HAM IS NOT BACON!
Look ... I get it. Same animal. But take it from me ... completely different mouth feel.
A few weeks ago, I was in Vegas at a company meeting -- which means I was being fed three times a day *including* breakfast. I will admit to being lax in not filling out my dietary needs survey in advance of the meeting to specify that bacon must be served at least once a day (most easily at the first meal of the day), but I thought it would be understood.
Especially since at the same meeting last year, the caterer attempted to pass off TURKEY bacon as if it were real bacon. Of course, at that time, I let it be known that the move to do so was a travesty ... that turkeys lived all year long planning to be sacrificed every fall for the Thanksgiving holiday (unless presidentially pardoned) and that it was wrong to kill them off before their time to enact the type of subterfuge whereby strips of them would be substituted for the porcine goodness. WRONG, I said! A turkey TRAVESTY, I exclaimed!
So imagine my surprise *this* year to find egg sandwiches each day with ham. Not even Canadian bacon (another naming convention that is sooo off base), but slices of ham. When I raised the issue (and raised my voice), I was dismissed with a statement that boiled down to something to the effect of "ham ... bacon ... same dif". To which I need to be clear ... it is a dif dif -- one the most difs of difs. For starters, sandwich ham can never ever ever be crispy enough to play the role of bacon's understudy. For enders, ham posing as bacon is an affront to modern society, and we should rally as a country to make it constitutionally prohibited. For reals. Like I need a presidential candidate to get behind this pronto.
[By the way ... my hurt feelings were somewhat addressed in the afternoon, when individual bags of maple bacon popcorn were served during adult snack time. But the damage had been done.]
Let it be known .. I will continue to fight the good fight. And, assuming I'm invited back next year, I will be packing a hotplate and acquiring my own damn bacon to ensure my ongoing happiness.
THE SOURCE OF TODAY'S ACCOMPANYING IMAGE:
https://drawception.com/viewgame/6DgRRkFLAE/ham-vs-bacon/
THE OTHER THING I FOUND WHEN I GOOGLED 'HAM IS NOT BACON':
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOfHXLrSJEg
WHICH ALL LED ME TO THIS RANDOMNESS AT SOME POINT:
http://www.baconandbarbells.co/
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