Bonus Post: Thing 1

100 Things I've Always Wanted To Say But Never Did And Now Maybe Should Since The World Might Be Ending -->

Thing 1:

File this under a desire to just go on the record about something ... but if it is, indeed, finally our last hours (by the way, as I type this, it's already 12.21.12 in certain parts of the world -- I'm not sure if those Mayans took a world view or were just referencing their own time zone) ... it's probably time to "get right with God".  SO ... dear God ... it's me, Troy.  You probably remember me more from when I was younger and heavily involved in Methodist activities (that sounds like I was in the mob, no?), or before that in that little church in the country that was independent and slightly more ... um ... unusual ... or possibly even from those Christmas Eves in the last decade when the family went to mass in Indiana because the nephews were in Catholic school and we were being supportive.  I'm not sure what you have up your immortal sleeves for tomorrow (and why you only told the Mayans, who apparently were more into nature gods than into you), but if the New Madrid fault starts shakin' during the day tomorrow due to sudden magnetic pole reversal, or if the fact that we're astronomically going to a darker side of the galaxy as part of your overall orbital plan and that fact causes some kind of life-altering incident on this planet, there's a good chance that I'll be calling out your name. I know that you'll probably be extra busy, but if you get a chance to spare me so that I can experience the post-apocalyptic world, that would be just swell.  By the way, I also have met a lot of people along the way in my life who practice different faiths (or no faith at all), and I would appreciate it if you maybe could keep an eye out for them too (and, hopefully, they're asking their God to do the same tonight, so that way all of our collective spiritual bases will be covered -- have I ever told you I'm a hedge-better extraordinaire?) ... 

Oh and one more thing -- could you tell that fool who keeps on promising that the rapture is happening on a day of HIS choosing to check a little Matthew 24:36 to be reminded that "no man shall know the day or hour" ... And not to pile on -- but just one more favor.  It seems one of your fallen angels has infiltrated a group called Westboro Baptist and has so twisted your message that they now seem to be doing Satan's work.  Any chance you could find a way to stop that -- me (and most of the sane world) would be much appreciative.  [And it just struck me that I hope you're a reader of my blog and/or somehow checking my Facebook statuses or Twitter feed ... as that's the modern way we all communicate, just in case you're not as hip as I think you are.  A few crazies tend to throw around Leviticus a lot as if you'd never update yourself with the times -- but I'm sure it's their shortsightedness and not yours.  And you let the Pope tweet, so you must be up to speed ...]  

Ok ... that's it for tonight ... except to say thanks for bacon (not all of the people who follow you seem to think it's okay to eat, but I know you wouldn't have made such crispy deliciousness that goes so perfectly well with just about everything and then expect us to ignore it) ... and thanks for your time ... and I hope to not be talking to you tomorrow, if you catch my drift!  P.S.  A lot of people continue to die because they think that they are the only ones who know how you work and expect everyone else to follow them and only do exactly what they say ... seems like if you could find a way to clarify things, there would be a lot more peace in the world.  And by "clarify", note that I do NOT mean "cause an apocalypse".  Good night ... and sweet dreams!