Dear God ...
[Or Dear Satan ... Come to think of it, I'm not sure who is actually responsible for the experience once people get to hell, beyond the obligatory wailing and gnashing of teeth that's been promised. I mean God created the heavens and the earth and he banished Satan to hell, so I guess he must have created that as well prior to the banishment. But let's face it, Lucifer was sent there a long time ago, so he's probably had lots of opportunity to put his own imprint on the place. And, what with all the "creative types" that are supposed to regularly join him there (according to hateful signs I sometimes see), I'm thinking the whole layout has probably gone through a redo a time or two in the last however many years, just because I'm sure it would make him pissed to hear "oh, this is *so* last season" when folks arrive. But I digress ...]
Dear Powerful Religious Figure Who Gets Assessed on the Overall Hell Experience: Please assure me that there is a special place of torment (now do you understand how I ended up going down that earlier path?) reserved for those who blatantly ignore the signs above the lanes at the remaining tollway spots that do not have open road tolling -- like the Skyway (as beautifully pictured in this image) -- and who interrupt what should have been my speedier processing time by forcing an employee to leave his or her booth and to come over to the unmanned or unwomaned spot to take your cash.
THE LANES HAVE A FLASHING SIGN ABOVE THEM TELLING YOU WHICH VEHICLES PLANNING WHICH KIND OF PAYMENT ARE ALLOWED TO ENTER! PROCESS THAT BEFORE YOU CHOOSE A DAMN LANE!!
Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (it seems to be every time I'm there in the lane in front of me) are too old to understand the modern technology that allows those with a not-so-secret transponder to electronically transact in these scenarios -- but then, if so, you just might be too old to be driving on fancy fast paced highways and you should restrict yourself to back roads ... in the country ... on Sundays ... in your model-Ts ... wearing driving gloves.
Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (to me -- always to me -- I'm starting to take it personally) are unfamiliar with the English language and do not have the skills to interpret the nonsensical word "ipass" to mean "not-you-pass-unless-you-bought-into-the-system". But come on -- cash is universally understood in every language, right -- money makes the world go round -- so surely you can see and read and understand that such a lane is for you and your cash and you can stay out of mine.
Maybe, just maybe, you who do this (and you must wait by the side of the road until you see me coming and then jump in line a few cars ahead of me to screw things up for me) are simply self-centered and lazy and roll up on these plazas and gravitate toward the smallest line because your mommie told you everyone is special and that you deserve only the best no matter what and that the world owes you. And if that shoe fits, well then you are the group that I can't wait to see suffering the most if I ever get a tour of the underworld (like in a near death experience).
Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll do this by accident and end up in the wrong lane, and then I'll have to come back and amend this rant and talk about how easy it is to get confused sometimes when you are driving long hours and every state has its own rules and you just want to get a move on. But that's not today -- today I want you all in the aforementioned group to go to hell.
Oh -- and to have safe travels. But mostly -- to go to hell.
IT'S BEEN A PROBLEM SINCE 2003:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2003-12-15/news/0312150144_1_lanes-tollway-officials-illinois-tollway
THEY'LL GET YOU IF YOU VIOLATE THEM!:
http://www.illinoistollway.com/contact-us/violation-enforcement
CATHOLICS ANSWER MY "DID GOD CREATE HELL" QUESTION:
http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=151384
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