... I have reached the Tipping Point, the Critical Mass, the Afraid-It-Might-Be-Too-Big-To-Turn-Back-Moment ... (why must I always do that in threes? -- I should have stopped at the first two) ... I just might have to get serious about losing some weight.
The perfect weight gain storm has occurred this year -- a confluence of my predilection for bacon and cheese to be topping mostly all of my edibles, a metabolism that is now forty years old and slowing down as expected, a mostly sedentary lifestyle befitting of someone addicted to television, a workplace in the home that requires simply rolling from bed to desk where laptop is located and a Coke addiction (note -- that's Coca-Cola, as if it were the other, then I think I'd already be at my goal weight).
How do I know it's gone too far? This past week, I got five clues ...
CLUE #1: In a recent dream, I was at a SuperBowl party talking to a former SuperBowl player (even my subconscious is lacking in sports data, as said player simply came right out of Dream Central Casting and wasn't any particular person whom I recognized). The aforementioned guy at the party couldn't remember my name, so he called me "Two Spoons". When I asked why I had been given that nickname, he said ... "'cause it looks like you eat in double-time".
CLUE #2: In another dream in the same week, I was hanging out with Cher (I do that in my dreams, she's actually a recurring featured player), and she made me dinner and told me "It's not spicy, because I know you don't like spicy ... but it is a smaller portion, because that's just the right thing to do."
CLUE #3: I was having some unexplained back pain, and in an a-ha moment straight out of an Oprah episode built around men suddenly relating to well endowed women, I realized that my back pain was from carrying around my beer belly/spare tire.
CLUE #4: (Alert -- this clue contains an image you may not want to have in your head.) I have come to realize that I can no longer manscape without the aid of a mirror. (Hey -- I warned you ... and that's all I have to say about that ...)
CLUE #5: Too frequently, I'm plagued by uncomfortable neck sweat, and I'm afraid I'll get Neck Crust a la Mama June of the Honey Boo-Boos. (Come to think of it, maybe that one should have an alert on it as well ...)
Bottom line -- someone of my height should not weigh 245.5 lbs. It's time to make a change. (Heck, it's *past* time to make a change, but now that I've put it out there publicly, perhaps I'll have more motivation to do what needs to be done.)
Please wish me well on my journey! I'm starting with small changes first: more lifting (of weights, not bacon), more walking, less Coca-Cola and fewer desserts. Starting tomorrow, of course ...
WARNING: CLIP CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF NECK CRUST:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNFMZydIfJE
RYAN GOSLING SAYS "BE NICE TO COWS"... (AND, UNDOUBTEDLY, BABY GEESE):
http://www.eonline.com/news/404588/ryan-gosling-teams-up-with-peta-to-fight-cruelty-to-cows
HERE, IT'S CUTE ... IN MY DREAM, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS AN INSULT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fydr2ZmSgBQ
No comments:
Post a Comment