... chicken will apparently push people over the edge, and since I come from a chicken family, I feel like I should speak out as well.
And I don't say "come from a chicken family" lightly. My father managed a poultry processing plant for most of his adult professional life. It's where he met my mother (and, apparently a lot of other ladies, but that's not what I'm ranting about today). I don't know my conception story (and, come to think of it, I'm not sure that many people do), but there's a really good chance that the smell of the chicken plant was present when my daddy's trickiest sperm did an end run around my momma's 70's style IUD and became the against-all-odds-zygote that even good old Dr. Tibbitts didn't believe was growing inside my mother. [Side note -- I've often attributed my extreme stubbornness to my Prussian ancestry or to surviving the particular hell of my stepmother's influence during my teenage years -- but let's face it, my stubbornness quite literally begins at conception. Hell, I gestated stubbornly.]
So where was I? Oh right -- I'm from a chicken family. I've heard stories of my father's mother wielding the ax against hundreds of chicken and that she single-handedly committed chicken-ocide against a generation of foul. To this day, I have relatives at authentic Lancaster county farmers' markets that sell all kinds of chicken parts to the masses. My late uncle even presented the family's broasted chicken recipe in a restaurant setting for a period of time in central PA. I even enjoy a well cooked chicken liver -- and I could eat chicken eight nights a week! [See what I did there -- I like chicken so much that I added an extra night to the weekly calendar just so I could emphasize the point of how I really really really enjoy chicken!]
Which is all to say that I feel qualified to weigh in on this controversy -- and so here's my 3 cents. [And do you see what I did there? It's normally 2 cents that gets offered. But since I don't have a skill set that includes the ability to edit myself, and since I go on and on and on and ramble for days and create marathon sentences filled to the brim with extra clauses and parentheticals and tangents and such, I've inflated the price of my contribution by 50% because I know I'm going to say a lot. It's also why I know that I'll never be a successful twitterer. 140 characters -- that's a punishment. That's draconian. That's impossible. BTW -- that which is italicized was exactly 140 characters about how I could never limit myself to 140 characters to communicate a thought. There might be hope for me yet.]
I will say this. At least people on all sides are speaking up passionately about the issues in play. My biggest fear about how close we are to a collapsed civilization (besides the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse --in 139 days, for those of you who, like me, love a countdown) is not whether we allow people who love each other and who are in committed relationships to have the approximately 1100 legally recognized benefits that "marriage" grants (uh-oh ... I probably tipped my hat here as to where my ultimate opinion lies), but it is the rampant apathy that permeates our culture that I've always expected to lead to its downfall.
But there doesn't seem to be any apathy when it comes to opinions about the choices folks make when it comes to purchasing fast food chicken. I've spent a week now digesting passionate post after passionate post expounding on what's right and wrong and calling for actions quite varied in nature (I might be getting this wrong, but was Huckabee really suggesting some kind of holiday to honor this corporation -- which, we've learned in this political cycle is a person too -- so I guess it (or, perhaps better said, he or she) is deserving of such recognition ... and, on the other side, did someone really push for the defiant public act of sucking face in a fast food restaurant as the "I'm-not-sitting-in-the-back-of-the-bus-any-more!" moment for the movement?). I even spent some time this week digesting the majority of a chicken meal from KFC (only the majority of the meal -- I chose corn as one of my sides and I'm 40 years old now -- I won't get any more graphic than that, so you'll have to connect the digestive dots there). Upon reflection, if only I had kept the receipt, I could have claimed it as an itemized deduction for on-the-job research on the individual federal tax return I'm obligated to file (of course, that's if I was lucky enough to have contributing to my blog and changing my FB status daily as a job).
I've even seen people who are thousands of miles from the closest Chick-fil-A weigh in. And in the spirit of full disclosure -- I didn't know Chick-fil-A existed until a few years back, when a work colleague spilled the beans that there was a fast food destination that southerners spoke of with religious fervor (and boy -- now that I think about it -- were there ever two more accurate words to introduce me to what that company stands for). Back then, I sought out the closest Chick-fil-A (it was in the South Bend area, so it was very convenient when I would go to visit family) and I will admit to have "broken bread" there -- but on fewer occasions that I can count on my two hands. And, yes -- you know what -- I liked it. And I really liked their commercials -- but what can I say -- I'm a sucker for clever cows.
It's probably time to mention a quick caveat. As pleased as I am to witness the passion behind the comments I've reviewed all week, I'm also saddened and disheartened about the disrespect that's often accompanied them. I've heard tales of an epidemic of defriending on Facebook, and of swearing and name calling and of proclamations that some folks are quickly headed to hell or that some should go fornicate with themselves. I even saw in the news that Facebook's stock is plummeting. Now I recognize that it may be a coincidence, but I'm just putting it out there the stock's decline just may be a casualty of the chicken wars currently underway on that social networking site. Bottom line -- I've seen a lot of hate on both sides of the debate. I've seen a lot of true colors (and not in the touchy feel-goody Cyndi Lauper kind of way), but in the "go ahead -- tell us how you really feel and hide behind chickens to do so" manner of thinking.
Which finally gets me to another reason why I'm enjoying what's been going on. It's so deliciously messy. People end up "posting" themselves into corners. That same fundamental right to free speech that really does allow Chick-fil-A's CBO* to comment on how he chooses to spend his family owned company's profits also really does allow every post of protest to be offered as well. That same freedom of religion, with his interpretation of said religion apparently powering Chick-fil-A's CBO* 's controversial opinions, is a similar political concept to the separation of church and state, said state being charged with protecting the people from discrimination, which some would say is not what Chick-fil-A is overtly doing but is the outcome of their actions. And then there are those who decry those who stand up in opposition to Chick-fil-A's CBO*'s decision to stand up for what he believes in -- but they can't push that point too much without having to admit that we've all got a right to stand up for what we believe in -- both the CBO* and those who are diametrically opposed to him. Oh such circularity in argument ... oh such delectable messiness.
[*Try as I might, I can't keep my bias from creeping in to this rant. Hence, my use of the letters CBO to stand for Chief Bigot Officer. And I recognize that I start to dilute my own arguments if I fall into the trap of villainizing he whose comments led to this firestorm. But it also can't be denied that on the gay-friendly continuum with FP and RP as the extremes, he's much closer to the FP end. And by the way, if you're unfamiliar with the gay-friendly continuum with FP and RP as the extremes, it may be because I just made it up. The FP end is Satan's emissary Fred Phelps and his ilk (if we are in the end times, I think that Westboro clearly represents the Buffy-verse Hellmouth portal from whence said ilk sprung forth -- and I know that the Buffy-verse is not mentioned in the Bible's book of Revelations -- that's just poetic license I'm exercising) ... and the RP end is, of course, RuPaul him/herself, with his pithy "if you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else" mantra.]
And here's another thought. There's a cynic in me that recognizes regardless of all the words that have been offered up on this topic in the last few days, it's the almighty dollar that is ultimately at play here. Chick-fil-A locations had record breaking sales days over this, with lines of customers eager to purchase something. KFC is capitalizing on the conversation to position itself as both a supporter of the right to freely speak about such issues and as an alternative organization that will gladly take your earmarked cash-put-aside-to-purchase-chicken money. But that, in the end, is what personalizes this controversy after all In a capitalistic society such as ours, you can vote with your dollars. Want to support Chick-fil-A? Go buy something there. Don't support Chick-fil-A? Then don't buy something there.
If you are in that latter camp (and, surprise --or not -- I'm pitching my tent in that encampment), just don't get sucked into the argument that "it's about the economy, stupid" and that franchises shouldn't be punished and that the shrinking middle class pays the ultimate punishment as jobs are not created and as business suffers, so go ahead and shop the store anyway. Funds get commingled. For every char-grilled chicken club sandwich accompanied by waffle potato fries that you buy, a percentage will find its way into the pocket of CBO Dan Cathy, and he's gone on record as to what initiatives he'll fund.
To be clear, boycotts are hard. I'm pretty sure that the community is to already be boycotting all things Hershey as a means to protest their Ryan White-ish treatment of a child with HIV that was denied admittance in 2011 into the school that bears that company's founder's name (and that's the original hate-filled Ryan White-ish treatment, not the eventual Ryan White-ish positive association that was achieved once ignorance and bigotry was vanquished by those who stood against such actions) -- but, let's face it -- a S'more with any other chocolate other than Hersheys just doesn't taste as sweet. And in a more recent development, I really want to boycott State Farm for how quickly they pulled out of Penn State just to avoid guilt by association -- even though I think it's very clear that they didn't actually sponsor the rapes of Sandusky -- but I've been a customer of theirs since my very first insurance policy was purchased some twenty years ago, so I guess this comment is the extent of any action I'll take against them.
Come to think of it, the only boycott I've actually managed to uphold was the one against the Subway on Clark Street that was within walking distance of the office I once had before my company went "virtual" with its workforce. They upset me one day with their poor customer service when I supposedly took too long to choose which cheese I was to have placed on a colleague's sandwich (I was picking up the order for the whole office) -- and, because of their rudeness -- I haven't been back to that location since. Of course, if poor service is enough justification to never return to a business, then I could couch my refusal to purchase anything else from Chick-fil-A in the fact that the very last time I ate there, on one of my recent weekend getaways in Indianapolis, that franchise in the mall food court messed up my order and gave me nuggets when I requested and paid for a sandwich. So there's that.
As I process all of this, I'll admit to have a WWJD moment -- meaning that I'm left to wonder what Jesus' status update would be regarding this matter. In my heart of hearts, I have a strong suspicion that Jesus would share Betty White's opinion that "Facebook sure sounds like a huge waste of time", but let's put that aside for the sake of argument. And let's also put aside the fact that deep fried chicken would probably not be Jesus' choice of food to supplement his classic Mediterranean diet to which he was no doubt accustomed. You know what I think? I think that the Jesus that would comment on the chicken wars would be the Jesus that was flipping tables in the temple like a NJ housewife** when he got so pissed off at those who diverted the masses from his real message about loving one another to a focus on all things associated with the almighty dollar. I think his heart would be broken at the hatred and bigotry that is at the base of this dispute. Of course, religion is always tricky. A tremendous amount of evil has been perpetrated in this world under the guise of institutionalized religion (crusade much?). Self-righteousness and a holier-than-thou attitude is an amazing motivator for all kinds of wrongness.
[**I recognize that I put myself at risk of being called out for blasphemy by equating JC with Teresa Giudice on the table flipping front -- but my only other table flipping pop culture reference was Billy Joel at the end of the "We Didn't Start the Fire" video and that seemed outdated and possibly even more obscure than the Housewives reference. And hey -- facts are facts -- Teresa did it on national television against the prostitution whore Danielle and Matthew 21:12 says "Jesus entered the temple ... and knocked over the tables of the money changers".]
Here's what I can say in conclusion. I've lived in Chicago, which is now the epicenter of the chicken war thanks to alderman Moreno, since 2001. And I know for certain that Chicago has had domestic partnerships since at least January 22, 2009 [(c) ;) ]. And I know that the state of Illinois now has joined the progressive states that offer up civil unions. And I know that when I travel on one of my many trips to the east, and I reach the top of the Skyway and look over my shoulder at the Chicago skyline, I do not turn into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife.
And I know that extending marriage rights to all is the right side of history -- and that this is just miscegenation for a new generation.
And that final statement not only comes from someone who comes from a chicken family so I'm qualified to rule on the substance of the chicken war, but it also comes from someone whose own people's hobby was getting married (my parents seemingly worshipped at the altar of Gabor and Taylor [and Gingrich and Limbaugh I might add -- isn't it ironic that those who pander to a political populace on this issue clearly don't respect the institution anyway -- hypocrite much?], so I'm uniquely positioned to comment.
And so if you somehow made it to the end of this diatribe (and I thank you for doing so), that's my three cents on the topic.
THE APPROXIMATELY 1100 BENEFITS BESTOWED BY THE FED GOVT WITH MARRIAGE:
http://gaylife.about.com/od/samesexmarriage/a/benefits.htm
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, COMMENTARY ON THE TWITTER CHARACTER LIMIT:
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/technology/2012/06/leave-140-character-twitter-limit-alone/53772/
ANY TIME I MENTION SANDUSKY, I FEEL OBLIGATED TO INCLUDE THIS LINK:
http://rainn.org/
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