I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...
... I just have to get this off my e-chest about Facebook. No, it's not about not having a dislike button (I actually fear the mean girls would abuse that), nor is it about privacy concerns (I think I have mine figured out), nor is it about the unpredictability of the import blog posts to notes feature (which seems to happen once a day except for when it's once a week or what now appears to be once a month).
My issue -- the notion that FB should send me a notice about who unfriends me. It sends me notices about everything else -- and as I occasionally notice the number on my list fluctuate, I'd like to know who's dropped me. I know it's not a popularity contest (after all, Lady Gaga and Obama seem to have that pissing contest covered), but I'd still like to know who's leaving.
And, to turn it up a notch, I think politeness dictates that one provides a reason "why" one leaves. Out of respect for the hypothetically departing friend, I'll even make it as easy as possible, providing a list of options from which you can choose (if and when you leave me). Just send me the number below in a FB e-mail as your last act of communication, and I'll (gratefully) understand [my response in brackets]:
1.) It's not you, it's me. [Classic, to the point, and sparing of feelings. After all, you would be the one making the disconnection, so this seems a fair assessment.]
2.) I am a celebrity, someone else manages my account, and it's being taken down for service. [I think my FB friendship with Joe Paterno is one of the few that fits this category.]
3.) My account has been taken over by someone who is pretending I am stuck in a hotel in London and needs you to wire money to the fake me. [On second thought, if you are in this situation, just reconnect with me after you're back in FB legitimately, as I have no spare money to wire the fake you and as I've seen the news reports about this internet scam.]
4.) You're not the Troy I thought you were. [Sorry, but I'm getting closer and closer to 40 and there have been many many chapters in my life. If you don't like me now, just know that you had a role to play in making me this way (since we are the sum total of our experiences and our connections).]
5.) You're not the Troy Neidermyer I thought you were. Forget the psycho-babble, I thought you were the Troy Neidermyer that shows up when I google that name who lives in Gilman, WI and always is complaining in the town minutes. [Yep, even with a name like mine, there's more than one of me out there.]
6.) I am no longer sleeping with you or your family members. [Pretty self-explanatory. Just know that we were only ever friends out of obligation, anyway.]
7.) I am no longer sleeping with you and your family members. [That one's too creepy. Let's hope it's never used.]
8.) My significant other discovered my account and accused me of using it to hook up with past loves and shut me down. [Good luck with that one!]
9.) I don't understand you. Most normal people use status updates and the like to share personal details about themselves. Why are yours hidden in cryptic random comments that are ever-changing? [If it's too easy, then it's not worth having. Unless it's me in the bar at closing time, then I take that back.]
10.) No, really, I don't understand you. You're like Dennis Miller trying to sit in the Monday Night Football booth. That is, if you weren't too clever for your own good. Your ability to combine obscure references into thematic posts might humor you, but it just confuses the hell out of me. [My providing this option should be chalked up to an odd mix of self-awareness and insecurity.]
11.) Your continuous blog references make me feel spammed. And while we're at it, must you list the url address with every post? It makes me feel dirty -- even if you've never monetized your creative output. [Somebody's going to stumble on this and give me a book deal, so let me do my thing!]
12.) I'm over it. Facebook used to be for special people. I'm leaving because now it's too plebeian. I'm on to the next new thing on the internet. [I'm always years behind the curve -- evidenced by my late arrival to FB and the concept of blogging. I'll see you in whatever medium you're off to a few years after it's peaked!]
GILMAN TOWN MINUTES (TROY NEIDERMYER HASN'T COMPLETED MOUND SEWER):
http://www.co.pierce.wi.us/Municipal%20Government/Gilman_Folder/2008%20Minutes.pdf
GILMAN TOWN MINUTES (TROY NEIDERMYER WANTS TREES CUT ON 410th STREET):
http://www.co.pierce.wi.us/Municipal%20Government/Gilman_Folder/2008%20Minutes.pdf
SEE ITEM #11:
http://capcognition.blogspot.com/
HELP ME, I'M STUCK IN LONDON:
http://techcrunch.com/2009/01/20/latest-facebook-scam-phishers-hit-up-friends-for-cash/
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