Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 7/14/13

What Chicago is talking about this week:

The Verdict.

I have to tell you, I'm just not that sure what I have to add to the national conversation at this point -- although I will say if Facebook and other social media had been big during the trial of my century (that's the one with the dancing Itos and the Glove nursery rhymes and the original Kardashian baby daddy [not the current Kanye one]), I have a feeling that second civil war that various factions have been hinting at as a possibility would have happened back then.  (Or maybe a few years after that, when Clarence and Anita testified about pubic hair on pop cans [oh picture the meme possibilities].)

And I have to tell you that I've searched the interwebs and I can't find anyone who referred to the Zimmerman weight gain as a "twinkie offense", so maybe I can be the first?  I mean twinkies and hate crime murder cases go together like gloves and hands that fit into them (since the days of H. Milk), and surely this was a strategy to fatten up the Zman to appear less threatening to a jury, right?  What with the return of the snack treat from the depths of bankruptcy around the same time as the trial, that wordplay just seemed like a slam dunk.

And one more thing I have to tell you -- it is odd how the subconscious works.  I could have sworn the other night that I was awakened from my sleep with the sounds of someone outside the window yelling "help" (with a cheap AC unit installed, the sound barrier to Wrigleyville is compromised).  Upon reflection, it might have just been Murder (the sole remaining pet in the apartment) playing her usual game of "whine and seek" (she puts the cat in caterwaul, let me tell you), or it might have been a random drunkard yelling something that sounds close to the help word (or the word itself), but there were no sounds of shots fired after that which I thought was a scream (in my 'hood, we tend to stab each other and eschew guns [at least for now]) and there were no bodies on the corner the next morning, so I'm thinking it must have been my dream state processing the gorging of related news stories I had stuffed into my cranium throughout the preceding 24 hour period.

And so life goes on -- well, for those of us who survive overzealous watchmen ...

TWINKIE OFFENSE GOOGLE SEARCH DOES TURN UP THIS ARTICLE:
http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/333601/twinkie-offense-mark-steyn

WHO KNEW?  CATERWAUL THE CAT IS AN EXISTING CHARACTER:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Caterwaul-the-Cat/217133498345787

ARE YOU TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THE PUBIC HAIR REFERENCE?:
http://www.zimbio.com/America's+50+Most+Scandalous+Political+Scandals/articles/20/Clarence+Thomas+Anita+Hill+Pubic+Hair+Can

Random Soapbox for Saturday 7/13/13

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

Dear God ...

[Or Dear Satan ... Come to think of it, I'm not sure who is actually responsible for the experience once people get to hell, beyond the obligatory wailing and gnashing of teeth that's been promised.  I mean God created the heavens and the earth and he banished Satan to hell, so I guess he must have created that as well prior to the banishment.  But let's face it, Lucifer was sent there a long time ago, so he's probably had lots of opportunity to put his own imprint on the place.  And, what with all the "creative types" that are supposed to regularly join him there (according to hateful signs I sometimes see), I'm thinking the whole layout has probably gone through a redo a time or two in the last however many years, just because I'm sure it would make him pissed to hear "oh, this is *so* last season" when folks arrive.  But I digress ...]

Dear Powerful Religious Figure Who Gets Assessed on the Overall Hell Experience:  Please assure me that there is a special place of torment (now do you understand how I ended up going down that earlier path?) reserved for those who blatantly ignore the signs above the lanes at the remaining tollway spots that do not have open road tolling -- like the Skyway (as beautifully pictured in this image) -- and who interrupt what should have been my speedier processing time by forcing an employee to leave his or her booth and to come over to the unmanned or unwomaned spot to take your cash.

THE LANES HAVE A FLASHING SIGN ABOVE THEM TELLING YOU WHICH VEHICLES PLANNING WHICH KIND OF PAYMENT ARE ALLOWED TO ENTER!  PROCESS THAT BEFORE YOU CHOOSE A DAMN LANE!!

Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (it seems to be every time I'm there in the lane in front of me) are too old to understand the modern technology that allows those with a not-so-secret transponder to electronically transact in these scenarios -- but then, if so, you just might be too old to be driving on fancy fast paced highways and you should restrict yourself to back roads ... in the country ... on Sundays ... in your model-Ts ... wearing driving gloves.

Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (to me -- always to me -- I'm starting to take it personally) are unfamiliar with the English language and do not have the skills to interpret the nonsensical word "ipass" to mean "not-you-pass-unless-you-bought-into-the-system".  But come on -- cash is universally understood in every language, right -- money makes the world go round -- so surely you can see and read and understand that such a lane is for you and your cash and you can stay out of mine.

Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (and you must wait by the side of the road until you see me coming and then jump in line a few cars ahead of me to screw things up for me) are simply self-centered and lazy and roll up on these plazas and gravitate toward the smallest line because your mommie told you everyone is special and that you deserve only the best no matter what and that the world owes you.  And if that shoe fits, well then you are the group that I can't wait to see suffering the most if I ever get a tour of the underworld (like in a near death experience).

Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll do this by accident and end up in the wrong lane, and then I'll have to come back and amend this rant and talk about how easy it is to get confused sometimes when you are driving long hours and every state has its own rules and you just want to get a move on.  But that's not today -- today I want you all in the aforementioned group to go to hell.

Oh -- and to have safe travels.  But mostly --  to go to hell.

IT'S BEEN A PROBLEM SINCE 2003:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2003-12-15/news/0312150144_1_lanes-tollway-officials-illinois-tollway

THEY'LL GET YOU IF YOU VIOLATE THEM!:
http://www.illinoistollway.com/contact-us/violation-enforcement

CATHOLICS ANSWER MY "DID GOD CREATE HELL" QUESTION:
http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=151384

Random Flashback for Friday 7/12/13

Look closely at this picture.

You will see no technology -- no cell phone (it would still be a year or two before I met DJ -- the first exposure I had to a "bag phone" that he kept in his jeep), no interwebs, no Facebook, no email, no blogger.

What you *will* see is someone practicing the ancient art of letter writing.  Next to me in the sand, that's a pile of correspondence to which I was replying -- and for those of you for whom this concept is foreign, I would have taken my replies and put them in individual envelopes and affixed a stamp (according to the Wiki, one that cost .29 twenty years ago in 1993).  And then the US Postal Service would have delivered them (you may have heard of them -- they are the ones taking Saturdays off later this summer).

Of course, the color of my skin and the shoreline in the background points to the fact that, even on vacations, this guy is happiest writing.  I still take "work" with me when I go away although I don't think I've written a letter in months (maybe even years)!

[And look at me -- I'm tattoo free!  And yes, that's a Thalia/Melpomene Greek Muse gold chain around my neck (this was in the midst of my full blown theatrical phase).]

Random Thought for Thursday 7/11/13

To all my friends/FB connections that are actorly artiste types, I offer up the following interaction to be performed at your next party (you'll need four participants, a few props to artistically represent cell phones, an imitation of a car, a dark place for an execution and a gun) ...

Ladies and gentlemen ... on today's episode of Thug Theatre (taken from the published texts of some classy stand-up citizens who get hit in the head for a living):

H:  "I'm coming to grab that tonight u gon b around I need dat and we could step for a little again."
L:  no response
H:  "Waddup."
L:  "Aite where?"
H "idk it don't matter but imam hit you when I'm dat way like las time if my phone dies imam hit u when I charge it which will be in a lil."
[H to W:  "Get ur ass up here."]
L:  "Aite idk anything goin on."
H:  "I'll figure it out ill hit u on the way."
[O to H:  "On r way a ... God bless."]
[H to O:  "Bet hurry up tell fish to drive n#$%."]
[H to W:  "Hurry ur ass up f#$%%."]
L:  "We still on?"

All four participants gather and mime driving.  Lights dim.  Gun shots are fired and only three participants remain in the car, L is on the ground dead [allegedly] ... and ... scene.

I DIDN'T WRITE THAT STUFF -- HERE'S THE SOURCE:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/2013/07/09/hernandez-timeline/2504395/

THEATRE THUG IS A DISNEY THING?  WHA-WHA?:
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/theater%20thug

JERSEY SWAP:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/patriots/2013/07/06/aaron-hernandez-jersey-exchange-new-england-patriots/2495239/

Random Wordplay for Wednesday 7/10/13

The Divided States of America.

Used in a sentence:  "I pledge allegiance ... to the flag ... of The Divided States of America."

I've said before that these modern election maps show how much, on a national level, we are a "city mouse/country mouse" electorate.  And with all the news of the summer, it seems like we're setting the stage for vastly different citizen experiences based on the state of one's domicile.

Want to do something abortionally?  Best to stay out of Texas!  Want to do something with someone whom you love that is just like you, anatomically?  Head to New England or the west coast (... or Iowa!)  Want to experience nationalized healthcare before everyone else does, canadically?  Plan a trip to Massachusetts!

Is this a sign of the end times for our great nation?  Or does it represent a hyper-awareness to a divide that's always been around but now gets stuffed in our faces by talking heads and the 24 hour news cycle? Or is it what makes our country's structure so perfect because states can be petri dishes for law experimentation before those laws and ideas show up in the big leagues?  I guess only time will tell ... (or leadership in politics that some day values consensus building again).

But until then, let's call it like it is and remove the word "indivisible" from the pledge until things do change ...

24 MORE CHARTS (PLUS THE ONE HERE):
 http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/06/the-divided-states-of-america-in-25-charts/277303/

THE HISTORY OF THE PLEDGE:
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/The_Pledges_Creator.html

THE HISTORY OF THE COMPANY THAT MAKES PLEDGE:
http://www.scjohnson.com/en/company/history.aspx

Random Tune for Tuesday 7/9/13

Huey and friends came up in a post on my recent holiday vacation, so it's only fitting that I pick a tune of theirs for tonight's bit of randomness.  (Plus -- He [and they] -- or is it he [and them] were also just here in Chitown doing a beach concert, so they've been on my mind all summer.)

And it's so hard to feature just one ... maybe Bobo Tempo ... or Forest For the Trees ... or I Never Walk Alone ... or Naturally ... or Old Antone's ... or Perfect World ... or Small World ... or Small World (part two) ... [and yes, this list is brought to you alphabetically courtesy of the magic of data-hoarding as presented by the Wiki] ...

Too many from which to choose (let alone all the hits I didn't mention) ... so I'll go with this more obscure gem of a B-side ... and I'll have to dig out my Fore LP [and find something on which LPs can be played] so I can really revisit my youth!

WITH YOUR SUNGLASSES ON, ACTIN' SO YOUNG ...:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubyz6Cc923o

Random Memorial for Monday 7/8/13

Gone but not forgotten:  one of the regular bars in the path of the occasional bar crawl nearby in Indy, which closed since my last visit.

So sad, but not exactly unexpected.

Look, I try to not get into the game of favorites, so I won't go so far as to say it was my favorite bar in the Indy bar crawl, but I sure did have a lot of fun there.  Yes, it was the point in the evening where multiple rounds of JagerBombs were the norm, and it did have that secret club kind of feel -- but it was really all about the staff.

I've always been fascinated with the whole duality that lots of folks put on in the bar scene -- the "real" life vs the "public persona" (you know, kind of Bruce Wayne/Batman, but in a different setting -- a *much* different setting!), and it was the stories I got to hear and the fact that quite a few folks let me peek behind the curtain to meet both sides of their personalities -- those are the "connections" that I'll miss the most.  I know I have a few writerly projects in my queue (and tomorrow, I will get back to my Lorem Ipsum:  The Aloysius Angelasia Archives now that vacation has wrapped and I'm caught up on things), but I foresee a tale or two to be told in the years ahead in some medium or another (well, not interpretive dance -- I've seen enough of that).

If there's one plus, it's that we've been able to swap in a Golden Tee bar to the new rotation, and as much as I don't like to be cornered into picking favorites of most things, I do so enjoy being in the corner, getting my buzz on hitting some virtual balls with a virtual club on a virtual course to start my night 'o' drinking.

So -- especially those to whom I did not get to say goodbye, you will be missed.

APPARENTLY, THE LOGO IS TO A JAPANESE BAR/RESTAURANT:
http://www.bar-closed.com/

THERE'S BEEN A SNEAK PEEK OF 2014 GT ALREADY!:
http://livewire.itsgames.com/news/10927-sneak-peek-golden-tee-2014

ONE MAN'S OPINION ON SUPERHERO SCHIZOPHRENIA:
http://voices.yahoo.com/are-superheroes-schizophrenic-duality-superhero-1433059.html