February 16, 2014

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 2/16/14

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

Admittedly, I'm new to the scene ... but I've quickly learned three things about Floridian's relationship with their cars.

Thing 1:  In addition to amber alerts, there are silver alerts down here for when old folks disappear in the family car.  Actually, I guess silver alerts are everywhere, but ... you know ... the laws of statistics worked in that this was my first exposure to it, what with the average age of the population in my new 'hood and all.

Thing 2:  For reasons not completely clear, every broadcast this week included one news story about someone driving his or her car into a house ... or a business ... or off of an overpass ... Maybe it's peer pressure or some other desire to be trendy, but I have a sinking suspicion that alcohol is involved -- although it does beg the question ... "How drunk do you have to *be* to not be able to stay on the road?"

Thing 3:  In general, there doesn't seem to be any sense of urgency about things (i.e. my customer "service" experience at the Steak and Shake yesterday).  I'm attributing that to the southern influence on everyone's way of life -- although the one exception does appear to be kids playing "fast and furious" on the various highways nearby.  For a brief moment, I was letting that rile me up ... and then I just starting picturing that the drivers of the cars weaving in and out of traffic at triple digit speeds were all probably Justin Bieber -- and I just can't think of him without giggling, since he comes across as a miniature gangsta figurine that you pick up at the thug gift shop (so adorable!).  Alternatively, I've always subscribed to the notion that idiots in tricked out cars tend to be guys whose appendages are so small that even the auto-flush urinals don't realize that these over-compensators have come and gone and done their business, so ... you know ... let them have their high speed fun, I guess.  You have to catch your mate somehow when you're disadvantaged in that manner.  [Note:  no car I've ever own has needed to be tricked out, in case you were wondering.]

STUDYING UP ON THE LOCAL TRADITIONS:
http://www.floridasilveralert.com/

I'M TELLING YOU ... *THIS* IS AN EVERY DAY OCCURRENCE:
http://www.local10.com/news/2-hospitalized-after-car-crashes-into-nw-miamidade-building/24473194

TRICKED OUT CARS ARE NOT THE ONLY SIGN (CONSIDER THIS A PSA OF SORTS):
http://www.iwishiknewthis.com/5-signs-he-may-have-a-small-one/

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