... Dear punk-ass kid behind me in the Walgreen's checkout line:
When you were denied your cancer-sticks because you did not have ID, and when you pointed to me, who was standing off to the side waiting for the manager to come along with the key that opened the storage unit outside where the grill gas can units were kept, how DARE you tell the cashier that I was your daddy.
Having already claimed that you were thirty years old, your little attempted ruse would put me in my fifties and I am only JUST halfway through my 43rd year.
To be clear, I might have actually gone along with the scheme had you referred to me as your older brother ... or your uncle (although I was an uncle before I was born [a few times over], so that can get a little tricky in these modern times). We needn't even go the familial route ... you also could have gotten me to participate in the sham had you referred to me as your probation officer ... or your co-worker ... or your boss ... some kind of relationship that didn't automatically come with an insult about my age.
Hell, you could have even said I was your lover and I would have feigned fey to help sell the shtick ...
But DADDY? DADDY?? How could someone with my baby face be YOUR daddy?
I hope you can never buy cigarettes again (and have a nice long healthy life because of it [which, I'll admit, is a unintended positive consequence to the curse I just tried to place on you]).
DADDY. Sheesh. I'm young, dammit. (Aren't I?)
TURNS OUT THAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN BROKEN THE LAW HAD I PARTICIPATED:
http://laws.flrules.org/node/1279
LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND WHEN I WENT GOOGLING FOR "I'M NOT YOUR DADDY":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLf6MIdE1BE
LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND WHEN I WENT GOOGLING "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oywnl8tpPWA
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