May 26, 2012

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/26/12

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... my love for S'mores is now ruined, I say ... RUINED!

I am all ready for the start-of-summer picnic tonight ... steaks have been thawed, corn on the cob has been husked, the remaining Yeungling lager from the last time a relative went back east has been placed next to the Guinness in the frig, and the watermelon has been sliced.  And even though the marshmallow and the chocolate and the graham crackers have been lined up in the pantry for the big finish, I'm second guessing my dessert choice after having spent some time online.

Why?  Apparently ...

... marshmallows are apparently a new choking hazard (and not just when you're going for the chubby bunny record, but even when you're just slightly past middle age and sitting around the fire with your friends)* ...

... Hershey products are apparently to be boycotted (in some abhorrent flashback to the 80's, the Milton Hershey school has discriminated against a 14 year old by denying him admission for being HIV+ -- hasn't MTV gone out of its way to successfully educated all of us since the days of Ryan White?)** ...

... and Graham crackers were apparently invented to curb the lust in the hearts of young boys and girls (and to uphold the beliefs of Sylvester Graham, who "thought men should remain virgins until age 30 and then should make love only once a month -- not at all if they were sickly)"***!

Thanks a lot interwebs for making me unable to look at this summer treat the same way again.  Oh -- and I am now accepting suggestions for a replacement dessert.

*RIP ANGELICA SHERRITT:
Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)