked men rolling around in hopes that one of them wins and gets to wear something pretty in his hair, so it seems that Russia's laws are clearly an affront to the Greeks, as is kicking wrestling out of the competition.  [By the way, rumor has it that the wrestlers are fighting back, and may even change the rules and regulations to make them easier to understand and/or retire singlets in favor of UFC-style sartorial selections.]

Anyway -- that's just my two drachmas ...

THE SOURCE OF THE NAMES IN ANSWER CHOICE D (JUST THE AMIS):
http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/athletes-to-watch-at-2014-winter-olympics-in-sochi-1360189113-slideshow/figure-skating-u-championships-photo-050904323--spt.html

NOW I DON'T FEEL SO BAD-IT ONLY WAS RECOGNIZED INTERNATIONALLY IN 1990:
http://wushu.stanford.edu/whatis.html

TOLD YOU -- MORE THAN 8 WANT TO MOVE IT TO VANCOUVER:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/canada-politics/petition-relocate-2014-olympics-vancouver-reaches-66-000-043807648.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 8/27/13

Three weeks into my countdown anticipating the release of Pearl Jam's next studio album, and I have before me what I imagine will be the hardest task of this ongoing P Jam Jam series.

If I stay true to my concept, I'm kind of obligated to choose one tune to feature -- but how could I possibly pick?  I refuse to say that this is my favorite album (because favorites don't work when there is so much quality artistic output from which to choose), but I will most definitely say that I'm extremely torn and unclear as to how I can accomplish this task.

Do I go with the comically psychotic "Bugs" or "Stupid Mop"?  Or do I choose one of the Man-duos of "Nothingman" or "Betterman" (the latter of which still resonates with me as it was a bonding moment I had with one of my best friends who used it to gain insight into my family's fractured past)?  Or maybe I should feature one of the scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-at-all-the-haters power ballads of "Corduroy" [I WOULD RATHER STARVE THAN EAT YOUR BREAD!] or "Not For You" [THIS IS NOT FOR YOU!  OH NEVER WAS FOR YOU!]?  Or do I rally behind a commitment to never orally satisfy Satan (a line from "Satan's Bed" that was playing during one of my murder mysteries back in the day at kind of the wrong everybody-suddenly-got-quiet moment)?  Or do I just sit back and relax and relive past concert moments of ultimate chill when "Immortality" was played?

I guess the point is that I can't possibly pick just one track ... and, luckily, someone on the YouTube agrees with me, since they've posted the entire album as one link.  And that's a loophole I'll gladly take advantage of!

LIGHTING BOLT ARRIVES in JUST 7 WEEKS!   

BECAUSE SOMETIMES CHOOSING IS IMPOSSIBLE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHoJBodMp1c

Random Memorial for Monday 8/26/13

Gone but not forgotten:  Sally Field.

Well, that is Sally Field, she who was a friend to Dolly Parton.  And that is Dolly Parton, she who hired Daryl Hannah.  And that is Daryl Hannah, she who did Shirley Maclaine's hair.  And that is Shirley Maclaine, she whom Olympia Dukakis thinks Sally Field should hit, since "half of Chinquapin Parish would give their eye teeth to take a whack at [her]".

If you haven't caught on yet (do I have to say that Julia Roberts was her daughter?), it's not Sally Field herself who has left this world.  But Margaret Harling, the inspiration for the M'Lynn character in Steel Magnolias did pass away last Thursday in Louisiana.

And since it was all based on true life, I have to suspect that she is now finally united with her Susan (or "Shelby", in the play/movie), and I have a feeling that the momma's opportunities to remind her daughter to be sure that she "drinks her juice" will no longer be missed.

DIDN'T MEAN TO ADD FUEL TO THIS FIRE:
http://en.mediamass.net/people/sally-field/deathhoax.html

THIS BARELY SCRATCHES THE SURFACE (MOST QUOTABLE MOVIE EVER MAYBE)?
http://kayedacus.com/2008/06/13/fun-friday-steel-magnolias-quotes/

THIS IS *NOT* A HOAX:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/shreveporttimes/obituary.aspx?pid=166532702#fbLoggedOut

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 8/25/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Squeezing in all the things that need to happen before summer ends *next* week.

This photo -- my personal "haul" from today's visit to the flea market at Allstate Arena, all three items purchased for $4.00.  I could not find any Hardy Boys books this year (those have been my usual most-sought-after-items on past visits as I'm rebuilding the collection I had in my youth, a collection on which I once placed so much value that I threw them all into a bed sheet and took them with me the very first time I ran away from home when I was in elementary school -- and if you haven't heard that story before, be sure to ask me about it sometime, because it involves hiding my aforementioned library-in-a-hobo-sack in the swamps of Lebanon, choosing to wear all my socks instead of a pair of shoes as a running away strategy and spending all my vacation bible school collection money on bubble gum purchased from a nickle candy machine at the local Hills PLUS it features my very Dutchified neighbor "ooo-dat-vas-a-purrrdy-von" Mr. Meily [RIP] -- oh the stories I could tell).

Instead, my major purchase was a set of Yahtzee score pads.  'Tis true that one can now print scoresheets off the interwebs, but I saw this addition to my recently rediscovered Yahtzee box as more of an investment in my post-apocalyptic strategy.  I know I got sidetracked last year and had some fun with the end of the Mayan calender apocalypse, and I'm certainly no Doomsday Prepper extraordinaire -- but, if you are, and should you invite me to your bunker, I can assure you that I will pack the dice and this new set of four score pads into my bug-out bag.  (Ain't no end-of-the-world party like a Yahtzee party, yo!)  Plus, I got lots of stories to tell to pass the time while we outwait the rogue government, or the zombies, or the nuclear fallout, or whatevs ...

So just one more trip to the beaches of Chicago next weekend (assuming the 90 degree temperatures continue), and I can officially transition from summer to fall, just in time for an upcoming autumn adventure that's still in the planning stages (stay tuned!) ...

UNTIL WE GET DOWN IN THE BUNKER, THERE'S ALWAYS THIS OPTION:
http://www.memory-improvement-tips.com/yahtzee-score-sheets.html

TRUTH BE TOLD, THE MARKET LASTS UNTIL THE END OF OCTOBER:
http://wolffs.com/pages/rosemont-2013-schedule-242

THIS WAS THE 2006 REPRINT ... I'M TRYING TO FIND OLDER EDITIONS:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/146656.Hardy_Boys_Complete_Series_Set_Books_1_66

Random Soapbox for Saturday 8/24/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I'm tired of just complaining about the murder-iffic status of my adopted hometown of Chicago (since '01 ... and counting!).  Complaining is easy ... it's much harder to be proactive ... to feel like I'm contributing to the solution instead of just shining a light on the problems.  To whit, here are five tips I've put together to help those who'd like to survive modern times in Chitown.

TIP #1:  Try not to be a gang member.  It seems like that's still the usual connection to the more permanent way to shuffle off this mortal coil that's apparently all the rage.  Sure there's also collateral damage (I'll get to that), but stay out of "the life" if you can, because, spoiler alert -- it's paradoxically named that.

TIP #2:  Try not to use gang services.  Which means you have to buy all of your drugs from your local friendly pharmacist (if there's one thing more prevalent than a Starbucks in this town, it's the byproducts of the turf war being fought over street corners between CVS and Walgreens) ... and you can't go looking for nookie-by-the-hour out at the airport hotel-no-tell-motels ... and you daresn't go expressing your artistic skill for defacing public and private property via graffiti-esque murals that might intrude on the cute little squigglies that the gang taggers use.

TIP #3:  Try not to hang out in areas that are being contested.  Borders are bad places to live (for other examples, see any country in the Middle East, or any country close to Germany in the mid-40's, or, for a more light-hearted perspective, any episode of the History Channel's "How the States Got Their Shapes").  If you are unsure about whether you are treading on disputed ground, be safe and assume that you are.  Chicago may one day hire a gang czar, and then he or she can open up neighborhood offices so that you can visit and learn these types of things (come to think of it, maybe the aldermen and alderwomen of the city can create space in their 'hood offices for some 'hood representation as a realistic nod to who's really in control of the respective 'hoods) ... but until that time, and especially if you want to avoid being struck down in the crossfire of the automatic machine gun that slaughters folks between the uptown McDonald's and the steps of the nearby church, then ... consider all of the benefits that agoraphobia can offer. And for those of you with children, there's always home-schooling -- unless you put your faith in those trained to provide Safe Passage -- a modern day Underground Railroad type solution (essay question:  compare and contrast these two "escape" routes; one from slavery and one from gangs -- and then just break down and cry at how far we've *not* come as a society ...).

TIP #4:  Don't tempt them.  By "them", I mean "them" Rob(b)in' Hood(lums) who are intent on redistributing the tech wealth from the haves to the have-nots.  [See what I did there?  I might have just created and named a new gang!  Boy, it *is* easy to fall down that rabbit hole, isn't it?]  Full disclosure -- tip #4 is not an original tip from me.  It's actually the number one thing (and seemingly the only thing) that the police consistently say at meeting after meeting and on news expose after news expose.  If you're still reading this post, it would be best if you read this next quote in the same voice that Eddie Murphy used to use when he offered up something that old white men say:  "You have to learn to keep your phones in your pockets and to not walk around waving them in the air like you just don't care -- 'cause they'll take them from you!"  Alternate plan -- do like me and be sure that the "smart" phone you carry is a model released more than five years ago -- flip phone preferred ... as it's not preferred at all by "them".

TIP #5:  Don't make eye contact and be empowered to cross the street.  One can debate PC once PeaCe has returned to the streets.  Sure the Midwest is supposed to have a reputation for being friendly (but, let me tell you, Philly is allegedly the city of brotherly love, and I can assure you that that only applies now to certain flag-waving neighborhoods). There will be time to rebuild that reputation after everyone is done shooting everyone else.  Until then, it's each person for him or her self and if that means appearing insensitive or being an -ist (i.e.  classist, racist, elitist), then -ist away for your own survival.

Whew -- it feels good to be proactive about this.  And, to the citizens of Gotham, I mean Chitown, you're welcome.  Stay classy -- and stay alive!

I DRIVE THROUGH THIS 'HOOD WAY TOO OFTEN FOR THIS NOT TO WORRY ME:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-darius-oliver-uptown-shooting-chicago-violence-20130823,0,1584882.story

COULD THIS BE A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION:
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/iteam&id=9211738

THEY'RE JUST ROB(B)IN' HOOD(LUMS) REDISTRIBUTING THE TECH WEALTH:
http://chicago.cbslocal.com/tag/iphone-theft/

Random Flashback for Friday 8/23/13

Twenty years ago this month, my sister Sherry got married, and all this August, I've been flashing back to that time in 1993 (as I'm wont to do on Fridays on this blog and on the Facebook).

Although wedding days are all about the bride, I managed to snag this *slightly* candid shot of her bridesmaids all lined up in a row in the Quakertown United Methodist Church.  I say *slightly* candid because it does appear that someone (i.e.  me) clearly said "smile" before snapping this photo of the five of them, since they all have practically the same grin on their faces.

[NOTE:  I'm related to 60% of them -- if you can't tell, it's the two on the left {Hey Holly!  Hey Bonnie!} and the one on the right {Hey Sharon-not-on-FB!}]

[TANGENT:  In a modern update on the classic "tree falling in the woods when no one is around" ... if one says "Hey!" to a relative who has no virtual presence, is that "Hey!" even heard?]

[CLARIFICATION:  Sherry -- any idea why the one next to Sharon appears to have traded her flowers for a nice pair of indoor shades?]

Next week ... one last twenty year old wedding photo ... and, of course, it will be of the bride ...

Random Thought for Thursday 8/22/13

[If I'm up to the Profession questions (and I am!), I must be nearing the end of my decision to Pivot myself every Thursday in August ...]


And before we get to the questions, let's lay a little groundwork.  When I was younger, I would always answer the question of "what do you want to be when you grow up?" with "a preacher, a teacher, a writer and a cashier".  If you allow for some liberal interpretation of some of the jobs I have had, I kind of managed to hit all four quadrants.

Here's a quick accounting of what I've been so far in this life of mine (in somewhat chronological order):  a pig farmer's helper, a farmer's market's auction's runner, a print shop folder/assembler, a fast food cashier, a fast food drive thru small town celebrity, a fast food shift manager, a college food server, a college front desk attendant, a college librarian's assistant, a cashier at the place where the toys are/were (in two cities!), an actor on someone else's payroll, an actor on my own payroll, a director and a producer on my own payroll, a haunted house performer, a waiter, a volunteer church camp counselor, a government agency intern, a non profit theatre's box office manager (at two different theatres!), a voiceover artist, a hotel front desk attendant, a flower delivery person, a law office's intern, a writing teacher, a hotel's night auditor, a cater waiter, a major pharmacy chain's help desk analyst, a fine dining waiter, a bank's shift supervisor, an education company's center manager, an education company's part time specialist, an education company's center's director and an education company's help desk analyst- extraordinaire (if I do say so myself).

Which leads me to tonight's questions -- first, WHAT PROFESSION OTHER THAN YOUR OWN WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEMPT?:  If only I were younger, I'd suggest the oldest profession (and who's to say that I didn't once dabble in the trade ... or that I did so in spirit but never got paid for my services ... you'll just have to wait for the tell-all to know for sure).  But since I'm in my forties and that's a young man's game, my answer is a POLITICIAN, but, to further clarify -- a POLITICIAN IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC SCENARIO.  Yep -- make me your leader -- but only after the aliens arrive, the true date of the Mayan calendar's end is revealed, the zombies attack or Armageddon begins.  [Wait a minute -- did I just inadvertently answer this item and say I want to be the Antichrist?]  I think I'd thrive in any of those environments where rules are made to be rewritten!

And, WHAT PROFESSION WOULD YOU NOT LIKE TO DO?:  I've done so many already -- which kind of precludes me from saying a pig farmer's helper again as a reply -- so I'll have to generalize in that I wouldn't want an ASSEMBLY LINE MANUFACTURING JOB as a career.  Mind you, I like a repetitive task on occasion -- it actually quiets the voice inside my head and allows me to focus -- so the occasional data entry or envelope stuffing project serves its purpose for me.  I just couldn't imagine it as the only thing I did day in and day out.  My body and soul need challenge and change and a bit of interaction with others, and not just endless widget-work.

Next week -- this whole self-interviewing ends with me at the gates of heaven ... (and not a moment too soon -- and hopefully, not literally)!

CINCY KNOWS HOW TO RESPECT A LEGEND!:
http://www.cincyshirts.com/index.php/cincyshirts/cincyshirts/hills-vintage-shirt.html

NASA ALWAYS KNEW (BUT NEVER TOLD ME!):
http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html

JUST SHY OF 20000 JOB OPENINGS WITH WHICH I WOULD NOT BE SATISFIED!:
http://www.indeed.com/q-Assembly-Line-jobs.html

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 8/21/13

Aspiration to Dolittle

Used in a sentence:  "I have embraced the fact that, at my core, I have a deep seated Aspiration to Dolittle."

To be clear, the words "do" and "little" in that phrase are connected as one -- because I'm not talking about wanting to grow up to be a slacker ('tis true that when two roads diverged in my yellow wood [wait a minute -- does that sound creepy to anyone else?], I did take the one less traveled by, and it has indeed definitely made all the difference, but I've traveled it at my own pace and in my own way and even sometimes by straying from it for a time to make my own routes, even at the risk of potentially being judged by others as not having lived up to my true full potential -- because, when in the yellow woods, everyone seems to have his or her own opinion about the movements of others instead of focusing on them-damn-selves).

Nope -- I mean Dolittle in the classic Hugh Lofting sense (or, for those of you less literarily inclined, in the true Eddie Murphy sense; or, for those of you a little younger, in the true Kyla Pratt sense; or, for those of you a little older, in the true Rex Harrison sense).  Yep -- I want to be able to talk to animals.

I affirm this aspiration every day when I go for the walk to get the paper, as I tend to say hello to the squirrels or to pardon myself from the tiny birds I disturb from their dust baths next to the sidewalk as I pass.  Most times, I am able to give my greetings under my breath (which probably helps me from being stared at by the passers by).  But during the day, that precaution goes out the window, as I walked into the bathroom the other day and saw the millipede on the sink and, instead of registering surprise or defending my near-the-top-of-the-food-chain status by smashing it to bits, I said, out loud, "Hey buddy ... how did you get there?  Did you just climb out of the drain?"

And, for those of you concerned about my sanity, please know that she (or he -- maybe it was a 999,999 legged creature and I mistook a penis for that millionth limb), DID NOT reply back to me.  So I'm guess I'm not a Dolittle just yet ... but good grief ... a boy like me can dream ...

OOPS -- SOUNDS LIKE A MILLIPEDE IS BOASTING ABOUT ITS APPENDAGES:
http://www.tropicalpets.com/insects/millipede-facts/

ALL DUE RESPECT TO THE MASTER POET FROST:
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173536

OH RIGHT -- I FORGOT THAT MARKY MARK ASPIRES TO THE SAME THING!:
http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2011/09/the-50-best-saturday-night-live-skits/mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals

Random Tune for Tuesday 8/20/13

In case you missed it last week -- every Tuesday leading up to the release of the latest Pearl Jam studio album, I'll be counting down by way of choosing a random tune from each of their previous studio albums (in order of release).

Since this is week 2, that means I'm choosing from VS. -- and as much as I seriously thought about paying homage to all my elderly friends whose breath might smell familiar as they sit at counters back home in the small town of Lebanon PA where I grew up, I'm going to have to choose the song whose lyrics are featured on this person's tattoo ...

[In a funny twist, it's a song that's been a random tune before (on 6.19.12) but I'm not against some double postings now that I've been doing this for many many years and many many posts -- so much so that I also learned I actually featured last week's tune before as well (Dirty Frank was also the random tune on 8.9.11) {I'm really enjoying the google search feature on my blog ...}]

I can't not hear P Jam's lyrical-different-slant-of-sorts of Billy Joel's "Angry Young Man", and not scream my lungs out to the ode to stubbornness with its lyrics below (or ... is that an ode to questioning whether stubbornness actually matters in the long run ... discuss ...)

I will hold the candle til it burns up my arm.

I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired.

I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind.

Hey I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind.

I'll swallow poison until I grow immune.

I will scream my lungs out until it fills this room.

The answer to "how much difference does it make?" ... A hell of a lot to those of us who have used a severely stubborn streak to survive any manner of crisis and dysfunction.  Of course, that's just my take ...

LIGHTNING BOLT ARRIVES in JUST 8 WEEKS!

HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmL8XbC6Zmo

Random Memorial for Monday 8/19/13

Gone and now to be forgotten:  that time I complained about my testicles.

Don't remember it?  It was earlier this summer -- on 5.4.13 -- and I was bitching and moaning about how they sometimes got in the way when I was "rutching" around on the couch trying to nap.

But then I went looking through the television listings to map out the night tonight (TV is my addiction, and TVGuide is my enabler -- I'm kind of a Mike Teavee Two, were Roald Dahl still alive [and were he to approve the appropriation of his creative work], although, seeing this idea through a little farther, I predict that nowadays I'd end up trapped on demand [or worse -- on Hulu] if I couldn't control my appetites a la the wisdom of the Wonka) ... and I discovered that TLC is airing a "documentary" entitled "The Man with the 132 lb Scrotum".

Ummm ... Scrotal Lymphedema is not a laughing matter, so I'll attempt no stabs at humor (I just don't have the balls to make the joke, so to speak) and I'll just twist my normal Memorial Monday ending to say that ... perspective, you will not be missed.

WATCH IF YOU DARE ON TLC TONIGHT:
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/categories/the-man-with-the-132-lb-scrotum/

CLEARLY THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3236059/

LOOKING TO CLEANSE YOUR PALATE WITH SOMETHING MORE WHIMSICAL?:
http://www.roalddahl.com/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 8/18/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

... something we talk about every week -- another murder-iffic period in the big city.

I know, I know -- it's easy to complain.  And I'm out of suggestions -- I've previously advocated for a National Guard presence, or a return to fisticuffs as a method of adolescent dispute resolution, or a Stephen King like Dome to land on the 'hoods that have the worst murder problem (as displayed on the interactive map at the links below).

I will say this -- a picture is allegedly worth a thousand words, so I'll actually resist the urge to pontificate for 866 words more, and just stop at 134 and draw your attention to the way that the murder data is presented (with photos of victims [not crime scene photos] where available).  So sad ...

THE TIMELINE FOR THIS YEAR AND LAST:
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/2013-chicago-murders/timeline?mon=8

A "HEAT MAP" TO SEE THE WORST 'HOODS:
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/2013-chicago-murders/map

ALL KINDS OF DATA -- SEE MOST POPULAR TIMES, DAYS & MONTHS FOR MURDER:
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/2013-chicago-murders/explore-data

Random Soapbox for Saturday 8/17/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

... go me.

[What's this?  Two raves in one month when I'm usually up on the soapbox ranting?  And awarding the rave to me!  Just call me rule-breaker (although, let's face it ... I made these rules for this blogging construct, so I can break 'em just as easily ...)]

I love to be in the center of a win-win-win-win situation, and now that I've been recycling my empty cans of Coke (and Yeungling Lager, depending on the kindness of others who drop some off after their trips back to PA) for almost a year, I feel much worthy of a rave.

WIN -- I can drink my Coke guilt-free, even if my age and metabolism require that I mostly limit myself to just one a day (except special occasions -- and yes, "special" becomes very relative and susceptible to rationalizations, as I imbibe a bonus Coke on such "special" occasions as "going grocery shopping", "having pizza for dinner" and "running errands in the car that require me driving more than thirty minutes").  That also means that my beer belly gets to be a beer-and-coke belly, which just sounds more bad-ass.

WIN -- Through my frequent Coke purchases, I support big business, helping the economy improve.  The Great Recession may have ended, but that recovery seems a touch precarious, so anything I can do to help us put that experience as far in our rear view mirror as possible is a good thing.  And if Pepsi gets crushed in the process, well then -- go capitalism!

WIN -- Recycling keeps more of my trash out of the landfill, or in the lake, or scattered across the back alleys of Chicago, or in the poor southside 'hoods or wherever it is that is the final resting place for all of our trash.  And that has to be a good thing, no?

WIN -- Little Latin babies will eat better because of my actions.  Because you see, by "recycle", I mean that I take my bag of cans and I go to the back alley and I put it on top of my dumpster -- and voila (which is a word of French origin, but I just don't know what Spanish magicians say when revealing things magical) -- it disappears right quick into one of the many trucks prowling the alleys for scrap metal.  [Note -- I am being descriptive, not racist.  I see these trucks all the time, and they are always driven by Latinos -- without exception.  And, thanks to the prevalence of the Pope within that culture, I can almost guarantee that there is at least one baby per family. (What is with that Pope guy?  He's so against Trojans, you'd think he was Greek instead of South American.  Let's face it -- Onan and his seed spilling incident was a long long time ago ... and being punished for NOT knocking up your dead brother's wife seems a little more like a Jerry Springer episode and a little less like a Bible story around which the kiddies should rally ...)

With that, I should probably get off the soapbox and end this rave.  After all, I don't think that Catholics have the equivalent of a fatwa when it comes to making fun of religious leaders, but I probably shouldn't push my luck ... and ... it's time for a Coke!

NYC FIGURED OUT HOW TO TRACK WHERE ITS TRASH WENT:
http://senseable.mit.edu/trashtrack/

GO PLAY IN AN ALLEY (NO, REALLY, IT'S A RECOMMENDED CHITOWN ACTIVITY:
http://www.timeoutchicago.com/things-to-do/96131/chicagos-best-alleys

JUST SAYIN' ... ONAN AND HIS SEED SPILLING WAS A LONG TIME AGO:
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2013/07/23/welcome-to-brazil-pope-francis-can-we-please-talk-about-contraception/

Random Flashback for Friday 8/16/13

So ... if you are connected to me on Facebook, then you know that I cheated this week and provided TWO pics flashing back to this event from this week twenty years ago ... as I changed my cover photo to be the wedding photo of the bride and her mother surrounded by all of her mother's kids (which is the awkward way to say it's a shot of "my maternal sisters and I and our moms" -- which, in turn, is the awkward way to imply that I have a different set of paternal siblings, which I actually do) ... and as I am now also including *this* classic part of the day just before we started throwing things at the bride.

Or, maybe, in 1993, that was around the time when throwing things at the bride was frowned upon because of the damage it did to the local birdfolk ... or because throwing things at the bride, even if traditional, seemed a little mean-spirited.  I don't have any pictures immediately *after* this moment when bride and groom left the church, and my memory just doesn't serve as to whether we had rice or popcorn or bubbles at this point in the ceremony.

Regardless -- after an emotional day when I got to proudly give her away in my father's stead (that generation that bore us kind of put the fun in dysfunctional, if you know what I mean) ... it's this happy moment (which, contrary to my aforementioned memory problems, I think was a bit of sun shining after a drizzly start to the day) to which I'll  hearken back tonight.  Presenting ... my sister and her husband ... Mr. and Mrs. Joe G ...

(Apparently, the traditional gifts for this occasion are China or Platinum, but a five week long remembrance on Facebook and the internet will have to suffice ...)

So Happy Happy 20th Anniversary!

Random Thought for Thursday 8/15/13

[If it's a Jeudi in August, then I must be Pivot-ing myself ...tonight, questions 5, 6 and 7]

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD?:  If I'm answering honestly, and I am ... then it's going to vary based on my audience.  In mixed company and normal circumstances, a good "good grief" goes a long way.  If it's unmixed company, then I'm a fan of inserting a little "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge" into existing words and phrases (here a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge", there a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge", everywhere a "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge" "for-unlawful-carnal-knowledge").  But more than anything, I like to accuse folks who upset me of JACK-DOUCHERY or JANE-DOUCHERY -- and to refer to those committing that act as an ASS-JUICE.

WHAT SOUND OR NOISE DO YOU LOVE?:  Speaking of anal discharges (and there's an unexpected segue) ... I could go the safe route and say babies giggling or kittens purring, but I'm a gonna tell the truth and overshare that it's PASSING-GAS-WHILST-SHOWERING.  Makes me giggle every damn time -- wish I could get it as a ringtone!

WHAT SOUND OR NOISE DO YOU HATE?:  I promise no ass references here ... and, in a complete 180, although I'm tempted to call out the workers who decided to jackhammer yesterday at 7:30 in the morning, I think it's the SOUND OF DISAPPOINTMENT.  It takes many forms -- but it's always accompanied by an emptiness and hollowness as one discovers that heroes are human, or friendships are fake, or that dreams are dead.  Sigh ... it's not all sunshine and rainbows when one Pivots oneself, is it?

Next week -- professional aspirations and desperations (?!) ... and then wrapping this all up a week later at heaven's gate!

WHO KNEW?  MY FAVORITE SWEAR WORD WAS A HOT DRINK IN NYC CIRCA 2006:
 http://www.villagevoice.com/bestof/2006/award/best-drink-with-a-disgusting-name-494961/

LOOK KIDS -- THERE'S SCIENCE TO SHOWER FARTS!:
http://www.omg-facts.com/Science/There-Is-A-Scientific-Reason-Why-Your-Fa/53751

THIS SOUNDS MORE LIKE SOMEONE DYING ... NOT BEING DISAPPOINTED:
http://www.videoblocks.com/videos/details/cartoon-male-voice-of--disappointment---long/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 8/14/13

TELEMARKETER TIRADE:  TAKE TWO

[a wordplay example connected back to my] [original post in 2011 and used to effectuate a] [revival of my series of super-short sTROYies]

[NOTE:  this is not a work of fiction, but]

[is a script of a conversation I had yesterday]

*************************************

Phone rings.  I answer.

ME:  This is Troy.

GIRL:  May I please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Neidermyer?

ME:  This is Troy.

GIRL:  Hi ... I'm just confirming the address you supplied recently ... are you at ... [correctly says my address to me]

ME:  Yep.

GIRL:  And to confirm, what's the zip code?

ME:  60613.

GIRL:  I'm calling to notify you that you have won a 2013 BMW, a Ferrari, $49,000 thousand in cash, a $1500 shopping spree or $500 in cash.

ME:  Wait a minute.  I'm won $49,000 and $500?  Why not just tell me that I won $49,500 at the same time?

GIRL:  Oh -- well, it's not both.  It's either or -- after you've viewed our property ...

ME:  Wait a minute -- before we continue, I need you to explain the disparity in the prizes.  I mean $49,000 and $500 are wildly different amounts.

GIRL:  It all depends on what you win after you've ...

ME:  Actually, I've made a decision.  I give it to you.

GIRL:  [Silence.]

ME:  You may have my prize.

GIRL:  I appreciate that, but ...

ME:  No buts ... I'm giving it to you.  Don't you watch Oprah?  I'm paying it forward.

GIRL:  I appreciate that, but I'm not allowed ... 

ME:  Oh no -- I insist!  If this call's being taped, I state publicly that I bequeath this gift to you.  It's yours -- I swear on my unborn child and consistent with whatever your lawyers say need to be signed.  It's yours.  I bet you'd look pretty in that BMW.

GIRL:  I appreciate that, but ...

ME:  You don't get it.  I want you to appreciate that BMW -- or, if it's only $500, then I want you to buy yourself a BMW matchbox and to enjoy the other $495 you'll have left over.

GIRL:  So ... you'll get your gift ...

ME:  No ... no ... don't go back to your script.  I'm not interested in that.  By the way, I have to hope that you are smart enough to know that I'm toying with you now -- and, as someone who is probably paid on commission, that means I'm actually taking money out of your pocket when I really don't have anything of value to offer you.  Does that sound like a familiar business model?

GIRL:  [Silence.]

ME:  Well -- you have a good day.

GIRL:  [quietly]  You too ...

And ... S C E N E!

THE ORIGINAL TELEMARKETER TIRADE:

http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2011/05/random-soapbox-for-saturday-5711.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 8/13/13

I've got a bunch of series going on, so why not one more ... every Thursday in August I'm Pivot-ing myself ... and every Friday in August I'm flashing back to *the* social event of the summer (... of 1993 -- my sister's wedding) ... and, starting today, every Tuesday for the next ten of them -- until the Lightning Bolt strikes on 10.15 -- my random tuneage will be from the Pearl Jam collection -- a P Jam Jam, if you will.

Here are the disclaimers (thankfully, this will not be as long as the fan club's list of rules when it comes to awarding tickets to those of us who belong to that exclusive group when it comes to tour dates):  this is not a collection of favorites (because, really, with so much quality, can you even choose favorites -- that would be a little Sophie's choice-ish, no?) ... it's also not a "best of" list, nor a top ten -- there's no ranking involved, no *this* is better than *that*, etc., because, as a loyalist, I can find value in every song.

Instead, it will be one song (at least) each week as taken from each of the previous studio albums in the order they were released ... all in anticipation of the one that is arriving when this occasional series ends.  Tonight, I'll twist the rules even more, and designate the TEN song (again, that's not number ten -- that's from the studio album TEN) as "Dirty Frank" (eligible under my rules as it was included on the overseas version of TEN).

Sure, I could have chosen any of the other angst filled, pain laden, loneliness blackened other tracks from P Jam's "debut" -- but I want to kick this series off with a classic darkly twisted song that shows the funnier side of P Jam (well, if gently mocking their tour bus driver by making him into a serial killer a la Dahmer is "funny").  Note the homage to Red Hot Chili Peppers in the actual music of the tune (as they were touring with them at the time), and the shout-out to Shaft that punctuates the "message" -- and scream along with me at the funniest part -- "Lose weight ... Be safe -- Where's Mike McCready? -- MY GOD, HE'S BEEN ATE!"

LIGHTNING BOLT arrives IN JUST 9 WEEKS!

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  HEY -- I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT DIRTY FRANK!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3Nh6DurMJ8

Random Memorial for Monday 8/12/13

Gone but not forgotten:  fruit roll-ups.

I should immediately qualify -- they are not gone forever, not wiped from the earth, not banished to another country -- it's just that they are gone and have been gone from *my* diet for many many years.

[Note -- I'd gladly ingest them again if they were used to make little edible books like the image shows (and like in the link provided).]

I take my fruit now without it being flattened and processed -- but I am reminded that it once was de rigueur when it came to my school lunches back in the day (apparently, it came to market in 1980 -- when I was eight years old and a target customer -- and no doubt it was "an invention" because of the space shuttle, as were so many developments of that time) every time one of these competition cooking shows throws a twist in and makes the cheftestants do something with "fruit leather" (I'm guessing fruit roll-up is a name brand that's copyrighted ... so maybe I shouldn't be saying it in my post as I am?)

Chewy bits of sugar with just a touch of fruit (or artificial fruit flavoring ... or whatever it is that makes it what it is) ... when it comes to what I eat, you are missed.

GETTIN' ALL CREATIVE WITH THE FRUIT LEATHER:
http://www.hungryhappenings.com/2011/05/how-to-create-school-books-using-corn.html

INGREDIENT NUMBER ONE IS ... SUGAR!:
http://blog.fooducate.com/2011/05/05/reminder-fruit-rollups-are-not-fruit-nutrition-impostor/

OOOH ... A LAWSUIT OVER THEM MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN FILED:
http://blog.fooducate.com/2011/05/05/reminder-fruit-rollups-are-not-fruit-nutrition-impostor/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 8/11/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Back to School season aka The Education Games!

To be clear -- it's not your momma's back to school (well, that being true were your momma of my age and were she thinking about returning back to school back in the day when I did -- in the eighties).  Back then, we (me and your momma) would start to think about heading to Hills to get a new first day o' school outfit (suddenly, me or your momma is Irish?), and we'd be counting the days left until the week AFTER Labor Day when we'd return.

That's not how Chicago does it.  Chicago does it with a parade (the annual Bud Billiken parade was yesterday), because it thinks it's citizens might have forgotten that they needed to return to school each fall.  Chicago also does it with pink slips and school closures (there's a pretty big deficit with which the leaders are dealing).  Finally, Chicago does it with safe passage plans, because gang warfare in the poor parts of town is such that little kiddies walking to school are acceptable collateral damage.  Yep -- Chicago does all that in just TWO weeks!

Thoughts and prayers go out to all those city kids who have to navigate so many obstacles just to get an education -- and to those educators who have just as many obstacles to overcome whilst providing one.

Let the Education Games begin!  (May be the odds be ever in your favor!)

JUST IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE BUD B PARADE:
http://www.budbillikenparade.co/History.html

ROUTES RELEASED JUST IN TIME FOR WEEKEND VIOLENCE:
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/2-Shot-1-Fatally-Along-CPS-Safe-Passage-Route-219169831.html

8.26.13  BEGINS THE EDUCATION GAMES/MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR:
http://www.cps.edu/pages/backtoschool.aspx

Random Soapbox for Saturday 8/10/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I just might be entering that phase of middle age where I start to realize that I'm hard of hearing -- so, to all of you who interact with me in a non-virtual way (or in a virtual arena with audio [ah ... modern times ...], I'm putting you on notice.  Do what the image says, please ... and no one will get hurt ...

Since I'm embracing this failure of my body parts, that means I get to continue to set the TV to anything between 30 and 35 (sorry, neighbors -- if you don't want to hear that which I'm viewing, then move to a building that doesn't include advancing-toward-senior-citizen-status citizens like me).  And to blast the music in the car whilst driving to allow me to hear the original song better while I perform my singalong off key version.  (Hmmm ... I may be uncovering a chicken or egg situation as I let this post play out ...).

Without any disrespect to those for whom this disability has been a lifelong challenge, there's a part of me that thinks that this milder version of it might just be peaceful.  I can more easily ignore the prattle of others (not you -- when you speak, it's never prattle [wink!]), and just live a calm existence with the voice in my own head.  To clarify -- that's just one voice I hear -- not many voices -- and that one voice doesn't tell me do anything too crazy -- lest someone decide to use this admission as the beginning of a commitment strategy.

To be honest, this is just how I like my deformities -- enough to make me interesting but not too much to interrupt a mostly functioning lifestyle.  So now I'll add hard-of-hearing to mild OCD (like pulling on the front door handle each night before climbing into bed, or feeling the need to count anything I'm holding over and over again, or acting on that voice of mine in that noggin of mine to rub the bald Buddha's heads at the corner down the street that I pass each day on my walk to get the paper or do other errands [to prove how in control I am, I've yet to follow that command, I mean suggestion ...]) and to apprentice hoarding (I've got me a room, and a curio cabinet, and a couple of, well, let's call them ... displays -- but so far no animals have been lost in the detritus, and the habit is mostly hidden from view should one visit the apartment).

A moment of reflection --if I wasn't so darn self-aware, I might just benefit from the services of a shrink, eh?  Instead, I'll spend my money on a hearing test ... soon ... until then ... speak up!

MIDDLE AGE, BE NOT PROUD:
http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/age-related-hearing-loss/

MAKING MILD OCD WORK FOR YOU! (the everything has its place phenomenon):
http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-live-with-ocd-and-use-it-to-your-advantage

EARLY SIGNS OF BECOMING A HOARDER THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT EXHIBIT:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/7-signs-youre-turning-into-a-h-1-104213

Random Flashback for Friday 8/9/13

I said it last week -- it was the social event of the summer (that summer), and I said then that I'd be  swapping out my dance partners for this week's twenty year old photo.

This is my sister Holly -- and since we do not appear to be electrically sliding, or macarena-ing (did anyone how to do that in '93?), or flailing about with our limbs approximating a chicken (or a hokey, for that matter), it's more likely that we were moving and grooving to one of these top five songs from Aug '93 (the month my sister Sherry got married) ...

#1 -- UB40's 'Can't Help Falling in Love'
#2 -- Tag Team's 'Whoomp (There it is!)'
#3 -- SWV's 'Weak'
#4 --The Proclaimers 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)'
#5 -- Onyx' 'Slam'

[P.S.  I'm secretly hoping it was #4 above ...]

And look at her, so beautiful in red -- and look at me, somehow only taking small steps from being a Wallflower to being a (rhythmless) Walldancer.  But hey -- I had taken off my coat and was displaying my wrist bling (to be fair, a gift from she who got married, as I recall), so I must have been serious about my moves.  Da-da-lat-da (da-da-lat-da)!  Da-da-dum-da-da-dum-da-da-dum-da-da-da-da-dum!  (If you know what I mean ...)

Random Thought for Thursday 8/8/13

[Part deux ... in my special occasional series in August ... where I Pivot myself!  After all, I haven't done any acting other than "like a fool" for quite a few years, so time is running out for me to have this done TO me by a Lipton ...]

WHAT TURNS YOU ON CREATIVELY, SPIRITUALLY OR EMOTIONALLY?  To be clear, this is Pivot not Kinsey, so there will be no oversharing of my erogenous zones (although, for anyone playing along at home, they would rhyme with ripples and foes) -- and so the answer is WORDS, WORDS and more WORDS.  I love them run together, and said aloud, especially when they combine in ways musical, and connected unexpectedly (maybe I should have been a slam poet, if only I had stumbled on the challenges of urban life earlier in my own more rural one).  I want people to accuse me of causing whiplash from having to experience a double take whilst reading what I have written.  I'm awfully fond of them in sentences interrupted by parenthetical phrases; phrases that, in turn, must deal with inserted bracketed tangents; those tangents being subject to braced clarifications -- until you have to take out a 1930's grammar book and learn (or re-learn for you oldsters)  how to diagram the monstrosities I create (note -- punctuation -- [particularly its proper usage] -- meh -- I could do without, so long as no one takes my double dashes and ellipses from me).  Truth be told, I'm lexiconically turgid now, so it's time for a cold shower ... or ... to discuss ...

WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?   Again, the adverbs in the first "ask" are applied to this question as well, so I won't be telling you my safe word, which is known by so few (if you're reading this, you know who you are, *blush* [and no, *blush* is not the word I use]) -- and so my reply is AUTHORITY.  (As I age, I'm finding more and more in common with Cartman, which might be cause for alarm ...)  I've had an anti-authority streak as big as Martin Luther's (the monk, not the king), as any number of individuals to whom I directly report or as any number of individuals to whom my father was married can attest.  I've mellowed in my middle age, but I still want the freedom to make up words if I so choose, and to say what I want, not edited for brevity and most definitely not subject to a restriction of characters (just who do you think you are, Mr. [or Ms.] Twitter?)!  And I'm not sure if Pivot predicted this, but, in the answering of le questionnaire, I'm experiencing an epiphany, because using my words to rebel against authority actually excites me ... so could it be that which turns me off actually turns me on ... and I'm just a turned out Troy all the time?

Something on which to think ... as are next week's questions of favorite curse word and favorite/least favorite sounds ... which I shall do until the next time I Pivot myself ...

I SPARED MYSELF THE COST OF A SHRINK AND JUST DIAGNOSED MYSELF:
http://similarminds.com/types/antiauthority.html

AND COULD IT BE THAT I AM MORE LIKE HE THAN I CARE TO ADMIT?:
http://www.relativityonline.com/home/top-ten-eric-cartman-quotes/

I MAY OR MAY NOT BE USING ( ) , [ ] , { AND } PROPERLY:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/parentheses-brackets-and-braces?page=all

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 8/7/13

The Sports PoPo Pages.

Used in a sentence:  "It's time to rebrand the sports coverage in the papers -- and time to admit that the industry has turned them in to The Sports PoPo Pages."

My favorite part of the local paper back home in little town Lebanon PA was the police log -- it was the first place most people looked (either that, or the obituaries, depending on one's age) to see if you could locate any friends or classmates or neighbors that might have been caught doing something unexpected.

I have to tell you, though, the national news coverage of Sports is turning into just that kind of experience.  And I'm not talking about the *big* stuff -- sure there's an alleged murder here, and a dog fight there, and steroid abuse everywhere ... I'm talking about the *fun* stuff.  For instance -- the college kid in Florida who dared to bark at a police dog -- or the other college kid in Tennessee who is facing legal issues for dancing on the roof of a car with his buddy.  Those are the kinds of articles that make me feel okay about lightly enjoying the misfortunes of others.

Keep up the antics, sportsfolks.  It makes me giggle!

THE NOT ACCURATE AT ALL ANIMATED REENACTMENT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF72jts9Nsk

AT LEAST HE DIDN'T PUNCH IT AS HE DID A BOUNCER EARLIER IN THE SUMMER:
http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/7/21/4542752/antonio-morrison-arrest-florida-football

I'VE FOUND THE MOTHER LODE -- A SPORTS ARREST DATABASE:
http://arrestnation.com/tag/tennessee-state-university-db-joe-johnson-arrested/

Random Tune for Tuesday 8/6/13

Finally, a song to replace 'In the Arms of an Angel' -- nothing against Sarah McLachlan, but some of us poor souls are such sensitive saps that being bombarded with multiple photos of one eyed cats and three legged dogs while that song plays in the background can tailspin someone like me and sentence me to a week of sadness.

[To be clear, and to gruff-en up my image, I still live by the adage that the only jaywalker for whom I will not aim is a jaywalker walking a dog (as it's clearly not the dog's fault that their human is stupid enough to be in my path).]

The latest commercial I've seen has slightly happier photos (although, I google searched "shelter pet" to find an image to accompany this post, and I'm still trying to put the pieces of my broken heart back in place) and features this tune.  (Note -- I really think the difference is that the aforementioned ad is about preventing abuse, while the latter is about inspiring adoption ...)  I'm still a bit away from being in a situation to bring a dog into my immediate family, but there are many dogs out there just waiting for those that are ready to add them to theirs.

And you tell me -- who doesn't like a Phil Collins song (with or without Genesis)?  Someone who probably kicks puppies, I tell you.

Adopt ... don't shop.  Or, put more powerfully and as seen on the interwebs tonight ... the shelter dog you adopt will save two lives -- the one you take home with you  ... and the one that takes its place.

JUST LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER ... (note that this is not the ad, but that it fits the bill):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITf57kOoVjg

Random Memorial for Monday 8/5/13

Gone but not forgotten:  the Jewel card.

Yep -- it hasn't been required for about a month now, but I still reflexively go to enter my phone number when I check out.

I haven't dug too much into the press to see why the program was suspended (my guess is that they were sharing information with the government and Snowden knew about and threatened to disclose it ... but that's just a hunch).  I just know it's gone -- so the big corporation spying on my little purchases must not have led to the desired outcome.

Maybe it's just a leftover relic from days when people wrote/kited checks at stores ... or maybe my frequent complaints when out of town and these establishments tried to get me to pay what I called the "tourist tax" is shaming the industry (in that I didn't have a card, and so I couldn't get the sale price -- a problem I solved by standing in front of the check out lines and loudly proclaiming my displeasure and my need for someone nearby to let me use their card to "fight-the-powers-that-be" [hey -- if I didn't really become an actor, at least I found a use for the training I got to project my voice]).

Either way I'm still going to treat this company as my convenience store (the main twice a month grocery shopping happens at Mariano's, 'cause I'm loyal that way, and 'cause they are building two more of them closer to me and mine in the 'hood), and this store can join the list of places-that-I-used-to-shop (yes, I'm trying to channel Gotye ...), like Strack and VanTil, Cub Foods, Karnes, Festival Foods, Giant Eagle, Giant (no eagle) and Weis (how's that for a geographic representation of my past lives).

Little bit of plastic that used to be smart enough to stop me from buying as much cheap Coke as I wanted (note:  I'm talking about pop/soda here ...), you will NOT be missed.

IT WASN'T SNOWDEN ... THEY WERE SOLD!:
http://www.chicagobusiness.com/article/20130628/NEWS07/130629775/jewel-osco-ends-savings-card-fuel-rewards-programs

THEY JUST KEEP ON MULTIPLYING:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/suburbs/elmhurst/ct-tl-elmhurst-marianos-20130626,0,2102968.story

FUN WITH MAPS:
http://www.businessinsider.com/maps-showing-regional-supermarkets-2013-6
 

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 8/4/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

... concerts, concerts, everywhere ... but not all of them permitted to finish.

For the first time in a few years, the stories are not about the Palooza known as Lolla -- which has been held in triple digit temps in mud fields, if memory serves me right [*disclaimer -- I am not of the proper age nor do I possess the proper amount of hip to have ever attended said festival Lolla, so the reference to "memory serving me" is not a reference to a firsthand memory, but to memories "whispered-down-the-lane" via news coverage and/or status updates from those with whom I am connected on the Facebook who *do* have the right amount of hip/lower amount of age.]

Instead, the breaking news is from nearby in Waverly Island, at a different concert with, I feel safe in concluding, a much different crowd.  Turns out the Backstreet Boys were not completely "back, allright" as they kicked off their tour last night in the Chicago venue that strictly enforces an 11pm curfew.  Since they started late, due to the fact that their production was "too state of the art" for the venue at hand, fans (and the mothers in attendance who brought their children along as a pretense for going to the show and reliving their 90's selves) witnessed the microphones turned off and the lights turned on even though there was a planned encore and at least four songs to be sung.

Compare/contrast to PJam at Wrigley just two weeks ago, when a three hour rain delay had very little effect to the overall experience.  [By the way, the set list from that evening is now known -- how did they miss the opportunity to play Evacuation during the ... well ... evacuation of Wrigley Field for the storm.]

Go figure -- boys trying to break curfew and getting caught.  I guess boys will be boys (allright) ...

THE BREAKING STORY:
 http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-backstreet-boys-concert-20130803,0,2743368.story

MEANWHILE, IN A PARK NEARBY:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2013/08/04/lollapalooza-day-2-chicago-haim-mumford-postal-service/2615751/

THESE GUYS PLAYED LIVE OUTSIDE WELL INTO THE MORNING:
http://consequenceofsound.net/2013/07/live-review-pearl-jam-at-chicagos-wrigley-field-719/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 8/3/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

... I think I finally get the appeal of one Dwayne Johnson, courtesy of the summer reality show "The Hero" on TNT, which just wrapped but is surely available online or on-demand or on-something.

I'll admit to the fact that it might be a little bit of bias kicking in, since, now that we're both a little older, we look so much alike (well, from the scalp up, anyway -- seems like we have the same haircut).  I'll also admit to not always following his career.

I do know that it appears that he was once an eyebrow model and also an insecure chef of food that was either too flagrant or not flagrant enough (come on ... think about it ...), and that he is brought into movies by production designers intent on making "big" guys look small (i.e. Channing, Mark, Vin).

But it's as reality show host where he really shined.  I say put Probst out to pasture, let Seacrest retire to watch his Lochte footage over and over again (Ryan -- I've evaluated your programming strategy and I know what you're up to, you little repressed one) -- hell, I'd even team him up with Tim in the workroom or pair him with Phil racing around the world.  He's funny ... he's charming ... he's supportive ... and he's a hugger.  Who wouldn't want someone like him in his or her corner, cheering him or her on to victory, supporting him or her when it's time to make the hard choices.

Kudos to him -- and I never thought I'd say this -- but I think I want more Dwayne Johnson in my life.

THE LAST FEW EPISODES CAN BE VIEWED HERE (FOR THE TIME BEING):
http://www.tntdrama.com/series/the-hero/video/

NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE THE SAME HAIRCUT -- WE'RE ALSO THE SAME AGE:
http://www.biography.com/people/dwayne-johnson-11818916

THE CHARITY FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
http://www.redcross.org/index.jsp