July 24, 2011

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 7/24/11

What Chicago is talking about this week:

Com Con!

And that's not our version of the event running right now in San Diego for the cultish fans of all matters of shows -- but the con perpetrated on me by ComEd and Comcast with my power outage. The basic framework -- a transformer in the back alley blew up Thursday night around 6:15 local time and the power didn't return in full until Saturday evening (by which time, I was in a suburbs hotel because I couldn't deal with it any more). And electricity is apparently just one step in the process of supplying cable to a household, as Comcast didn't re-boot my access until Sunday late afternoon.

What follows ... the (baker's) dozen things I learned dealing with this "crisis":

1.) Thinking that the items in my frig or freezer were at risk, I added up what I expected to be the total loss -- approximately $500. I then checked the deductible on my renter's insurance and it was -- exactly $500. Of course it was.

2.) I've spent my whole career in various forms of customer service knowing that it is key to underpromise and overdeliver. So then why is it that the Com companies played the game of automated "power tease" by updating their "estimated restore time" every two hours with a time two hours in the immediate future. And why is it that it took me 36 hours before I finally realized they weren't going to satisfy me and that I should give up making temporary plans.

3.) Cats are just creepy sometimes. It's like they knew that the power outage meant the electric can opener wouldn't work. (And why is it that my Campbell's soup reacted to 9/11 disaster buzz by changing the can to a tear off top, but the cans of tuna are still so impenetrable.) I would say that I came to the conclusion that I needed to go buy an old-fashioned manual can opener myself, but I also wouldn't be surprised if one of the cats used mind control and "stared" that thought into my brain.

4.) Faint memories of extreme cold from this winter aren't enough to cool me off when I'm lying in a puddle of sweat attempting to adjust to the triple digit heat indices -- at midnight no less!

5.) I now believe that I can tell how old a Starbucks branch is by how many outlets they have available for their customers.

6.) I've previously learned that the ability to successfully work remotely (as I've done since last fall) is predicated on having a quality internet connection. I now recognize that having a quality electricity connection is even more important!

7.) The sound of my neighbor across the street running his or her air conditioner (the outage was just my block) is infuriating when I'm lying in a puddle of sweat attempting to adjust to the triple digit heat indices -- at midnight no less!

8.) During daylight hours when the only thing to do is read the local TimeOut sitting near a window is the perfect time for me to stumble on the advert on the back cover suggesting that I consider taking advantage of the new utility reform and purchase electricity from a private competitor.

9.) The last time I remember being near a transformer that blew, I cowered in the corner of my childhood bedroom thinking it was the apocalypse (see my post from 8.24.10 for the full story -- including how my step sister captured the noise when she was taping the classic 80's Madness tune "Our House" off the radio and on to her boombox). Ah transformer destruction memories that have nothing to do with Michael Bay!

10.) That first sound of a raindrop when I'm lying in a puddle of sweat attempting to adjust to the triple digit heat indices -- at midnight no less -- is amazing when it is accompanied by a breeze. I don't know how else to describe the feeling other than to say it's like the moment that Ma Ingalls turns to Pa and says "we'll be able to eat this year after all now that the drought has ended".

11.) Japan had it much worse and I know it's not even comparable, but when that same raindrop was followed by its brethren in a torrential downpour that ended up dumping a foot of water on Chicago (that's a slight exaggeration -- but it did break records) in the course of an hour, resulting in flooded basements in my neighborhood (taking out the apartment's water heater apparently), I did feel like I was auditioning for the revival of the "Book of Job: the Musical".

12.) If there's one silver lining, it is comforting to know that a crisis brings folks together. I exchanged power outage stories with both the upstairs and the downstairs guys -- more words than I've spoken to either of them in all my time here. I met down-the-street neighbors at the local bar the first night when I attempted to escape into air conditioning. If it weren't so damn hot, we should have just all had a neighborhood block party!

13.) The only item delivered to the house on Saturday by my mail carrier in the midst of this "event" -- the electric bill from ComEd. Of course it was ...

OUR HOUSE ... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p4RWBCEFRo

I THOUGHT IT WAS 9/11 INFLUENCED ... BUT IT WAS ANNOUNCED IN 2000!:
http://www.just-food.com/news/campbell-announces-largest-new-soup-initiatives-ever_id90330.aspx

THEY CALLED IT "EXTREME" WEATHER:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-07-22/news/chi-heat-expected-to-wane-but-not-until-monday-20110722_1_storms-roll-excessive-heat-flood-warnings

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