Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 6/30/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Parades, parades and more parades!  A different one every day this weekend, each for its own reason and each attracting its own participants and onlookers (although none of them were exclusive, so there's a VENN diagram somewhere to show that some folks might have been to all three)!.  Referenced in order of the size of participants, largest to smallest ...

This past Friday saw the Blackhawks parade and rally downtown -- a celebration for millions (plural) that went off without a hitch (it helps when you had a very recent celebration to reflect on so that you could implement lessons learned [go hawks!]).  Well -- one hitch, but a man with two loaded guns acting funny near the route was arrested before anything could happen.

Today saw the Pride parade -- a street party for nearly a million (estimates seem to always vary, but recent community friendly news stories and beautiful weather surely didn't keep people away -- and the sights [underwear-only seemed to be the dress code for most] and sounds [there's supposedly no public drinking allowed, but being drunk in public seemed de rigueur] signified a 'hood full of party people indeed).

And Saturday was apparently the annual Hunger Walk -- an activity for thousands to raise money and awareness for the local food bank.  Would that its numbers matched the other two when it comes to participants or media coverage or general awareness or money spent/raised.  Just something to think about ...

AMAZING--PHOTOS FROM THE BLACKHAWKS PARADE:
http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/2013/6/28/4474764/blackhawks-parade-2013-pictures

FABULOUS--AS FEATURED AT THE PRIDE PARADE:
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/imsorry/

FRUSTRATING--COULD HAVE USED THE SAME MEDIA COVERAGE/PARTICIPATION:
http://www.nbcchicago.com/video/#!/news/local/Chicagoans-Step-Up-for-Hunger/213712261

Random Soapbox for Saturday 6/29/13

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...  (and fair warning -- it's really going to sound more like a rant, but I do have my self-set monthly quota of one rave to fulfill, so ...)

... I support Paula Deen (seen here in a photo taken by me and mine in March of 2012 at the Chicago convention center -- which is the closest I've ever come to her, and that includes eating at her restaurant in nearby Joliet in August 2012, which is the additional photo, and for which, she was not present).

She makes me smile, at a minimum -- but usually she makes me laugh.  She considers bacon, butter and cheese as condiments to be used on most every dish (or at least she once did, before her health scare) -- and so do I (or, at least I mostly do, having swapped out Country Crock for butter as a minor tweak to my diet to avoid having a cardiac event at too young of an age).

In light of recent events, I should probably stop now and say that just because I like her does NOT mean that I support throwing around the n-word (or the f-word, or the dy-word, or the k-word, or the t-word, or the wo-word, or the d-word, or the s-word, or the we-word, or the j-word, or the sl-word, or the o-word) or any other derogatory term that is used to stereotype and defeat everything that should be a celebration of individuality.  [By the way, I'm sure I didn't cover them all, but if you can't follow along, those "words" are arranged by orientation, orientation, religion, religion, Italian, Italian, Hispanic, Mexican, Japanese, Asian and Asian -- my apologies if I left out your affiliation.]

Speaking of affiliation, I just realized I forgot the c-word, and the wh-word, and the h-word, and the h-word said twice back to back, and the h-word with the qualifier of "dead" before it.  [By the way, if you're not following this thread, then go google the classic SNL skit between Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor.]  These are the "words" that could be slung at me for the group to which I most obviously belong.

Saying I support her but not her actions that have been dragged incessantly through the news this past fortnight should sound oddly familiar, because it reminds me of certain posts I used to write whereby I lauded the entirety of Joe Paterno's career and cautioned readers that it didn't mean I was running out to play shower games with little boys.  One can defend the way a person is being treated without it being linked to a defense of an incorrect action.  That's some strange syllogism seen most on social media that I just can't support.

By the way -- I'm also not stating this tonight just because President Jimmy Carter said she should be forgiven.  Although, I will say that when Jimmy speaks, I so wish we had a governmental system like in Germany, where there is a separate head of state for ceremonial matters, and so that said person can speak to the collective consciousness of the country.  I'm pretty sure the existence of that role is a byproduct of their nationalistic past (a bit of a play toward checks and balances, if you will) -- but I think, more and more in our divided electorate, we could use one of those positions in America.

Here's the reason I'm raving about Ms. Deen -- because I want to offer support as a counter to the celebrity bashing bandwagon.  My understanding of the world we live in is less and less black and white and more and more shades of grey (note -- that's not black and white *people* about which I speak -- and that's not the *fifty* shades I'm referencing either).  To all you self-righteous, holier than thou, "ones without sin casting the first stones" loud mouths out there -- if you are indeed the Titan of Tolerance and always have been from the moment you first grasped that others weren't always like you (and I mean in action and thought and deed, not just in public persona), then my hat is off to you and I think you should feel free to widely announce your judgment.  If not, shut up and let the woman apologize and go about her life.

Personally -- I'm not being deposed, so I don't have to go on record with an answer about my past (although I will share a personal story in my closing), but I know what I've said -- and I know what I've heard said and I've not spoken up in response to it.  I can strive toward Titan of Tolerance status, but I'm still working on keeping an open mind and meeting as many people unlike me so that I can appreciate individuals as individuals.  I'm a work in progress -- which inherently means I've made mistakes in this arena.  And I really really don't think I'm alone in that.

In a strange way -- this admission makes her more authentic to me as someone who grew up in the deep south in a different time.  And more than that -- she was truthful (of course, there was a deposition) -- and afterwards, apologetic.  I think we should be rallying around those character traits and use this opportunity to learn lessons, one and all -- instead of supporting the ruining of someone's career.

In closing, I wrote a murder mystery almost twenty years ago.  In it, a character made reference to a noise in the alley as pretense for leaving a scene and moving on to another (that's the way my audience participation murder mysteries worked -- participants were always following around the actors from scene to scene).  As the author, I had the character to whom he was speaking respond with "don't worry about it -- it's probably just a 'coon in the trash cans."  That phrasing was written with nothing other than me innocently trying to convey that a raccoon might have been responsible for the making of the fictional noise.  My surrogate grandmother was shocked at that language -- and informed me that I couldn't possibly keep that line in the play as it was a racial slur.  I'm pretty sure I left the line in unedited.  And so, for that occurrence twenty years ago, I offer up an apology to any and all who were (or are) offended.

See -- that's an example of a lesson learned that certain words can be hurtful.  Now I'm going to move on, like I wish so many others would do -- informed and sensitive and with a commitment toward celebrating individuality and not using stereotypes.  Please join me.

I'VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2012/01/random-soapbox-for-saturday-12812_28.html

REMEMBERING THE CLOSEST I'VE BEEN TO HER:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2012/03/random-scandal-sheet-for-sunday-31112.html

MY "REVIEW" OF THE RESTAURANT:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2012/08/random-scandal-sheet-for-sunday-81912.html

Random Flashback(s) for Friday 6/28/13

As is my shtick, these are photos from twenty years ago -- on summer vacation in 1993 with my family -- on the border of Virginia and North Carolina -- at (and IN) the John H Kerr dam.  (These are the second and third of five I'll be posting total.)

Were I more famous, these would almost be like the kind that the paparazzi would sell to the magazines, with a headline about my lack of coordination or some knock about how what looks like abs from a distance are really the early beginnings of my later-in-life rolls of fat (seen more clearly as such if you zoom in).

Since I'm not more famous (even though I do have a blog and I pretend that people care on a weekly basis about what I was doing twenty years ago -- and I have those giant sunglasses on like I'm trying to hide from my public), I'll just have to be grateful that a fellow vacationer was shore-side and captured my moment.  Interesting fact (maybe -- well, to me anyway) is that I did not know then (and I do not know now) how to swim.  That fact never kept me from the water, though, as I do love to spend hours in it whenever on vacation.  It does explain the desperation slightly visible in my face after I've fallen in (in the second photo) as I was clearly attempting to make sure I did not lose my grip on the gator floatie.

Oh to be 21 again.  Where has all the time gone (and my hair ... and my general skinniness ...)?

Random Thought for Thursday 6/27/13

Let me tell you -- I haven't been this interested in a cat's ass since the old days when my friend Kyle and I found the classic SNL skit "Something Smells Good in Stinkville" (pts. 1 and 2) to be the most hilarious thing ever.  (It's the one with real-ex-husband-of-Beverly-Hills Grammer frequently announcing that someone needs to "bring him the cat's ass" so that he could sniff it.  You probably had to be there -- to see the skit, that is -- as being there whenever Kyle or I would randomly yell out "get me the cat's ass" would make little sense without that context.)

Anyway -- for those of you following along on the Facebook, I'm specifically referencing Baby, the cat, who recently had a "week-of-no-poop", which slowly led me to the conclusion that she was on a hunger strike, confirmed by the fact that she added a color to her look -- going from black with white markings to black with white markings and a touch of yellow in her head region.  That, in turn, led to an emergency vet visit, and some medication, and a lot of good thoughts and well wishes and a change in diet (which, in retrospect, was the key ingredient to success in this story), and finally a bit of solid waste on a bathroom rug (there was a small celebration and a picture that went up on the Facebook wall AND a haiku written for the occasion).

Now there's been a week of diarrhea (I assume it's a side effect of the meds) with an occasional solid piece thrown in for the sake of excitement for all parties, and a downgrade of the extra coloring to "lemon chiffon" (using the wiki scale of shades of yellow at the link below) ... and I think we've turned the corner.

Although, when this is all over, we're going to need a new rug!

FOR MATCHING TO DIFFERENT SHADES OF YELLOW:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shades_of_yellow

MY VET, MY DRUG SUPPLIER, MY FRIEND:
http://www.blumvet.com/

STRATEGIES TO BREAK A FELINE HUNGER STRIKE:
http://www.naturalcatcareblog.com/2011/06/no-more-cat-hunger-strikes-life-saving-tips-for-introducing-new-foods/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 6/26/13

That's not thunder ... God is bowling!

Used in a sentence ... "Remember when you were little and you were told 'that's not thunder ... God is bowling!' -- well that's exactly what went through my head early today here in Chicago when a loud clap of thunder woke me up."

And then, because once my brain wakes up, it doesn't fall back to sleep so easily, the following thoughts went through my head in rapid succession ...

I bet you he has his own shoes.
I bet you he has his own ball.
I bet you he brings two balls to the lane and chooses from between them based on which pins are leftover and how the oil is on the lanes.
I wonder who all is on his team.
I wonder if he swaps out angels who are under-performing in order to keep up the team average.
I bet you Lucifer got a 300 game before he did and that's partly why all that stuff happened.
I bet you, since it's like 3am when he's bowling this morning, there might be alcohol involved.
I bet you there's alcohol in heaven.
I bet you the angels know how to party.
I bet you the fallen ones are the ones who don't know how to handle their liquor.
I wonder if I should use liquor to help me fall back asleep.

DOCUMENTING THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD THAT:
http://www.iusedtobelieve.com/nature/thunder_and_lightning/god_bowling/

DOCUMENTING THAT YOU CAN FIND *ANYTHING* ON THE FACEBOOK:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Remember-when-your-parents-toled-u-tht-thunder-was-god-bowling/312965419199

WHILE I WAS IN MY OWN HEAD, CHICAGO WAS FLOODING:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-talk-weather-alerts-20130627,0,3548258.story?track=rss

Random Tune for Tuesday 6/25/13

I survived the celebrations -- and so did the car (although it was covered in fireworks detritus today when I moved it to avoid street cleaning -- and, street cleaning was definitely needed in the 'hood today of all days)!

So of course I'm choosing this tune for today ... but I'm selecting the actual full length song (who knew? -- it's not just some random collection of dums and das to be sung in the key of inebriated like I thought it was).

Don't yet know about that which I'm posting?  This is the dum da-da-dum da-da-dum da-da-da-da-da-da-dum da-da-dum da-da-dum song that the Hawks (and others) use to celebrate a goal.

Funniest rendition of it (that I sadly did not tape -- and, more sadly [sadlier?], that I just said I didn't *tape* instead of didn't *record*, tipping my hat as to my age) was from a bunch of drunks last night who attempted to sing it out as they stumbled past the apartment, but who couldn't get it coordinated (practice -- drunk boys -- you must practice), proving it's a much easier song to sing along with than it is to just spontaneously start singing with your bandwagon buds (or maybe you were true fans -- who am I to judge).

If the Wiki is to be believed (and, after all, why would Mr. or Mrs. Wiki lie [or their kids or their employees -- or whomever is the authority for that website]), the song's title is an homage to the singer's wife's burlesque name plus wordplay on a certain Ms. Spears, of erstwhile pop culture fame.  There you go boys -- now you know -- now go learn the rest of the words (beyond the dums and the das) and REALLY impress me next time when you wake me up in the middle of the night in your drunken stupor!

MR. (OR MS.) WIKI ALSO SAYS THIS WAS SONG #77 IN THE TOP 100 OF 2007!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEXHeTcxQy4

Random (un)Memorial for Monday 6/24/13

Resurrected and happily remembered:  twinkies!

I think this is a first for me and my posts.  Something that was memorialized in a post on 11.19.12 is now making a return (or soon will be making a return -- word on the street is that the aforementioned treat will be in stores by July 15th).

So I guess my opening is the opposite of my regular Monday phrasing of "gone but not forgotten".  I was going to say "the twinkies are coming back!" but I didn't want folks to get confused and think I was reporting on the upcoming parade a few blocks away this next weekend.  Although, if the fancy shoe fits ...

Anyway -- I know bells can't be unrung, but can memorials be taken back?  And, as someone who is a fan of Tastykakes and Little Debbies, am I really as excited about my third choice returning to store shelves as this might appear?  Here's why I am -- the company that bought the rights to make these snack cakes also owns Hardees/CarlJrs ... of which there is one just across the border on the toll road in Indiana ... and they have deep fryers in their kitchens ... which means ...

... opportunity to put deep-fried twinkies on a fast food menu someplace to which I have regular access (instead of waiting for the once a year state fair/carnival setting), let's not be missed (I'm talking to you, executives)!

DOES THE POPE COUNT THIS AS A MIRACLE?:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/twinkies-set-make-sweetest-comeback/story?id=19468409#.Ucjg5Du-qUI

AND MAYBE WITH A NEW PITCHMAN AS WELL?:
http://blogs.wsj.com/deals/2013/03/12/twinkies-new-owner-zach-galifianakis-will-ferrell-could-be-new-pitchmen/?mod=wsj_nview_latest

SO ... TODAY'S NEWS MAKES THIS POST (AND ITS HEADSTONE) A BIT PREMATURE:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/search?q=twinkies&x=-1058&y=-301

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 6/23/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Getting stabbed in the head.  It's all the rage -- all the cool kids are doing it.

[Note -- in light of the news stories referenced in today's post, I will accept criticism that the image I've added is in poor taste.  In my defense, it seems the second attack was with broken beer bottles.  And hey, I'm a smart ass.  That shouldn't be news to anyone.]

First, a victim was found near the IHOP (just around the corner) with stab wounds to the back of the head.  Then, two kids got stabbed in the face with broken beer bottles near the el just one stop away (allegedly as part of a cell phone grab).

It's a sign of the times, I guess, but in light of the shootings that happen elsewhere in the city, I guess knife fights are a little less scary in some way (meaning the perpetrator has to be up close to complete the act, and the offense seems less random).  And no -- I'm not going to comment on "knife control" or try to make an analogy to *that* other hot button topic.  I'll just say -- particularly late at night when the bars close, particularly in a crowd of young strangers, and particularly when alcohol is in the mix -- be safe out there!

THE ATTACKS AS REPORTED BLOG STYLE:
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20130623/lakeview/two-men-stabbed-head-lakeview

OTHER FUN KNIFE BLOCKS:
http://www.designswan.com/archives/9-creative-and-unusual-knife-blockset-design.html

ON "KNIFE CONTROL":
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/10/news/la-ol-knives-gun-control-20130410

Random Soapbox for Saturday 6/22/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... to all of you Blackhawks fans out there, I'm-a gonna take a trick from the Pope's bag of trickery (note -- no offense is intended to any readers who might be hardcore Catholics -- I'm actually usually an equal opportunity offender when it comes to institutionalized religion's decision to collectively focus on the judgy side of their doctrines and ignore the love parts as they each attempt to corner the world market on being "right" and killing and prosecuting and persecuting anyone who doesn't believe as they do ... but I digress) ...

... and I'm going to offer up a dispensation, that, at least in Chicago tonight where it is muggy and humid and not that far away from 90 degrees -- NO ONE will judge your level of fan support if you choose to not wear the long-sleeved,  made-for-cold-conditions jerseys.

Instead, feel free to do up the face paint (or hell, with these temps, the body paint) and know that we'll know for whom you're cheering just by your general state of drunkenness (and, Hossa willing, the smile on your face in only a few hours).

And remember, please -- save the rioting for when we reclaim Lord Stanley's cup and behave tonight ('cause I'll be out drinking and I don't want any of that kind of behavior to spoil my buzz).

[NOTE:  I am aware that the other team seen in the pic is the Canucks and not the Bruins -- but, when it comes to the free images on google (they are free, right?), this one demonstrated best the type of person whom I thought might be subject to heat exhaustion if he dressed the same way to enjoy tonight's game.]

SO IS HE PLAYING OR NOT?:
http://www.cbssports.com/nhl/players/playerpage/19668/marian-hossa

FOR YOU BIGGER FANS WHO INSIST ON FULL SLEEVED ATTIRE IN THESE TEMPS:
http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/heat-exhaustion

NO PADDY WAGON TIPPING YOU DRUNKS OUT THERE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fakSvpUYsCw

Random Flashback for Friday 6/21/13

Summmmmertime ... and the living was easy (twenty years ago).

To be clear, I was still working a part time job (or two ... or three) on my summer breaks from undergrad  studies at LVC ... but I also was vacationing in fun and unique places.  The past two weeks of photos were of a place in PA with one set of family -- and the next four weeks will be pics from vacation with another set of family -- the Woodwards, at the John Kerr dam on the border of VA and NC.

Back then, I went two years in a row -- and 1993 was the first year -- the year when it wasn't flooded (check back next year this time for those photos -- when this same spot was underwater) -- and I couldn't think of a better picture to kick off the first day of summer than this one of me getting around the "complex" in a golf cart.

Happy Summer (vacation or otherwise) to you and yours!

Random Thought for Thursday 6/20/13

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Random Wordplay for Wednesday 6/19/13

News ripped from graphic novels!

Used in a sentence:  "In a world in which our guard has been lowered thanks to publications like The Onion, I had to look twice to make sure that recent news stories were really really real, as they seem to be, instead, some version of news ripped from graphic novels."

To whit (exhibit A):  I can only assume that Putin has a lot of time on his hands what with Mrs. Putin being done with him, and that he's marathon bingeing on The Walking Dead, as he warned the West about arming Syrian rebels who eat flesh (which I thought only happened on Florida highway exit ramps and only when bath salts were involved) ...

To whit (exhibit B):  In Albany just today, KKK members were arrested for plans to have a ray gun that would shoot lethal doses of radiation at folks they didn't like (and, as KKK members, that list was long and dark) ...

I know these things happen in threes, so something else is coming -- maybe a tycoon announces plans for world wide domination tomorrow (and, go with me here, but there are now 13 winners of some version of Apprentice/Celebrity Apprentice -- which may or may not have been referenced in Revelations as having to do with the Antichrist and the end times ...).

UMMM ... TO THE WINNER GO THE INTESTINES? (they need better spoils of war, eh?):
http://uk.reuters.com/article/2013/06/16/uk-syria-crisis-idUKBRE95F0ER20130616

A RAY GUN ... TO RADIATE PEOPLE ... FOR REALS!:
http://www.news10.com/category/118110/news

THE LAST TIME RAY GUNS WERE IN THE NEWS ACCORDING TO THE GOOGLE:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1135179/Armed-police-arrest-man-playfully-pointing-toy-ray-gun-baby.html

Random Tune for Tuesday 6/18/13

Truth be told, I was afraid I'd be writing something about Baby (seen her jumping into a basket of warm laundry) more in line with my Monday Memorial posts, but, hopefully, we've turned a corner for this 15 1/2 year old cat ... and she'll be around a bit longer.

Meaning -- last week, she decided to stop getting excited about splitting a can of tuna with Murder each night before bedtime, and I'm pretty sure she just started some kind of hunger strike -- a conclusion I drew because I'm almost certain that she hasn't eliminated solid waste since that day (she's also protested not being the only cat in the household by choosing to use the bathroom rug as her litter box most times).  I monitored the lethargy and loss of balance and increased thirst ... and then got really scared yesterday when the skin visible in front of her ears turned yellow with jaundice.

Luckily, the vet today gave her fluids, appetite-enhancement medication, liver drugs and the instruction for me to get her to eat no matter what (she'll be sampling a new smattering of wet foods in the days ahead) ... and, fingers crossed, I'll have a picture of cat poop to post to Facebook to show that it's not yet her time to go.  (Because if there ever was a situation perfectly designed for social media, it's celebrating Baby's first bowel movement since she took ill, right?)

Which finally brings me to today's tune -- and it needs to be listened to in context.  When Muddy Waters sings "Baby, please don't go", I don't mean it to mean "Baby, please don't defecate" (as she really needs to start sh!tting ASAP), and, instead, for it to mean "Baby, don't you die"!

MUDDY WATERS PROBABLY DIDN'T INTEND FOR ME TO USE THE SONG THIS WAY:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-fNKeQaYUo

Random Memorial for Monday 6/17/13

Gone but not forgotten:  time spent watching the Emmy award winning (again) Days of Our Lives.

I will admit to feeling a little guilty, seeing Days win its second ever Outstanding Drama Series Emmy this weekend, and knowing that I haven't been watching it since mid April 2012 (shhh ... nobody tell Kristi H!).  I knew of Days since high school (my step-sister was a fan), but I adopted it as my own guilty pleasure the summer after I graduated (thanks to Wendy W) ... and kept it up all through college and beyond (even arranging my class schedule around that hour).  Then it became something I shared with my adopted grandmother JoAnn D in Uniontown ... and with the aforementioned Kristi ... and it even worked its way into one of my audience participation murder mysteries (one that was overly meta -- with me playing me, who woke up from being hit on the head thinking he was the Days character John Black, back when he was John Black and not Roman or the Pawn or Forrest Alamain or Father John).

What killed it for me -- the DVR only has so much space on it (classic VCR tapes were much more permanent and allowed me to get as backed up as I wanted to be without much consequence), and my television addiction makes me make real choices (of the Sophie's variety).  Then I found out I could catch in on the NBC website -- but, alas, only for an even more limited time.  As much as I like to think I'm open to consuming media in modern ways, I just haven't quite embraced watching TV shows on the laptop, so I've been Days-less for over a year.

All you folks in Salem, at least until I find way to put you back into my routine and get your sands moving through my hourglass again, you are missed (but congrats on your Emmy all the same!)

A DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS RECAP:
http://www.deadline.com/2013/06/40th-daytime-emmy-awards-2013-winners/

A JOHN BLACK RECAP:
http://soapcentral.com/days/whoswho/john.php

A DAYS OF OUR LIVES RECAP:
http://www.nbc.com/days-of-our-lives/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 6/16/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

With the music (and smells) of Wrigley's Sausage Fest invading the apartment, I almost feel compelled to use this post to make (what is now) my third annual comment about how an event with *that* name in *this* 'hood is surely brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department (I sure do enjoy a tradition -- see my nearly identical comment in my posts of 6.3.12 and 6.5.11).

I said almost, because, instead, I'll succumb to the pressure of the holiday and contribute to the discussion about Father's Day that is ubiquitous today on the social media.  Although my biological father passed away this past January, our relationship wasn't exactly such that we celebrated this holiday (note to self -- remember this business opportunity worthy of an appearance on Shark Tank:  greeting cards for dysfunctional families that favor reality over typical industry schmaltz; note to others -- if you read this and act on it and monetize this concept before I do, expect a royalty request from me and my lawyers; postscript to note to self -- consider getting lawyers someday), so I don't have too much to add in the traditional vein of how folks respond to the holiday.

But I can provide my twisted take on things ... and promote the "who's your daddy" dna testing facilities -- both the van pictured above that drives around New York unconcerned that they might singlehandedly put Maury Povich off the air and the aptly named Indy offices for which I see signs on the frequent getaway trips to there.  Happy Father's Day indeed!

WATCH OUT POVICH -- THEY ARE GUNNING FOR YOU:
http://www.health-street.net/whos-your-daddy-truck.hml

WHO'S YOUR DADDY LLC -- SERVING THE FINE (LOOSE?) FOLKS OF INDY:
http://www.dnapaternitytestingllc.com/

NOT TO GET ALL MAUDLIN, BUT HERE'S MY REAL THOUGHTS ABOUT MY DAD:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/01/purposeful-memorial-for-monday-1713.html

Random Soapbox for Saturday 6/15/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... hashtags have arrived to Facebook, and I'm not sure what I think about them.

For a bit of background:  I've been known to provide a random status update (outside of this random series -- kind of like "bonus content" only found on Facebook) and to include one (or three) hashtag comments at the end -- even though I knew that they weren't functional.

With the announcement of these changes, I've decided to use the opportunity to learn life lessons.  To whit ...

1.)  My nephew informed me of the change to Facebook and asked me if I was stoked.  I replied honestly -- now that I can have them, they aren't as attractive to me any longer.  LESSON LEARNED:  It is so much easier to complain about things you don't have than it is to appreciate that which you do have.

2.)  Whenever I posted anything with hashtags (pre-rule-change), I felt the need to always post three fake ones with the last one being a comment about how I was hashtagging ironically or about how I was picking on Facebook for not being as hip as other social media.  LESSON LEARNED:  I'm definitely a smart-ass (with maybe just a touch of OCD) so I should just embrace it.

3.)  Hashtags work by aggregating comments into themes designated by the language that comes after the # sign.  As such, the phrasings should be relatively simple, easy for others to duplicate and almost intuitive.  Me -- I like mine to be as many words run together as possible and to be something that no one would ever really duplicate in their own postings, thus robbing hashtags of their power.  LESSON LEARNED:  I may suffer from an exaggerated sense of uniqueness.

Or said another way ... #exaggeratedsenseofuniqueness, #iamasmartass & #easiertocomplainaboutthingsyoudonothavethantoappreciatethingsyoudo

A FACEBOOK HASHTAG PRIMER:
http://marketingland.com/facebook-finally-gets-hashtags-48115

WHAT THIS MEANS REGARDING SECURITY SETTINGS:
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/facebook-hashtags-protecting-privacy-posts/story?id=19396453#.UbzzSue-ojU

HOW TO USE FACEBOOK BROWSING TO BOOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM:
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/feeling-facebook-profile-minutes/story?id=19299583#.UbzzfOe-ojV

Random Flashback for Friday 6/14/13

I couldn't resist one more photo from this vacation twenty years ago in early summer 1993 (there will be more next year around this time, Zuckerberg willing).

First, the obvious -- my camera was dying a slow death during this trip.  And this was before the age of digital equipment, so I didn't *know* it was dying until I got the photos back from the developer (kids -- google it -- it's the old way of doing things).

Second, the not so obvious -- I know for certain that this shot was taken *after* the tubing experience I referenced in last week's picture.  I stand by that conclusion because, in the distance, you can see my sambas drying out on the rock.

Finally, I'm just hoping this photo makes the little girl in it smile -- as the little girl in this photo is spending her summer preparing for a little girl all of her own.  (That would make an uncle like me feel pretty old -- except that my family is so ... ummm ... "unique" ... that I was an uncle before I was even born!)

Here's to blue skies and peaceful times like these for everyone this summer season!

Random Thought for Thursday 6/13/13

So ... I wore this shirt today -- a gift from my co-workers during last year's Secret Santa campaign (I must talk about bacon a lot at work) -- on a rare day that I actually went to the local office to meet up with colleagues.

After I got over the fact that people kept on staring me as I walked past (at first, I thought I must look *extra* good today, and then I concluded that it was taking them time to process the flow chart), I realized that I might have a small problem.

Evoking the third rail of politics (and that's all I'll say about that reference as people really get upset about those things), I just want to go on record that this shirt I'm wearing is a statement of pro-bacon and not anti-religion(s).

NO OFFENSE INTENDED (INFO FROM A FLY FISHING RABBI?):
http://theflyfishingrabbi.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-do-jews-not-eat-pork.html

NO OFFENSE INTENDED (INFO FROM CATHOLICS ABOUT MUSLIMS?):
http://catholicwriter.wordpress.com/2007/03/06/why-dont-muslims-eat-pork/

*THIS* WOULD ALSO BE A SHIRT I'D WEAR:
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35312e/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 6/12/13

Black is the new Brown/Yellow/Green/Red/Orange/Blue.

Used in a sentence:  "Courtesy of the wrapper of the bag of m&ms that were just picked up at the store, it appears that Black is the new Brown/Yellow/Green/Red/Orange/Blue."

Consider yourself on notice -- if you open up a bag and find all black chocolate candies, it is NOT a factor of them having spoiled, it is NOT a sign that they were accidentally dipped in tar or soot at the warehouse and it is NOT an artistic statement of some kind.  Instead, it would mean that you just won $100,000 (although I'm thinking a lawsuit for emotional distress about finding a bag full of candies-of-an-unexpected-m&m-color might net you more should you have lawyerly friends).

Just sayin' ...

INCLUDES COLORS REPRESENTED IN A BAR GRAPH FOR HISTORICAL REFERENCE:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%26M's#Color_changes_in_chocolate_M.26M.27s

INCLUDES A GRAPH OF RANDOMNESS OF COLOR DISTRIBUTION IN BAGS:
http://www.dangermanslair.com/blog?cat=16&id=38

INCLUDES RULES FOR HOW TO CLAIM YOUR $100,000:
http://www.mms.com/us/blackm/

Random Tune for Tuesday 6/11/13

I blame the Tonys this past weekend.  (Or is that the Tony's?  Or maybe the Tonies?  Or, in a nod to my youth, maybe whatever the plural is of Tony Toni Tone?  Or, as a fail safe -- the Tony Awards ... sometimes, the easiest plural is right in front of your face.)

Why? -- Because it put me in the mood to finally take something off the over-crowded DVR yesterday when I had a day off from work.

PBS recently ran a special that was the Australian production of the sequel to Phantom of the Opera.  Based on how the whole Andrew Lloyd/Sarah relationship played out, I have to say I'm not too surprised as to what happened to Christine (wait -- should I have said "spoiler alert" first?) ... and I was secretly hoping that some tragedy would befall young Gustav so that there would be a Phantom:  Next Generation to complete what would then be a trilogy (although I guess there's still room for that).

Although the title song of Love Never Dies was beautiful and haunting and slightly maybe a theme song for stalkers ... it was the turn of phrase in this song (that I was learning  for the first time) to which I was most drawn.

My goal -- to work "devil take the hindmost" into my regular vernacular rotation.

FOR TODAY'S TUNE -- THE REPRISE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgTzWR3Msx8

Random Memorial for Monday 6/10/13

Gone but not forgotten:  everybody I "know" from the TV season that just ended.

My name is Troy, and I'm a TV addict.  I'm pretty sure that's the first step in a program, which is why I say it so often (however, in all transparency, I'm not sure that I've made it beyond that step).  I felt a little bit of a "blah" coming on, and I realized that it's that time of year where I have to deal with the fact that many of the shows I watch take a few months off -- or worse yet, never come back.

 I think this may have been brought on by watching the season finale of Arrow on demand this past weekend (they said it would be "epic", and boy -- they weren't kidding) and knowing that, this week, I have to wrap up Touch forever, and The Mindi Project for the summer (having already finished with New Girl and Parks and Rec and Community and The Office and Raising Hope and ABC Wednesday comedies and CBS Monday and Thursday comedies and ... well ... you now understand the addiction issue, right?) ...

Of course, there is the latest editions of TVGuide and Entertainment Weekly that both promote a jam-packed summer of Falling Skies and Dexter and Teen Wolf and Hot in Cleveland and Newsroom and True Blood and Under the Dome and Top Chef Masters and Honey Boo Boo and The Pitch and Breaking Bad and ... you know what ... I really do have a problem.  But now I'm more excited than sad so I guess I kind of healed myself of the "funk" I was starting to feel.

So ... some forever, some until the inevitable reunion special, some until a where-are-they-now-special is made, some until a network has a milestone anniversary special, some until the cast starts dying off and the survivors get feted at an awards show ... but all these characters in the aggregate -- you will be missed.

LIVING WITHOUT TELEVISION (A LIST OF ALTERNATIVES):
http://www.december.com/simple/live/notv.html

A 17 STEP PROGRAM? (IS THAT LIKE A 17 EPISODE SERIES):
http://www.rd.com/health/17-ways-to-beat-your-television-addiction/

THE ENABLERS:
http://www.tvguide.com/special/summer-tv/newshows.aspx

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 6/9/13

What Chicago is talking about this week (in the style of a small talk conversation starter smorgasbord):

SPORTS:  Go Hawks (or as one clever punny sign said -- we Kane, we Shaw, we Crawford)!  It's also baseball season, although the emotion that the Cubs elicit is more of a "take off their helmet/cap, and put 'em in a headlock and rub their heads and say 'aw ... that's okay ... you kids just keep on tryin' ... winnin' isn't everything when you have a 'hood real estate revitalization plan on which to focus'" (although, as the players appear to be my twice my size everywhere except in waist line, I probably won't act on that elicited emotion).  Rumor has it there's also a second baseball team somewhere in this town, should anyone know anything about that ...

SUMMER:  Sure the beaches have been open for the past two weekends ... and I recognize that the calendar may say summer but the weather doesn't seem to be cooperating quite yet ... but this weekend always kicks off true summer in Chitown with festival season!  With a single red line trip, one can get TWO competing arts festivals on or around Wells Street, one (slightly messy) RIB FEST a few stops north and one bi-polar MidsommarFest in Andersonville (it's very Swedish in the AM, and very drunken bacchanalia as the day progresses).

PERENNIAL CLASSICS:  Some small talk in this town is always relevant -- feel free to pick from political corruption (Mr. and Mrs. Jackson, anyone?) or school closing controversy (a favorite filled with accusations of classism and racism) or kid gangbangers shooting kid gangbangers (I swear a white supremacist group is really in control of all gangs, and they are sitting back and pulling the strings as a minority generation simply annihilates itself).

So anyway ... about those Hawks ...

SMART AND LITERARY PUNNY FANS:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-ct-blackhawks-kings049-20130602,0,6400631.photo

CELEBRATING 15 YEARS (I JUST REMEMBER THE FUNNEL CAKE INCIDENT OF '11):
http://www.ribfest-chicago.com/

FAMILY PLANNING FOR WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY GO TO PRISON:
http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/20609122-418/feds-sentence-jesse-jackson-jr-to-4-years-sandi-to-18-months.html

Random Soapbox for Saturday 6/8/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I don't get playoff beards.

I mean, clearly I "get" them as far as knowing what they are and how they've expanded as a concept into more and more sporting activities (although I do wonder what the ladies of the WNBA do as a tradition -- they have playoffs, too, right?).  Perhaps it comes from not being overly athletic as a youngster, and so I missed out on having much of a team sport mindedness/orientation.

Mostly, though, my inability to "get" them stems from knowing how miserable I am this time of year as soon as my scruff grows out to the point where it gets all irritated -- especially when I get all neck-sweaty.  I would think that, during the playoffs, one would want to be performing optimally, and I don't know how one can do so in that state.

In closing -- I feel like I should include the obligatory ... Go Hawks (the faster you get this over with, the sooner you can shave -- OH, wait a minute -- *now* I get it!)  

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE TRADITION:
http://prosportsextra.com/2013/05/10/the-playoff-beard-a-tradition/

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE A LIST:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1626257-the-10-greatest-nhl-playoff-beards-of-the-past-decade

LOOK WHAT I FOUND GOOGLING PLAYOFF BEARDS:
http://playoffbeard.com/about-0

 

Random Flashback for Friday 6/7/13

What was I doing twenty years ago in the early summer of 1993?  Taking this picture in an idyllic spot in my home state of Pennsylvania, somewhere close to the "PA Grand Canyon".

I'd say more specifics about the location, except it's the secret hideout of my brother's and so it's kind of like "the undisclosed location" that politicians go to whenever trouble is brewing.  For us, it was just vacation -- and it's not like we were blindfolded or anything on the way up there (although there were a lot of winding country roads as I recall).  To my point, you do gain access by driving across a low point in the river or, if the river's high, boating across at a point in the upper left of this shot.  I've probably said too much already, so I'll stop ...

Oh -- although I guess it's okay to disclose that these inner tubes didn't stay on the grass for long.  Remember that river I referenced?  We spent hours floating on it (and it may or may not be true that at least one tube was reserved for beer).    Now *that's* a peaceful vacation!

Random Thought for Thursday 6/6/13

File this under "those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" OR maybe "let he that is without sin among you cast the first stone" [and what is it with all of this stone throwing in ancient times and in old timey proverbs ... can you imagine the Bible rewritten with modern day weapons -- I mean, hey, if Baz can do it with Shakespeare, then surely we can urbanize some Bible stories] ... but I'm thinking that the day USA Today includes the article in the first photo about misspellings (this was this past Monday's paper), they probably should do extra duty spell checking the rest of the copy on their page.

[If you didn't notice it, check out the caption under the photo in the additional image (which was the top corner of the same page.]

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 6/5/13

Day of Incongruity.

Used in a sentence:  "Nobody warned me ahead of time, but I noticed on my daily walk to go get the paper that today was clearly a Day of Incongruity in my 'hood."

Exhibit A:  I walked past the My Fit Foods down on the corner (it opens in three days), where the staff were inside, in plain view of all passers-by, filling their faces with Panino's Pizza.  To be clear, I can vouch for Panino's (it is the best pizza in the 'hood) -- I'm just pointing out that it didn't seem to match the image the company's going for.  If only I had been quick enough to snap a photo.

Exhibit B:  I walked past the local branch of Waffles (I cannot vouch for this place, as it is still too hip for me and mine to get a seat, and I am the farthest thing from an early adopter), and had to duck the giant SUV that had performed a quick u-turn, rode up on the curb and then stayed on it as the driver attempted to salvage some kind of parallel park maneuver.  Unashamed, the driver of the giant car got out, and I saw a tiny, barely five foot tall woman as the culprit.  Had I not already been staring at her and smh (I learned that acronym from the young folks), I would have checked to see if she was using one phone book or two to see over the windshield.

Exhibit C:  I so like my lists in threes, but I didn't see another incongruous item.  Of course, one could argue that the fact that it is 2013 and I'm making references to reading a paper and phone books might qualify.

Anyway -- Happy Day of Incongruity to you and yours!

SOON TO BE NEW TO THE 'HOOD:
http://lakeview.patch.com/groups/business-news/p/midwest-s-first-my-fit-foods-hitting-halsted-north

NEW TO THE 'HOOD:
http://waffleschicago.com/

OLD TO THE 'HOOD:
http://paninospizzachicago.com/

Random Tune for Tuesday 6/4/13

One more country song and then I'll diversify my tunes (I think it's "randomly" been country now since the beginning of May).

And this one (which I heard for the FIRST time on a classic country station on my trip last month) is a perfect fit to also join my very occasional series called "Country Music has the best ... lyrics ...ever".

Maybe it's just that I found that I could relate to that which I was hearing in my advanced age and waist size -- especially the chorus that says ... "Don't call me on the phone ... just ring my dinner bell".

Classic country, indeed ... emphasis on the word "classic"!

OOH ... BRRRR .. .MOMMA ... HE'S A DOUBLE XL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ypHfRbU16k

Random Memorial for Monday 6/3/13

Gone but not forgotten:  Chess King!

This is not a reference to Kasparov or Fischer, nor is it recalling that which gave us "One Night In Bangkok".

It is, however, a fond memory of what was my favorite clothing store in the late 80's/early 90's (before it closed in 1995 [thanks Wikipedia]).  I think I was mostly drawn to it because I was very fond of the color combo of red and black back when I was forming my own sartorial senses (and so much of what they offered was adorned in exactly those colors).  I knew which mall to stop at on those frequent drives to Columbus OH twenty years ago (miss you, Zanesville Chess King) ... and it was a reason for me to go over to Park City any chance I could (thinking of you, Lancaster Chess King) ... and I'm pretty sure my sister used to get gift certificates somewhere in Philly any time a gift-giving occasion came around (rest in peace, Philadelphia Chess King).

Corporation that clothed me for six important years of my life ... you are missed!

FOR A CONTRARY (SCATHING) OPINION, SEE THIS BLOGGER'S POST:
http://the80srule.blogspot.com/2006/01/and-what-of-chess-king.html

SPEAKING OF THE KINGS OF CHESS:
http://listverse.com/2009/09/06/top-10-greatest-chess-players-in-history/

DID THEY INHERIT THE MANTLE -- OR JUST THE WEB ADDRESS?:
http://chess-king.com/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 6/2/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

It's moving season!

Which means the empty apartments in the building are filling up.

Since the Mexican brother landlords took over the first place lived in in Chicago (over in Logan Square, 2001-07) as they all moved in together (allegedly) during the Great Recession, I've enjoyed the nine unit building right here just a spit and a holler away from Wrigley Field.  All things considered, it's a good place -- three units per floor, but three with one entrance/six with another.  That means the back deck is shared by three groups on each floor, but the landing out front is only shared by two (and, being in the middle, it is true that one "more intimately" knows the upstairs girls and the downstairs boy [and they, in turn, know me and mine], if only because the walls and floors just aren't so thick).  And all nine units share two washers and one dryer (landlord Jim, if you're reading this, please fix the other dryer soon!).

The best part of the building -- it's pet friendly.  And not to get all like Anna Madrigal (but if I did, I'd skip the "surgery" and instead I would be inspired by her and take on the moniker Merry Edie Norty [if you didn't Tales-of-the-City, this is probably not making sense]), but the new girls I watched move in downstairs next to the boy who is underneath this apartment did leave a giant bag of dog food outside of their front door while they were moving in, so there's a good sign that more dogs will be in the building.  Working from home as I do, I kind of like knowing that I'm surrounded by animals (whom I like better than people most days).

Now we'll see how long they all last!

MORE ABOUT TALES OF THE CITY:
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/article/125200-tales-of-the-city-from-serial-to-books-to-tv-to-stage/

A MOVING-TO-CHICAGO RESOURCE (THERE'S STILL AN APT OPEN, I THINK):
http://movingtochicago.org/

LANDLORD JIM, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, HERE'S A HINT:
http://www.diylife.com/2008/01/28/fixing-a-clothes-dryer-that-wont-dry/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 6/1/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I'm compelled to recycle an image and a theme and a rant that I used just a few months ago (see my post on 1.12.13) -- as I've had another run-in with the local Wells Fargo (the bank where my dad had an account before his passing early this year).

So here's the letter I felt I just had to write and share with the branch manager and other corporate contacts that I could find online.

**************************

Dear Ike Patton:

If I had known how interested you were in my father's last $40 dollars, I would have seen to it that you were invited to his funeral so you could have checked his pockets for loose change as he lay in the coffin.

Today, when closing out his account, it was brought to my attention that Wells Fargo cancelled the automatic transfers to and from a savings account (a feature that your own employee suggested when the account was created so that my old man could avoid a monthly $10 checking account fee as he was living off just his $45 monthly government-permitted allowance as per federal/state laws).  Which, of course, allowed the bank to suddenly start charging that $10 fee against his account until that last $45 of his was reduced to just $5.  And when it was suggested to you that said fees should be waived, you told the teller performing the close-of-account task that you had no control over that type of thing.

But hey, what's $40 between a monolithic bank with a less-than-reputable reputation and the estate of a 90 year old veteran of the 99% variety?  Well -- apparently, it's quite important to you and your company.  [P.S. -- And if the store manager of a bank does not have the discretionary authority over something as minimal as $40 in fees, may I suggest that the title of "manager" be reconsidered, as, it would seem to me, the corporation for which you work doesn't seem to trust you with much.]

Here's what your insistence on keeping that $40 has "bought" for you and your company -- my allegiance to go to my grave making certain that I will never be a customer of your bank (so as not to put my heirs in this kind of situation).  Plus -- I promise to give you more "bang for that buck", because I'll be sure to tell forty of my friends (and to ask that they, in turn, tell forty of theirs) to stay away from your place of business.  Maybe that's the idea -- maybe this is some kind of innovative marketing strategy that I just don't understand?

By the way, I know it is way outside of the realm of your influence, but I'm not looking for that $40 to be returned to me now that all of my transactions with Wells Fargo are complete.  But I would recommend sensitivity training for you and your staff, so that you don't leave your customers with the impression that corpses are nothing other than money-making opportunities.  And, if you (or your direct reports), are the kind that might be driven to penance, perhaps you could transform that essential $40 into a donation to an organization that raises funds for cancer research (as, that is the disease that took his life, not that it came up in any conversation with you or your employees).

Or -- you could really challenge the system and increase the donation tenfold and really make a difference.  If you do, feel free to make it in my father's name.

Disappointed and determined to spread the word about this experience,


Troy A. Neidermyer

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER 
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/2013/01/random-soapbox-for-saturday-11213.html

OTHERS EXPRESS CONCERN ON THE INTERWEBS:
http://wellsfargowarning.com/

THE SOURCE OF THE LOGO:
http://mythreecents.com/showReview.cgi?id=82063