Anal probing.
I know ... you would think there would be more conversations about the 70 degree December weather (I would so much rather pick out my Christmas tree in the cold with a dusting of snow, but c'est la vie) ... or about Jay Cutler's $10K fine for flipping the ball at an opposing player (at least he didn't aim for the groin a la Suh) ... or about the fiscal cliff (which, I think I heard them say on the Sunday morning news shows that it may be resolved -- by creating a bigger cliff over which we can fall some time later next year [ah ... politics!]) ... but no, turn on the local news and it's about the local high school facing a hazing sexual assault lawsuit, with one victim alleging that the varsity coach said to the freshmen [and this is a quote, not an Onion-style comedy-in-the-extreme fabrication]: "if they didn't start communicating, he was going to have varsity players come over and stick fingers up the freshmen players' butts".
According to the news coverage, that threat translated to (or was really just referencing) an actual hazing ritual for freshmen boys who made the varsity team, where they were held down, stripped, and subjected to insertion of fingers and other objects up their bums (switching to British suddenly doesn't make it sound so painful). Admittedly, I am personally more of a lone wolf than a team player in many aspects, and so maybe that's why I just don't understand how forcible proctology inspires team spirit or helps to win soccer games. [By the way, no news story has yet reported how the team determines who becomes chief-fingerer -- by vote? is it a team captain responsibility? do they pick the guy with the plumpest fingers?] Come on kids -- let's keep anal probing to consenting adults and alien abductions. And coaches -- you should be fired and kept away from impressionable minds -- as quickly and for a long as time as possible!
THE COACH PUT THE FEAR OF THE ANAL PROBE INTO HIS YOUNGEST PLAYERS:
http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20121129/news/711299720/
GIVING CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE -- THE SOURCE OF THE ABOVE IMAGE:
http://localsoccernews.com/soccer-hazing-has-it-gone-too-far/
CUTLER'S FINE FOR BALL FLIPPING:
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000103224/article/chicago-bears-jay-cutler-fined-10k-by-nfl-for-taunt
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