... upon hearing that there is indeed now a groupon for the purchase of clip-in "man-buns", I feel it is (past) time to encourage folks to take my "I'm Not a Douche" pledge for 2016.
Disclaimer -- I'm not necessarily saying that anyone who relates to any one (or more) of the below items is *automatically* a douche. However, the more boxes that you can check, the higher the burden of proof that you carry to demonstrate that you're not (by providing clear and convincing evidence, a relatively high legal standard).
Without further ado ... here is the "I'm Not a Douche" pledge for your and your friends to take before the new year:
1.) I will not ever wear a man-bun, clipped-in nor naturally coiffed (... and this isn't just me being jealous because the spot where one places a man-bun on my head is no longer growing hair).
2.) I will not ever "drop deuces" when someone takes a photo of me. (... as, you know ... I'm neither a rocker nor a gang member).
3.) I will not ever own more than three pairs of sneakers ... one for the back yard, one for exercise and one to wear out in public ( ... and never ever ever will my sneakers *match* my outfit, all garanimal like).
4.) I will not ever drive a car fancier than it need be or tricked out in some form or fashion ( ... because I am perfectly satisfied with my appendage ... and you will be too).
Taken this day in front of other non-douche witnesses ... 12.20.15 ... sincerely, T Neidermyer.
THE IMPETUS FOR THE PLEDGE:
https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-instant-man-bun
WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED TO "THROW DEUCES" IN A PHOTO:
http://www.purewow.com/beauty/What-To-Do-With-Hands-In-Photos
SCIENCE HAS PROVED POINT 4:
http://kbat.com/survey-says-42-of-guys-who-drive-sports-cars-have-a-small-penis/
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