Random Wordplay for Wednesday 3/31/10

Cognition.

Used in a sentence: "When you pair cognition (as in perception as it relates to knowledge) with capricious (as in subject to, or indicative of, a whim; witty; impulsive and unpredictable -- which is the answer to last Wednesday's post), you'll get 'a glimpse inside the randomness that is my mind'."

And what the hell does that mean -- why that's my announcement for tomorrow. First I have to finish packing, get up early for the flight to CA (and I'm flying United, so to all Cessnas anywhere near that flight path, please be sure to keep your distance) and settle in to the desert.

http://articles.sfgate.com/2009-11-29/food/17180306_1_milk-goat-wheel

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 3/30/10

With so many songs to choose from (let's speed up the learning curve this year, Idol), I decided to provide the link to the "official" video version of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" (sorry second chance religious swimsuit model boy in need of a haircut). To find this, I had to sift through many many controversial entries -- apparently Youtube is chock full of Elvis singing this song (but since the song was written after he died, they're all impersonators doing revisionist discographies) or of Michael Buble crooning it to Disney mash-ups (can you count all of the copyright infringements?)! Regardless, now you can see for yourself if Tim's stage slide was inspired by Freddie's moves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO6D_BAuYCI&feature=related

Random Memorial for Monday 3/29/10

Gone but not forgotten: my braided leather brown belt.

Look, Im not exactly sartorially savvy (I still wear wife-beaters to go bar hopping some twenty or so pounds after I should be), but apparently this item that's been holding up my pants in the nineties AND the nulls has gone out of... style. With my vacation starting in about 24 hours and only the second trip of my life to the "left coast" consisting of the bulk of it, I figured I'd better get hip before I get to the desert. So ... I threw it out tonight so I don't accidentally pack it with my brand new freshly purchased crisp ... wifebeaters (I can't change too much at once or that would be a shock to my system)!

Belt style that I've worn nearly half my life, you will be missed.

http://www.spudart.org/blogs/randomthoughts_comments/A4639_0_3_0_C/

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 3/28/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

It is customary at the local Jewel grocery store to dodge the TCF employees badgering you to open multiple bank accounts, to swipe your preferred card for the savings, and to decide whether you want to add the deal of the week to your stash. It is not customary to offer up your kidney to the cashier -- but this story of sacrifice for a stranger is inspiring others to redefine what it means to take care of your "neighbors". Kudos to you and your kidneys, Dan Coyne, the one you kept and the one you gave away!

http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/health/2119428,CST-NWS-kidney24.article

Random Soapbox for Saturday 3/27/10

I don't mean to go off an a rant here, but what the hell!? How disappointing! Couldn't you have at least tried harder? I mean, come on! Really? WTF (why the face? for your Modern Family fans)! Get over it! Fix it! Sheesh! How could you? You should be ashamed of yourself! [I think a little free-form release of anger goes a long way. I thought this time, I'd let you, the reader, relate it to your own situation. It's kind of like a subtextual mad-lib in the truest sense of the word!]

http://www.madlibs.com/

Random Flashback for Friday 3/26/10

Here's the last shot from my HOBY conference in 1990 ... just a bunch of kids looking to change the world twenty years ago in the Capitol in our capital ... and, go figure, not a single one of us had a brick to throw at someone's window ... not a single one of us were driven to spit on a politician ... not a single one of us denied the value of debate and discourse and dialogue in decision-making over violence, venom and vitriol. Ahh -- such a peaceful past!

Random Thought for Thursday 3/25/10

For what it's worth, I almost went to the hospital last night ... from a quite literal hysterical fit of laughter. What set off my three minutes of non-stop hard-to-breathe guffawing that culminated in a coughing spell as I sat there gasping for air? This line: "That tart should go back to Columbia and take her wierd little Brown friend with her". If you're not watching MODERN FAMILY, you should be. I think I've said it before in a post, but since I haven't spasmed that way watching a sitcom since the "Does no one in my family know what a chicken sounds like?" espisode of Arrested Development, I can even more confidently say that this is a new TV classic in the making -- one of the smartest, best-ensembled, funniest, most touching, outstanding shows on the air. If you can't tell, I really really like it and recommend it to everyone.

http://www.tv.com/modern-family/show/77270/summary.html?flag=1&tag=page_nav

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 3/24/10

Capricious.

Used in a multiple choice exercise: "Capricious is ...
A) The sequel to Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire;
B) A way to describe the personality of those born between Dec 22 and Jan 19;
C) A style of driving made famous by old school cops;
D) Acting like a British Big Brother star/lingerie model;
E) Subject to, or indicative of, a whim; witty; impulsive and unpredictable."

The answer ... won't be posted ... until next week. In the meantime, enjoy these lingerie shots (just understand that they may be a red herring) ...

http://www.caprice-online.com/

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 3/23/10

So sometimes the right one goes home. Instead of Lacey's troubled version of Ruby Tuesday from last week, I offer up Franco Battiato's version. Apparently, this Italian singer who is clearly speaking English as a second language, covered it for the Children of Men soundtrack. As to why the youtube video is of cows in a pasture (don't wait for a punch line, there isn't any ... just cows eating, walking, breathing, standing still ...), your guess is as good as mine! It's bovine performance art set to a Stones song? Why -- I have no idea. But it's the version of this song (even with the operatic interlude) that I'd rather remember instead of Lacey's attempt from last week's show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLsQgacUMpw

Random Memorial for Monday 3/22/10

Gone but not forgotten: Weaver's Chicken Croquettes.

Look, I'm from a chicken family. My grandmother chopped their heads off in the back yard, one uncle had a Neidermyers restaurant and another still has a stand in the farmers' markets. My biological father's livelihood was managing a poultry processing plant (in the town of Fredericksburg, PA that somehow represented capitalism by supporting three competing plants back in the day). I think we were broasting it long before anyone else (admittedly, a boastful broasting claim) and I think I could eat it in one form or another for every meal. But one of my favorite meals of my youth was the croquette -- and I think Weaver's just cleaned up the floor of their plants, mashed all the miscellany together and shaped it into a lump o' something with breading that was packaged with a radioactive yellow chicken gravy that microwaved into deliciousness. By the time you got to the third croquette, you realized you were eating something odd, but the first two (especially swimming in the good gooey gravy) stood alone as a little bit of heaven. Apparently, this part of my past was discontinued in 2006 and I may never get to eat them again.

Chicken based lump o' joy, you are missed.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=52412092593&ref=mf

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 3/21/10

What Osceola (still with the family near South Bend IN) is talking about this week: Being so close to Notre Dame, I'd be misrepresenting if I said that the latest papal pandering to pedophile priests wasn't on people's minds ... but I'll present something less pathetic instead -- ...All eyes are on the Blue Dog Democrats and how they'll vote in today's historic session. What a fascinating time to study government! I've yearned for a viable third party to be present in politics for years (I voted for Ross Perot -- the first time) but history shows us that it's usually a cult of personality or a single issue group that has an inevitable shortened shelf life. Now with Tea Partiers, Republican Main Streeters and Blue Doggers, it sounds more like a Hill full of high school cliques than effective and efficient leadership. I'll still stand by the notion that the best thing about our system is that we can never stray too far right or too far left thanks to the founders' checks and balances, the onset of the 24 hour news cycle AND our own personal vigilance. I don't care if you're sitting on the side of the groom or the bride or if you're a jealous ex waiting outside the church to break up the health care wedding, just speak now or forever hold your peace. Get your opinion to the decision makers -- it's your right and responsibility!

Random Soapbox for Saturday 3/20/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but when is someone going to let Bonnie Hunt put on her quality shows for any length of time? I'm in Indiana with family this weekend, so I missed the rally that was at Wrigley Field right outside my apartment to try to "save" her afternoon talk s...how, but I have to say that I support the cause. I recognize I watch a good bit of television, and some of it is surely drivel (for instance, I'm supporting the Crybaby Tool couple at the Academy in season 3), but the Bonnie Hunt show is most certainly not. Maybe it's the basic decency with which she treats all her guests, maybe it's the midwestern sensibilities that allow her to rise above entertainment business shenanigans, maybe it's the quick wit on ever-present display, maybe it's the loyalty she offers and inspires from her staff, maybe it's the determination that something good can always come from what she does or maybe it's just that she's "quality people" ... but I know my outlook is always improved after I watch her shows. With non-renewal already announced as the second year of her talk fest draws to a close, I can only hope that she moves quickly to her next opportunity. There are seemingly so few in the public eye who act on a calling to demonstrate, advance and protect "humanity", and the humor and sincerity with which she accomplishes that task is a much-in-need remedy for today's fast-paced world. Godspeed on wherever that journey next takes her, and here's hoping she finds a way to again share it with us!

Random Flashback for Friday 3/19/10

Twenty years ago in DC, it snowed in spring too! [Still flashback-ing to that HOBY alum conference.] This pic is just begging for a "where are they now" discussion ...

Random Thought for Thursday 3/18/10

"Bacon Hands", a super-short sTROYie.

"It lay there, unfulfilled and resigned to its fate looking up at me despondently, like a death row prisoner strapped into the gurney who had already given up -- with no hope of a last minute reprieve phone call, no tension or drama from spectators... seeking closure in its demise. And then, it struck me, that sad-looking sandwich that I had made for my lunch would be enhanced with BACON. I quickly procured three thick sliced naturally smoked center cut pieces from the frig and then, with a desire to be humane to my lunch's final moments, I swaddled them in paper towels and laid them in the microwave manger. 120 seconds passed, and I swear that I could see my sandwich change before me -- still resigned to its fate, but now almost proud -- as if it were preparing for a culinary honorary discharge. The mayo glistened, the folds of ham suddenly seemed almost as if they had been pressed and the bread stood firm at attention with the knowledge that it was honored for the service it was to provide. Then, with the beep of the microwave signaling the beginning of the impending ceremony, I reached in to claim my bacon, unwrapping it from its paper towel protection and lovingly placing it on my sandwich-soldier. In the glory of the moment, an angel whispered in my ear, 'wash your hands -- you've seen the signs promoting hygiene, you're in the kitchen, you are about to eat' ... and then, in the other ear, another voice -- could it be an even more beautiful angel ... could it be the voice of God and not one of his employees -- whispering, 'Don't wash them! Then they'll smell like bacon the rest of the afternoon'. Ahhhhh ... bacon hands!"

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 3/17/10

Maewyn Succat.

Used in a sentence: "Yes, Seamus, there really is a St. Patrick ... but his actual name was Maewyn Succat."

And he wasn't Irish, he was a British boy stolen by brigands and taken to Ireland as a slave. And he didn't chase any snakes into the sea, because serpents are... non-native to the Isle (and the snakes were just a metaphor for the non-Christian religions). And wearing green is considered unlucky in Ireland (because the fairies take children who are wearing too much of that color -- is this the origin of the homosexual agenda that Pat Robertson speaks of?) And, most importantly, it IS true that Guinness has restorative powers (and will delay my first heart attack)! Éire go Brách indeed!

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 3/16/10

Paige Miles may have gotten through it "emotionally", but the song from last week's Idol most in need of "therapy" is Chaplin's classic Smile, performed in the link below by Nat King Cole (I thought posting a Michael Jackson version was just too obvious). Can't wait to see which little kiddie "Get[s] No Satisfaction" on the Rolling Stones theme show tonight! With 12 songs in the mix, I'm expecting a "Jumpin' Jack Flash", a "Beast of Burden", a "Ruby Tuesday" and a "Bitch" or two!

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=b67uA_TZVVM&feature=related

Random Memorial for Monday 3/15/10

Gone but not forgotten: my motorcyle summer.

As the weather warms and I fight to find parking in my Chicago 'hood, I can't help but reflect fondly on the summer I shared a motorcycle with my brother Corey. My friend Erik hooked us up with a little 79 Honda cycle, and I learned how to drive by riding on the back of my friend Greg's bike (almost killing us the time I leaned the wrong way when we took a turn in the woods of 322 between Ephrata and Lebanon at 70+ mph). I also learned that I could bear right without issue but had to slow down considerably whenever the road curved to the left (an as-of-yet still unknown inner ear imbalance -- or proof that, despite my creative streak and my attempts to cultivate both sides, I am more left-brained dominant than I thought?), which made for awkward highway driving on the road trip I took to the shore one day on a whim. (Without a working headlight, that was also the trip where I had to spend the night in a roadside motel because I didn't plan ahead for the length of the trip!) Since we each thought the other one was taking care of the maintenance on the bike, my fun was restricted to the one summer once the engine siezed.

All the same, my days as a soft-core biker ... you are missed!

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 3/14/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

With memories of the 2003 closing of the ChiChis in PA when the unwashed green onions sent people to the hospital and the 2007 dirty tomato and dirty spinach scares still fresh, comes this new entry in the "you may die if you eat here" chronicles. A local Chicago Subway gave its customers shigella (but just the $5 version of it, I'm sure). If you want that "eat fresh" feeling, you're going to have to "wash" the ingredients. Alternatively, maybe someone can introduce a foot long douche for Subway-ites to take matters into their own hands prior to chowing down. Wait a minute, this post has taken a twisted turn ...

Random Soapbox for Saturday 3/13/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

...being a CULCHIE and putting on a green shirt and taking over my neighborhood as early as 10am does not make you Irish. I mean I can get my drink on with JARS of the BLACK STUFF with the best of them, but it's BUCKETING outside and these GOWLS ...are still stumbling around all MOULDY, LOCKED, OSSIFIED, PARALYTIC and MOTHERLESS -- blocking the roads, SLASHing in the alleys, breaking things, MILLING with each other -- just a real SHOWER OF SAVAGES taking over. JANEY MACK and JAYSUS, you have to wonder how many bad decisions are going to be made tonight! HUMP OFF will ya, I'm UP TO NINETY! [Check the link for Irish slang translations of the words in all caps, and marvel at how many different slang words relate back to various degrees of drunkenness!]

Random Flashback for Friday 3/12/10

HOBY folk walking around DC all day (twenty years ago -- for perspective, before the WWII Memorial existed) get tired feet. I'm sure I said thanks for the massage way back when, but Delinda, just in case, thanks again! And yep, that is a classic Cher Heart of Stone tour concert tee I'm wearing (for more timeline perspective).

Random Thought for Thursday 3/11/10

Dear Creator/Darwin (I'm too tired to choose sides tonight), as the weather warms and my thoughts turn to spring and all of the beautiful things that exist in the world, I'd like to take a quick moment to thank you, GreaterBeing/Nature, for the variety that you give us in our lives. For instance, there's so many different kinds of vomit in this world -- which must speak to your creativity and sense of humor. Whether it's the regurgitated mac-n-cheese that I remember sliding down the wall next to the bed of my youth that ruined the race track I kept stored underneath, the Old Faithful like removal of bile every 15-20 minutes from when I imbibed too much Southern Comfort in college, the gentle baby-like spit-up mid-conversation in Mexico as I sampled various tequilas, the violent retching that makes my voice all Kathleen Turner-like the next day when I forget to partake of food before-hand, the dark dark liquid that has stained a spot or two in various dwellings from when I'm Guinness binge drinking ... thank you for the unpredictability of reverse peristalsis that makes my life exciting!

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 3/10/10

"Oh my gravy!"

Used in a sentence: "Oh my gravy!"

It's a stand-alone exclamation used in every other sentence from one of my favorite teams on the current season's Amazing Race -- Jet and Cord, the cowboys. [I'd like them even more if Jet were named Rip or A-roy.] As someone who's been "good grief"-ing or "good gravy"-ing myself for the last few years, I giggle every time it slips out as they deal with a challenge that is out-of-sorts to them -- which is just about every one (except for the recent roping of the steer-hay-bale). If they get eliminated, then I'll have to start routing for the brother team -- one gay, one straight -- mostly because, from what I observe, their orientation seems to be pretty interchangeable (not to advance age-old stereotypes). Oh my gravy, there's a reason this show is so Emmy-able!

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 3/9/10

So let's just get the therapy from last week out there before tonight's episode goes any farther. Dearest Todrick, if you're going to try a Tina Turner song, I think I'd actually prefer that you just put on the dress and use your dance background to do it justice. Surely you can find a way to go all "proud mary" on the tune and do much better than what you did last week. And, while we're at it, why not just move on over to that late night VH1 show and "lip synch for your LIFE". I'm just sayin' ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P7sE4Imkpk&feature=related

Random Memorial for Monday 3/8/10

Gone but not forgotten: "ding ... turn the page".

I was talking to some of the younger folk at work the other week, and I referenced this part of my past. For those of you in the know, it all started with a picture book and a record -- yep, I said record (but not 8-track, and not cass...ette tape or CD for you generations x, y and z) -- and you listened as a voice read the book to you. Just in case you were too young to follow along with the words, you were prompted to turn the page when you heard the tinkling of the bells. I don't know if Hooked on Phonics or Baby Einstein can compete, but ...

... little lady whose voice helped me know when to turn the page, you are missed.

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 3/7/10

What Lebanon PA is talking about this week:

On the heels of THE CREEK, an independent horror film shot in the old neighborhoods of "my hometown" and presented at festivals across the country in 2008-2009 comes yet another feature film set in my old environs. LEBANON, PA will show at the 2010 South by Southwest Film Festival and stars CougarTown's friendly neighbor Josh Hopkins. Could little old Lebanon really become a new media mecca? Can we actually leave behind recent national news clips about gunslinging soccer moms and angry healthcare town hall meetings? Can we become known as a place where, like this movie's tagline says, "Life happens when you least expect it"?

Random Soapbox for Saturday 3/6/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but as IDOL theme week comes to a close, let me just say, "Mr. Seacrest, you did not originate the concept of the 'beat' as dramatic pause, and you are close to being banned from using it further as you continue to disrespect this oratory effect." THIS ... ... ... ... is my RANDOM post for today. Between that and the Jersey-Shore-visiting Guidos and Guidettes already doing their part to "beat up the beat" on the dance floor, it's time we gave those notions some protection. And while we're at it, Mr. Nigel Lythgoe -- stop rehearsing the kids for your inevitable summer tour with those horrible group performances on elimination night shows. The only redeemable thing about the top 20 singing "I Got a Feelin'" the other night was that it allowed us to laugh at the kids with no rhythm as they participated in a choregraphed routine that was pretty much just walking around the stage with some manufactured ill-placed swagger. [It's not like last year where we always on pins and needles to see how creatively the visually impaired singer would be incorporated, and if anyone would forget to watch out for him.] I can't be the only one in 30 million with these opinions, so think of the overall numbers who might boycott a show if you don't fix things! [And, of course, by boycott, I mean that I'll still DVR every episode but continue to take pride in the fact that I've never voted.]

Random Flashback for Friday 3/5/10

Who: A group of HOBY alum from up and down the coast; What: An impromptu sing along to the B-52s Love Shack (if memory serves me right); Where: the Hard Rock cafe in Washington DC; When: around this time of year twenty years ago; Why: Why not? [Spontaneously breaking into song with the staff and literally stopping the restaurant in its tracks with our craziness fits the American Idol theme week, no?]

Random Thought for Thursday 3/4/10

[We return to IDOL theme week, already in progress.]

I know that sex and violence sells, but the kids' performances are getting masked by all the steamy tension this year. Ryan and Simon still flirt regularly, Kara's been seen getting closer to Simon to try to recreate the Paula Abdul magic with him, Ellen's now in the mix and possibly crushing on Kara, Ryan's creepily rubbing the shoulders of all the contestants irrespective of their gender and then there's that whole comment from last week about Kara gushing for Casey James. Yep, the word they used was gushing (it was going to be yesterday's wordplay for Wednesday). Poor Randy is not at all living up to his name or his go-to nickname (think about it ... wait for it ... gotcha!), and is more like the eunuch in the corner watching the party in front of him. (I apologize in advance for the image I just placed in your mind.) I miss the old days when we just had to deal with Paula Abdul denying Corey Clark's accusations and voicemails! [The link's not much, but the pic says more than the text.]

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/03/simon_cowell_and_ryan_seacrest.html

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 3/3/10

We interrupt this reguarly scheduled RANDOM programming ... in memory of Mystery, who will rest peacefully as she joins those who have gone before her (Little One the turtle, Little One the ferret, Demon). Despite the antibiotics, a kidney infection led to kindey failure, and she was put down earlier this evening. She is already missed!

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 3/2/10

In spirit of the Idol theme week, I thought I'd try out a new recurring feature. Each week, I'll provide "healing sounds" for the song that was most mangled the week before by the contestants. Up first (and this is from last week since tonight’s episode !surprise ,it's the boys! is still on the DVR) -- poor Timmy's rendition of Apologize. Even Simon thought he was adorable, but his attempts to hit anything in the higher register was ... deplorable. At least the Simon in the group below (with Alvin and Theodore, naturally) does the song justice!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yHhBlNISiY

Random Memorial for Monday 3/1/10

Gone but not forgotten: Brian Dunkleman on American Idol.

[It's really busy at work right now, so another TV-related theme week is in order.] Back before I started watching (I only joined America doing so during the finale of the first season -- and I'll carry it as a badge of honor that I've never ever voted), back before the sum total of the filler overpowered the celebrity guided karaoke as Fox chose to milk the ratings, back before Kara was added as a negotiating tactic to keep Paula from making too many demands, back before Ellen replaced Paula when she made too many demands, back before Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin, David and Kris joined Kelly in the winner's circle (you just know that that's going to be a party game a few years in the future) ... there were once two hosts of this talent competition.

White guy with dark hair designed to be a contrast next to gold skinned boy with highlights, you are missed (at least until your Showtime comedy special airs later this year)!