Random Memorial for Monday 5/31/10

Gone but not forgotten: fallen heroes from our military.

With news that we are just one month from having our engagement in Afghanistan run longer than our stay in Vietnam helping to prove Brecht's Mother Courage right about how massive military actions become big business all in its own right, we are remiss if we don't pause to thank those active military members flung far across the world and the families they leave behind that worry about them; those that didn't make it back from their deployments and the families they left behind that have the comfort of knowing their loved ones made the ultimate sacrifice and those that returned in ways not quite whole and the families that must support them.

The nearly 5500 killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, you are missed.

AMERICA's LONGEST WAR:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2010-05-27-longest-war-afghanistan_N.htm

SEARCH WAR CASUALTIES TO PUT FACES TO NAMES AND NUMBERS:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/casualties.htm

HAVEN'T HEARD OF MOTHER COURAGE?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Courage_and_Her_Children

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/30/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

I could pretend that we're all talking about Obama being in town for the holiday weekend (Hyde Park is the new ranch in Crawford) OR about Michael Johnson (the just caught alleged prostitute serial killer, not the Olympian) ... but it's a week later and we're still just all talking about the Blackhawks. After seeing most of them interviewed on the news (we just won the first game and already everyone is talking about a sweep), two words come to mind: hirsute (apparently, the NHL originated the playoff beard concept) and homely (because of all the battered faces and missing teeth -- puck bunnies, back off!).

YAHOO ANSWERS THE ? WHY R HOCKEY PLAYERS UGLY:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071103161209AAXzUe3

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED TRIBUTE TO PLAYOFF BEARDS:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0705/gallery.nhl.playoff.beards/content.1.html

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/29/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... have we as a society gotten so lazy, uninspired and creatively bankrupt that our most powerful and popular epithet of late is to call someone "fake". Mind you, I'm not saying that we have to swing the insult pendulum to Shakespearean extremes ("you speak an infinite deal of nothing!"), but may I suggest these home-grown gems: I interact with him like I do with radiation -- in very small doses and with extremely limited exposure; You are artifice personified, exemplified and magnified (i.e. fake) or the classic I've put in an early post -- your narcissism has robbed you of your very soul. I'm just saying, if you're going to poison your system by releasing a little vitriol, you might as well put some work into it!

SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT FOR PARTIES:
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html

FURTHER PROOF THAT THERE'S A FB GROUP FOR EVERYTHING:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Girls-who-are-so-fake-they-insult-other-people-to-make-up-for-it/109008239116950

Random Flashback for Friday 5/28/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> Twenty years ago, it was the end of my first year at LVC, which means this freshperson desk area of mine on the second floor of MaryGreen was where so much of my post-HS personality was formed. You can see the Batman and Cher obsessions were both well represented ... and pay special attention to the old school TV ... in the corner (where my roommate -- not the Indian from the first semester, but the not-Pepsi-fan ;) from the second semester -- watched original episodes of Married with Children -- yep, I'm that old). Since semester three was me off to Germany (flashbacks coming this fall to a FB photo album/blog near you), this was the swan song for my second floor Mary Green LVC days.

Random Thought for Thursday 5/27/10

You can call it karma, you can call it irony, you can even call it something more nefarious ... but after picking on Idol for the last few weeks, the power went out in Chicago last night at 8:22 local time -- which means that I missed most of the end of the finale. Mind you, Wrigley field, which is in just spitting distance of my apartment, miraculously had power restored within 15 minutes (as did the el tracks next to my bathroom window) -- proving the point that power controls power -- but my electricity didn't return for about an hour.

Happily, I did get to observe the following in the first 82 minutes (and so here's a one post only Idol theme week reprise) ...

Best use of lazy choreography technique: Alanis Morisette and Crystal prowling the stage

Best use of family values friendly lyrics/best swap out for ON and IN: "did he go down WITH you TO the theater?"

Clearest sign that the shark's been jumped: inviting folks to audition through MySpace

Ubiquitous Lazarus award: Bret Michael's appearance on yet another reality show

Worst commercial for the Idol Live concert: painful group performances that just invited the consumer to choose Glee:Live! instead for its polishedness

Most missed lead singer: Chicago without Peter Cetera

Double-take of the night: Is that Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake (or Andy Dick) or the remaining BeeGees?

Song that was probably good if we could just understand the lyrics: Xtina performing ... something

Most unpredictable but should have been so predictable moment: the Kanye moment where the fur lined idiot took the mic from Dane Cook

You've come a long way baby award: clips from the first season with hotel tables with hotel table skirts

Congratulations: to Lee DeWyze.

Here's to several months without the Idol bee in my bonnet -- months the producers should use to salvage this once enjoyable show and months I'll use to stop obsessing ...

PLAYING BALL IN THE DARK:
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=7464260

LOOK HOW FAST THE SONY MACHINE WORKS:
http://www.leedewyzeofficial.com/news

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/26/10

Circle of Intimacy.

Used in a sentence ... "I'm not talking about some ménage à sphere here (after all, I'm not in college any more), but instead it's the notion that in health care emergencies, it's important to be able to choose those whom you want to be around you -- your own designated individuals who complete your circle of intimacy."

Some families are super-close ...and some "families" are people you choose to put in your life based on circumstance or reality that have no DNA connection. Look -- my biological father recently took ill, and the hospital called me before his MRI to ask if he had any metal bits in him or any tattoos on him. Just the fact that he was born during the original Great Depression (and not its recent reprise) should demonstrate the fact that our generation gap is more like a generation canyon -- which means that I said "I don't think he did, but I've only known him since 1972, and, even then, only off and on these last twenty years." In my opinion, he should have the right to choose those he wants to be with him in his final days and not be restricted to what the hospital has to enforce.

Now, a new executive order gives us all that privilege. But just in case you're called on for my behalf, here are the answers to the above questions to get you access to my circle -- no metal bits, two pieces of graphite from elementary school pencils still in my left hand (I blame them for my slow descent to insanity) and five tattoos (with three more designed and just not installed).

CIRCLES of INTIMACY, FRIENDSHIP, PARTNERSHIP and EXCHANGE:
http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/education/CircleSupport.html

ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT:
http://www.unmarried.org/hospital-rights.html

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 5/25/10

So another season of IDOL ends this week, and so does this limited series of Tune Therapy. And what a long, strange trip it's been.

[DISCLAIMER: I've never voted and I have AT&T on my wireless device. So just like the majority of Americans who bitch about politics but never make it to the polls, I'll claim my birthright to complain about this season regardless.]

Ryan got a touch of the Paulas and came across a little overworked and imbalanced ... Ellen was always earnest but wasn't always funny ... Randy and Kara became even more marginalized with their inability to provide new and different insight each week ... Simon got soft ... and then there was the talent. Mind you, they all sound better than me screaming along to the CD in the U-haul last week, but nearly everyone in the top four was just an iteration of a past contestant: Big Mike was just Rueben Studdard with a little more personality, a new baby and a musical theatre inclination; Lee is just Daughtry with more controlled facial hair; Casey was the country Jason Castro; and Crystal -- well she was unique to anyone who hasn't ridden a subway and been entertained by those performers.

I'm not saying I'm not going to watch the finale (and, in the end, I'm thinking hometown hero Lee is whom I want to win), but I also think I'll be more excited for the fall 2011 release of Simon's new show, the British theme song for which is provided below as the therapeutic statement on dealing with all of season 9:

X-FACTOR THEME SONG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK4TYZQkSnc

Random Memorial for Monday 5/24/10

Gone but not forgotten: new music from Brooks and Dunn.

I know that I referenced this before (pre-blog, though, so I can't search for it so easily), but now that Brooks and Dunn are Brooks and "Done", I watched their tribute special last night [because I always felt found (there were purgatorial aspects to Lost after all -- didn't they deny that as an answer?) and because the Celebrity Apprentice finale is on my DVR for watching tonight (go Bret Michaels, but don't tax yourself too much that you end up hospitalized -- oops, too late)] and remembered how much I was affected by some of their songs.

I didn't necessarily boot-scoot-boogie, but I sure did feel the pain behind the lyrics of "It's Getting Better all the Time" or get a little misty eyed hearing "Believe" (and J Hud only made it more memorable last night). Even those Lostians would have to appreciate these lines about finding faith: "I raise my hands, bow my head ... I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red ... They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see ... Oh I believe".

The most successful duo from any genre, having sold more albums than all others in the Nielsen/SoundScan era, you will be missed.

THE OFFICIAL WEB-SITE:
http://www.brooks-dunn.com/

REVIEW OF THE LAST RODEO (CBS TRIBUTE):
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/04/20/entertainment/main6414211.shtml

MAYA ANGELOU'S FAVORITE BROOKS AND DUNN SONG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5z-jjWyAJQ

ANOTHER FAMOUS BELIEVE SONG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbXiECmCZ94

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/23/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

There's something a little incongruous to be experiencing the first hot and humid day of summer (kicking off a week before Memorial Day this year thanks to the weather gods) while celebrating the Blackhawks' advancement to the ICE hockey finals, but we'll take the good news on both of those fronts.

Caleb Weatherbee, the farmers' almanac weather prognisticator [a pseudonym to protect the men and women making calls about the weather through the years, apparently] has us in a hot and wet swath for Jun/Jul/Aug. [The silouette on the website does have him looking a little like Freddy Kreuger, I would say.] So today, the bedroom air conditioner was installed.

Oh ... and about those Blackhawks (note, since 1986, officially one word and not Black Hawks) -- might we have a chance to end what is the longest cup drought currently in the NHL? And, if so, will it be against the Flyers, well routed for when I was growing up? [With a name like Neidermyer, some people just expect me to live and breathe hockey -- although we've never proven that Scott or Rob are related.] We will find out in June (unless the ice melts in our heat wave)!

FARMERS' ALMANAC WEATHER BROUGHT TO YOU BY FREDDY KREUGER:
http://www.farmersalmanac.com/weather/2010/03/08/is-a-stormy-spring-on-tap/

HAWKS WIN! HAWKS WIN!:
http://www.woodtv.com/dpps/sports/nhl/other_nhl/Blackhawks-Win-Series-and-Finals-Trip_3374991

WIKI PRIMER ON THE BLACK HAWKS/BLACKHAWKS:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_Blackhawks

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/22/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... if you are so intrigued by blood sports and fights to the death, why don't you get you and your depravity crew together and fight each other until there's just one standing (hopefully with fatal wounds, at that). This way, you can leave our pit bulls and roosters and FINCHES (not a typo) alone! I like me some steak and I like me some chicken, so I'm not headed some radical direction (not that there's anything wrong with that for those who believe that strongly) but I would like to think that it's reasonable to say that you shouldn't raise little bitty birdies with beaks whittled to razors for the purposes of making some money off of gambling as to which bird will kill the other one. I wish for you that there's some Spartacus Finch in your flock that rises up and slaughters you after being inspired by that famous Hitchcock movie.

WARNING -- tangent ahead: Could this, in turn, be a new graphic novel, featuring Tweety-Bird's revenge? To fight his way back to grandma and the friendly rivalry with Sylvester, he must break free from the sub-humans that have captured him for bloodsport. Of course, since Tweety is a canary, we'll have to make a minor switch, like have him be thrust into gang life with the Cruel Cutthroat Canaries from which he must escape. Is Tweety a boy? Am I using the right pronoun?

Must ... do ... research ...

FINCH FIGHTING RING BROKEN:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/07/27/connecticut.finch.fighting/index.html

TWEETY's GENDER MYSTERY SOLVED:
http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/question73504.html

SUPPORT THE HUMANE SOCIETY:
http://www.humanesociety.org/

Random Flashback for Friday 5/21/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> After two weeks of prom pics, is it any wonder that this photo now fits in sequentially? Let's just call it the after-prom. If memory serves me right, this evening included a drunken stumble around a trailer park (behind the old CR Lefflers on East Cumberland on the way to Myerstown), a bit of old school drinking (might it have included a little Mad Dog?) and this image snapped either right before I passed out OR right after I woke up. I will admit to kind of wishing I still had the Fred-Flinstone-looking dress shirt!

Random Thought for Thursday 5/20/10

So what is a vacation really? Time away from work? Time away from worry and stress? Time away from your routine? Time away from yourself?

I intended to post each day on my recent vacation, and did just fine when I was at the South Beach Hilton or at the Ft. Lauderdale resort. But then, the tables were turned. I jumped in the U-Haul and started the multi-day drive back through all of Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, another sliver of Georgia, the rest of Tennessee, Kentucky, all but Gary in the state of Indiana and that little corner of Illinois known as the Windy City -- and stayed in small chain hotels in Valdosta, GA and Louisville, KY. Both touted WiFi access, and both worked just briefly before crashing, disallowing me entry to the world wide web.

And I tried every trick I knew to possibly seduce the interwebs to let me in -- I complimented it on its appearance, I offered to buy it a shot that only I knew how to make that was somewhat suggestive in title, I did a few push-ups before stripping to my wife-beater in hopes that its interest in my tattoos might lead to something more -- and I waited until closing time in hopes that the internet would pick me out of the last group of straggling drunks. Even though those things have all worked for me before, the internet just wasn't interested in "fooling around".

But now -- I'm back on pace to posting daily ... and you know how to spot me in the bar and exactly what I do for "game". Consider yourself forewarned on both accounts.

BEST PICK-UP LINES (WARNING, PRURIENT CONTENT AHEAD):
http://topseductiontechniques.com/100-best-pick-up-lines

CAP COG NOW UPDATED M/Tu/W (REALLY, A LINK TO THE SITE YOU'RE ALREADY ON, HOW META):
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/19/10

Wo Wi Fi.

Used in a sentence, "if w is the abbreviation for with and wo is the abbreviation for without, then my experience driving across the country (home to Chicago from the tip of Florida) and the cheap hotels in which I stayed that said they had wireless, really only were wo wi fi."

Which explains me catching up tonight on this week's worth of posts.

And, for that matter, why not add the 'e' back in to the end of the 'wo' and really present truth in advertising!

MULTIPLE MEANINGS FOR ACRONYM 'WO':
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/wo

Random Tune for Tuesday 5/18/10

With bad internet access, I was unable to post my usual video to be used as therapy to block out last week's most horrific Idol performance -- and now everyone's focus is already on the final two, so I'll just take the easy way out with this classic from Belinda and Jane and the others and close out the Tune Therapy series next week!

THE OBVIOUS GO-GOs SONG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RHTiXvELNg

Random Memorial for Monday 5/17/10

Gone but not forgotten: posting on time each day each week.

Halfway through my recent vacation, I ended up starting my drive back to Chicago from Florida -- and ended up in hotels that pretended to have internet access.

Thus, here we are on Thursday and I am catching up on a few days of posts.

My mostly accurate seven day a week posting record with this blog, you are missed.

TRAVELLER BEWARE:
http://mobileoffice.about.com/od/businesstravelersadvice/bb/hotelinternet.htm

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/16/10

What Miami (ahh ... vacation) is talking about this week:

It's like a modern day Tower of Babel down here! I've seen every Dexter so far, so I was expecting a little Latin influence and was clearly ready for some Cuban culture (I made sure to drive past Star Island with Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits blasting out of respect) ... but between the socializing at the bars and walking along South Beach's promenade today to lunch at the Marina, I've overheard or interacted with Venezuelans, Brazilians, Puerto Ricans, Poles, Czechs, Pacific Rim Islanders, Israelis and the French. And that just represents the languages that I thought I recognized! When the European breasts walked by on the beach today, I was surprised (I'm not a prude, I just wasn't expecting them to walk past) at the toplessness but not at the fact that I overheard yet another language. Which made me think, is it that we Americans are too overloaded right now to afford a vacation and that's why Miami seem to be the mecca for multi-cultural tourists? [After all, my trip is somewhat subsidized in that I'm here to pack up a boutique shop and return its contents to the owner back home in Chicago, so I go on the clock later tonight.] As Rose would sing (thricely), Miami es agradable, Майамі приємно and מיאמי היא נחמדה indeed!

MIAMI IS "SOUGHT AFTER INTERNATIONAL RECREATION DESTINATION":
http://www.miami-florida.com/

WRITE TO GLORIA AT HER HOME ADDRESS:
http://www.celebritydetective.com/Celebrity_Homes_Gloria-Estefan-house.html

ROSE AND THE MIAMI THEME SONG CONTEST:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA-BYgduGzY&feature=related

DEXTER SEASON FIVE SPOILERS:
http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/03/05/dexter-season-5-spoilers/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/15/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

...ala carte fee structures are out of control! I flew down to Florida (ahh ... vacation) on Spirit in advance of their proposed carry-on tax, and the "low low fares" quickly added up to ridiculous numbers once you pay the airline piper each step along the way. Then, I went through the gauntlet at the Avis rental car desk, where every interaction was about getting more dollars added to the bill -- pre-pay gas options, optional insurance, ease with which I could upgrade to a convertible for just $11 more per day, use of the latest GPS technology. The clerk, probably someone's grandmother, was so working it -- complimenting my shirt, smiling the whole time except for when the convertible upgrade was turned down (when she instead gave me a face that would be internationally recognized as "aghast" should we ever need to represent that emotion pictorially on signage), slipping in bon mots about the peace of mind that full insurance coverage provides, etc. I felt the pressure of the situation as if someone was watching her from an office somewhere, torturing her grandchildren in amounts based on the final price of each sale she processed. As I struggled to keep the overall cost as consistent with the $23.99 advertised steal of a deal as possible, I probably caused some waterboarding or abacination to her family.

THE SECRET TO AIRLINE FEES -- AVOIDING CORPORATE FEDERAL TAXES:
http://kaseycarpenter.com/?p=211

SMORGASBORD OF TORTURE TECHNIQUES or (WHERE I LEARNED ABOUT ABACINATION):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_methods_of_torture

Random (Faux) Flashback for Friday 5/14/10

Random (Faux) Flashback for Friday --> My wedding day in 1990. This picture is from my super short marriage to fellow McDonald's co-worker Kristi G******. Or maybe it was just for prom that year at ELCO (a late blooming boy can go to as many proms as he'd like, can't he?). In retrospection, the dress does look a little bridal, doesn't it?

Random Thought for Thursday 5/13/10

After having just started a multi-state vacation (I flew to Florida out of the thunderstorms in Chicago this morning on what was practically a roller-coaster effect take-off -- if riding a roller coaster meant that you thought your death was imminent because the plane you were in was about to break up in the sky -- and will return to Chitown by driving through that state and Georgia and Kentucky and Ohio and Indiana), my thoughts turned to Rip Torn.

Why? Because, over the course of the next few days, "multi-state" is going to also refer to my state of being. Sometimes I'll be relaxed (by the pools daring skin cancer to have its way with me), sometimes I'll be tranquil (by those same pools not thinking about work or deadlines or obligations), sometimes I'll be performing (I am "that guy" who sings along in strident voce -- if that's the opposite of sotto voce while driving), and sometimes I'll be inebriated. So much so, I might add, that I will be sure to think of the cautionary tale that is Rip Torn.

As you may recall, Rip was arrested in his home town after "breaking into a bank that he thought was his house". He was rather drunk (as he's known to be around town in that "Look, there goes Elmore [his real name] all snookered again --what a friendly old coot and curmudgeon!" kind of way) and, in his defense, the "bank" was a two story house that bore a resemblance to his own, as you can see in the link below.

May I have just enough fun to return to my temporary vacation domiciles no matter what they may look like to me in no matter what state of mind in which I find myself. Ahhh ... vacation!

RIP TORN HOUSE COMPARED TO RIP TORN BANK HEIST SPOT:
http://www.pressdisplay.com/pressdisplay/viewer.aspx

LIST OF ALCOHOL LAWS BY US STATE:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_alcohol_laws_of_the_United_States_by_state

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/12/10

You got your own tongue?

Used in a sentence: "What's the matter -- you got your own tongue?"

When might that sentence be uttered? Sometimes, when one of my cats is caterwauling for no apparent reason, I'll look right at them and attempt a dialogue. With the direct attention, they'll often stop and look at me quizzically. Then, when it's clearly their turn to make a noise and they are silent, I'll look at them and say, "What's the matter -- you got your own tongue?". They don't seem to appreciate my humor and often just walk away confused. Of course, I often have that affect on anyone or anything with which I attempt discourse.

ORIGIN THEORIES OF CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE QUOTE:
http://ask.yahoo.com/20061102.html

KITTY TICKLED ON WEB (FAMOUS VIDEO):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8&feature=related

DON LAKE AS KITTY TICKLED ON BONNIE HUNT SHOW (NOT SO FAMOUS VIDEO):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFmSzANN8o4

A CAUTIONARY TALE ABOUT GOOGLE SEARCHING "KITTY TICKLED":
http://www.drsadie.com/ticklekitty

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 5/11/10

First, let me just say that my "grandmother" Joanne, who passed this past fall, would have almost certainly have said to me in our weekly phone calls that "she would stop watching the show if that little boy Aaron Kelly was voted off by America". She was so fond of lost souls, as that's how she found me [I miss you and those calls] ...

Second, let me just say that Casey James' version of Blue Skies from last week's episode (sorry I'm posting after the new top 4 show has already aired -- a situation created by the fact that I've spent a few long days at work as I prepare for a vacation later this week and the fact that I don't watch until Wednesday so I can do back to back performance/results shows) was just painful to watch. Instead, I offer up Ella Fitzgerald scatting her way through that classic as a therapeutic replacement for that memory.

ELLA SCAT BLUE SKIES:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr6EldSFwOI

Random Memorial for Monday 5/10/10

Gone but not forgotten: Columbia House tape club.

As I sit here this evening typing away with my laptop on my homemade coffee table (six crates of cassette tapes representing my eclectic musical tastes covered by a glass top -- over 600 opportunities to connect with the soundtrack of my life through the years), I have to recognize how much I miss the chance to use different names to bilk the Columbia House company out of multiple sets of 12 cassettes for a penny all during my college years. I eventually moved to CDs (begrudgingly) and did the same thing, building collections of items from all kinds of artists that I probably could have bought in the bargain bin for 99cents -- but instead I was content paying up to $5 a pop for shipping and handling (because I could buy one and get four free, S&H not included -- so free was more like a relative concept). Then BMG came along and bought them out, giving me an all too brief extension of time for my addiction -- until that stopped and I was cut off cold turkey. Since I'm resisting the igeneration attitude toward music (I have yet to buy a song online), I guess I have to sit surrounded by my generation's version of the eight-track.

The company that provided me with my fix of getting dozens of dozens of low-priced musical collections through the mail (with an occasional CD/cassette tape that I never wanted in the first place but I got because I failed to respond by the imposed deadline), you are missed.

WHAT HAPPENED TO COLUMBIA HOUSE:
http://www.musicservicereviews.com/columbiahouse.php

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/9/10

What Chicago is talking about this week ...

... Betty White on Saturday Night Live. Nearly ninety and still on her game with skillful delivery, clever wit, comic timing and an ability to instantly connect with an audience, she was a hoot and a holler and a half on last night's show. Even the neighborhood bars treated it like event television! And it was fitting that the show ushered in the earliest hours of Mother's Day, as she could easily be honorary mother of us all. May she inspire us all to follow our passions and to creatively output long after others give up or retire.

WATCH THE SHOW ON HULU:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/147989/saturday-night-live-betty-white

READ ABOUT HER NEW SHOW ON TVLAND IN JUNE:
http://blogs.tvland.com/prime/betty-white-is-hot-in-cleveland-on-tvl/

ST. OLAF GLEE CLUB MASH-UP VIDEO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs9QfkLVX9c

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/8/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... Slyvester Jiles, do I really understand your incredible story? You shoot Dustin Prouse when he's hanging out at his brother's house, because that's how little skinny modern Al Capones resolve issues nowadays, and then, when you finally go to trial, the judge decides to reduce your sentence to eight years of probation because they can't find any credible witnesses. So ... you are put out into the world for three days, and the Prouses and Leggetts (the victim's almost fiance's family) scare you so much that you decide it's better to be back in jail -- where you feel it's safe (did HBO's OZ mismanage my expectations of life on the inside?). Next ... you break INTO jail, gashing yourself from the barbed wire and ending up sentenced to 15 years in prison for the new charges. It seems like you're hedging your bets that time heals all wounds, and although your barbed wire boo-boos have surely scarred over by now, I have a hunch that the Prouse/Leggett loss will still feel raw in 2025 and they'll probably communicate a certain degree of being pissed off your way in a scant 5475 days or so.

I just have to say two things -- I will be in Florida on vacation by the end of the week, and you best not represent the people with whom I'll be interacting AND if this is what has to pass for a modern day update of the Capulet/Montague feud ... the bard rolls round in his chancel grave site! [I know roll over is the more accepted phrasing, but it would screw up my attempt at iambic pentameter.] To truly make it Shakespearean, let's throw in a little cross-dressing, a mistaken identity or two and an Everglades sprite.

PROUSES PROTEST EXPECTED REDUCTION OF CHARGES:
http://www.myfoxorlando.com/dpp/news/brevard_news/082709_Accused_killer_could_be_freed

MAN GETS JAIL TIME FOR BREAKING INTO JAIL:
http://blogs.findlaw.com/legally_weird/2010/03/fl-man-charged-with-probation-violation-after-breaking-into-jail.html

PERFECT YOUR OWN IAMBIC PENTAMETER SKILLS:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter

Random Flashback for Friday 5/7/10

Random Flashback for Friday --> Prom season! I was a late bloomer and still just a year out of high school ... so I was in the right age bracket to go to these classic parties at schools I didn't attend. In the summer of 1990, it was all about working the McDonald's drive-thru on the strip and flirting with all kinds of customers through the window -- which is actually how I ended up in this picture! Hopefully my boutonnière matched her shiny gold dress better in person than the way it looks in this pic!

Random Thought for Thursday 5/6/10

I thought I'd balance the yin of picking on the French yesterday by bringing up Cinco de Mayo (where they were defeated) with the yang of a recent realization I had about their chefs. It's somewhat known that those who have lived in any of the various geographic regions of that country have a reputation for a touch of pretentiousness, anti-Ami-ness and inability-to-play-well-with-others-ness that helped fuel our xenophobia a decade or so ago and brought America to its shining moment promoting freedom fries. But, thanks to shows like Top Chef Masters and Chef Academy, I've learned that most of that country's reservoir of wit and humanity and humor was simply reserved for those Frenchies imported to cooking shows: Ludo Lefebvre, Hubert Keller and especially Jean-Christophe Novelli. My best meal that I can make by myself is still Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup (so long as I have the right crackers) so I'm not necessarily learning anything ... but that doesn't stop me from being pleasantly surprised by viewing these stereotyping-smashing personalities!

FREEDOM FRIES DOCUMENTARY:
http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Fries-Stupidity-Explain-Grandchildren/dp/B000J10FOG

NOVELLI COOKERY SCHOOL:
http://www.jeanchristophenovelli.com/

THESE JUST REPLACED OYSTER CRACKERS IN MY SOUP:
http://www.nabiscoworld.com/Brands/ProductInformation.aspx?BrandKey=premium&Site=1&Product=4400001777

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 5/5/10

Pelota Purépecha.

Used in a sentence: "On this Cinco de Mayo, let's celebrate with a game of Pelota Purépecha, (unless the cops come and make us stop)!"

I don't care if you're a Tea Partier, a Coffee Partier (have you heard of this alternative movement started in 2010?) or an Alcohol Partier (not a political movement, just a way of life for many of us), this game from south of the border sounds like something I only wish I had played when I was younger. Described as a sort of "field hockey for pyromaniacs" -- teams knock around a zapandukua (ball of twine and rags) that is lit on fire. I vote that this game replace the frat boy corn-hole toss or beer pong at your next all-night party!

It's part of a movement to have "pre-Hispanic" traditions remembered for their cultural signifigance. And it sounds a little nicer than another popular game -- pelota mixteca -- where the ball back in the day often had a human skull in its middle (from losers of previous tournaments who were sacrificed to the Aztec gods).

However you choose to celebrate (stuff a skull in a bag to make a ball or light one on fire to bat it around -- or both if you can stand the smell of smoking bones) ... happy Cinco de Mayo!

ANCIENT MEXICAN GAMES REVIVED:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2010-03-28-mexico-games_N.htm

COFFEE PARTY ALTERNATIVE TO TEA PARTY:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_Party_USA

CINCO DE MAYO IN A NUTSHELL:
http://www.vivacincodemayo.org/history.htm

Random Tune Therapy for Tuesday 5/4/10

Dearest Mama Bowersox:

I'm sorry that Ryan Seacrest has been such an ass to you. I'm sorry that he said last week that Shania Twain had such bright teeth, a clear dig at you and some of the early slams that were sent your way. I'm sorry that you trusted him with some information and I'm sorry that he blabbed your confidence when he ran out of things to say on the air on one of his shows. I'm sorry they didn't just cancel the contest once we got down to the top ten and I'm sorry they didn't just give you this season's "honor" and I'm sorry that you had to worry that the boy with the bright white smile (oops -- how Ryan of me) might actually make it to the top three instead of you and Lee and Aaron (that's a prediction, y'all). Most of all, I'm sorry that you sang that awful version of Shania Twain's "No One Needs to Know", and I offer up this version of Shania performing the song live in 2003's concert that took place in my new hometown, Chicago's Grant Park, which was once a Twain yard. (Oh, and I'm also sorry that I had to add to the uninspired puns so prevalent in last week's episode.)

SHANIA IN CHICAGO's GRANT PARK IN 2003:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6YLFKXNb4Q

Random Memorial for Monday 5/3/10

Gone but not forotten: Lynn Redgrave.

Quoth the raven, "This is living" nevermore. Quoth Lynn herself, "But I'm looking at life, and I'm putting nothing off".

May we all find the way to spend each moment in such a way that we too can say as she did in the Weight Watchers commercials of my youth, "This is living!" when we pause to reflect on our own days.

[Also quoth Lynn, "I would urge all women to have that regular mammogram."]

Acting royalty family member Lynn, you will be missed.

LYNN REDGRAVE QUOTES:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/l/lynn_redgrave.html

DONATE TO BREAST CANCER RESEARCH:
http://www.bcrfcure.org/

MAMMOGRAPHY INFORMATION:
http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=mammo

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/2/10

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Take me out to the ballgame. Take me out with the crowd [of immigration reform protesters]. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack. I don't care if I never get back [so long as I don't get blown up in Times Square].

Baseball, America's favorite pastime, meet the 24 hour news cycle. You had to bypass the immigration rally to see a Cubs game this past weekend because we were playing (make that sweeping) the Arizona Diamondbacks. And the White Sox players all got a taste of the big apple when they found themselves in a hotel just two blocks away from the smokin' SUV in Times Square on their way to losing to the Yankees (and since the Sox were in NY for 9/11, they narrowly avoided a really bad case of deja vu). Play ball (without distractions, ideally)!

FOOTAGE FROM IMMIGRATION RALLY AT WRIGLEY:
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-438037

WHITE SOX AFFECTED BY SMOKIN' SUV SCENARIO:
http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/mlb/news/story?id=5155951

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/1/10

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I live in a city where it's "illegal" to drive and talk on the phone at the same time, and yet I can walk my usual 25 minutes to work and see at least a dozen drivers (if not a score) distracted as they travel. Now I have Oprah and the Glee kids telling me that I should consider the driving world a no-phone-zone and my cell provider AT&T telling me that "txting and drivng can wait". There is a certain sense of the macabre in being instructed to pull out my cell phone, view my last text and ask myself if it was worth dying over. [Performing this exercise today leaves me pondering the message "118 up here" as I last texted that to a co-worker at an event last night where we were collecting information from DePaul students. Maybe if the number were 300, then self-sacrifice might have been called for.]

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a stand and ask to be trusted with my own abilities to process distractions (and, let's face it, with me, I'm more likely to be in a car accident from having swerved to avoid a small animal in the road than from texting contacts in my cell). I wish I could say that I'll sign that pledge, but that would mean I'd be relying on the full power of denial as perfected by generations of alcoholics. Just as is true when the subject turns to self-pleasuring, I'm afraid texting while driving is something we all do in the comfort of our own surroundings.

And to the young-uns out there -- do as I say and not as I do -- especially if you haven't done as much driving as I have in my life to date. [To be clear, I'm referring to NOT texting and driving and NOT referring to the act of self-pleasuring, although I could always discuss the epidemic of sexting for a different diatribe on another Saturday.]

AT&T CAMPAIGN:
http://www.att.com/gen/press-room?pid=2964

OPRAH'S EDICT:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/End-Distracted-Driving