December 10, 2011

Random Soapbox for Saturday 12/10/11

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... and maybe I should start with a disclaimer in that I'm sick. Not the "had too much Guinness last night" kind of fogginess, or the "spent most of my day on the new cushioned toilet seat" kind of unpleasantry ... but the "wow I can barely swallow, some thing's about to burst out of my eardrum and my epiglottis is ON FIRE" malady that I've been chasing by mixing any cold medication I can find in the bathroom medicine cabinet (including those alka seltzer cold fizzies that they took off the market because old people were having strokes after ingesting them). Which is just my long way to say ... if I cross a line, here, it's the medicine talking.

Oh right -- the weekly rant. Dear lady neighbors who moved into the 3rd floor apartment above the one I'm in: I sincerely hope that the hour of pounding on the floor the other night was you getting a carpet installed or having the wooden floors refurbished -- because if it's what I think it is, and you're concerned about the fact that you can hear my television, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to call out your behavior as the passive aggressive mess that it was.

If you think that I can't outlast your pounding -- well then you have another proverbial think coming. Because I come from a long line of stubborn Prussian stock (Kaiser Wilhelm learned his obstinacy from my father's peeps back in the day) that will out wait any attempts you make at throwing some kind of temper tantrum to make me change my behavior. We'll talking all kinds of stubbornness as wide as a country mile (which is apparently still just 5280 feet and all, but it comes with a spit and a holler of aw-shucks charm). So -- pound away.

Or -- better yet -- adjust your expectations. I'm not sure what you were thinking moving into a building surrounded by all kinds of bar folk who will drink and hoot and holler all times of day and night (if you didn't see it -- that was an 11am Santa inspired bar crawl I watched go past my sickbed bedroom window today). Not to mention that Wrigley Field is a stone's throw away -- (and, since you moved in on the off-season, please know now that there will be approximately 40,000 alcohol soaked fans milling about all summer long -- although, if tradition holds, that activity will go away as soon as the post-season arrives) and that the elevated tracks go right past the back porch -- so close that I can usually see who's reading what on the red and purple lines.

In addition to the constant ambient noise (did I mention that the tornado warning system is a few houses down, next to one of the most active fire stations in the 'hood?), it's also just as much true that this old building is hear-through, if you know what I mean. I will know when you entertain gentleman callers, and I will know the scope of said entertainment. If you even so much as strain while eliminating your waste, I'm going to hear it. And I'm not a mean person -- I'll be rooting for you to be successful in both of those scenarios.

Finally -- there will be a lot of television noise that you'll be hearing -- because I do so watch a lot of TV. If you were listening last Sunday night, you might have pieced together that it was the penultimate episode of this season's race that I was watching, and then, together, you and I could have learned these three things (it's my Amazing Race Aside for the week):

1.) When a challenge starts at 4am in the morning on the streets of Brussels, your only local assistance is going to be the drunks coming out of the bars.

2.) Neither Charlie Chaplin nor Buster Keaton nor Harold Lloyd is Belgian, but nice try ...

3.) It turns out that the Countess didn't make it up. There's a statue of Ferdinand De Lesseps (in Panama) -- he is royalty after all!

I THINK IT'S META-RACIST ... STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE #30:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/27/30-wrigley-field/

THE COUNT AND HIS ROLE IN THE CANAL (PRE-HOUSEWIVES HISTORY):
http://www.ared.com/history.htm

IT BEGAN AT 8AM and WAS TO HAVE INCLUDED OVER 10000 PEOPLE:
http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/12/01/best-holiday-bar-crawl-tbox-2011/

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