Random Flashback for Friday 4/30/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> Here is the last of the Spring 1990 On the Town series. Jef Betz can calrify, but this should be something close to "Rajah Bimmy's ... where you see the harem-scarem ... where you see the pretty girlies pick the handkerchief up with their knees [take deep breath]" I still have the tip of the NY skyline in my home office, although it's not seen in this scene through the magic of it folding down on itself to become Coney Island (clearly succeeding at giving special effects the old college try). You have to look really closely to see that the lead harem girl is really Ivy (Miss Turnstiles for ... was it ... July?)

Random Thought for Thursday 4/29/10

One of the secrets to happiness is ... finding the silver lining in anything.

If you find yourself weighed down by the burden of multiple stressors in your life as I've been of late, let me share with you that one of the easiest coping skills you can hone is to practice the basic tenets of cognitive therapy. You can change the way that you view a situation faster than you can manipulate all of the variables affecting you. And -- you can most certainly change your outlook faster than you can change the behaviors and actions of others.

In my quest to look for that lining o' silver in anything, I realized the other day that we might be raising a generation of people with advanced lip reading skills now that profanity is so prevalent in prime time TV. I mean, sure, it's bleeped out. But it's really just human nature to look at the screen and figure out what they are actually saying -- and that's not so difficult. But if these skills are translatable to something practical, then kudos/mazel/congrats to all of us!

[Warning: this next paragraph is read best if you hear the voice of Andy Rooney in your head.]

But sometimes, you find a silver lining where you least expect it. For instance, like in my box of Sugar Corn Pops? If all of my other cereals have a nice clear plastic bag that lets me see in to the sugar laden treats, why do the Pops come in a lead-lined package? From what am I being protected? Is it really safe to eat these flattened, smooth, bumpy bits of milled corn? Because, to be honest, eating them is also one of the secrets to happiness.

QUICK PRIMER ON COGNITIVE THERAPY:
http://counsellingresource.com/types/cognitive-therapy/

QUICK PRIMER ON LIP-READING:
http://www.wikihow.com/Lip-Read

QUICK PRIMER ON SUGAR CORN POPS:
http://www2.kelloggs.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=558

QUICK PRIMER ON ANDY ROONEY:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/andy_rooney.html

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 4/28/10

Tranquil, as in tranquility.

Used in a series of sentences: "The red-headed cowboy turns to his brother and queries: 'Tranquil?'. He responds affirmatively: 'Tranquil!' Still confused, he repeats his question, this time messaging with the furrows in his brow and the pitch of his diction that he's clearly not heard this word before: 'Tranquil?' Again, the same response: 'Tranquil!' Then, epiphany. Light bulbs going off. Angels singing. [Insert rancher-relevant moment of clarity metaphor if you got one.] Now the non-verbal feedback is clearly one of admiration for his sibling and his intelligence. 'Tranquil, as in tranquility. Wow.'"

Even if it sounds like I might be mocking, please know that I join many other Amazing Race fans in hoping these cowboys win this competition. Is there a simplicity about them? Yes. Is that ultimately refreshing? You betcha. Do I think that they are smart, well-balanced, competitive in a positive way, kind-hearted and a throwback to something special in today's fast paced world. Indubitably (or at least they are edited to be that way). If they don't win, please just keep the mean-spirited models from taking the million. Although, to be honest, I'd take the interchangeably-oriented brothers (which one is gay again?) or the middle-aged asthmatic cops (of the "can't we do a bust a house down challenge instead of this fashion one" ilk?) over those spoiled brats (or at least they are edited to be that way). Oh my gravy!

WATCH EPISODES AND WIN TRIVIA PRIZES:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race/games/video_trivia/

20 YEAR OLD SOCCER BOY REALITY FAN RANKS THE RACERS WEEKLY:
http://www.realitytvcalendar.com/shows/tar16/sb/ep-10-p2.html?submit=Continued+On+Next+Page

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 4/27/10

Sorry, Tim. Your smile only took you so far. Now do me a favor and go get a haircut in your down time.

However, by having to research this song to find a clip to serve as therapy to replace your troubled rendition of the GooGooDolls "Better Days" in my mind, you did make me realize that I now have a new annual song to play every New Years Eve (my most favorite holiday of the year) that might actually replace "Auld Lang Syne" for me when I celebrate in 249 days. It may be a little melancholy and a touch moody, but you can't argue with these closing lyrics:

"I wish everyone was loved tonight ... And somehow stop this endless fight ... Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days ... So take these words ... And sing out loud ... Cause everyone is forgiven now ... Cause tonight's the night the world begins again ... Cause tonight's the night the world begins again."

May you forgive, be forgiven and find a fresh new start wherever you may need it.

GOO-GOO DOLLS on A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHeM-QE3PCE

LYRICS to BETTER DAYS:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/googoodolls/betterdays.html

Random Memorial for Monday 4/26/10

Gone but not forgotten: the record finale of M*A*S*H as the most watched TV event ever.

I like me some TV. With age, it also has become apparent that I like me some classic TV. And, by classic TV, I really mean that I like me some "old-school" episodes of late night TV as defined by TVLand and Nick at Nite.

I had these feelings affirmed twice unexpectedly. I found myself enjoying the TVLand Awards last night watching clips of Love Boat, Bosom Buddies and Everybody Loves Raymond as much for the remembered scenes as for the fun in seeing who was still alive and how they looked years later. And then there was the viewing of the Biography special on M*A*S*H that I caught on my DVR this past weekend, when I found myself pining for the sophisticated comedy of a show that spoke volumes on the horrors of war and the ability of the human spirit to persevere (with just the right touch of surgeon's skirt chasing, hot lips and cross-dressing to make it all the more real in its absurdity). Mind you, I have nothing against February 2010's Super Bowl (particularly after that Betty White commercial for Snickers that set into place her upcoming stint as host of SNL), but knowing that it replaced the M*A*S*H finale as the most watched event ever in TV history does make me just a little sad, in a nostalgic kind of way.

That moment when millions and millions of Americans gathered around the TV set at the same time to slowly realize that the chicken that was silenced on that Korean bus wasn't a chicken at all, you will be missed.

TVLAND AWARDS 2010: http://www.tvland.com/awards2010/allaccess/

GOODBYE, FAREWELL and AMEN: http://www.tv.com/mash/show/119/summary.html

ALAN ALDA COMMENTS ON SAINTS' WIN AND M*A*S*H LOSS:
http://www.nfl.com/superbowl/story?id=09000d5d8164bc7b&template=with-video-with-comments&confirm=true

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 4/25/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

It's not the first time in recent memory it's been brought up (Blago-boy suggested it a few years back), but a proposal is afoot to bring the National Guard to Chicago to tame the violence running rampant in the city. It's nothing new to see in the news that kids are killing kids, that high school age children are being gunned down, that babies of baby gangsters are being shot up in drive-by shootings, that baseball bat beatings are all the rage in Bucktown ... and, sadly, I could go on and on.

When I have to pull over for the tanks driving through town to maintain order, it's going to be easy for me to think I'm in some adaptation of a Stephen King novella -- and I'll be on the lookout for the supernatural element that is undoubtedly following. Maybe the Asian carp that are invading the Great Lakes will find some way to flood downtown and go all pyrahnnic -- morphed into something bigger from the underground nuclear reactor at UIC. And, of course, if all that goes down, it might finally be time to sign up to join the family compound being built nearby in Indiana!

CALL TO ACTION FOR GUARD: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/04/state-reps-want-to-fight-violence-with-national-guards-help.html

BABY GANGSTER's BABY SHOT IN DRIVE-BY: http://www.cltv.com/news/wgntv-charges-shooting-death-20-month-old-apr24,0,6985059.story

BUCKTOWN BAT ATTACK: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/04/two-women-injured-in-bucktown-by-man-wielding-baseball-bat.html

ASIAN CARP ATTACK: http://www.livevideo.com/video/sm0ky/7B064E0CD4614EFC8395B6DB0E347556/no-fishing-pole-needed-asi.aspx

Random Soapbox for Saturday 4/24/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... who are you to censor my comics? Who are you to stifle the creative, the envelope-pushers, the instigators, the make-you-stop-and-think folks? Look -- I didn't like Roseanne when I was younger (she reminded me too much of the step-mother in my life), but I've come to appreciate her in my later years because she was insistent on using her artistic platform to make you uncomfortable. And that's what creative people do across many forums.

Instead of commenting on the recent turn of events with South Park creators and their depiction of Islam's #1 guy (believe me, I don't have any resources to devote to protecting myself from a fatwa, so I have nothing but respect for him and any of his prophet brethren), I'll stay true to theme week and provide links to recent censorship of comics -- Opus, Doonesbury and Tank McNamara. And I'm in true "bite the hand that feeds you" mode, since the three examples before are instances where the Washington Post did the censoring (Kaplan, the company for which I work, is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Post).

Moving forward, how about you let me decide the level of controversy in my Sunday funnies? How about you let me choose to define where lines are drawn? How about you let me experience the ability to have my thoughts challenged by the creativity of others?

WASHINGTON POST CENSORS 'OPUS':
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294779,00.html

WASHINGTON POST CENSORS 'DOONESBURY':
http://www.ihatethemedia.com/washington-post-censor-doonesbury-comic-strip

WASHINGTON POST CENSORS 'TANK MCNAMARA':
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2009/08/why_you_wont_see_dick_cheney_o.html

WASHINGTON POST CENSORS 'CAPRICIOUS COGNITION':
[this place saved for link in case this is consequence of today's post]

Random Flashback for Friday 4/23/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> Yet another pic in the series from On The Town, as presented at LVC in spring 1990. If Dr. Scott was a marvel last week as the statue, this dinosaur should have gotten some kind of award for most elaborate prop. It was a feat of engineering that it "collapsed" every night in the show as "Ozzie and Claire" were gettin' carried away, but returned to its form in time for the next performance. And the sailor in this shot is Renato Biribin, instrumental in my own development finding a purpose and a method of expression and a home within this group during my highly formative years at college -- nothing like thanking someone twenty years after the fact using social media, eh?

(Theme Week: Sunday Comics returns, and wraps up, tomorrow).

Random Thought for Thursday 4/22/10

When I was little, the MiniPages were part and parcel of the Sunday comics experience (do kids still "learn" from that source?), always teaching me something about assorted themed topics. Even thought that's not in the local Chicago papers, I still learned something new from a recent comic strip in the funny pages (do people still call it that?) ... about how pink lemonade was formed by a guy named Pete Conklin who made lemonade with water "dyed pink from a horse rider's red tights". The comics didn't begin to go into the fact that there are so many competing theories about pink lemonade's origin -- although most do seem to spring from the circus, and most do seem to involve the fact that a guy needed more water for his refreshment stand and could only find some that had been "dyed" because clothing or a blanket or something had fallen in the water. Nowadays, that would seem to be grounds for a lawsuit, but I guess it certainly wasn't going to be the last time that artificial dyes found their way into what we eat and drink. Further proof that you can find edification where you least expect it. [And if this isn't your cup of tea, you can always pull out the silly putty and imprint a panel!]

PINK LEMONADE ORIGIN STORIES: http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/pink_lemonade/

MODERN MINI PAGES:
http://www.amuniversal.com/ups/features/mini_page/index.htm

MAKE YOUR OWN SILLY PUTTY (IF YOU DARE):
http://www.essortment.com/hobbies/sillyputtyreci_sdyd.htm

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 4/21/10

Pleonasm; Pleonist; Pleonasochist, Pleonasochistic

Used in a sentence: "Don't tell me the Sunday comics (theme week, theme week!) are for the simple-minded because just a few days ago, I learned the word pleonasm in a strip, which I had to go look up right away because it wasn't in my WordWealth inspired vocab (thanks Mrs. Mills for making me do that exercise every week in 9th and 12th grade)."

And after learning that it meant "the use of more words than are required to express an idea; redundancy; a superfluous word or phrase" and considering how my posts have expanded since this original concept launched, I have to admit that I'm surprised that I haven't heard this phrase (or been accused of being a pleonist or a pleonasochist) before!

If Capricious Cognition doesn't take off, maybe I could relaunch it in a year or so as Pleonasochistic Tendencies -- unless that sounds too much like a college rock band.

VIEW THIS LINK FOR THE COMMENTS ALONE:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080320114535AAjC3iN

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 4/20/10

Look, if I'm going to pick on anyone from last week's show and suggest an alternative performance as a form of therapy ... it's going to have to be the decision to pair poor Carole-King-wannabe Brooke White with underwear-model-Miley-Cyrus-throwaway-Nashville-Star-ex-contestant Justin Gaston to try to sing Elvis' "If I Can Dream" on the results show. She should have just sung it by herself. Or, even better, I offer up (instead) the American Idol 1968 version (from an earlier edition of Idol Gives Back) of Celine Dion paired with the King himself through the magic of TV special effects.

By the way, it's Sunday comics theme week at Capricious Cognition, and you might be wondering how I would possibly tie it in to today's post ... but if you are thinking that way, then you must not have followed the penguin Opus to the end of his strip -- when Elvis appeared to him to tell him to get ready for his final resting place (the ghost paying it forward so that Opus could avoid his fate of being forever remembered as having been eliminated whilst eliminating, so to speak). Of course, I could have just as easily referenced Opus yesterday as a memorial item, since he's been out of my Sunday routine for some years now like Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes. [And based on a google search of my fond-remembrance-comics-lineup, I found a comics soul mate in Elizabeth S, a commenter near the bottom of the blog linked below.]

As I decided how best to connect theme week to today's tune therapy, I stumbled across a website that allows you to research comics and cartoons by subject! So you can explore your own randomness at the link below (and they allow you to put the toons on products, use them in e-cards, etc.)!

ELVIS and CELINE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpGb7lo7RMs

MY COMICS SOUL MATE: http://www.prophecyfellowship.org/archive/index.php/t-236675.html

CARTOON/COMICS SEARCH: http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/bysubject/subject.php?p=1&sid=60

Random Memorial for Monday 4/19/10

Gone but not forgotten: days of yore when reality competition ideas hadn't infiltrated the Sunday comics.

[BTW -- It's that time of the month -- time for Theme Week. For April, randomly enough, it will be all about that colorful section of the Sunday paper whose very existence might just be threatened.]

The Chicago Tribune started "Comics Carousel" a few weeks back -- and the concept is that they will print two new strips for awhile, and then the readers will vote on which one gets to stay in the rotation. Now that I think about it, maybe that's more like when radio stations play songs "against each other" each night at nine. [Dear I-generation readers: in case you haven't heard of a newspaper, please know that it is primarily an ancient mechanism designed for advertising and the embarrassment of local folks in the police log. Oh ... and a radio is kind of like an I-pod, except someone else choose the songs that are played such that if you want to make a mix-tape, you have to stay by it for hours to catch them playing that song you wanted to hear. But I digress ...] Don't get me wrong -- I like me some reality television, but I'd also like to keep those concepts to one entertainment medium at a time!

Days of reading the Sunday comics without thinking about whom should be voted off, you will be missed.

RULES FOR THE COMICS CAROUSEL (at the bottom of this particular post): http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/tribnation/2010/04/seriously-funny-talking-about-changes-to-our-comics-page.html

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 4/18/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

In the world we live in, who would think that a new trend would be robbing nuns? The latest allegation -- a man who stole $80,000 from the local branch of the Sisters of the Poor. May I offer up this defense for the accused (Roberto Rodriguez): "...80K is a lot of money and if the nuns would have kept all that cash, they would have practically been obligated to change their name to Sisters of the Rich ... I simply saved them from the costs involved to update the stationery and the signs and the website by siphoning those donations!" And if the arresting officer was a fan of Hamlet, I hope he took advantage of the opportunity to say ... "Mr. Rodriguez, step thee away from that nunnery!"

TODAY's BREAKING NEWS STORY: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/04/employee-charged-in-theft-from-little-sisters.html
RECENT NUN-ROBBING STORY: http://www.neatorama.com/2009/11/24/nun-robbed-in-parking-lot/
TO MAKE A DONATION: http://www.littlesistersofthepoor.org/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 4/17/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here (disguised as a riddle wrapped inside an enigma), but ...

Here is a prize. We want you to have it. It will make you feel good about what you do. It will make us feel good for offering it to you. It should be something for which you strive. (And, by the way, just to be clear -- if you don't get the prize, in our hearts and minds, we are going to feel and know that you are incompetent.)

How do you get the prize? Just increase X and decrease Y. For the remaining days of the calendar year, always be mindful of those values -- but to make it more exciting, although we have values for X and Y in mind -- we're not going to tell you what they are. After all, we want you to have a challenge. (And, by the way, there's a guy in a room somewhere who knows the exact values of X and Y, but, for fun, we tell him to pick new numbers every fortnight.)

Might you want a clue? OK ... we can give you a glimpse of the progress you've made toward X and Y. (But don't look at the calendar and be misled into thinking that this is 25% of X and Y -- it's not! Because, as we've already said, we want you to have a challenge, and if it were 25%, then you could just do the math and solve the puzzle!)

Might you be frustrated? Fear not -- this is innovative leadership for modern times!

DISCLAIMER (a classic CYA move, but since it supplies protections in the movies, why not here?): If you read the Dilbert comic strip and do not watch NBC's The Office ... then I got this idea from watching NBC's The Office. If you watch NBC's The Office and do not read the Dilbert comic strip ... then I got this idea from reading the Dilbert comic strip. If you watch NBC's The Office and read the Dilbert comic strip, then I got this idea from a dream I had recently featuring Ricky Gervais talking about ideas he abandoned from his original concept of The Office. If you were in a dream I recently had featuring Ricky Gervais talking about ideas he abandoned from his original concept of The Office -- then get out of my head! Said another way:

"The events depicted in this blog are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead or any similarity to any workplace setting or any similarity to any quiz bowl environment or any similarity to any logic game or any similarity to any punishment in hell is merely coincidental."

DILBERT: http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2009-02-02/

THE OFFICE: http://www.theofficequotes.com/random-the-office-quotes

RICKY GERVAIS: http://www.rickygervais.com/

PUNISHMENTS IN HELL: http://www.desitwist.com/spiritual-heaven/punishments-hell-23241.html

Random Flashback for Friday 4/16/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> Continuing with the shots from LVC's production of "On the Town" from spring 1990, here is Dr. James Scott as the museum statue. I understand he just retired from my college alma mater, meaning that he was a steadying influence on thousands and thousands of college age folks choosing their life's paths. He was the reason that I traveled to Deutschland later in that same year and that I ultimately graduated with an extra degree in German. For the show, he stood so still for the entire scene to make the audience truly wonder if he was just a prop -- such dedication! Here's to a wonderful retirement!!

Random Thought for Thursday 4/15/10

The DVR has changed my TV viewing habits drastically -- I watch what I want to when I want to in any kind of order I want to. Of course, that means I've had to make personal prioritization choices ... like being certain to keep up with reality elimination shows lest I read about the latest contestant removed from the competition ... or taking months to get through the National Parks Ken Burns' documentary (I've watched four of six installments so far and now cars are driving through the restricted areas!).

This time-delayed consumption of entertainment means that sometimes I'm a little behind the rest of the world in finding out important news. For instance, it took an episode of ABC's Shark Tank to inform me that the white packets (pure sugar) and the brown packets (raw sugar) and the pink packets (congressionally cleared from causing cancer in 2000) and the blue packets (once shilled by Cher, remember?) and the yellow packets (for those looking to add a carcinogen to their coffee) were joined by BRIGHT GREEN PACKETS!

I haven't worked in a restaurant since Cherry Tree Cafe in Uniontown (an upcoming Friday Flashback in a year or two?), but have the caddies on those tables been improved such that they can display all of these choices? I don't plan to rehash my Soapbox from Saturday, but are artificial sweeteners the new M&Ms? Do we really need this many choices?

PINK: http://www.sweetnlow.com/faqs/health.html

BLUE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ccd8NfsDkE

YELLOW: http://www.truthaboutsplenda.com/

GREEN: http://www.truvia.com/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 4/14/10

Electra-pus Complex.

Used in a sentence: "If a boy who wants to kill his father because he's in love with his mother defines the Oedipus complex ... and a girl who wants to kill her mother because she's in love with her father defines the Electra complex ... then I guess when a male baseball player tries to off his mother with a foul ball during a game (as happened recently with a poorly hit ball from a Minnesota Twinnian), it should be called the Electra-pus complex!"

If I follow the Freudian/Jungian concepts, him killing his mother would mean that he was in love with his father ... Heavens to Murgatroid! Maybe it should be the Electra-Snaggle-Pus Complex!! (Or maybe that's a bit of a stretch ...)

All attempted kidding aside, the player's Mom quickly recovered, and she returned to the stands shortly after being hit, according to this article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/01/sports/baseball/01twins.html

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 4/13/10

After last week's "dramatic" judges' save (anyone else skeptical enough to think they might just be in need of a back-up system in case those voting get accused of racism as they have in years past?) and the admission that Tim is no longer being judged against the others because of his ability to seduce America's teeny-boppers with a smile ... it's hard to stay on track with my current weekly mission for Tuesdays -- to offer up a better version of one of the most poorly performed songs from last week's episode (as a therapeutic offering of sorts).

Which, in my opinion, means looking for a more soulful singing of Let It Be. And it's not that I don't feel for Katie who is improperly positioned in the middle of the "who are you as an artist" three-way between Simon and Kara -- it's just that I think that song sounds best from someone who's felt a little pain in their life. I can even keep it in the Idol arena by providing the link to Jennifer Hudson's rendition of Let It Be from the Hope for Haiti concert:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNB63sSQF7Y&feature=related

Random Memorial for Monday 4/12/10

Gone but not forgotten: Dixie Carter.

I think I've said it before, but one of the unexpected signs of aging is when you recognize all of the celebrities as they pass. Even though I had seen her as an older woman when she guested on DH, I still let out a gasp when I saw the headline on the internet portal (which is, of course, the new way to get breaking news delivered) about Ms. Carter's passing.

I can't remember her on Diff'rent Strokes, but I can't forget her monologues from Designing Women. Could there be another actress better suited for a role like Julia Sugarbaker? Could there be another performer that could deliver one of those put-you-in-your-place, stand-up-for-something, end-of-my-patience, sit-down-and-be-silenced, crawl-back-into-your-mother's-womb kind of speech delivered with a pointing finger, a withering glare and a staccato voice?

As a matter of fact, once the proper mourning period has passed, can someone please make an app for our smart phones that allows us to plug in a few details and then hit play to deliver a Dixie Carter/Julia Sugarbaker speech to our nemeses on demand?

Hal Holbrook's partner for the last quarter century, you will be missed.

IF NOT IN GA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV86kehwkc0

MISS TRIAL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZHw7XWky_A&feature=related

IT's THE MEN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVl4bmGcn3c&feature=related

JURY DUTY: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tikaHHRIWM&feature=related

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 4/11/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Life imitates art in local Woodstock, IL. For fans of AMC's Breaking Bad, (and if you aren't watching, you should immediately catch up on the first two seasons and jump in to season 3, airing now, to see why Bryan Cranston deserves his Emmys), seeing in the news that a couple was pulled over at a traffic stop in their Impala and that it turned out to be a rolling "meth" lab should sound eerily familiar. Of course, an Impala's not quite a Winnebago, but it's worth stating that if anyone spots a tortoise in the distance moseying toward them with an explosive noggin taped to its back -- RUN AWAY FROM THE TURTLE (to reference a show-stopping scene from season two)!

Anyway -- back to the article -- they say that it was a random traffic stop, but when the truth all comes out, can it please please have been because they were speed-ing! [Check the second link below for Meth slang, and then consistent with my soapbox from yesterday, join me in marveling how creativity seems to be the most wasted resource in our society today!]

NEWS STORY: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/04/hazardous-materials-response-called-in-woodstock.html

METH SLANG: http://www.methhelponline.com/meth-slang.htm

Random Soapbox for Saturday 4/10/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... in an increasingly complex world, must the makers of M&Ms really overwhelm us with so many different flavors? I was making an Easter basket last weekend, and suddenly was faced with choosing from Coconut, Wild Cherry, Dark Chocolate (with or without peanuts), Almond, Peanut, Minis, Megas, Premiums (Raspberry Almond, Mocha, Triple Chocolate) -- and while its exhausting to list them all, that list is not exhaustive! I instantly had flashbacks to the horrible aftertaste of the Strawberried Peanut Butter Transformers movie tie-in M&Ms from a bit ago and I just can't imagine that the world needs all of these options.

Have we learned nothing from Combos, who tried to expand their line with Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit and Cheeseburger offerings (and the biscuit one tasted like dog biscuits -- I know how they taste because I worked the McDonald's drive-thru in my youth and, on a dare, I sampled the ones we gave out to the dogs -- and the burger one left you with an aftertaste of artificial pickle).

To be clear, though, I don't want this diatribe to lead to diminished true innovation, like the Double Down arriving at KFC on Monday morning. A sandwich that foregoes a bun for two slabs of chicken with bacon and cheese holding it all together from the inside out is exactly what America needs to bridge the gap sparked by partisan discord of late.

Have we all gotten so selfish and entitled that we demand this level of variety from the products we buy? There is a part of me that wants the manufacturer to discontinue everything but the original plain and peanut M&Ms and launch a marketing campaign that says, "Sit down, shut up, eat the candies we give you and enjoy them!" For fear that doesn't sound very American of me, I would then posit that we can harness the creativity and innovative spirit that fills the world with dozens of chocolate candy flavors and direct it toward fulfilling the real needs of our populace!

M&Ms: http://mms.com/us/about/

COMBOS: http://www.flickr.com/photos/smurfwreck/2636896764/

DOUBLE DOWN: http://www.kfc.com/doubledown/

Random Flashback for Friday 4/9/10

I arrived at LVC twenty some years ago for my freshman year of college having just run away from home a few months before. So, as a late bloomer who hadn't done too much in high school, I was a perfect fit for the theatre crowd. And as my first year at school drew to a close, Cathie Wheeler pulled me into the annual spring musical as an assistant director. [Mind you, my last exposure to pure musicals was as the doormouse in a junior high production of Alice in Wonderland ... but Cathie saw that I needed a place to belong, and she and others like her found a way to get me in.] For the next few weeks, I will flash back to pics from the LVC musical "On The Town", performed in spring 1990!

Random Thought for Thursday 4/8/10

AN ODE (OF SORTS) TO SPRING!

For meteorologists, spring starts March 1.

For astronomers, spring starts March 20.

For religious folk (or their secular counterparts), spring starts with the Seder or Good Friday or the arrival of the Easter Bunny.

For gardeners, spring starts with the early sign of crocuses and daffodils.

For Seasonal Affective Disorder sufferers, spring starts with greater access to the sun, helped along with the Bush-era expansion of daylight savings time.

For Chicagoans with their cold cold winters, spring starts with the first day to hit 70 degrees and is represented by frat-boys and their girls drinking at the bars in shorts and flip-flops.

For me, spring starts when I can actually slice butter off of the stick in the dish in the kitchen and spread it on my bread (since all winter, it is simply too cold to cut into it in my chilly city apartment).

And, based on the making of my sandwich today for lunch and the ease with which it all came together ...

SPRING HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/ode-to-spring/

http://www.poetry-online.org/gray_thomas_ode_on_the_spring.htm

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 4/7/10

Goalball (or FliegendeKatzeSpielzeug or Dodgeball for the Blind).

Used in a sentence: "Although I can remember my Phys Ed teacher getting creative to combine kickball with basketball (if I remember right, after you kicked the ball, the other team had to make a basket before you completed the bases) when gym class got too boring (or when we weren't in the midst of co-ed square dancing week and I have to wonder if that still goes on in my hometown high school?), it doesn't even begin to have the pedigree of one Goalball, as designed in the 40s to rehabilitate blinded war veterans."

The gist -- all participants are blinded (wearing black-out shades) and the offense throws the ball (which jingles like a cat toy) as hard as he or she can against a line of defense (who are lying on the floor with senses attuned to the flying object coming at them at speeds of 30MPH or more) who must block it from going in the goal! Bruises are all but guaranteed. My only complaint -- that it doesn't have a snazzier name. A literal translation to German would have it be TorBall ... but I offer up FliegendeKatzeSpielzeug (flying cat toy) because it sounds a little closer to that classic Fahrvergnugen. Regardless of what is it called, I do think it is a clever idea as a sport that allows those with disabilities to be "equalized" (and not in the Edward Woodward sense). I have to recognzie that one's first instinct is to think that "dodgeball for the blind" is a stepping stone on the way to some kind of an inappropriate comment, but how nice that it turns out to be just the opposite! See more at the links below (including the second one which features a clip from a competition).

http://www.goalballnetwork.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69hV4pMSzpc&feature=related

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 4/6/10

I get eccentricity ... I get quirky ... I get just a little bit off (or whatever Simon said when you smacked him upside his head with your individuality). Some might argue that I can even relate to those adjectives on a more personal level. But if I'm being honest (as the Brit says), I even get that you have surprised us with your almost-patented scream, Siobahn, and you have to realize that we now expect it every performance. But if eveyone "needs a gimmick if you wanna get ahead", let's scream with some variety. Because although I expect you to go far in the competition, I can't help but suspect that I'll tire quickly of this partcicular shtick. As such, I offer up this same song as sung on a different Fox show in 2006 -- here's Carleton and Chaka -- a version to replace the memory of this performance from last week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyTVZZ32gXk&feature=related

Random Memorial for Monday 4/5/10

Gone but not forgotten: Milkweed for the Monarchs

Not to go all chaos theory, but talk about the delicate balance in nature's ecosystem being upset and having unintended results as it relates to butterflies ... and I don't intend to get all radical and discuss how frogs are the harbinger of scientific adaptation horror stories or how bees are mysteriously dying off ... but I do feel it appropriate to take a moment to mourn the Monarch butterfly. Although not completely dead yet, it's survival is threatened because its migration patterns have been disturbed by our scientific advances in weed control. Don't go looking for a conspiracy theory -- it's not the pesticides are directly killing the Monarchs -- it's just that we're so damn good at getting rid of weeds that the milkweed on which they laid their eggs has now vanished from their flight patterns. It reminds me a little of the super-germs we're creating by using so much anti-bacterial product (the 1% that stay behind morph into the super-bug -- which I understand sounds a little more X-filey than I may have intended). One final unanswered question of the glass half empty/half full ilk -- if the flapping of a butterfly's wings potentially leads to chaos, does the silencing of that flapping herald the oncoming apocolypse or an unprecedented era of peace and prosperity?

Should the eradication of milkweed lead to your extinction, regal Monarch butterflies, you will be missed.

http://www.aolnews.com/science/article/monarch-butterly-population-has-dropped-drastically/19406875

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 4/4/10

What California is talking about this week (yep, I'm still in the desert on vacation):

Wherein CA is no different than the rest of the country, folks are talking about Eryka Badu flashing her grassy knoll at the grassy knoll and Tiger's facing of the media on Monday (where I want him to say, "Look, I play a sport where the goal is to get it in the hole as quickly as possible over and over again, hole after hole -- based on my extreme success there, are you all really surprised that I decided to apply that strategy in my personal life?") ...

Wherein CA is unique because it's facing a governor's election this year and a primary that is just two months away, local news stations are already full of attack ads, and, this being California, people are talking about the claims flying around about immigration ('back of the line and pay a fine' is an interesting summation of one mudslinging piece) ...

But, ultimately, it's Easter ... so let's skip over that muck and hop on down the bunny trail of Easter related news scandals. See if you can guess how many of these are actual 2010 Easter scandals (and note the one that has a local CA connection):

MEGA-CHURCH EGG DROP FROM HELICOPTER CAUSES NEAR RIOT IN NH!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36160586/ns/us_news-life/

EGG HUNT BY TEENS IN IA TURNS UP DECOMPOSING BODY INSTEAD!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36160586/ns/us_news-life/

ABANDONED BUNNY RABBIT INFESTATION OVERTAKES CAMPUS IN LONG BEACH!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB20001424052702303395904575158581521399358.html

Happy Easter to you and yours (for those of you who celebrate)!

Random Soapbox for Saturday 4/3/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... having flown out of O'Hare for this vacation trip to the California desert, I got to see firsthand the new and controversial full body scanners at work to defeat terrorists and to provide TSA agents with perverted little thrills. I understand that we have to be careful and that we have to make sure we don't have shoe bombers or crotch bombers or (and I'm calling this as the next wave, terrorism 3.0 if you will) breast implant bombers (and now I've just given you a reason to carefully watch the enlarged bosoms of your flightmates moving forward). Since the airlines are all about added fees to make up for the horrendous decrease of passengers, I would like to suggest two new money making opportunities (because there's nothing those terrorists hate more than our entrepreneurial spirit):

1) provide the option to those who go through the full body scan to take home a souvenir photo of their x-ray-like shot (like was popular on major roller coasters in theme parks as of late) and

2) for those men who might be self-conscious, provide fluffers before that passenger goes in for the "money shot" (really putting the x in x-ray).

Once that takes off, then maybe you (the airlines) can repeal the fees for blankets, headphones, lavatory visits, etc. and more people will be able to afford to fly!

http://www.mahalo.com/full-body-scanner-images

Random Flashback for Friday 4/2/10

Here's one perfect for this holiday weekend -- the former annual egg hunt at my Uncle Paul and Aunt Bea's. Of course, in the twenty years that have passed, my Uncle Paul is no longer with us (RIP) and the majority of the kids in this pic have gone on to find and fertilize actual eggs (hey -- it's the circle of life) and are probably conducting their own family holiday traditions ... If you do celebrate this holiday, my wish for you is that you get to do so with your loved ones and that you find all that you want in your basket (and that underdeveloped double entendre I'll leave alone because even I have limits). Happy Easter!

Random Thought for Thursday 4/1/10

So it's finally happened. My nephew has set up a dedicated spot on the internet so that I can officially be a blogger instead of bastardizing my Facebook account to spew out random thoughts. I am pleased to announce the launch of Capricious Cognition, found directly at the link below. I still have to work out a few technological details ('cause overall, I'm still a Luddite) like how to add images to make things look more eye-catching ('cause overall, I'm still not good at editing my thoughts so there's a lot of text) and how to make my post show up automatically in my FB profile as a note ('cause overall, I still have a captive audience there and don't know how long it will take for CapCog to take off) -- oh and the goal is to make it all easier and less time consuming for me ('cause overall, this thought for Thursday isn't actually being posted until Friday). But anyway, here it is in its most basic format for those of you who haven't already suppressed my randomness on your feeds and who might support my move beyond Facebook exclusivity (the first step toward random world domination, says the Lex Luthor in me).

http://capcognition.blogspot.com/