... I will ... AND I will use today's post as my 11th (!) edition of my "Super-short sTROYies", called PRAYERS IN FLORIDA:
... here are the prayers we say here in Florida any time we leave the house ...
Dear flakka freaks: Seeing as how it is customary for you to strip down to nothing as your body bakes from the inside, please only be a pretty person on the gravel.
Dear exit ramp panhandlers: Please be the normal kind of beggars ... just average ordinary folk down on their collective lucks ... and not the kind that do like that one did down in Miami practicing some authentic zombie like flesh-eating behaviors.
Dear neighborhood watch people: Please don't get all George Zimmerman on me as I walk through the 'hood. I've spent enough time in the sun that my skin is darker now and I do tend to walk through topless with my tattoos on display (it's too hot for hoodies in this 'hood).
Dear hurricanes: Keep me and mine most certainly out of your cones of uncertainty.
Dear killer gators and giant pythons: Stay to the west in the Glades where you belong and never belonged (respectively).
Dear crazies of every flavor: Please let today be the day you decided to MAINTAIN your medication regiment.
Dear avocado, mango and palm trees: At least until I've successfully navigated underneath past each of you, please hold on to your fruit and coconuts and branches.
Dear daily afternoon storm: Please direct your lightning strikes somewhere other than my position.
Dear I-95 drivers: I want to live despite needing to traverse your trails on occasion. So old folks with diminished reflexes and young folks with enhanced impulses, and international visitors whose cars must not have turn signals in your country of origin (the deadliest of driving cocktails), stay alert and out of my way.
In Rick Scott's name we pray ... AMEN.
SAVE ME FROM THE FLESH-EATING PANHANDLERS:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/rudy-eugene-identified-as-naked-cannibal-face-attack-miami_n_1552249.html
SAVE ME FROM THE GIANT SNAKES:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/06/us/the-burmese-python-snake-thats-eating-florida.html?_r=0
SAVE ME FROM THE DEATHTRAP KNOWN AS I-95:
http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2010-06-07/news/fl-i-95-deadly-highway-20100607_1_i-95-lanes-broward-stretch
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